Saartje Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 (edited) Hi everyone, so my question is basically in the title; theres this guy thats interested in dating me. He seems like a nice, bit of a shy guy. I looked at his instagram to get a better idea of his interests. about 10 of the accounts that he follows are from quite tacky pornstars.. and he follows some explicit bikinimodels. The guy himself seems cool and I think hes attractive. But him following these pornstars are like a bit of a turnoff. I dont have problems with People looking porn, but explicitly and openly following these pornstars seems a bit... obsessed? am i overreacting? ps: he is 40 years old, not 20. Edited May 24, 2021 by Saartje
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Probably not. It's creepy. Watching porn is one thing . . . it's fake. To some extent those IG stories that he's following are probably publicity things, equally fake, not their true personal stuff but just no. 1
flitzanu Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 obviously that's a huge issue for you, so it's easier if you just avoid dating this person right now instead of trying to change them and 3 months down the road post about how he won't delete imaginary people from the imaginary internet that you don't like. instagram is a photo centric site, to follow people you like to look at, or photos of objects you like to look at. reducing someone to a caricature based on their career would seem a little shallow and presumptuous that they can't post interesting things on social media. 1
Author Saartje Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 17 minutes ago, flitzanu said: obviously that's a huge issue for you, so it's easier if you just avoid dating this person right now instead of trying to change them and 3 months down the road post about how he won't delete imaginary people from the imaginary internet that you don't like. instagram is a photo centric site, to follow people you like to look at, or photos of objects you like to look at. reducing someone to a caricature based on their career would seem a little shallow and presumptuous that they can't post interesting things on social media. ok I get your point, but the posts from these pornstars are just only explicit pictures in underwear, showing their booties, boobies etc. There's no text involved or anything. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Again if it bothers you, dump him. Do not try asking him to stop. He won't. He'll just hide it from you. It's probably not all that much different from having a subscription to a "dirty magazine" back in the day before porn was everywhere thanks to the internet & social media. 1
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Never in a million year. It's trashy and juvenile. My entire family would see that and l'd die of embarassment.
Trail Blazer Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 It's lame but it really doesn't mean anything in terms of what sort of a guy he is. It does not change anything you knew about him. What does change, however, is your perception of him. Once a woman gets an idea in her head, there's really no changing that. You've obviously made up your mind and now you're looking for validation to next him so you can feel better about your decision. At the end of the day, if something doesn't make you feel comfortable, you're definitely best to just move on.
dramafreezone Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 6 hours ago, Saartje said: Hi everyone, so my question is basically in the title; theres this guy thats interested in dating me. He seems like a nice, bit of a shy guy. I looked at his instagram to get a better idea of his interests. about 10 of the accounts that he follows are from quite tacky pornstars.. and he follows some explicit bikinimodels. The guy himself seems cool and I think hes attractive. But him following these pornstars are like a bit of a turnoff. I dont have problems with People looking porn, but explicitly and openly following these pornstars seems a bit... obsessed? am i overreacting? ps: he is 40 years old, not 20. Yes you're overracting IMO. But if it's a problem for you, you have to live your truth. 1
basil67 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 I agree with @Cookiesandough. It's trashy, but probably not a deal breaker. No different to following a Kardashian really. 2
mark clemson Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 36 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: What does change, however New pup, TB?
cleverusername Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 TBH the most concerning part of this is you're looking at who he follows 3
Miss Spider Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Do not try asking him to stop ... He'll just hide it from you. Yea but I think that’s the whole point Edited May 25, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Trail Blazer Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 2 hours ago, mark clemson said: New pup, TB? Nah, just a stock image. I will be getting one soon, though. 1
flitzanu Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 7 hours ago, Saartje said: ok I get your point, but the posts from these pornstars are just only explicit pictures in underwear, showing their booties, boobies etc. There's no text involved or anything. you've made me curious now. because yes, insta doesn't not allow explicit or nude material. what if he was simply following "non porn stars" that post provocative photos? is that the same issue? do you follow any dudes that post shirtless pics, or them in swim trunks? 1
Author Saartje Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, flitzanu said: you've made me curious now. because yes, insta doesn't not allow explicit or nude material. what if he was simply following "non porn stars" that post provocative photos? is that the same issue? do you follow any dudes that post shirtless pics, or them in swim trunks? yeah that would be the same issue for me i guess. And he does follow bikinimodels who post provocative pics. i just think its a turnoff because I find it juvenile for a 40yearold guy to openly follow these accounts. I want a grownup man thats not primarily interested (cause thats what you are if you let these things pop up in your feed on a daily basis) in watching provocative women. In my mind, thats something you might do when you're in your teens or twenties, but not when you have kids and are a father (because he has kids as well). I would be totally embarrased if my dad followed pornstars online. it makes him look like a sexstarving, dirty guy. and no, i dont follow dudes in theorie swimtrunk or underwear. Dont see the point in doing that.. Edited May 25, 2021 by Saartje 3
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 He has been single too long and probably thinks it is "cool"... But in reality it is just some sex starved older guy wanking off to young hot women, women he would not have a hope in hell with IRL and that is sad not cool... NEXT! 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 17 hours ago, Saartje said: I think hes attractive. Have you two met yet? Is this a dating app situation? If you are already seeing what you feel are red flags or turn offs, just don't meet/date.
lana-banana Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Yes, it's juvenile and trashy. There are so many ways to look at porn that don't involve telling your friends and family that you look at porn (and specifically indicating what types of porn you like). It's not like he's a bad person or anything but it suggests a lack of discretion and basic good judgment.
mortensorchid Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Well... It's trashy but then again he who is without sin can cast the first stone. And I am here to tell you that that person is not me by any means. Not with internet porn but other things. We outgrow things as well, but show me one person who doesn't look at it at least once. And even if he does, is this a comment about his character other than "he's a man"? Or is it disturbing? 1
Alvi Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 10 hours ago, Saartje said: yeah that would be the same issue for me i guess. And he does follow bikinimodels who post provocative pics. i just think its a turnoff because I find it juvenile for a 40yearold guy to openly follow these accounts. I want a grownup man thats not primarily interested (cause thats what you are if you let these things pop up in your feed on a daily basis) in watching provocative women. In my mind, thats something you might do when you're in your teens or twenties, but not when you have kids and are a father (because he has kids as well). I would be totally embarrased if my dad followed pornstars online. it makes him look like a sexstarving, dirty guy. I was going to tell you that maybe, just maybe you should give him a chance. After all, it's not that much different for a guy, let's say, looking at some pornographic magazines. As long as he only looks, no harm no foul I suppose. But then I read that he has children. In that case, HECK NO. That little titbit changes the whole thing. This is too creepy. Downright disgusting behavior. Why would he want to see this kind of pictures on his own instagram?
Author Saartje Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Alvi said: I was going to tell you that maybe, just maybe you should give him a chance. After all, it's not that much different for a guy, let's say, looking at some pornographic magazines. As long as he only looks, no harm no foul I suppose. But then I read that he has children. In that case, HECK NO. That little titbit changes the whole thing. This is too creepy. Downright disgusting behavior. Why would he want to see this kind of pictures on his own instagram? yes, this is one of my biggest concerns as well. His kids are still young though (under 10) but what kind of rolemodel and fatherfigure are you when you openly follow these pornstars? how can a juvenile guy like him be a serious dad? 1
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 22 minutes ago, Saartje said: but what kind of rolemodel and fatherfigure are you when you openly follow these pornstars? how can a juvenile guy like him be a serious dad? Do as I say, not as I do.
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