LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 suppose you had an ex you really loved but they left you how do you stop comparing?
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 You wait till you get over your ex, or you find a better new girl so the comparison is always positive. in her favour 3
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: You wait till you get over your ex, or you find a better new girl so the comparison is always positive. in her favour fair enough
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 suppose the relationship was 4, 6 or 9 months will you always remember them? will they always remmeber you?
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 6 minutes ago, LoopyLoop99 said: will they always remmeber you? Is there a specific reason you want them to?
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Of course you will remember them and they'll remember you but the memory will not be attached to any feelings. It will just be a memory. 1
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is there a specific reason you want them to? i loved them and wish i could be back with them
Blind-Sided Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 56 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You wait till you get over your ex, or you find a better new girl so the comparison is always positive. in her favour Yep... if you don't... you will scare away someone new.
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 1 hour ago, LoopyLoop99 said: how do you stop comparing? Why is that happening to you? Are you on the rebound?
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, LoopyLoop99 said: i loved them and wish i could be back with them Why did you break up?
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Why did you break up? i was a poor partner so they lost interest me and left me i tried to get back with them but they rejected me
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 30 minutes ago, LoopyLoop99 said: will you always remember them? will they always remmeber you? Some people have good memories & some people don't. I had a lot of short "relationships" in college 2-3 months tops. While I remember snippets All these years later I can't recall the name of every guy I went on a date with but sure I remember the lasting relationships that informed my life. It's highly unlikely that going to be able to get back together with somebody from your past. You have both changed & grown over the years. You may not be compatible any more. Whatever you did that caused you to be perceived as a "bad partner" may be their lasting impression of you making them unwilling to take the chance that you changed. Rather than wanting them back, you would be better served taking the lessons you learned from those past mistakes & applying them to a future relationship. Going backwards in life is rarely a good idea. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 You just do. When you are over them, the EX is no longer the yardstick. Of course there will be memories but that is not comparing. You also have to cut yourself a break. Not every comparison is fatal to your new relationship. One of my EX's made a great homemade lasagna -- grew his own tomatoes for sauce & often made homemade pasta. My husband can't cook. That comparison doesn't mean I should not have married my husband & stayed in a relationship that had stagnated & wasn't working for me just because the lasagna was good. 2
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You just do. When you are over them, the EX is no longer the yardstick. Of course there will be memories but that is not comparing. You also have to cut yourself a break. Not every comparison is fatal to your new relationship. One of my EX's made a great homemade lasagna -- grew his own tomatoes for sauce & often made homemade pasta. My husband can't cook. That comparison doesn't mean I should not have married my husband & stayed in a relationship that had stagnated & wasn't working for me just because the lasagna was good. so how do you get over them? i don't understand for example if my ex was beautiful, and could cook then i would want that again?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 34 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Of course you will remember them and they'll remember you but the memory will not be attached to any feelings. It will just be a memory. This. We don't generally lose all memory of an ex, OP. But remembering an ex is not at all the same as missing them and wanting them back. You say you were a poor partner - in which ways, specifically?
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 How long were you dating and why did you break up? How old is she? How long ago did you break up and are you dating someone new? You must know why she left, but often break-ups are about a little too little, a little too late. Best thing you can do is delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long were you dating and why did you break up? How old is she? How long ago did you break up and are you dating someone new? You must know why she left, but often break-ups are about a little too little, a little too late. Best thing you can do is delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. we were only together for 8 months and this was nearly 2 years ago i'v ebeen stuck inthe psat and it's my fault i find myself looking at things that remind me of her and sometimes looking at he social media. we are both in our mid 20's. i've tried dating and meeting some other's but hasn't really woked out. Edited May 25, 2021 by LoopyLoop99
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This. We don't generally lose all memory of an ex, OP. But remembering an ex is not at all the same as missing them and wanting them back. You say you were a poor partner - in which ways, specifically? I just feel guilty i was a bad partner and didn't invest in them.. and when i realised too late i loveed them they had made up thir mind and moved on
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 In time the memories fade. They are still there but not as sharp. Some people also have a type. For me, it's medium height slim men with dark hair. I swear if you put pictures of all the men I dated side by side you would think they were related. It was a never a conscious effort on my part to find a guy who looked like my EXs but that is what I was attracted to. Surprisingly to me, my cousin said something to me recently that I have always dated "beautiful, smart men with wicked senses of humor who doted on me." I had never thought about it before but looking back, she's right. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. Cooking is a skill. Somebody can learn. Heck I didn't learn to cook until Covid. Don't set out to find a replacement. Just set out to find somebody to date who you are attracted to & whose company you enjoy. Because you are still you & always will be, there will be similarities. Although it would be a stupid thing to do & an abject disaster in my mind I have always thought that if they met another way most of the men I dated would probably be good friends with each other due to their shared values. Stop looking at her social media. When you do that you are only holding yourself back from moving forward. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 @LoopyLoop99 You said in another thread you are only in your mid-20s. Cut yourself a break. Your relationship with your EX was like training wheels. You were learning how to be in a relationship. You made mistakes. Few people get it right that young. Hopefully you have learned from what went wrong & can apply those lessons to your new relationship. First you have to get disentangled from the inappropriate woman with body image issues who sleeps around & forgets to take her contraceptives. Spend this summer having fun, meeting new people & learning who you are as an adult. Don't worry about dating seriously just now. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, LoopyLoop99 said: I just feel guilty i was a bad partner Replied in your other thread on this:
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: @LoopyLoop99 You said in another thread you are only in your mid-20s. Cut yourself a break. Your relationship with your EX was like training wheels. You were learning how to be in a relationship. You made mistakes. Few people get it right that young. Hopefully you have learned from what went wrong & can apply those lessons to your new relationship. First you have to get disentangled from the inappropriate woman with body image issues who sleeps around & forgets to take her contraceptives. Spend this summer having fun, meeting new people & learning who you are as an adult. Don't worry about dating seriously just now. thanks it just hurts to make mistake with someone i loved like icant go back and do anything there was a lot of ptential there
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 But that mistake was 2 years ago. You have to get over it. We all screw up in relationships. I wasted 10 years on some guy & basically gave him my child bearing years. I can't cry about it now. You have to move forward. 1
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: But that mistake was 2 years ago. You have to get over it. We all screw up in relationships. I wasted 10 years on some guy & basically gave him my child bearing years. I can't cry about it now. You have to move forward. yea i regret wasting 2 years literally 2 yeas ive spent thinking of thme and getting sad about and thinking what could of been i haven't met anyone that ive felt that way with since..
Author LoopyLoop99 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: In time the memories fade. They are still there but not as sharp. Some people also have a type. For me, it's medium height slim men with dark hair. I swear if you put pictures of all the men I dated side by side you would think they were related. It was a never a conscious effort on my part to find a guy who looked like my EXs but that is what I was attracted to. Surprisingly to me, my cousin said something to me recently that I have always dated "beautiful, smart men with wicked senses of humor who doted on me." I had never thought about it before but looking back, she's right. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. Cooking is a skill. Somebody can learn. Heck I didn't learn to cook until Covid. Don't set out to find a replacement. Just set out to find somebody to date who you are attracted to & whose company you enjoy. Because you are still you & always will be, there will be similarities. Although it would be a stupid thing to do & an abject disaster in my mind I have always thought that if they met another way most of the men I dated would probably be good friends with each other due to their shared values. Stop looking at her social media. When you do that you are only holding yourself back from moving forward. yea i just feel like they set a standard and im forever trying t replace that
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