DC1996 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 Hi All Just had a general query that's been playing on my mind recently, particularly directed toward the opinion of females. I am a 25 year old male, work as a civil engineer, have close family life and have been told I am a decent looking guy. I have however never been in a long term or serious relationship. There is no particular reason for this but it is starting to make me feel a little insecure in terms of how that would be taken by a girl I date. The answer as to why it hasn't happened for me is probably a combination of things. Firstly within my school years prior to turning 18 my focus was not on this at all for a start and then when I enter the real world outside of school life I had a career change among other personal experiences I had focus on from 18-20/21 and even I would say I wasn't ready then for something serious anyway. Despite that I still went out connected with girls and went on dates I just don't believe I was mature enough at that stage. In terms of the last few years I have been on plenty of dates I guess the simple answer is I have not met the right person to become serious with and I am also not the type to just dive into a relationship for the sake of it. This poses the question I have, which may be irrational but a few things have happened which have left me feeling like this is unattractive to girls, if this came up with a girl do you believe my answer which. would incorporate the above reasons is something that would be seen as weird for 25 year old male or a 'red flag' at all? I have had some people recently ask me this or questions to the affect of dating experience and I give the honest answer being I have dated just haven't met the right person and I feel that answer is judged a bit haha Feel free to offer any advice and tell me if I am being stupid haha! Thanks everyone
divegrl Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 Give it a couple of years. Guys tend to have a harder time dating in their early 20s... just because you don’t have the money or status that attracts most women yet. Most of my guy friends did much better in their late 20s and 30s.... even ones who had very little dating experience. Wishing you the best. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 11 hours ago, DC1996 said: I have had some people recently ask me this or questions to the affect of dating experience and I give the honest answer being I have dated just haven't met the right person and I feel that answer is judged a bit haha Feel free to offer any advice and tell me if I am being stupid haha! Thanks everyone This is a perfect answer dude. Anyone that would have a problem with this and is disqualifying you is doing you a favor. You're doing very well for being so young. Just keep doing what you're doing IMO. 1
Maldives Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/31/2021 at 5:15 PM, DC1996 said: Hi All Just had a general query that's been playing on my mind recently, particularly directed toward the opinion of females. I am a 25 year old male, work as a civil engineer, have close family life and have been told I am a decent looking guy. I have however never been in a long term or serious relationship. There is no particular reason for this but it is starting to make me feel a little insecure in terms of how that would be taken by a girl I date. The answer as to why it hasn't happened for me is probably a combination of things. Firstly within my school years prior to turning 18 my focus was not on this at all for a start and then when I enter the real world outside of school life I had a career change among other personal experiences I had focus on from 18-20/21 and even I would say I wasn't ready then for something serious anyway. Despite that I still went out connected with girls and went on dates I just don't believe I was mature enough at that stage. In terms of the last few years I have been on plenty of dates I guess the simple answer is I have not met the right person to become serious with and I am also not the type to just dive into a relationship for the sake of it. This poses the question I have, which may be irrational but a few things have happened which have left me feeling like this is unattractive to girls, if this came up with a girl do you believe my answer which. would incorporate the above reasons is something that would be seen as weird for 25 year old male or a 'red flag' at all? I have had some people recently ask me this or questions to the affect of dating experience and I give the honest answer being I have dated just haven't met the right person and I feel that answer is judged a bit haha Feel free to offer any advice and tell me if I am being stupid haha! Thanks everyone No not at all perfectly good reason to of not been In a long term relationship. I was your age and in the same situation it took another four yrs in my case to meet the well ex wife now lol
Blind-Sided Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/31/2021 at 4:03 AM, divegrl said: Give it a couple of years. Guys tend to have a harder time dating in their early 20s... just because you don’t have the money or status that attracts most women yet. I tend to agree with this. When you are in collage, all the guys and girls are in the same stage, and dating can come easy... if you want to date. The problem is... most guys are shy in the dating realm, and don't date. After collage, everyone is looking for their jobs, and position in life, and don't focus on dating a lot of times. Dating, and a LTR takes effort, and isn't easy. And if your mind is other things... then it won't happen. So... when someone starts grilling you on why you don't have a serious GF yet... tell them to "piss off". LOL OK... on a serious note... I didn't date much when I was younger. I did have a LTR when I was young, but she cheated and broke my heart. After that... i did a few ONS, FWB, and random dates. I didn't get serious again until I was in my late 20's. It will happen eventually. Get settled in your career, and when you are ready... it will happen. 2
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Sorry but it is a red flag because it says to them, you are picky, lack experience, lack confidence, a player or emotionally detached. You can have a buff body, good career....that isn't enough. Women don't want to have to work on knocking off the training wheels. it's not fair of the perception so I suggest you reveal nothing of the sort. Not lie, but just reword it. hearing "Haven't found the right one" is a bit daunting to a woman. She could feel that she has to "measure up" to your standards. That's a turn off. probably feels she's going to get rejected anyways. Instead just say "I'm still looking and hopeful."
BeanCounter Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Sorry but it is a red flag because it says to them, you are picky, lack experience, lack confidence, a player or emotionally detached. You can have a buff body, good career....that isn't enough. Women don't want to have to work on knocking off the training wheels. it's not fair of the perception so I suggest you reveal nothing of the sort. Not lie, but just reword it. hearing "Haven't found the right one" is a bit daunting to a woman. She could feel that she has to "measure up" to your standards. That's a turn off. probably feels she's going to get rejected anyways. Instead just say "I'm still looking and hopeful." I don't agree with this entire statement, but I do think there is SOME truth to it, in by saying "I haven't met the right one" early on kind of sets an expectation that you're looking for something perfect. Honestly though, I wouldn't overthink it too much. Going with that you were more focused on studies during college, and building up your career after that is a fine reason. I'm actually surprised women your age would have such a big problem with that.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Sorry but it is a red flag because it says to them, you are picky, lack experience, lack confidence, a player or emotionally detached. You can have a buff body, good career....that isn't enough. It may mean that to some women. Like I said, if they're turned off by someone saying something perfectly reasonable like I haven't found the right person, then that says more about them than it does about him. He's 25 and is frankly far ahead of most men his age. I disagree vehemently that the comment conveys a lack of experience or confidence. Those guys don't talk like that. 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: "Haven't found the right one" is a bit daunting to a woman. She could feel that she has to "measure up" to your standards. That's a turn off. probably feels she's going to get rejected anyways. Instead just say "I'm still looking and hopeful." A woman that's more scared of getting rejected than possibly dating a great guy is someone that should be avoided. I don't think it'd be a turnoff for secure women. OP I say keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're going to turn off some women that are afraid of being rejected so they'll reject you first. That's fine, all that'll be left are confident women. Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, dramafreezone said: It may mean that to some women. Like I said, if they're turned off by someone saying something perfectly reasonable like I haven't found the right person, then that says more about them than it does about him. He's 25 and is frankly far ahead of most men his age. I disagree vehemently that the comment conveys a lack of experience or confidence. Those guys don't talk like that. A woman that's more scared of getting rejected than possibly dating a great guy is someone that should be avoided. I don't think it'd be a turnoff for secure women. OP I say keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're going to turn off some women that are afraid of being rejected so they'll reject you first. That's fine, all that'll be left are confident women. it's all about perception. A woman automatically wonders what's wrong with the guy, like those things I have metioned. It is what it is.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Sure, perception is what it is. He's going to turn off some women, I don't deny that. Can't win them all. What this boils down to is fear, whether it's fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up, fear of being hurt later down the road. A person can use fear to help be the best version of themselves. Once that happens, most of that will fall by the wayside. It's ok to have fear, but if that person is looking to avoid the feeling of fear or risk, then that's not healthy at all. Like I said, OP is better off not even engaging with those women. His dating pool will be much smaller, but of much higher quality.
ShyViolet Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 At age 25 I think it's still ok. You still have time. However, a man over a certain age who has never been in a serious relationship, over say 30, I absolutely do think that's a red flag. Most women would be asking what is "wrong" with him that he's never gotten close to anyone in that way.
Wiseman2 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/31/2021 at 3:15 AM, DC1996 said: I have not met the right person to become serious with and I am also not the type to just dive into a relationship for the sake of it. Loosen up. Date and see how it goes. Doesn't have to be Ms right, could just be nice fun or pretty. Take your time. You don't have to jump into a relationship or be serious.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 You are still young and by most standards you are in the right age to start to want something serious. But I do have to caution you on being too picky and not risking for love. Love is not about what you get but what you can give the other. I have met a few picky men who are perpetually single and I always tell them to get a practice girlfriend. She does not have to be the one or miss perfect. But learning to surrender yourself to love, trusting someone and all those good boyfriend skills are really important to do. And yes it does indeed take a lot of practice. I was not a good girlfriend when young but through the years after trial and error I have learned to be an amazing girlfriend/partner. I had to learn through doing not by books.
ironpony Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 On 5/31/2021 at 1:15 AM, DC1996 said: Hi All Just had a general query that's been playing on my mind recently, particularly directed toward the opinion of females. I am a 25 year old male, work as a civil engineer, have close family life and have been told I am a decent looking guy. I have however never been in a long term or serious relationship. There is no particular reason for this but it is starting to make me feel a little insecure in terms of how that would be taken by a girl I date. The answer as to why it hasn't happened for me is probably a combination of things. Firstly within my school years prior to turning 18 my focus was not on this at all for a start and then when I enter the real world outside of school life I had a career change among other personal experiences I had focus on from 18-20/21 and even I would say I wasn't ready then for something serious anyway. Despite that I still went out connected with girls and went on dates I just don't believe I was mature enough at that stage. In terms of the last few years I have been on plenty of dates I guess the simple answer is I have not met the right person to become serious with and I am also not the type to just dive into a relationship for the sake of it. This poses the question I have, which may be irrational but a few things have happened which have left me feeling like this is unattractive to girls, if this came up with a girl do you believe my answer which. would incorporate the above reasons is something that would be seen as weird for 25 year old male or a 'red flag' at all? I have had some people recently ask me this or questions to the affect of dating experience and I give the honest answer being I have dated just haven't met the right person and I feel that answer is judged a bit haha Feel free to offer any advice and tell me if I am being stupid haha! Thanks everyone I had this same problem too. I never had a serious relationship long term until I was 28. Before that age, women often wouldn't take me seriously and I thought it was because of that. Then after 28, I had the long term relationship which lasted four years and we almost got married but didn't work out. Then after the break up and a few months later when I wanted to get back into dating, women seemed more drawn to me, because I had a long term relationship and we were engaged, or so it seems now.
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