Gaeta Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) I did not say *anything* but l'm saying to take a chance on her offer to see each other again. An offer she repeated twice. If she's not interested she'll say the usual *l'll let you know* and he'll get the confirmation that it was just a polite offer. He will not lose face by doing this one time. Edited June 1, 2021 by Gaeta
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: But so what? It's not like he'll have to face her every day at the office. He can come across as anything, she's a stranger, he has nothing to lose. I think living a life of consistency is important. If living in abundance is important to him, then he has to live it all the time. 4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: So just because someone is a stranger and you won't see them again, that makes it ok to do anything you want? Your actions don't matter if you won't see them again? Are you seriously saying that? Well besides that, he may see her out in public. She may know someone that does end up liking him, and then this one tells her friend that "oh wow, I remember a couple of years back he wouldn't stop calling me." Just like that he's out of there, and for what? He got an answer from her. Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Just now, dramafreezone said: "oh wow, I remember a couple of years back he wouldn't stop calling me." That is not what l'm suggesting.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: That is not what l'm suggesting. You're saying make extra sure that there's nothing there as far as romantic interest. My point is she spoke her truth, and then he spoke his. I don't see any reason to not believe her, given how few women will be that blunt in the first place. 1
Author balin Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 Maybe send the shortened text. What harm, she can easily duck out. Done and dusted and clear. But yes, it would be cooler not to. Her respect for me may tumble if I text her and she isn't up for it. And even if we don't see each other again, my own self respect will have taken a big hit as a result. Idk her "Understand if you don't" last line bespeaks offering friends only.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 4 minutes ago, balin said: Maybe send the shortened text. What harm, she can easily duck out. Done and dusted and clear. But yes, it would be cooler not to. Her respect for me may tumble if I text her and she isn't up for it. And even if we don't see each other again, my own self respect will have taken a big hit as a result. Idk her "Understand if you don't" last line bespeaks offering friends only. You just said that you'll respect yourself less if you message her again. That's more than enough reason to not go through with it. But I'll give you another reason. It's because messaging her again comes from a position of fear actually. It's fear of missing out. Fear can take a hold of your brain man. Fear makes us lie to ourselves. You've no doubt been thinking "but what if she's the love of my life?? I have to keep trying or I'm going to lose out on the love of my life." She's not the love of your life, love stories don't begin with her saying "I don't feel a romantic spark." And you'll regret compromising your respect. The courageous thing to do is to leave it be, live your truth despite how it may come across to others. There's not a chance of you ever feeling bad about being true to yourself.
Sun Seeker Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Do not send her that message or any. If I can smell your desperation just from reading it through this screen, imagine how she can. You need to change your mind-set. You do NOT want to pursue someone that tells you there is no romantic spark. When you meet someone whose interest levels match yours, who also feels that romantic spark, then you pursue. 2
Trail Blazer Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 @balin Hey bro, sorry to hear that it didn't work out. I get the bummed feeling entirely. She was really hot and all that jazz. However, this situation is fairly cut-and-dried from my perspective. She just wasn't that into you. She didn't see enough of *something* to feel like she'd ever want to be intimate with you. That's what it boils down to in the end. I do find it curious that she was so strongly suggestive of catching up again despite being so forthcoming with her feelings about not seeing you in a romantic way. I am not so sure that she was 100 percent against the idea of being friends, and just said it to soften the blow, like some posters here are suggesting. In my opinion, anyone who wishes to be polite and wants to let someone down gently will not open the door so wide as to potentially invite you back in with hope that something might change down the track. Unless she just wanted to take you for a ride and have you splurge money for another lunch or such, I do feel as though she potentially did want to become friends with you genuinely. As far as I'm concerend, and given what I know about what you wanted to get out of this date - a relationship with her, and her only, you handled her response with aplomb. You didn't want to be friendzoned, you didn't want to play second fiddle. Hell, you didn't want to feel like every time she looks at her phone, she's potentially swiping right and chatting to guys that she will meet up with in person and feel a spark with. At the end of the day, there was really only one choice in the way to handle it; you next her. There's no coming back from your response because there is nothing to go back to. You want to be more than friends and you're not interested in being with any of her friends. So, really, that's all there is to the matter. Let it slide, bro, and go find another honey who can see herself being with you for more than a platonic friendship. 2 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 Men like or don't. There is no grey zone for them. Women live in a sea of grey zones, that is why she said no spark but openned the door to see you again. She is unsure and doesn't want to bring your hopes up for nothing in case that 2nd date doesn't change a thing for her. @balin Yesterday I was telling a man I didn't feel a spark and in the same conversation I ended up accepting his invitation for a second date and that's because of those grey zones women live in. 1
cleverusername Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 If you want to be friends with her and meet her new boyfriend in 4 months go right ahead. or not.... You owe her nothing. She made her decision by saying she feels no spark, now she has to live with that. Take her out of the picture and act in your own best interest, do you want to be JUST FRIENDS with her or not?
introverted1 Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 It's been almost a week since you first posted. What was perfect about your initial response to this woman has now been un-done by a week of rethinking and questioning your own instincts. The point here isn't to keep rehashing whether she was speaking her truth (no romantic interest) or leaving the door open for friendship (also no romantic interest) but for you to gain the confidence in your own decisions so that rather than falling into analysis paralysis, you can move forward and find a woman who reciprocates your interest. The question to ask yourself (and there's no need to answer it here) is what is keeping you stuck on this woman? I get that she was attractive, etc., but once she's said she has no romantic interest (and did not revise her meaning when you said platonic won't work for you), what is keeping you in a cycle of wondering whether to contact her again, deciding against it, wondering again, etc. <<< This is the behavior that is ultimately most damaging. She (and you) will get over you sending a clumsy follow-up text asking her to confirm that she meant what she said. But letting yourself spin about what to do when it's only been one date is what will harm you in the long run. Your initial instincts were good. Work on growing those instincts. This will have the net effect of projecting confidence, which is ultimately sexy as hell and will lead you to a woman who does have a romantic interest in you. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: Women live in a sea of grey zones, that is why she said no spark but openned the door to see you again. She is unsure and doesn't want to bring your hopes up for nothing in case that 2nd date doesn't change a thing for her. @balin Yesterday I was telling a man I didn't feel a spark and in the same conversation I ended up accepting his invitation for a second date and that's because of those grey zones women live in. I'm not so sure about that. I'm a woman as well and still think her message was a pretty clear indication of lack of interest for her.
Author balin Posted July 2, 2021 Author Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) On 6/2/2021 at 2:51 PM, introverted1 said: The point here isn't to keep rehashing whether she was speaking her truth (no romantic interest) or leaving the door open for friendship (also no romantic interest) but for you to gain the confidence in your own decisions so that rather than falling into analysis paralysis, you can move forward and find a woman who reciprocates your interest. The question to ask yourself (and there's no need to answer it here) is what is keeping you stuck on this woman? I get that she was attractive, etc., but once she's said she has no romantic interest (and did not revise her meaning when you said platonic won't work for you), what is keeping you in a cycle of wondering whether to contact her again, deciding against it, wondering again, etc. <<< This is the behavior that is ultimately most damaging. She (and you) will get over you sending a clumsy follow-up text asking her to confirm that she meant what she said. But letting yourself spin about what to do when it's only been one date is what will harm you in the long run. Look @introverted1 take it easy. I'm good thanks ... mad busy.. its crazy hot all right isn't it? Things are still bad for my friend she'll be starting treatment soon.. I hope you enjoyed your time off? What the hell is happening with this delta virus though? Restaurants and bars still don't has a reopen date for indoors , that's awful!! Anyway I hope you're good , I'm mad busy these couple of weeks but let's meet soon I have other options I wouldn't mind asking for date#2 here but is she placing a boundary to not ask just yet or never. Is it a blow off or not. Friend with cancer, em. This is soo easy in the third person. Edited July 2, 2021 by balin 1
Miss Spider Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 At first I read that as you were going to meet up with introverted1 and I was like wait a sec how come I don’t get to meet introverted1 haha But yea she said she’s “mad busy” … hmmm… either she is really busy or she’s trying to blow you off.She said a couple weeks, so I say wait like 3 weeks before you hit her up again and invite her to do something interesting 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 4 hours ago, balin said: I have other options I wouldn't mind asking for date#2 here but is she placing a boundary to not ask just yet or never. Just keep your options open. You'll probably meet someone a bit easier to date, without all the hurdles and drama. 1
introverted1 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: At first I read that as you were going to meet up with introverted1 and I was like wait a sec how come I don’t get to meet introverted1 haha But yea she said she’s “mad busy” … hmmm… either she is really busy or she’s trying to blow you off.She said a couple weeks, so I say wait like 3 weeks before you hit her up again and invite her to do something interesting I am still confused! Edited July 2, 2021 by introverted1 confused
Author balin Posted July 2, 2021 Author Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, introverted1 said: I am still confused! Sorry, contrary to your advice, and many others (like so many do on here!) I did get back to her. She is on to meet up though we are yet to firm up date 2 a month later. She has had her bff diagnosed with a serious illness so things are limping along, message here and there. I haven't actually suggested a time and place because she has pre-emptively said her hands are full right now. Wondering if it's just time to cut losses. She does seem genuine but you never know. Sounds like a big Hint too. Edited July 2, 2021 by balin
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 5 hours ago, balin said: She is on to meet up though we are yet to firm up date 2 a month later. She has had her bff diagnosed with a serious illness so things are limping along, message here and there. I haven't actually suggested a time and place because she has pre-emptively said her hands are full right now. Wondering if it's just time to cut losses. She does seem genuine but you never know. Sounds like a big Hint too. Most definitely, yes. She doesn't have the stones and be direct and say no, so she's gently trying to dodge your request and hoping you will take the hint. You tried, but this one is not going to move forward. Best to stop contact with her. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 5 hours ago, balin said: Sorry, contrary to your advice, and many others (like so many do on here!) I did get back to her. She is on to meet up though we are yet to firm up date 2 a month later. She has had her bff diagnosed with a serious illness so things are limping along, message here and there. I haven't actually suggested a time and place because she has pre-emptively said her hands are full right now. Wondering if it's just time to cut losses. She does seem genuine but you never know. Sounds like a big Hint too. Keep dating others keeping in mind this is a very long shot, probably won’t happen, and shoot her a message down the road. Her interest is low right now , but if you keep perspective, it doesn’t hurt to ask 1
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