Br0ken_B0y Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 I recently started dating a close friend of mine, we've known each other for a very long time and started dating back in February, I love her very much, she means the world to me, I care about her a lot and I usually don't mind her having friends or hanging out with them, it's just one friend in particular, he always wants her to be alone with him whilst his own girlfriend is away out of town and it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when my girlfriend said "he wants me to keep him company". It's making me very worried, even when she brags about how nice he is, I feel less important to her and I'm scared he's going to snatch her away from me. It may be my insecurities considering I've been cheated on and abused in my past relationships, I don't know. She just feels like the perfect one and I'm terrified of losing her. Everyone else, I'm OK with her hanging out with, it's just him, I just think it's weird that he always wants my girlfriend alone with him all the time, she would not like it if I did the same thing with another woman. They're both going to get drunk together later this week and I'm stressing out wondering if he's going to make a pass at her whilst she's intoxicated or worse, have sex with her whilst she's unconscious. I've seen it happen many times with other vulnerable women and it's disgusting. Am I alone in feeling this way? Am I a bad person? I've never met such a wonderful woman like her before, I don't want to be with anyone else, she makes me so happy which is why the thought of losing her destroys me inside.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 You are not a bad person. Her behavior is questionable. This guy is not her friend. He wants to get with her. He's hoping to cheat on his GF with her. She's flattered by the attention & thinks she can handle it but she's overlooking the obvious. You are right to be concerned that something with happen when they are alone & drinking. I'd spell it all out for her & own up to the jealousy. Tell her that because you two were friends who became romantic she has to acknowledge that his friendship probably has ulterior motives. Ask her how she'd feel if the situation was reversed. Ask her what she is going to do to make sure he doesn't make a move. Ask her what she plans to do if he does. Ask about her plans for the end of the evening. You don't want her driving. Perhaps offer to be her safe ride home so you get a chance to keep an eye on the situation. Is there anyway you can interject yourself into their drinking date? 3
Sun Seeker Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Have you talked to her about this? It's certainly not normal for her to be getting drunk with this guy. Why are you not going to be there as well? If my girlfriend wanted to meet another guy 1 on 1 to get drink with, we would be finished. 2
ShyViolet Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 The issue is not that you are paranoid, the issue is that she is behaving completely inappropriately, she is completely inconsiderate, and isn't making your relationship a priority. There is either something going on between them, or she likes the attention that she is getting from him. For her to "brag" about it, this girl is being completely disrespectful and inconsiderate of you and your feelings. How is she a "wonderful" woman exactly? A romantic partner shouldn't inspire such insecurity. The reason for all this insecurity in the relationship is because you know in your gut that something is going on. Don't choose to be someone's doormat. 3
Wiseman2 Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 4:51 PM, Br0ken_B0y said: my girlfriend said "he wants me to keep him company".. They're both going to get drunk together later this week Are you exclusive? It seems she's having difficulty moving from friends to BF/GF. She's acting like she's dating this guy.
smackie9 Posted May 27, 2021 Posted May 27, 2021 I would never date someone like this. You knew about this guy going in...this should have been a deal breaker before dipping your toes in her pond. 1
Alfano Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 Your concerns are valid. The problem is that you are too insecure and too attached to a woman who might easily step out on you and you'll be devastated. Dial it back. I know easier said, but you're setting up for a fall.
LoopyLoop99 Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 Dam, this sounds awful, i bet you're going to get your heart ripped out/ How old are you? Don't worry man, she was never yours its just your turn. Always remember this brother. 2
glows Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 1:51 PM, Br0ken_B0y said: I recently started dating a close friend of mine, we've known each other for a very long time and started dating back in February, I love her very much, she means the world to me, I care about her a lot and I usually don't mind her having friends or hanging out with them, it's just one friend in particular, he always wants her to be alone with him whilst his own girlfriend is away out of town and it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when my girlfriend said "he wants me to keep him company". It's making me very worried, even when she brags about how nice he is, I feel less important to her and I'm scared he's going to snatch her away from me. It may be my insecurities considering I've been cheated on and abused in my past relationships, I don't know. She just feels like the perfect one and I'm terrified of losing her. Everyone else, I'm OK with her hanging out with, it's just him, I just think it's weird that he always wants my girlfriend alone with him all the time, she would not like it if I did the same thing with another woman. They're both going to get drunk together later this week and I'm stressing out wondering if he's going to make a pass at her whilst she's intoxicated or worse, have sex with her whilst she's unconscious. I've seen it happen many times with other vulnerable women and it's disgusting. Am I alone in feeling this way? Am I a bad person? I've never met such a wonderful woman like her before, I don't want to be with anyone else, she makes me so happy which is why the thought of losing her destroys me inside. You're both incompatible. She's probably outgoing, sociable and has issues with boundaries. You are anxious and traumatized from your past. It's not a good combination. Whether it's this guy or another guy or someone else much later down the line, there will always be issues. Be glad that you have found out early and can cut your losses. She's not perfect for you if you're feeling uneasy and uncomfortable around her. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 10:51 PM, Br0ken_B0y said: They're both going to get drunk together later this week Red flag. She has poor boundaries with this guy, and is behaving inappropriately. Remember that she cannot be "snatched away" without her consent. He can't cause problems if she doesn't permit it, and she's showing you very clearly that she is part of the problem. 3
LoopyLoop99 Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 I feel bad OP he seems to really love her .. heart break sucks break up with her now before she lies or you eventually find out she had some fun with her friend and they were both 'drunk' lol 2
Alpacalia Posted May 28, 2021 Posted May 28, 2021 The first issue is that she insists on it but not on her if you spend time alone with another lady. Further issue is his persistence that he "always wants her to be alone with him" and be "inebriated" with her one-on-one, which is strange. And why does he need to be kept company when his girlfriend is away? Is he terrified of his own shadow, or what?
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