Poppy47 Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 NOt sure if this is the correct forum for this topic. The other day I came across an article about Limerance. Has anybody read extensively or anything on this subject. It interests me because if it is a valid concept, it would explain a lot about my attachment to xMM> Cheers, Poppy. 1
NYAG Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 There is a whole website for it called 'Living With Limerence'. It's interesting. It's not something I suffer with or ever have, but I have a friend who does and it makes her relationships, or lack of, a misery.
hajk Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) @Poppy47 check out the following wiki article and posts by @mark clemson as he discussed a lot about limerence in affairs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence Edited May 30, 2021 by hajk 1
hajk Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 18 hours ago, NYAG said: There is a whole website for it called 'Living With Limerence'. It's interesting. It's not something I suffer with or ever have, but I have a friend who does and it makes her relationships, or lack of, a misery. @NYAG thank you for sharing the website 'Living With Limerence'. I checked it out and it looks like a great resource. Thank you! https://livingwithlimerence.com/about/ ....My motivations for starting this site were my own unexpected re-experience of limerence after a long period of contented life as a husband, and the discovery that few sources of practical information or support existed (even in today’s world) for coping with it. I blog pseudonymously as Dr L (to protect the innocent, and because it lets me be more frank), but by training I am a neuroscientist, so the main theme is understanding what’s going on in our traitor brains, and how to reprogram ourselves into leading more purposeful lives. 4
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/28/2021 at 5:57 PM, Poppy47 said: NOt sure if this is the correct forum for this topic. The other day I came across an article about Limerance. Has anybody read extensively or anything on this subject. It interests me because if it is a valid concept, it would explain a lot about my attachment to xMM> Cheers, Poppy. It's a popular term. Unfortunately it is misused often to rationalize affairs. It's used to take away responsibility by suggesting the brain is highjacked by chemicals and therefore all reason and judgement succumb to this neurochemical intoxication. If you want to believe that, it's fine. There is definition of limerence, but how it's applied in the cheating community is often no more than rationalizing. 3
NYAG Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 4 hours ago, hajk said: @NYAG thank you for sharing the website 'Living With Limerence'. I checked it out and it looks like a great resource. Thank you! https://livingwithlimerence.com/about/ ....My motivations for starting this site were my own unexpected re-experience of limerence after a long period of contented life as a husband, and the discovery that few sources of practical information or support existed (even in today’s world) for coping with it. I blog pseudonymously as Dr L (to protect the innocent, and because it lets me be more frank), but by training I am a neuroscientist, so the main theme is understanding what’s going on in our traitor brains, and how to reprogram ourselves into leading more purposeful lives. How fabulous! I had no idea you were using the forums here *sends enthusiastic welcoming waves*.
NYAG Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It's a popular term. Unfortunately it is misused often to rationalize affairs. It's used to take away responsibility by suggesting the brain is highjacked by chemicals and therefore all reason and judgement succumb to this neurochemical intoxication. If you want to believe that, it's fine. There is definition of limerence, but how it's applied in the cheating community is often no more than rationalizing. The only person I know who speaks of having limerence, has never had an affair and I don't think would. It's not something I have experienced personally. 1
mark clemson Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It's used to take away responsibility by suggesting the brain is highjacked by chemicals and therefore all reason and judgement succumb to this neurochemical intoxication. If you want to believe that, it's fine. There is definition of limerence, but how it's applied in the cheating community is often no more than rationalizing. Interesting. Who is saying this? It's not me or here. Is this some other chat board? I think limerence does indeed have an neurochemical intoxication/addictive quality. However one still has to have accountability for one's own actions. Is it possible for you to post links to these "cheating community" posts you mention? I'm genuinely curious.
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: Is it possible for you to post links to these "cheating community" posts you mention? It was all footnoted and cited in my dissertation defense, but my dog ate it. Casual observations do not require a cross-examination. Edited May 30, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
mark clemson Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 ^^ alrighty then. It seemed you were stating more than a casual opinion, but no worries. Thanks for clarifying. 1
pepperbird2 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 This is just my own person observation... Limerance isn't something I've experienced personally, but from what I understand, it can be a very real feeling. It sounds to me like it could be present some real problems when it's combined with the "people pleaser" personality type. It can also be very addictive, which can be very heady. Some chase that experience, and IME, they don't make good relationship partners.
balin Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 (edited) I think I still have it for a woman I haven't even seen in over 2 years. Madness. Edited May 31, 2021 by balin 2
Author Poppy47 Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 7 hours ago, balin said: I think I still have it for a woman I haven't even seen in over 2 years. Madness. 7 hours ago, balin said: I think I still have it for a woman I haven't even seen in over 2 years. Madness. I haven't seen my xMM but I think I would still have it for him. I have known him 13 years now and been in NC for a long time. It's the only way I can stop thinking about him all the time . Poppy
balin Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 I know, right! It's like reinforcement of some sort, etched into my mind. She is just always there, prevalent, in the background lol. Time should sort it but I am amazed I am still pining 2 years later JFC like. Get more hobbies balin. 1
Author Poppy47 Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 4 hours ago, balin said: I know, right! It's like reinforcement of some sort, etched into my mind. She is just always there, prevalent, in the background lol. Time should sort it but I am amazed I am still pining 2 years later JFC like. Get more hobbies balin. I do understand how you feel. xMM is still hanging around my brain. I am hoping time and distance will be the cure. I am completely busy all the time with social life and my own hobbies. Never happened before, ever. Poppy. 2
BourneWicked Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 https://livingwithlimerence.com/how-to-get-rid-of-limerence/ This is a fun/funny post about it from the same site referenced above. It's a thing. Some people might "use it as an excuse." But if it's happened to you, it's awful. It's intrusive thinking. They don't even have to be around but they occupy your thoughts. So easy for someone who hasn't experienced this to call it an excuse; it's like calling depression or schizophrenia an excuse. Poppy I read a ton about this. I'm still "limerent" even though I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long time. I hate it. I refer to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind - I want him erased from my memory. There's only the slow trudge of time and keeping busy with my real life. But the obsession is still there. For me, I've always been obsessive in my hobbies and interests. This gets me places in my real life, helps me accomplish goals. So it's a blessing and a curse. Sometimes in my hobbies I feel that glimmer and obsession (for an activity) so my hope is just to keep pursuing those and one of them will outstrip the obsession that has dominated my mind for so many years. It sucks. 1
Author Poppy47 Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 7 hours ago, BourneWicked said: https://livingwithlimerence.com/how-to-get-rid-of-limerence/ This is a fun/funny post about it from the same site referenced above. It's a thing. Some people might "use it as an excuse." But if it's happened to you, it's awful. It's intrusive thinking. They don't even have to be around but they occupy your thoughts. So easy for someone who hasn't experienced this to call it an excuse; it's like calling depression or schizophrenia an excuse. Poppy I read a ton about this. I'm still "limerent" even though I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long time. I hate it. I refer to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind - I want him erased from my memory. There's only the slow trudge of time and keeping busy with my real life. But the obsession is still there. For me, I've always been obsessive in my hobbies and interests. This gets me places in my real life, helps me accomplish goals. So it's a blessing and a curse. Sometimes in my hobbies I feel that glimmer and obsession (for an activity) so my hope is just to keep pursuing those and one of them will outstrip the obsession that has dominated my mind for so many years. It sucks. That was an amusing post.Bourne. I fear I have known him too long and am too old now to ever erase the bastard from my memory, unless I get dementia. He still reaches out from time to time but I NEVER reply. LImerence was like living in a train wreck. One carriage would derail, you get out of that one and then the next carriage would go off the tracks. Pursuing hobbies, travel and social activities is keeping my mind occupied but ,as you know, there are times when you have to be alone. They are the worst. Cheers, Poppy. 2
Hrgirl915 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 You’ve been so steadfast in your resolve to stay away from MM. You appear so strong and I can’t help but fret that if you still think of him and question limerence, then there’s no hope for me.
balin Posted June 5, 2021 Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) @Hrgirl915 Mine was just a fecking Crush! Affairs are different because there is the thrill of the crime of it and mutual connection and then the reality of A reality that is not gonna happen. So ouch it must hurt much more. It is so sore though, limerence. Ooh. It's a good sore though, the kind that if it was gone, you'd miss it. Addiction. Edited June 5, 2021 by balin 1
Hrgirl915 Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 @balin The A is an addiction. But not limerence. I would not miss feeling this way. What I miss is the woman I was before the A. 1
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