Struggling with end of affair

[Snakesalive]

56 minutes ago, Buttercupp said:

 

@Snakesalive thank you and I heard and I defo will this time as I cant keep feeling this way thanks for the advice again xx

You’re more than welcome -If anything good comes from our experiences it’s being able to support and  understand what others are going through because we’ve lived it 

[Buttercupp]

44 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said:

Its okay, don't be too hard on yourself. Most have us have been there (or else how would we know the above. I'm not psychic just experienced) just be hard enough that you don't let him do this to you again.

Its not right.

If you want a hard truth I learnt that people are where they want to be. He and he alone has the power to make it change and he doesn't because he doesn't want. Whatever the reason that, it doesn't matter, because he is exactly where he wants to be.

I just wanted to add that, I know this is damaging for self esteem, but its not about you. Try not to look at it that way. Its bkt about you being enough its about him not being enough. He is not enough. Not honest enough. Not brave enough. Not man enough..  to be with you.

There is nothing wrong with you.

@Stupidkupid thank you, I appreciate it. I needed to hear and read that. And can use that as a reminder when I feel myself slipping into that downward self esteem spiral. That's my issue is that it feels like a rejection well it is a rejection. And I don't cope well with rejection as it brings up all negative feelings and emotions that I have about myself and my beliefs when it comes to relationships and that is that I'm not worthy of one, or worthy of someone to want me. I know an unavailable man was never going to be mine, it was a rabbit hole I went down and can't seem to get myself out because when I hear from him it's the attention and validation I've been craving, but then it doesn't go the way I want (of course it wouldn't because its not real) and then rejection appears and thats me back to square one, feeling down, sad and lonely yet again. 

 

So I needed to hear this so thank you for that I do appreciate it x

[Buttercupp]

1 minute ago, Snakesalive said:

You’re more than welcome -If anything good comes from our experiences it’s being able to support and  understand what others are going through because we’ve lived it 

@Snakesalive exactly. It makes you realise you are not alone and other people have experienced this. We can support each other and hopefully get each other through it 

[Soak]

7 hours ago, Buttercupp said:

 

@Snakesalive thank you and I heard and I defo will this time as I cant keep feeling this way thanks for the advice again xx

The most empowering thing you can do Buttercup is NOT respond the next time he "makes contact'. You will be surprised at the self-respect that takes place inside you. 

Sorry to butt in, have been following these threads and had to put in my 2 cents worth.

Edited May 10, 2021 by Soak

[Soak]

6 hours ago, Buttercupp said:

@Stupidkupid my beliefs when it comes to relationships and that is that I'm not worthy of one, or worthy of someone to want me.

You are worthy of someone, and someone good and you must "want" yourself in this life. We can't rely on others to "want" us in order to feel okay.. Just know that the Universe will provide for you if you set your standards high.

[torn_heart]

Ok, so I'm a cheater and my OW and I just "broke up". 

It was her doing, even though it was long time coming, I can tell you that, at least in my case, you made the right choice to end it, leaving the gf or wife it's too difficult and I've been thinking about ending it for a long time. I think I love my OW more than I love my gf (8 years in), but dealing with the aftermath if I were to leave her it's what tears me apart. 

Just like in your case, we said to keep being friends, it's not working, it might work some day way down the road, but you have to deal with the loss, with the breakup. Having him around won't let you, specially because you love him, you need to go full nc, recover and move on.

[Snakesalive]

6 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Ok, so I'm a cheater and my OW and I just "broke up". 

It was her doing, even though it was long time coming, I can tell you that, at least in my case, you made the right choice to end it, leaving the gf or wife it's too difficult and I've been thinking about ending it for a long time. I think I love my OW more than I love my gf (8 years in), but dealing with the aftermath if I were to leave her it's what tears me apart. 

Just like in your case, we said to keep being friends, it's not working, it might work some day way down the road, but you have to deal with the loss, with the breakup. Having him around won't let you, specially because you love him, you need to go full nc, recover and move on.

Thanks for posting it’s actually refreshing to hear from a male in this situation.it’s interesting that you talk about loving your OW more than your current partner but yet you decided to stay put -I guess it reaffirms my experience and others 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Snakesalive

[torn_heart]

45 minutes ago, Snakesalive said:

Thanks for posting it’s actually refreshing to hear from a male in this situation.it’s interesting that you talk about loving your OW more than your current partner but yet you decided to stay put -I guess it reaffirms my experience and others 

Right now I'm in the starting stage of the break up and feel that way, but it can be the abstinence syndrome. But the reality is that I lived 2 lives, one with my gf and one with the OW, both are very different, but since I met OW,and before anything happened, I told her that having a relationship with someone as passionate as her has always been very difficult, the break ups I've had have been terrible, so from the beginning I couldn't think of her for a serious relationship, and never did until 6 months ago that started to fell for her and today that I'm on this stage, but, as I said before:

1) Dealing with the aftermath it's something that terrifizes me

2) If we enter the relationship I feel we will last a year at most, because that's my experience of serious relationships with a woman with this kind of passion.

[Buttercupp]

8 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Ok, so I'm a cheater and my OW and I just "broke up". 

It was her doing, even though it was long time coming, I can tell you that, at least in my case, you made the right choice to end it, leaving the gf or wife it's too difficult and I've been thinking about ending it for a long time. I think I love my OW more than I love my gf (8 years in), but dealing with the aftermath if I were to leave her it's what tears me apart. 

Just like in your case, we said to keep being friends, it's not working, it might work some day way down the road, but you have to deal with the loss, with the breakup. Having him around won't let you, specially because you love him, you need to go full nc, recover and move on.

@torn_heart

Thank you for this post as it is refreshing to hear the other side of the story. Obviously every situation is different 

But it is interesting to hear why you wouldn't leave your current gf but you love the OW

As a male and the one doing the affair, what are your thoughts on me asking my married man if I can be honest and for him to say "no please dont"

He does know I have feelings for him as I told him months ago and I also said that if we carried on then I'd want more from him and he agreed and said that's why we would need to stop.

But we try stop and as you've probably read, I've tried NC and he messages me everytime now admitted he finds it hard not too and is struggling.

Yet won't allow me to be honest with him about my feelings when firstly he didn't know exactly what I was going to be honest about and secondly surely if I told him I want more and have feelings that would help him put a stop to this because I know he won't leave his Mrs for me, so why wouldn't he aant to hear what I had to say?

It's confusing and I found it hurtful. Hes never told me exactly how he feels about me but he has said he thinks about me constant and before this ever started up told me hes always liked me and had a crush etc, but obvs now more has happened and surely feelings have developed but I just don't know why won't he just let me go.

What would your opinion be on this as Im interested to hear your view on it?

[Buttercupp]

1 hour ago, Snakesalive said:

Thanks for posting it’s actually refreshing to hear from a male in this situation.it’s interesting that you talk about loving your OW more than your current partner but yet you decided to stay put -I guess it reaffirms my experience and others 

Couldn't agree more this is and has been refreshing to read x

[Buttercupp]

13 hours ago, Soak said:

You are worthy of someone, and someone good and you must "want" yourself in this life. We can't rely on others to "want" us in order to feel okay.. Just know that the Universe will provide for you if you set your standards high.

I hope your right  x

[NYAG]

1 hour ago, torn_heart said:

Right now I'm in the starting stage of the break up and feel that way, but it can be the abstinence syndrome. But the reality is that I lived 2 lives, one with my gf and one with the OW, both are very different, but since I met OW,and before anything happened, I told her that having a relationship with someone as passionate as her has always been very difficult, the break ups I've had have been terrible, so from the beginning I couldn't think of her for a serious relationship, and never did until 6 months ago that started to fell for her and today that I'm on this stage, but, as I said before:

1) Dealing with the aftermath it's something that terrifizes me

2) If we enter the relationship I feel we will last a year at most, because that's my experience of serious relationships with a woman with this kind of passion.

Thank you for this. I think it's so important to hear the other side. It rarely happens. You know the pattern. You also know that it's inevitable and if you continue going down the OW route because you can't break up with your GF the pattern will continue in perpetuity and you will find yourself going through a series of short term relationships that cause you heart ache. How do you deal with that? Does it mean making sure you only date OWs that you know you won't fall for in that way? Or do you just give up and resign yourself to the life you have chosen?

[Stupidkupid]

9 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Ok, so I'm a cheater and my OW and I just "broke up". 

It was her doing, even though it was long time coming, I can tell you that, at least in my case, you made the right choice to end it, leaving the gf or wife it's too difficult and I've been thinking about ending it for a long time. I think I love my OW more than I love my gf (8 years in), but dealing with the aftermath if I were to leave her it's what tears me apart. 

Just like in your case, we said to keep being friends, it's not working, it might work some day way down the road, but you have to deal with the loss, with the breakup. Having him around won't let you, specially because you love him, you need to go full nc, recover and move on.

I wanted to add my thanks as well. I have another MM view, also, but he did leave in the end. It is always good to hear the other view, particularly as it affirms what most already know, men tend not to leave.

[Snakesalive]

19 minutes ago, NYAG said:

as passionate as her has always been very difficult, the break ups I've had have been terrible

Hmm I’m intrigued to know more about what you describe as passionate -passionate as in sexual passion or something else ?

[torn_heart]

1 hour ago, Buttercupp said:

@torn_heart

Thank you for this post as it is refreshing to hear the other side of the story. Obviously every situation is different 

But it is interesting to hear why you wouldn't leave your current gf but you love the OW

As a male and the one doing the affair, what are your thoughts on me asking my married man if I can be honest and for him to say "no please dont"

He does know I have feelings for him as I told him months ago and I also said that if we carried on then I'd want more from him and he agreed and said that's why we would need to stop.

But we try stop and as you've probably read, I've tried NC and he messages me everytime now admitted he finds it hard not too and is struggling.

Yet won't allow me to be honest with him about my feelings when firstly he didn't know exactly what I was going to be honest about and secondly surely if I told him I want more and have feelings that would help him put a stop to this because I know he won't leave his Mrs for me, so why wouldn't he aant to hear what I had to say?

It's confusing and I found it hurtful. Hes never told me exactly how he feels about me but he has said he thinks about me constant and before this ever started up told me hes always liked me and had a crush etc, but obvs now more has happened and surely feelings have developed but I just don't know why won't he just let me go.

What would your opinion be on this as Im interested to hear your view on it?

So something important. When I was with my OW it felt laike a capsule where everything was good, we were just enjoying ourselves. I could have been there indefinetly. 

Think about it, even thou I knew something had to happen, me breaking up with my gf, ending the affair, I didn't do it, because it felt good. I was terrified to change the status quo even thoug I knew I had to. 

When you tell him if "you can speak honestly" whatever comes from you it's something that would change, he wants to go back the way things were, nothing more, I think he thinks wou'll say something to end things, and if not, something about you wanting more. Either way it's something he is scared of, because what he wants is just to be back to the way things were. 

 

[torn_heart]

56 minutes ago, NYAG said:

Thank you for this. I think it's so important to hear the other side. It rarely happens. You know the pattern. You also know that it's inevitable and if you continue going down the OW route because you can't break up with your GF the pattern will continue in perpetuity and you will find yourself going through a series of short term relationships that cause you heart ache. How do you deal with that? Does it mean making sure you only date OWs that you know you won't fall for in that way? Or do you just give up and resign yourself to the life you have chosen?

I haven't thought about it like that.

This is the first and last time I've ever cheated, it hurts too much. When I started with my current gf it was a totally change of pace from my previous relationships, I never lasted this long (even if I stop counting when I started the affair) and I liked it. At some point I had issues everywhere and decided to start a master, there I met the OW, in the las part of the master. And at some point a friend told me "it feels you need a little passion in your life" and maybe that was it what drove me to have the affair.

I think the feelings and energy can be redirected, and what I need is to find more drivers in my life, not necessarly in another person, I've hurted everyone, my OW, my gf and myself. Not to mention everyone around me who has been affected because of me being stressed out because of this (my close family).

As a cheater, gotta say, the stress and thoughts are very difficult to handle, my OW chatted with other people about me, but I couldn't, these have been things I've kept to myself and it has been terrible. 

 

[torn_heart]

46 minutes ago, Snakesalive said:

Hmm I’m intrigued to know more about what you describe as passionate -passionate as in sexual passion or something else ?

It's like passion driven.

Think of people who like everything in their life intense and I'm more like half and half. So when we have a discrepancy the fights are too big, and after some of those I'd rather walk.

[Buttercupp]

1 hour ago, torn_heart said:

So something important. When I was with my OW it felt laike a capsule where everything was good, we were just enjoying ourselves. I could have been there indefinetly. 

Think about it, even thou I knew something had to happen, me breaking up with my gf, ending the affair, I didn't do it, because it felt good. I was terrified to change the status quo even thoug I knew I had to. 

When you tell him if "you can speak honestly" whatever comes from you it's something that would change, he wants to go back the way things were, nothing more, I think he thinks wou'll say something to end things, and if not, something about you wanting more. Either way it's something he is scared of, because what he wants is just to be back to the way things were. 

 

@torn_heart

Thank you again it's good to hear the other point of view. We sometimes don't consider what the person doing the cheating thinks or feels.

As its easy to assume they just don't care. I personally don't think my married man doesn't care, I've seen a variety of different emotions from him over the last few months, from it being feeling pure guilt, from us falling out and not seeing each others point of view, to him then accepting how hurt I've been and what it was doing to me that he finally understood (that's when I did tell him I had feelings for him so that was about 3months ago) where as this time round... I stood my ground and stopped contact then he reached out, and I could just sense the confusion from the messages that I got so confused by it all that I believed he was just messing with me. He then said he wasn't messing with me ans is sorry but he's just confused and is weak and can't fight the urge to get in touch.

So we chatted but agreed it has to stop. He says it every time, even though its him reaching out so I said OK one way to maybe help make this all stop is if we are honest with each other... so can I be honest and he said "no please dont"

I was like what the f*** if anything hearing what I have to say would be a blessing because then he can finally stop. But instead he doesn't want to hear it. But what annoys me is that it's OK for him to reach out to me when it suits him, when he wants to talk but when I do... I get shot down. Well thats how it feels. I feel it gets disregarded whatever I have or need to say because it doesn't suit him.

I get he may want things back to the way things were. I do too and that being that we never did this... we never got involved. But we did  and it does need to change so if he's scared of change or what I have to say then he needs to pull his big boy pants up and make a decision  himself, and that's to leave me alone, let me go, known fine well how I feel for him and concentrate on his family. He can't do that if he keeps me lingering in the background and picking and choosing when he wants to speak to me. I wish I could say that to him but I too get scared and then back out of bring THAT honest so maybe I'm just as bad lol

 

It's just so messed up... why do we do it to ourselves 

[torn_heart]

11 minutes ago, Buttercupp said:

@torn_heart

Thank you again it's good to hear the other point of view. We sometimes don't consider what the person doing the cheating thinks or feels.

As its easy to assume they just don't care. I personally don't think my married man doesn't care, I've seen a variety of different emotions from him over the last few months, from it being feeling pure guilt, from us falling out and not seeing each others point of view, to him then accepting how hurt I've been and what it was doing to me that he finally understood (that's when I did tell him I had feelings for him so that was about 3months ago) where as this time round... I stood my ground and stopped contact then he reached out, and I could just sense the confusion from the messages that I got so confused by it all that I believed he was just messing with me. He then said he wasn't messing with me ans is sorry but he's just confused and is weak and can't fight the urge to get in touch.

So we chatted but agreed it has to stop. He says it every time, even though its him reaching out so I said OK one way to maybe help make this all stop is if we are honest with each other... so can I be honest and he said "no please dont"

I was like what the f*** if anything hearing what I have to say would be a blessing because then he can finally stop. But instead he doesn't want to hear it. But what annoys me is that it's OK for him to reach out to me when it suits him, when he wants to talk but when I do... I get shot down. Well thats how it feels. I feel it gets disregarded whatever I have or need to say because it doesn't suit him.

I get he may want things back to the way things were. I do too and that being that we never did this... we never got involved. But we did  and it does need to change so if he's scared of change or what I have to say then he needs to pull his big boy pants up and make a decision  himself, and that's to leave me alone, let me go, known fine well how I feel for him and concentrate on his family. He can't do that if he keeps me lingering in the background and picking and choosing when he wants to speak to me. I wish I could say that to him but I too get scared and then back out of bring THAT honest so maybe I'm just as bad lol

 

It's just so messed up... why do we do it to ourselves 

I'm there too, but on the other end.

As I told you, my OW end it, but still, one week later I told her that I lover her (just had to take it from my chest) but without a plan or action, just told her that and that I was an emotional mess. We made love and discussed the options, she said "if you decide to end things with your gf don't tell her about us" (I think she doesn't want my gf to blame her, even though it's totally my fault).

We have been chatting (I try 0 contact, but when I try she texts me, and viceversa) and she even asked yesterday "would you like to do some activities together?" and I don't know what to think, does she want to get back? Is she waiting for me? I know I'm stupid, because Is should pull back for both of our sakes, but as I said, it's like a drug.

She is on another city because she went to see her mother and I'll be travelling on the weekend so it has been text messages since friday and until next week.

Edited May 10, 2021 by torn_heart

[Buttercupp]

4 minutes ago, torn_heart said:

I'm there too, but on the other end.

As I told you, my OW end it, but still, one week later I told her that I lover her (just had to take it from my chest) but without a plan or action, just told her that and that I was an emotional mess. We made love and discussed the options, she said "if you decide to end things with your gf don't tell her about us" (I think she doesn't want my gf to blame her, even though it's totally my fault).

We have been chatting (I try 0 contact, but when I try she texts me, and viceversa) and she even asked yesterday "would you like to do some activities together?" and I don't know what to think, does she want to get back? Is she waiting for me? I know I'm stupid, because Is should pull back for both of our sakes, but as I said, it's like a drug.

@torn_heartthats exactly it, it is like a drug and she will be feeling the way you are. Wanting to back off or wait but can't help or fight that urge. Shes text to do activities so she can see you and spend time with you.

She probs does want to wait for you to end it with your gf but she's probably also scard you won't and I don't blame her for saying not to tell the gf about her because your gf will blame the OW so if you end it. End it because you want to and not because of OW.

You probably do need to try take a step back from both a evaluate what YOU really want. You love these women differently. They make you feel different things. You don't want to hurt either of them. But the issue is someone will get hurt regardless and thats the sad truth of it all.

As the OW I wish my married man would be single and come to me and all would be right in the world. But it will never happen I don't even know how he truly feels about me. I believe he cares for me. But I dont how deep his feelings go for me. He's apparently likes me for over 3 years and then this affair if you like has bee  going on for 5 months. But he pursued me for 3 years. I also ignored him or did not entertain his advances until this year... but he did say he was single at the start then found out it wasn't true and 5 months later here we are still trying to end it. Still fighting our urges. Still trying to be friends. And not seeing any way out this unless I block him or he becomes single

two things either of us are struggling to do

Nightmare 

[Aether]

47 minutes ago, Buttercupp said:

@torn_heart

Thank you again it's good to hear the other point of view. We sometimes don't consider what the person doing the cheating thinks or feels.

As its easy to assume they just don't care. I personally don't think my married man doesn't care, I've seen a variety of different emotions from him over the last few months, from it being feeling pure guilt, from us falling out and not seeing each others point of view, to him then accepting how hurt I've been and what it was doing to me that he finally understood (that's when I did tell him I had feelings for him so that was about 3months ago) where as this time round... I stood my ground and stopped contact then he reached out, and I could just sense the confusion from the messages that I got so confused by it all that I believed he was just messing with me. He then said he wasn't messing with me ans is sorry but he's just confused and is weak and can't fight the urge to get in touch.

So we chatted but agreed it has to stop. He says it every time, even though its him reaching out so I said OK one way to maybe help make this all stop is if we are honest with each other... so can I be honest and he said "no please dont"

I was like what the f*** if anything hearing what I have to say would be a blessing because then he can finally stop. But instead he doesn't want to hear it. But what annoys me is that it's OK for him to reach out to me when it suits him, when he wants to talk but when I do... I get shot down. Well thats how it feels. I feel it gets disregarded whatever I have or need to say because it doesn't suit him.

I get he may want things back to the way things were. I do too and that being that we never did this... we never got involved. But we did  and it does need to change so if he's scared of change or what I have to say then he needs to pull his big boy pants up and make a decision  himself, and that's to leave me alone, let me go, known fine well how I feel for him and concentrate on his family. He can't do that if he keeps me lingering in the background and picking and choosing when he wants to speak to me. I wish I could say that to him but I too get scared and then back out of bring THAT honest so maybe I'm just as bad lol

 

It's just so messed up... why do we do it to ourselves 

I bolded the part where I'm feeling you Buttercupp, seriously.  The thing that I realised is that I think I'm actually grieving what we had before, that's the thing that kills me, I can't even put into words how much and I think that's the reason I'm feeling so sad currently, the sense of loss I'm feeling for our friendship as it was is excruciating.

I'm with you on the addiction part, but one thing that helps me fight that urge to reach out is knowing about that addiction on his side, he has other addictions to deal with and as he's trying to sort his life out I refused to be any kind of "crack" to him, I refused to jepordise his healing.  I just hope that he is actually doing that, I really do. A lot of your post resonated with me to be honest.  

[torn_heart]

54 minutes ago, Buttercupp said:

@torn_heartthats exactly it, it is like a drug and she will be feeling the way you are. Wanting to back off or wait but can't help or fight that urge. Shes text to do activities so she can see you and spend time with you.

She probs does want to wait for you to end it with your gf but she's probably also scard you won't and I don't blame her for saying not to tell the gf about her because your gf will blame the OW so if you end it. End it because you want to and not because of OW.

You probably do need to try take a step back from both a evaluate what YOU really want. You love these women differently. They make you feel different things. You don't want to hurt either of them. But the issue is someone will get hurt regardless and thats the sad truth of it all.

As the OW I wish my married man would be single and come to me and all would be right in the world. But it will never happen I don't even know how he truly feels about me. I believe he cares for me. But I dont how deep his feelings go for me. He's apparently likes me for over 3 years and then this affair if you like has bee  going on for 5 months. But he pursued me for 3 years. I also ignored him or did not entertain his advances until this year... but he did say he was single at the start then found out it wasn't true and 5 months later here we are still trying to end it. Still fighting our urges. Still trying to be friends. And not seeing any way out this unless I block him or he becomes single

two things either of us are struggling to do

Nightmare 

I really wanted to keep my distance, it's been very difficult. But since she is out and I'm also gonna be out I think it will help.

Sadly I was on that mindset until she started asking me about the activities.

I feel terrible, and I'd say, now it's even harder being with my gf since I'm going through a (weird) breakup, so I'm sad and can't talk about it. I do think I have to back off from the two of them, but I really don't know what to tell my gf. 

[Buttercupp]

5 minutes ago, torn_heart said:

I really wanted to keep my distance, it's been very difficult. But since she is out and I'm also gonna be out I think it will help.

Sadly I was on that mindset until she started asking me about the activities.

I feel terrible, and I'd say, now it's even harder being with my gf since I'm going through a (weird) breakup, so I'm sad and can't talk about it. I do think I have to back off from the two of them, but I really don't know what to tell my gf. 

@torn_heart for your on sanity i think you should take a break from both and if you are feeling sad and down and can't speak to your gf about it for obvious reasons then she will notice and probably won't be surprised if you take a break from your relationship.

If anything it will hurt more if you continue with your gf when your feeling so low. Maybe some time apart will give you a clearer mind set on what and who you want. Right now with them both in your life cannot give you the answers you need. Your living two lives and that surely will take its toll.

You don't need to tell your gf that another woman Is involved but I think for your sake and hers you need to have a break, separate. Take some time apart to reevaluate both relationships. Who knows you may even  realise its your gf you do want to be with after all. Or it may end up you don't want either after being on your own and figuring out what YOU really want.

It must be hard being in your position but you do also do have the power to do the right thing. But only you can decide who and what you want.

I am sorry you are feeling sad and torn by all this. 

[Buttercupp]

25 minutes ago, Aether said:

I bolded the part where I'm feeling you Buttercupp, seriously.  The thing that I realised is that I think I'm actually grieving what we had before, that's the thing that kills me, I can't even put into words how much and I think that's the reason I'm feeling so sad currently, the sense of loss I'm feeling for our friendship as it was is excruciating.

I'm with you on the addiction part, but one thing that helps me fight that urge to reach out is knowing about that addiction on his side, he has other addictions to deal with and as he's trying to sort his life out I refused to be any kind of "crack" to him, I refused to jepordise his healing.  I just hope that he is actually doing that, I really do. A lot of your post resonated with me to be honest.  

@Aetheryeah I'm sad that our friendship we had is ruined in a way and he even said it too that if we can't stop this, then do we stop talking completely and he also said that's one thing he doesn't want. And I dont want that but the reality is... we ruined it by doing this. Now we are in constant battle of pulling back and forth. It's exhausting and a real shame its come to this.

It is really painful and I'm so sad that it's come to this so I understand your feelings too cause its the worst possible pain. It is a loss and it's not something I'm willing to let go of but it should be easy because it's wrong what we are doing or wanting.

But its painful. And I know I should now walk away cause he has a family and kids. I dont. Hes got more to lose than me, but I dont want to lose him that's how I see it even though he isnt really mine to have

[Aether]

2 minutes ago, Buttercupp said:

@Aetheryeah I'm sad that our friendship we had is ruined in a way and he even said it too that if we can't stop this, then do we stop talking completely and he also said that's one thing he doesn't want. And I dont want that but the reality is... we ruined it by doing this. Now we are in constant battle of pulling back and forth. It's exhausting and a real shame its come to this.

It is really painful and I'm so sad that it's come to this so I understand your feelings too cause its the worst possible pain. It is a loss and it's not something I'm willing to let go of but it should be easy because it's wrong what we are doing or wanting.

But its painful. And I know I should now walk away cause he has a family and kids. I dont. Hes got more to lose than me, but I dont want to lose him that's how I see it even though he isnt really mine to have

He assured me our friendship wouldn't suffer, he knows that has always meant a lot to me.  I just wish I'd kept rebuffing the advances as I had been, like yours, he pursued me hard.

I think I'm feeling it more today, I'm not sure why.

Currently in the process of looking for a counsellor, I want face to face though.