Feel really bad and insecure seeing my ex at the gym with a guy with big muscles?

[GoldMind]

I was at the gym and saw my ex with a guy who was clearly on steroids.  I later found out he was a pro bodybuilder what ever that means. But the guy was huge. 10x my size. I'm not big at all and felt really insecure. I came home and couldn't get bad thoughts and images out of my head .. thinking he turns her on more than me and all these other thoughts. I feel really awful about myself.

Yes i already workout and try and look my best.

[Gaeta]

I dated my share of bodybuilders. I did not come across one 'yet' that had some type of depth. It's all about what they eat, their training, tanning, competition. One man I dated even put his alarm twice during the night to get up, do his muscle training and then went back to bed. For me it was a dating phase, II was flattered by getting their attention. It was not someone I would want to settle down with.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, GoldMind said:

I feel really awful about myself.

Yes i already workout and try and look my best.

Sorry to hear that. Therapy could help with this obsession and ruminating. It's not about muscles.

[SumGuy]

"Good news" is if he is on the juice it is not good for his performance, if you know what I mean, also bet he is moody AF.  Juice is great for show, not so much for go.

Don't worry there are plenty of women who like and in shape many but do not like the bodybuilder, juiced, look.

[dramafreezone]

I don't know the particulars of your breakup, but I would be dollars to doughnuts that it had nothing to do with your body and much more to do with this lack of confidence that you're demonstrating.  That existed long before this bodybuilder guy showed up.

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, GoldMind said:

I was at the gym and saw my ex with a guy who was clearly on steroids.  I later found out he was a pro bodybuilder what ever that means. But the guy was huge. 10x my size. I'm not big at all and felt really insecure. I came home and couldn't get bad thoughts and images out of my head .. thinking he turns her on more than me and all these other thoughts. I feel really awful about myself.

Yes i already workout and try and look my best.

You can only be the best version of yourself so you need to always keep that in mind. We all have the power to think good things so again maybe think of the good time and not focus on what is largely irrelevant in terms of your life now.

[smackie9]

I dated a body builder ONCE...it didn't last...couple of weeks. I realized tho he was attractive, hard muscles are not nice to cuddle with. I worked with steroid monkey bouncers at a night club for 4 years. On the juice, they are mean mean mean. The most insecure guys I have ever met. Some were so upset because I had no interest dating them. When they saw my not so attractive short BF, it drove them crazy. Those guys were gross to me.

Go find another gym to workout at.

Edited May 30, 2021 by smackie9

[Trail Blazer]

Why do you care about an ex?  Concentrate on yourself and find a girl who wants to be with you.  Work on your self-confidence whilst busting your ass at the gym, juice-free, and enjoy the gains in many facets of your life.

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Why do you care about an ex?  Concentrate on yourself and find a girl who wants to be with you.  Work on your self-confidence whilst busting your ass at the gym, juice-free, and enjoy the gains in many facets of your life.

Exactly this, OP why focus on something that you cannot control and something which will make you over think.

[Calmandfocused]

What does “on the juice mean”? 
 

Op, each to their own but personally I do not find body builders attractive. At all! The bigger they are, the more repulsive they are to me. 
 

A average toned male is much more attractive IMO. 
 

Don’t feel insecure, they’re just (big) people.. besides I heard a rumour that body builders have very little willies and suffer a lot from  have ED... I wouldn’t know that from personal experience btw ....

[Donnas]

whahhahahhahahahha you are so cute funny.😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😘

If he on steroids its sure not natural or gealthy.

And everyone got own personality and good and bad stuff about them.

Im sure she got with you based on the good and handsome she found you. So it makes no sense to look what he got that you dont have.

Beside you had her first.😋Just enjoy the amazing stuff you got.Also personality wise 💪🏽😊✌🏽

[Donnas]

15 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I dated a body builder ONCE...it didn't last...couple of weeks. I realized tho he was attractive, hard muscles are not nice to cuddle with. I worked with steroid monkey bouncers at a night club for 4 years. On the juice, they are mean mean mean. The most insecure guys I have ever met. Some were so upset because I had no interest dating them. When they saw my not so attractive short BF, it drove them crazy. Those guys were gross to me.

Go find another gym to workout at.

 

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💪🏽

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

What does “on the juice mean”? 
 

Op, each to their own but personally I do not find body builders attractive. At all! The bigger they are, the more repulsive they are to me. 
 

A average toned male is much more attractive IMO. 
 

Don’t feel insecure, they’re just (big) people.. besides I heard a rumour that body builders have very little willies and suffer a lot from  have ED... I wouldn’t know that from personal experience btw ....

"On the juice" is a slang term for taking anabolic steroids.

I don't believe there's any evidence to suggest that steriod use will cause a penis to shrink, but it will definitely result in a high probability for the testicles to shrink if they're used in an unsafe manner.

As for ED, that's another side-effect linked to steroid useage.  That, and also, steroid usage is known to reduce sperm count as well as contribute to a number of other health complications.

[mark clemson]

On 5/30/2021 at 5:23 AM, GoldMind said:

 the guy was huge. 10x my size

Hmm. Even Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson ("the Mountain" on Game of Thrones and one of the world's strongest men) isn't 10x your size. Chill, my friend. There is a wide variety of ways to be attractive to women and being a huge dude is IMO actually one of the less effective ones by a long shot. I believe many if not most women tend to be thinking about the disadvantages that can go with that, as illustrated in several of the posts above.

Anyhow, moving on is best in any event. If she had no one yet that would still be the case. Life goes on.

Speaking generally, men have a tendency to overestimate the importance of "body" to women. There are a variety of interviews on YouTube where women express preference for a "dad bod" over a six pack. Surprising to men (and perhaps to a few women). The sexes have different "triggers" and many of women's triggers are apparently more psychological in nature, e.g. confidence and independence.

Edited May 31, 2021 by mark clemson

[Trail Blazer]

15 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Hmm. Even Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson ("the Mountain" on Game of Thrones and one of the world's strongest men) isn't 10x your size. Chill, my friend. There is a wide variety of ways to be attractive to women and being a huge dude is IMO actually one of the less effective ones by a long shot. I believe many if not most women tend to be thinking about the disadvantages that can go with that, as illustrated in several of the posts above.

Anyhow, moving on is best in any event. If she had no one yet that would still be the case. Life goes on.

Speaking generally, men have a tendency to overestimate the importance of "body" to women. There are a variety of interviews on YouTube where women express preference for a "dad bod" over a six pack. Surprising to men (and perhaps to a few women). The sexes have different "triggers" and many of women's triggers are apparently more psychological in nature, e.g. confidence and independence.

I've never believed this.  I know that many women say it so it must be true for many.  However, I've not been with any women who'd prefer a dad bod (if we're talking about a protruding pot belly) over a flat stomach.

Women's preferences are so nuanced and so many aspects other than a black or white physical attribute influence their preferences.  Women who've had bad experiences with a certain kind of guy will perhaps be off-put by another guy with similar physical traits.

Men will not, for example, be turned off by physical attributes on woman b) just because woman a), who had the same physical attributes that he's attracted to, was a complete b**** to him.

Women, on the other hand, may be turned off guys who go to the gym a lot if she has has bad experiences with a guy who is a gym junkie. 

She may find him attractive, but the prior behavior of someone possessing similar physical attributes has repulsed her towards all guys with those same attributes. 

I think for women it's not a change in preference to looks, but rather an holistic shift in what she prioritizes which then affects the physical attributes she desires.

Having said that, women still want tall men and their preferences overwhelmingly describe men with a narrow specific shoulder-to-waist ratio (the v-shape) as the most desirable.

[SumGuy]

8 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

What does “on the juice mean”? ..

It is body builder slang for on steroids.   

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

...As for ED, that's another side-effect linked to steroid useage.  ...

Yes one's penis may not physically shrink (which is kind of ridiculous as size has to do with arousal and blood flow in large measure) but size doesn't really matter if one can't get it up, keep it up or get it hard enough...hence performance issues...or all show, no go.  

[Calmandfocused]

15 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Yes one's penis may not physically shrink (which is kind of ridiculous as size has to do with arousal and blood flow in large measure) but size doesn't really matter if one can't get it up, keep it up or get it hard enough...hence performance issues...or all show, no go.  

Yep, that doesn’t sound like a particularly fun proposition for a woman. It’s a lot that she would need to sacrifice to support his body builder habit. 
 

Incidentally I was watching an old episode of “Couples Come Dine With Me” the other day and it featured Britain’s strongest man (“The Beast” or something like that). Anyway him and his wife hadn’t got any children and I did wonder whether that had something to do with his pecker  ... 🤔

[mark clemson]

23 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

However, I've not been with any women who'd prefer a dad bod (if we're talking about a protruding pot belly) over a flat stomach.

Your post was interesting and no doubt there's some truth to that. I suspect you're right about a pronounced paunch as well.

[BaileyB]

On 5/30/2021 at 8:18 AM, Wiseman2 said:

It's not about muscles.

No, it’s not.  

OP, if your self worth is derived from comparing yourself with others -  certainly as it relates to something as superficial as physical appearance, that will lead to a very unhappy life...

[dramafreezone]

On 5/31/2021 at 8:06 AM, mark clemson said:

Speaking generally, men have a tendency to overestimate the importance of "body" to women. There are a variety of interviews on YouTube where women express preference for a "dad bod" over a six pack. Surprising to men (and perhaps to a few women). The sexes have different "triggers" and many of women's triggers are apparently more psychological in nature, e.g. confidence and independence.

Yes I've seen those same interviews.  Yet there's plenty of dad bods available for the taking.  Supply greatly exceeds demand.  You have to sometimes disregard what people say and watch what they do.

I do agree that you don't have to be some fitness model, but you can't be 35% body fat either.  Happy medium, be in reasonably good shape and live with the results.  If a guy thinks he needs a 6-pack or huge muscles then he's got a lot more to work on than his body.

OP, if you work out regularly, you're right where you need to be.  Now work on coming to grips with these inner insecurities.

Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone

[flitzanu]

find a new gym and stop going to the one your ex goes to.

also, it sounds like you have no proof she is with this hunky muscle man, you just simply saw your ex, at a gym, with a well built person that goes to a gym.

if you saw her with muscleboy at the grocery store you might have a different perspective on assuming they are banging, but seeing a muscled guy that clearly works out and goes to the gym while, at a gym, does not mean anything

[ItsTheDay]

I'm laughing at this whole thread. I have been in the gym game for a long time, I'm not a professional bodybuilder but I've been around and occasionally train with them. There are so many myths about steroids and it shows here. For one, they do not shrink the penis but they do shrink the testicles. This is common sense since the male hormone is made in the testicles. When the body see's it has enough or too much testosterone, the testicles stop producing which results them being shut down.

For the one who said not to worry, he won't perform well in bed (or something along those lines). This is false. You get that feeling back when your were 16-18 years old but times 10. Hate to break it to you, but his sex drive is through the roof. 

But yeah, join a different gym. First thing I did even know my ex said she would hardly go to "our" gym since she's into crossfit but she may go on the weekends.   

[mark clemson]

51 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I do agree that you don't have to be some fitness model, but you can't be 35% body fat either.  Happy medium, be in reasonably good shape and live with the results.  If a guy thinks he needs a 6-pack or huge muscles then he's got a lot more to work on than his body.

Agree... 🙂