Gaeta Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 11 minutes ago, Punterxx said: As friends in a non romantic way, which is a waste of time. She knows that, and was being polite. She does not actually want/care to see him again. Maybe she needs to learn a lesson that we don't leave an open door like that to a man we don't want to see again.
introverted1 Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Maybe she needs to learn a lesson that we don't leave an open door like that to a man we don't want to see again. I don't think her intent was to leave the door open. I'm guessing she liked him, albeit not romantically, and was trying to buffer her rejection. In doing so, she over-buffered, such that he now thinks there may be hope. In reality, if she had interest, after he sent his message saying he wasn't interested in a platonic friendship, she'd have come back with something clarifying her response. She didn't. 1
Alpacalia Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 On 5/27/2021 at 3:57 PM, balin said: I really like her and felt a good connection but I was hopeless at making it it physical in the form of kino and touch in the place which was sitting in a busy sunny city cente area. think I might have ballsed it up there. You might also examine the possibility that there was no romantic spark on account of using that Kino nonsense. I understand it's because you've stated that you're shy, but you have to take into consideration the vibe you're putting out on your dates too. A date isn't a date until there is some physical interaction; otherwise, it's just two individuals hanging out. 1
Author balin Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 Maybe I didn't demonstrate my interest and romance and intent clearly enough and she didn't feel it. It was my second coffee date so I wasn't sure what the protocol was. I thought meet and greet but I think she was about more than that.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 The coffee meet is to see if there is enough there to go on a real date. She is telling you that SHE does not feel attracted to you in a romantic way. This usually means that she is not attracted to you physically if she has made a decision this early on. If you truly like her as a person then you can certainly try to be her friend but it sounds like you will always want something more because you are somewhat smitten by her. ‘How will you feel when she finds a boyfriend ? People are complicated and I have learned that if things are not easy flowing in the beginning as far as mutual interest, and are complicated, the relationship stays complicated for the duration. Maybe you enjoy the chase maybe she wants you to chase her a little. Either way these are not really healthy relationship habits. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 4 hours ago, Punterxx said: As friends in a non romantic way, which is a waste of time. She knows that, and was being polite. She does not actually want/care to see him again. Exactly. OP, she is not interested. Believe her, and leave it be. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 4 hours ago, balin said: Maybe I didn't demonstrate my interest and romance and intent clearly enough and she didn't feel it. It was my second coffee date so I wasn't sure what the protocol was. I thought meet and greet but I think she was about more than that. It doesn't matter. There are many things that can spark romantic interest, but your interest in her is not one of those things. We can have romantic feelings for people that have none for us. If you must find out for yourself, go ahead and continue to pursue (which I don't recommend). She told you that she doesn't feel the spark, that's as clear as one can be. I know as guys we like to fix things when we see a problem, but this is not something that you can fix. For whatever reason you didn't make the cut right now, and that's ok. You continuing to pursue is probably going to creep her out. 2
Author balin Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) OK I realise most have already given their two cents but I might send one more message. Maybe something like: Hi ***, how are you doing. I have been mulling over your message. It is very skilled. I can't tell if you're leaving a romantic doorway open here or not. My first read of your message was that it was a rejection. Although you were lovely about it and sugar coated it well. Now I'm unsure! You say twice you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Bad idea? Edited June 1, 2021 by balin 1
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 1 minute ago, balin said: You said you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Only this bit. Leave out the rest. You have nothing to lose, right? 1
dangerous Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/28/2021 at 12:15 AM, balin said: But she mentioned she didn't feel a spark. That's usually pretty final no? As in, a dump. Like what you are suggesting Gaeta I think you handled it perfectly. "I have enough friends, so thanks, and good luck" NEXT.
dangerous Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 8 minutes ago, balin said: OK I realise most have already given their two cents but I might send one more message. Maybe something like: Hi ***, how are you doing. I have been mulling over your message. It is very skilled. I can't tell if you're leaving a romantic doorway open here or not. My first read of your message was that it was a rejection. Although you were lovely about it and sugar coated it well. Now I'm unsure! You say twice you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Bad idea? Don't send this. Do you want to be Mr Nice in the friendzone? If you really want to give her another try, just assume it will be a proper date, and if she agrees, make your move. Don't pussyfoot around. Alternatively, be friends with her. Up to you.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, balin said: OK I realise most have already given their two cents but I might send one more message. Maybe something like: Hi ***, how are you doing. I have been mulling over your message. It is very skilled. I can't tell if you're leaving a romantic doorway open here or not. My first read of your message was that it was a rejection. Although you were lovely about it and sugar coated it well. Now I'm unsure! You say twice you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Bad idea? Yes it's a bad idea, but sometimes you have to learn a lesson. For instance, saying that you're unsure about what she said is unattractive and makes it seem like you don't have much experience with women. Also, going for another shot when she's said she doesn't feel a spark makes it seem like you don't have a lot of other options, or that you can't take no for an answer. Do you think a woman wants to get involved with a guy that can't take no for an answer? Perception is everything. We, like a parent that warned their kid over and over, will be here for you when it doesn't elicit the result that you want. Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author balin Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Also, going for another shot when she's said she doesn't feel a spark makes it seem like you don't have a lot of other options, or that you can't take no for an answer. I've only just started OLDing so I guess I am coming from a place of scarcity. And she is quite gorgeous and charming. Edited June 1, 2021 by balin
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, balin said: I've only just started OLDing so I guess I am coming from a place of scarcity. And she is quite gorgeous and charming. Well that is encouraging that you have enough self-awareness to see this in yourself. If you are coming from a place of scarcity, then you're going to put way too much into one person. Of course if you don't have abundance today, work towards that. In the meantime you have to act as if you do. Fake it until you make it. I think moving on graciously like you did initially actually projects abundance. Forget her, you're not angry or bitter, but just matter of fact. You're a busy guy and you're going to look for something that works better for you. That's the right mindset to have but if you're not consistent with it then you won't ever actually acheive abundance. The mindset comes first, then the actual results of abudance come. And lastly, you don't actually have to have an abundance of women to project abundance. It just means your life is full and you have plenty already, and you're just looking to add something positive to an already positive life. That's attractive. You essentially begging this woman to be in your life, it's the opposite of having a full life, it's instead projecting that I need this because otherwise my life sucks. Not attractive. You have to stand by your word. You said you were moving on, you have to stick by that, for yourself if no one else. Edited June 1, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
ShyViolet Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 54 minutes ago, balin said: OK I realise most have already given their two cents but I might send one more message. Maybe something like: Hi ***, how are you doing. I have been mulling over your message. It is very skilled. I can't tell if you're leaving a romantic doorway open here or not. My first read of your message was that it was a rejection. Although you were lovely about it and sugar coated it well. Now I'm unsure! You say twice you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Bad idea? Oh please don't send this. This is cringey. As many people have already said in this thread, the woman told you that she doesn't feel a romantic spark with you. To continue pursuing her after she's told you that is just weird and over the top. It will probably creep her out. Take the hint that she gave you and exit stage left gracefully and with some dignity. 2
ShyViolet Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 40 minutes ago, balin said: I've only just started OLDing so I guess I am coming from a place of scarcity. And she is quite gorgeous and charming. It doesn't matter how gorgeous and charming you think she is. When she's already told you that she didn't feel a romantic spark with you, you're supposed to leave her alone. 2
Author balin Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 (edited) So she only offered friendship, 100%, not just commenting that she didn't feel romance per se, but that it was fun and it might come on the 2nd impression. Edited June 1, 2021 by balin
Acacia98 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/28/2021 at 1:57 AM, balin said: Me: Hi ***, thanks for responding and being honest. Appreciate the time you spent writing that. That's a shame. You're a smashing person and I really like you but I don't think platonic would be a good idea. Again thanks, best wishes and happy hunting. Best, *** x Her: You too *** X I'm with everyone who thinks you need to close this chapter and move on. There was nothing wrong with your message. It didnt sound cold at all to me. And the thing is this: if she regretted telling you there was no spark and really wanted to continue seeing you, she would have responded differently to your last message to her. Her response to you suggests to me that your view that she was friendzoning you was accurate and she was satisfied that you understood that. I think you were okay with your interpretation of events until you spoke to your friends. They managed to convince you you were too cold/harsh. Have you ever considered the possibility that your friends were simply wrong or that, in this instance, you were more insightful than they were? Me, I dont ask certain relatives or friends for relationship advice because of this kind of thing: I'd lose confidence in my own judgement. I'd much rather visit a discussion forum like this one and see what people have to say. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, balin said: OK I realise most have already given their two cents but I might send one more message. Maybe something like: Hi ***, how are you doing. I have been mulling over your message. It is very skilled. I can't tell if you're leaving a romantic doorway open here or not. My first read of your message was that it was a rejection. Although you were lovely about it and sugar coated it well. Now I'm unsure! You say twice you would love to/like to see me again. Fancy we meet up, no pressure? Bad idea? Yes. Balin. Just stop. She already drew a boundary. 2
Amanda92 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 She just doesn't feel any attraction towards you. It doesn't mean that you are not attractive. She just needs something more and you won't change her mind. Try to know another girls that will like you just the way you are.
dramafreezone Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes. Balin. Just stop. She already drew a boundary. Additionally, OP you may come across as a guy that can't take no for an answer. Think about if that's a quality a woman wants anywhere in her life. 2
Wiseman2 Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 Ok, on or after many first meets there's an excuse-generator. Almost like roulette where they spin the wheel and come up with something like "lets be friends", "stress", "ex called me", "not ready to date" , etc. 'No spark' is mixed in there. In reality it often has nothing to do with you, just like a roulette wheel has nothing to do with you. Think about it logically, there's just too many moving parts. 1
Author balin Posted June 1, 2021 Author Posted June 1, 2021 12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Additionally, OP you may come across as a guy that can't take no for an answer. Think about if that's a quality a woman wants anywhere in her life. Yeah, hey you are a top bloke dfz, who wants to be that guy you mention. Its just that her no is so ambiguous. @Gaeta I think I will leave it. Probably think different again tomorrow lol. Cool thanks folks.
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 18 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Additionally, OP you may come across as a guy that can't take no for an answer. But so what? It's not like he'll have to face her every day at the office. He can come across as anything, she's a stranger, he has nothing to lose.
ShyViolet Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: But so what? It's not like he'll have to face her every day at the office. He can come across as anything, she's a stranger, he has nothing to lose. So just because someone is a stranger and you won't see them again, that makes it ok to do anything you want? Your actions don't matter if you won't see them again? Are you seriously saying that?
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