PandaPanda Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 Hi, I would like some advice on what to do next. So I've been seeing this guy for 2 months now. Things been going great, we went on a few dates and been texting everyday and video call at night sometimes. We're both busy with work, uni and other commitments but always try and find time to go on a date when we can, but at the moment its only every 2 weeks that we meet up. Last Thursday we got into a small fight cause he wanted to cancelled our date because he wanted to work on his assignment, I understand that uni is important but it still made me quite upset since we already hardly see each other in person. He also got upset that I wasn't being understanding so we stop talking for 3 days (yes we''re both stubborn). I decided to msg him on Monday and he ignored me till Tuesday morning. He said that he is still upset and that he need time to cool off and think. I reply back that I understand he need space and hope we can sort it out once his ready. Then the conversation continue and eventually he said that he don't even know why we still talking about this since it was such a small fight, I agree and said we should just forget about it. Then he start talking to me about his puppy and we started talking like normal. He didn't msg me on Wednesday so that night I send him a test to ask hows his night been and if he saw the cool red moon. He reply saying he been trying to do his assignment which is due this coming Sunday and haven't been able to go out to look at the moon. I reply and ask if there much to do, and send him a picture of the moon saying this is what it kinda look like. He didn't reply back till Thursday morning, he said oh that really cool wish he was able to see it, and that he still have a lot left to do on his assignment. I then reply and said at least you still have a bit of time before the due date, do your best! So Thursday morning was the last time we talked. Its Saturday now and he hasn't once message me. I don't know whether since the fight last week his no longer interested in talking to me or it is because of how stressful his assignment is that he don't want to get distracted by talking to me. i'm feeling really anxious not knowing what the reason behind him not messaging me or even to reply back to my last text. Should I just leave him be or should I send him another message and ask how his assignment going. 1
LoopyLoop99 Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 different ways to look at this - he is playing hard to get and it's working - if he was really into you he would probably take you out and put more effort into you I reckon don't message him. You're being nice and asking how he is f*** him. If he wants you , he will message you and arrange a time to take you out. Don't worry about it. Besides youre a girl right? you can download tinder and have 1,000 guys available who are probably taller, better looking and earn more money than him LOL at caring about this one guy who won't give you his tme of day.
Alpacalia Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 (edited) Do nothing. He has other priorities right now. Edited May 29, 2021 by Alpaca
divegrl Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 So sorry to hear this. I would not text him. Just see if he comes around and asks for another date. Continue have a great time at work and university.... things will fall into place. Have a beautiful day. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 Just leave him be. He knows where you are if he wants to talk to you. I get that it's hard to sit on our hands when we really like someone and want to hear from them, but we have to let people show us where their interest is.
stillafool Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 Definitely leave him alone. He was probably irratated that you kept texting him when he's trying to work. He may be starting to feel you're too clingy. Just pull back let him contact you when ready and do the work. 4
spiderowl Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 (edited) I get the feeling he isn't as into you as you are to him. That doesn't mean he's not interested: just not as interested as you. I can understand the need to complete assignments and how demanding that is. If one has to do this on particular days, then it could easily turn into a conflict. However, you are he are not seeing each other much but then you are both busy. I would suggest you back off, leave this guy alone, and consider dating others instead. He is not as available as you would like. While it is important not to be clingy or make unreasonable demands on someone, it is also important that you feel he cares and is keen on you. If you do not feel he is as keen to see you as vice versa, then you need a different boyfriend. Don't message him if he has not been in touch. If you have not heard from him in 24 hours and he is supposed to be your dating you, then assume he is no longer your boyfriend. He cannot have any claim to you if he is not in contact. You would only demean yourself in his eyes if you chased him. Edited May 29, 2021 by spiderowl
Saracena Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/29/2021 at 5:36 PM, stillafool said: Definitely leave him alone. He was probably irratated that you kept texting him when he's trying to work. He may be starting to feel you're too clingy. Just pull back let him contact you when ready and do the work. Exactly. You were making it all about you when he had explained he needed to focus on his assignment right then. Next time, just wish them luck and pull way back and wait until they get in touch!
Author PandaPanda Posted June 6, 2021 Author Posted June 6, 2021 I did leave him alone, he finally msged after 2 days and told me that he needed time to think and he realised he is not ready to be in a relationship. He said the fight made him think that things might get worse in the near future. He said i'm a great girl but he just not ready and doesn't want to hold me back from potential relationship. I don't know whether to accept that he really is not ready for a relationship or is it because I scared him off with that fight and his no longer interested in me. If his no longer interested in me, I wish he could just tell me so I won't have to keep wondering. Now I can't stop blaming myself for chasing him away. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2021 Posted June 6, 2021 10 hours ago, PandaPanda said: Now I can't stop blaming myself for chasing him away. No, you were simply reacting to your (correct) instincts that he was not as interested anymore. Whether you'd had the argument or not, the outcome would likely have been the same. Sorry it ended this way, but it's better that he was honest with you now so you weren't sitting around wondering if he was still on board with this. 1
introverted1 Posted June 6, 2021 Posted June 6, 2021 14 hours ago, PandaPanda said: I did leave him alone, he finally msged after 2 days and told me that he needed time to think and he realised he is not ready to be in a relationship. He said the fight made him think that things might get worse in the near future. He said i'm a great girl but he just not ready and doesn't want to hold me back from potential relationship. I don't know whether to accept that he really is not ready for a relationship or is it because I scared him off with that fight and his no longer interested in me. If his no longer interested in me, I wish he could just tell me so I won't have to keep wondering. Now I can't stop blaming myself for chasing him away. It's impossible to know. It could be he was losing interest. Or it could be that your fight fell into the category or too-much-too-soon and he was concerned you were unable to accept his legitimate request to focus on his studies for the week or two he needed (see bolded). Either way, nothing for you to do but move on.
stillafool Posted June 6, 2021 Posted June 6, 2021 15 hours ago, PandaPanda said: I did leave him alone, he finally msged after 2 days and told me that he needed time to think and he realised he is not ready to be in a relationship. He said the fight made him think that things might get worse in the near future. He said i'm a great girl but he just not ready and doesn't want to hold me back from potential relationship. I don't know whether to accept that he really is not ready for a relationship or is it because I scared him off with that fight and his no longer interested in me. If his no longer interested in me, I wish he could just tell me so I won't have to keep wondering. Now I can't stop blaming myself for chasing him away. Why can't you accept the truth that he told you? If he wanted a relationship with you he wouldn't have said what he said. At this point the only thing you have to do is accept it and move on. You didn't chase him away he decided on his own.
Wiseman2 Posted June 6, 2021 Posted June 6, 2021 On 5/28/2021 at 10:17 PM, PandaPanda said: Should I just leave him be or should I send him another message and ask how his assignment going. Step back. He keeps telling you he feels crowed/smothered, so texting more isn't a good idea. Relax and wait for him to reach out.
stillafool Posted June 6, 2021 Posted June 6, 2021 He has already ended it but tried to let you down easy.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Relax and wait for him to reach out. He did, but it was to end it: On 6/6/2021 at 5:07 AM, PandaPanda said: I did leave him alone, he finally msged after 2 days and told me that he needed time to think and he realised he is not ready to be in a relationship.
divegrl Posted June 7, 2021 Posted June 7, 2021 The outcome would have been the same if you had the fight or not. He was already pulling away... and you had the “fight” because he was being called out on his behavior. He has told you he is not ready. So sorry... it stings. Try to find as much joy out of university as you can....
Recommended Posts