My First 'Girlfriend' at the Age of 26, but There's a Catch.

[GuitarGuy7]

So for the first time in my life, I actually have a girlfriend (sort of).  Throughout my twenties, I was very unsuccessful with women due to a combination of being 5 ft 3, having aspergers, and having terrible confidence due to crappy self esteem. I tried various ways of finding someone to date and a girlfriend. I tried tinder and other local online dating sites but I could hardly get any matches except for the 300 pound single moms. I tried meeting girls in my college classes but I got rejected, I even joined college clubs for the intention of meeting women but all of the women either had boyfriends, or they weren't interested. As you can imagine, I was quite depressed about my dating woes. 

This continued until 2021 when I had an idea that would change everything. You see, I signed up for Tinder and like usual, I didn't get very many matches despite taking some decent pictures of myself. BUT, Tinder has a feature called Tinder passport where you can set your location to anywhere in the world and when I set my location to The Philippines, I got 100+ matches in 3 days. And that's when I came up with the idea of trying to date Filipina girls. 

So about a couple weeks later, I decided to sign up for FilipinoCupid which is an international dating site where most of the women are set in The Philippines and most of the men on the site are in other countries looking for girlfriends or wives. I used that app for about a month and it's completely different from most dating sites. Women were actually messaging me first, and when I did message women, there was about a 50% reply back rate, and women actually wanted to talk to me as well. 

I eventually exchanged contact information with around 8 of them, mostly through Facebook messenger and Snapchat. Around half of them wound up ghosting me mid conversation, but three of them continued talking to me and two of them eventually led to a video and audio call. 

I really hit it off with one girl from the beginning and we texted each other every single day for hours at a time. She would initiate conversations with me by saying "good morning" and she never once left me on read and always took 5 minutes or less to respond back. Eventually I asked her to audio call and we continued to hit it off and talked for hours while playing games. We wound up doing 2 audio calls and 1 video call before I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes, all in about 3 weeks of talking to her. 

So far, we've been in a relationship for 5 days but it doesn't really feel like a relationship. I'm supposed to feel happy and excited because this is my first girlfriend ever but I don't feel anything. We've gone on a "date" where we were playing online games together and then talked afterwards, but i'm not sure if I was supposed to feel sparks. We're scheduled to watch a movie on Thursday as well. 

Furthermore, we really talked about our values. She's a conservative religious girl who wants to get married and have kids. She's also a virgin who wants to wait until marriage to have sex as well. I am also a virgin but not due to religion but due to not being able to find someone to have sex with.  I'm not sure that I want to wait until marriage because for one thing, i'm not ready to settle down yet and I would want to wait 2+ years before I even consider marrying someone. Secondly, I want to experience sexual intimacy and not wait years just to get physical with somebody. Thirdly, what if I wait and find out we're not even sexually compatible at all? 

I feel like I may have jumped the gun too soon in asking her to be my girlfriend and in some ways, I feel like she's feeling the same way too.  I want to try and continue the relationship because we definitely have some things in common and definitely get along with each other, but maybe after a month or two, if I feel like this isn't going to work out, maybe i'll end it. At least I can say I had a girlfriend for a month, even though the relationship was crap. 


To be honest though, i'm not sure if i'll ever find anybody else. Yeah having a long distance relationship isn't ideal and I would definitely prefer to see my partner in person and have sex with them, but I don't really feel like I have much of a choice. I can't just go on Tinder and find someone new within a month. I may have to waits years and years before I ever date again, and it's going to suck. That's why I'm scared to end the relationship.

[smackie9]

There is a possibility this is a scam. They butter up vulnerable inexperienced men to widdle their way for a green card, and money. Be very cautious. I have to ask are you paying for this dating site?

I suggest you get in contact with a dating/life coach. They will teach you how to approach women, carry on a convo, work on your appearance, and your confidence..... basically stopping you from drowning yourself in despair.

[Allupinnit]

There is one poster here who had luck finding a gf/fiance in The Philippines this way; he might best be able to give you advice.  Maybe someone can chime in with his name, it escapes me at the moment.

If you're looking to date for two years and cultivate a sexual relationship outside of marriage I don't see how this r'ship can logistically give you that.  You'd most likely have to have her here on a fiancé visa (90 days to marry).

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

  Maybe someone can chime in with his name, it escapes me at the moment.

enigma32

@enigma32

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

So far, we've been in a relationship for 5 days but it doesn't really feel like a relationship. I'm supposed to feel happy and excited because this is my first girlfriend ever but I don't feel anything. We've gone on a "date" where we were playing online games together and then talked afterwards, but i'm not sure if I was supposed to feel sparks. We're scheduled to watch a movie on Thursday as well. 

Umm the reason it doesn't feel like a relationship is because this is not a real relationship.  I know you've had a super hard time with dating, or trying to anyway.... but this is not how to go about dating.  She is not your girlfriend, she is a fantasy.  Texting and talking on the phone and playing video games remotely together is not a relationship.  You are resorting to this out of desperation and out of the fear that you won't be able to find an actual relationship.  I strongly recommend that you don't go this route because it will only ensure that you'll drift further and further away from reality and from the chances at ever having an actual relationship.  You can't commit to a "relationship" with someone who you have no idea whether you would actually have any in-person chemistry with.

I'm sure it's very daunting and discouraging, but if there's ever any chance that you'll have any actual dating experiences with real people, then you need to stay local and keep it in real life, not in an imaginary fantasy world.

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

The reason it doesn't feel like a relationship is because this is not a real relationship.

I agree. Relationships develop in person. All the good stuff happens, in person. Going on a date, holding hands, playing board games together, cooking a meal together, snuggling while you watch a movie together, kissing her. None of those things can be done virtually. 

[Ami1uwant]

Tread very carefully...this poses as a scam.  Sure there coukd be some legit people actually looking. Others just want the green card or to try and get money from you.

 

even on normal OLD sites I have gotten a few whose profile says they were near me only to be a foreigner.

 

[Interstellar]

i’ve never heard of tinder passport, sounds interesting. you’re  gonna have to visit her, the sooner the better. but the government’s covid restrictions there are very strict. I think you need to quarantine for two weeks and they won’t let you  out of the house after the quarantine. that’s what my friend told me. you should not worry about sexual compatibility this early. what you should concern yourself with is how much she genuinely likes you. while it’s true that a lot of women there are raised with conservative values and come from a religious family you still need to be careful and protect your heart. and you know you’re not just dating the girl, the family ie. mom, dad, etc...comes with her too. it’s a package deal.

it doesn’t feel like a relationship because you’re not in a relationship. you have to meet face to face, then start from there.

Edited May 26, 2021 by Interstellar

[LoopyLoop99]

52 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I agree. Relationships develop in person. All the good stuff happens, in person. Going on a date, holding hands, playing board games together, cooking a meal together, snuggling while you watch a movie together, kissing her. None of those things can be done virtually. 

i miss this

[Angelle]

6 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

There is one poster here who had luck finding a gf/fiance in The Philippines this way; he might best be able to give you advice.  Maybe someone can chime in with his name, it escapes me at the moment.

If you're looking to date for two years and cultivate a sexual relationship outside of marriage I don't see how this r'ship can logistically give you that.  You'd most likely have to have her here on a fiancé visa (90 days to marry).

He isn't here anymore. (Enigma.)

[mark clemson]

She. Wants. A. Green. Card.

And/Or. US. Citizenship. Via. Marriage.

I'm sorry, but that's what this is, my friend.

Possibly she would be a "good wife" IF you married. Quite possibly not, though. Generally, "so you can have sex with them" is NOT a good reason to marry someone.

The fact that you "feel nothing" is probably your gut trying to tell you something.

Edited May 26, 2021 by mark clemson

[normal person]

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

BUT, Tinder has a feature called Tinder passport where you can set your location to anywhere in the world and when I set my location to The Philippines, I got 100+ matches in 3 days. And that's when I came up with the idea of trying to date Filipina girls. 

So about a couple weeks later, I decided to sign up for FilipinoCupid which is an international dating site where most of the women are set in The Philippines and most of the men on the site are in other countries looking for girlfriends or wives. I used that app for about a month and it's completely different from most dating sites. Women were actually messaging me first, and when I did message women, there was about a 50% reply back rate, and women actually wanted to talk to me as well

Women from impoverished countries trying to use OLD to ensnare western men (any western men, not just appealing ones) is a tale as old as the internet. You've never gotten spam or a bunch of messages from women on another continent before? It happens all the time. Occasionally there are men naive enough to think it's something genuine. I'm not saying she's an outright scammer and will definitely ask you for money, but it certainly sounds like she's open to the idea of dating just about any western guy and overlooking an awful lot of things if there's even a chance a guy can upgrade her lifestyle at all. Ask yourself if you want to be that guy. You probably don't if you have any modicum of self respect. 

Think about this: You said in the US you couldn't get a date for the life of you. Now all of sudden, nothing has changed (it's not like you won the lottery or suddenly became incredibly charming), yet Filipinas are lining up. Why do you think that is? Do you think you just have the facial phenotype and aura that sends Filipina women into a frenzy? Doubtful considering it doesn't happen on this side of the Atlantic. More likely, they saw a location that said "USA" and thought, "Perfect, another desperate guy who can't get any women in his own country. All I have to do is be nice and agreeable to him and he'll be so grateful that a female is speaking to him that maybe I can get something out of this." Why do you think she thinks you're looking for women in another country? Also, ask yourself why she isn't dating anyone in her own country. 

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

I'm supposed to feel happy and excited because this is my first girlfriend ever but I don't feel anything. We've gone on a "date" where we were playing online games together and then talked afterwards, but i'm not sure if I was supposed to feel sparks

These are problems. If you don't feel anything, if you're not excited about it, I don't see much of a point in wasting her time and yours. 

Refer to this recent thread about a guy experiencing the same thing: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/601325-is-this-girl-taking-me-for-a-ride/?tab=comments#comment-7975499

Edited May 26, 2021 by normal person

[Ami1uwant]

90 day Fiancé might be looking for content.

[jspice]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

90 day Fiancé might be looking for content.

If Ed can get a girl there, anyone can

[GuitarGuy7]

2 hours ago, enigma32 said:

I deactivated my account but I still got an email for being tagged in this thread. I guess you guys pulled me back in, for a time at least. @GuitarGuy7 lemme see if I can help you, buddy.

I was also on FilipinoCupid and I had a similar experience as you. It's legit. The dynamics of dating and relationships in Philippines is probably the exact opposite from what you will experience in any Western culture. So, yeah, even someone who has little luck with ladies in the USA can very likely find a nice, willing girl in Philippines. However, since dating in her country is so different than it is here, all the rules you might have learned about dating on sites such as this one get tossed out the window. No one here can really give you much decent advice either. If you want advice about dating a Filipina, talk to another Filipina or someone who has been to Philippines, has a lot of Filipino friends, or has a Filipina GF like me. 

Here's the thing, all the bad stuff you hear about girls just looking for money or green cards, it DOES happen. Trust me. However, it doesn't happen NEARLY so much as many people on this site, or even your friends and family would like you to believe. However, it DOES happen, and it is something you might want to consider. 

Another thing you want to consider is that her idea of dating and relationships is probably different than yours. She says she is a virgin who wants to get married before she has sex and you are really just trying to get laid. To me, that sounds like a serious compatibility issue. If you are a more traditional minded guy like I am, a nice Filipina like her is a godsend, but if you just want any old GF and just wanna get laid, maybe she ain't right for you? 

You need to think about where this is going. Your new love interest lives on the other side of the world. When I went there, it was a 27 hour flight and my vacation there cost me around $3400. Do you have the gumption to fly around the world to meet some girl in another country? Do you have the means to do so? Also keep in mind that as I type this, the borders to her country are currently closed to tourists, although I expect they might open semi-soon. Oh, and if she doesn't demand that you go to her and meet her family, stop talking to her right away. Any decent Filipina will expect you to come to her and at least meet her family. Anyway, if you do decide to travel to her country, what next? Would you want to live in her country? Doubtful. You'd have to bring her to you, which if she is on Filipino Cupid, it's likely something she is open to doing. Are you in the USA? If so, the immigration process to bring a girl here from Philippines is somewhat costly and extremely tedious and time consuming. Ask me how I know. Go online and research K1 and CR1 visas. After reading about them, is it something you would be willing to do? 

There are several online communities you can join if you want to learn more about dating someone from her culture. I suggest you do this even if you are only thinking about it. Always know the rules of the game you are playing. There ARE some scammers in her country which gives those ladies a bad name, but they are pretty easy to spot once you know what you are looking for. I can help you, if you want some real advice on this. Keep in mind that liars and scammers are all over the USA as well though. If you found a real, decent girl there, and you are actually looking for a more traditional relationship, and you are willing to make the investment of time and effort to make it work, maybe she is right for you. My Filipina GF is the best thing that ever happened to me and I do not regret doing all this crap for a minute. My best friend married a girl from Philippines, plus I know several other people who have done the same and they're all VERY happy couples.

I have talked to her a little bit.  Even though I am still a college student, thanks to a fairly large inheritance from my grandparents, I do have the money to travel to The Philippines. I am very fortunate to be in the situation that I am in.    Ideally, I would like to visit her sometime in late December or early January as this is when I am out of school. 

Even though I would ideally like to have sex, I am willing to wait if I like her enough. I figure i'm already a virgin for this long so going another 2 years is not too much. 

What are some online communities for people looking for love in the Philippines? 

[Ami1uwant]

3 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

I have talked to her a little bit.  Even though I am still a college student, thanks to a fairly large inheritance from my grandparents, I do have the money to travel to The Philippines. I am very fortunate to be in the situation that I am in.    Ideally, I would like to visit her sometime in late December or early January as this is when I am out of school. 

Even though I would ideally like to have sex, I am willing to wait if I like her enough. I figure i'm already a virgin for this long so going another 2 years is not too much. 

What are some online communities for people looking for love in the Philippines? 

iha e dated Filipino women ( here in the US raised in US culture). A few coworkers of mine have married Filipino women. Former coworkers of mine married women from other Asian countries.

 

culturely it’s more conservative, man is the boss.  If they were raised here in the states they aren’t going to be much different than other American girls . They might get parental pressure on who they marry.

 

my dad was first generation born in the US. He had pressure to marry within the nationality. I dated a foreign born, us citizen who also had similar pressure.

 

before you do this....what do you want in a wife? Do you want her as a stsy st home or someone who has the same culture as you.

 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

14 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Hopefully the borders will be open by December. Part of the Philippines isn't safe for Americans, mostly Mindanao and the Southernmost part of the country. If she is from there....I'd consider passing on her. Not safe to go there and she probably won't meet you elsewhere.

If you are willing to respect her boundaries and wait....good on you man. 

Sadly, most of the guys who go to Philippines aren't going for love, they are going for lust. They just look for vacation girlfriends, someone to spend some time with while they are on vacation and then they block them after. I don't know of any real communities of people looking for love in Philippines but there are some communities of people that have already found it and we kinda stick together a little. There are some people on TikTok or Youtube you could follow. Plus, I don't know about your area, but there is an actual Filipino community where I live, mostly with American guys that have Filipino wives. 

Be prepared for all the negativity, the racist comments towards Filipinos, and the 90 day fiance jokes from people who don't have a clue. 

She is from Tacloban City. 

[Allupinnit]

On 5/26/2021 at 10:23 PM, enigma32 said:

Should be safe enough there. I never went there. I've only been to Manila and Masbate. Not sure if any flights go to Tacloban directly so it might be an adventure getting there. If you ever have to go there and travel between islands....take a plane. Trust me. Do not take a bus/ferry. 

If you do go, have fun at some resort for a while or whatever and then meet her family back home in Tacloban. Philippines is a beautiful country filled with super friendly people. 

But he's said he literally feels nothing for this person...? 

[normal person]

On 5/26/2021 at 9:34 PM, GuitarGuy7 said:

Ideally, I would like to visit her sometime in late December or early January as this is when I am out of school. 

Even though I would ideally like to have sex, I am willing to wait if I like her enough. I figure i'm already a virgin for this long so going another 2 years is not too much. 

What are some online communities for people looking for love in the Philippines?

Call me crazy, but you traveling to another country, to meet a woman you feel basically nothing for, who you asked to be your girlfriend solely because she was the first woman who didn't outright reject you, so that you can potentially get married in two years and then have sex, and still be legally bound to this woman you feel nothing for, seems like not such a great idea for scores of reasons.  

One, I don't really see what the point of it is. If you goal is just to have sex, you can get a legal prostitute in Nevada. Why pretend to like a woman you don't care for two years (and then the rest of your marriage) just to have sex? It seems horrifically deceitful. 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

4 hours ago, normal person said:

Call me crazy, but you traveling to another country, to meet a woman you feel basically nothing for, who you asked to be your girlfriend solely because she was the first woman who didn't outright reject you, so that you can potentially get married in two years and then have sex, and still be legally bound to this woman you feel nothing for, seems like not such a great idea for scores of reasons.  

One, I don't really see what the point of it is. If you goal is just to have sex, you can get a legal prostitute in Nevada. Why pretend to like a woman you don't care for two years (and then the rest of your marriage) just to have sex? It seems horrifically deceitful. 

 

Well considering we've only been dating for 1 week, my feelings for her could potentially grow.  It's not like I dislike her at all, it's just that I have to date her and get to know her before I determine if she's "the one."  I can't determine that after only knowing her for not a very long time.  When we're together, we definitely have fun together and there is some chemistry between us. 

Even if the relationship doesn't work out, at least I can say that I had a girlfriend and there was a woman who actually wanted to date me. I don't have to be depressed about being a 26 year old who's never had a girlfriend before.  Now I know what it feels like to be a normie. 

[norealusername]

I think you may have moved a little too fast with her. I've been seeing a Thai woman for over 2 years. I was hesitant to make anything official until I spent enough time with her. I spent about 3 months on the phone with her before I flew there and stayed for 3 months. You should plan on going there to meet in person, with this girl or any other you might meet. There's nothing wrong at all with dating women overseas. It's not ideal but you can meet some nice attractive women. Just don't get suckered into sending money.

[GuitarGuy7]

1 hour ago, enigma32 said:

He's only been talking to her for a short time. My GF is also from Philippines and it's not like I was in love with her after a week of talking. You make a choice to try and build something with someone. The strong feelings build over time, if they build at all. I think our friend here made a mistake in rushing to call her his GF but I understand where he is coming from. He can recover from that mistake now by taking his time to get to know this girl. And, if he does meet her and they just aren't into each other in person, he's still managed to travel around the world to visit a beautiful country filled with gorgeous women. Not exactly a bad place for a guy to be, even if his love interest didn't work out. 

I made the mistake due to my inexperience. You have to remember like this is my first girlfriend ever; iv'e never even kissed a girl, had sex with a girl, brought a girl to my place, etc...  I'm about as inexperienced as it gets, so I really don't know what I'm doing. 

Secondly, maybe I rushed into it due to the fact i'm desperate. Can you blame me?  Being a 26 year old inexperienced virgin tends to make you desperate. Where's had I of gotten some experience as a teenager or college aged kid, that could have done wonders to my confidence and self-esteem.   But due to being a short scrawny autist, I was never able to attract women growing up.