Would a guy behave this way if he only saw me as a friend?

[Kivcas]

- on multiple occasions this person has told me how impressed he is with all that I do— everything from my hobbies to my work ethic

- compliments me on everything except for my looks (I consider myself an attractive woman by all accounts) with the exception of the one time he referred to me as a model

- will text me randomly to check in and will say things like, “I have jack s*** to say, I just felt compelled to say hey.” 

- we both draw and he drew a picture of my silhouette alongside his portrait

- tells me I’m sweet and even called me sweetheart yesterday in the context of me being considerate

- said he really likes talking to me

This person is very respectful so it’s been very difficult to tell if he’s just being friendly or genuinely interested. 

[Gaeta]

Have you given him any indication that you like him for more than a friend?

[Kivcas]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Have you given him any indication that you like him for more than a friend?

I’m not sure. I’m not strategic about it, I just go with the flow.

[cleverusername]

He's friend zoning himself. He has feelings for you but he's afraid to make a move out of fear of getting rejected or coming across as out of line. You either need to give him a hit you're interested or not, but he will stay in the friend zone where its comfortable for him until you do.

[Gaeta]

Are you working together? That's touchy.

[LoopyLoop99]

sounds really beta

usually when i like a girl i'll ask her out. is he 16?

[Kivcas]

31 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

He's friend zoning himself. He has feelings for you but he's afraid to make a move out of fear of getting rejected or coming across as out of line. You either need to give him a hit you're interested or not, but he will stay in the friend zone where its comfortable for him until you do.

I completely get it because I feel the same way. I’m used to men being very forward with me and this one hasn’t been at all, so I chalked it up to him just being friendly. I also haven’t made a move as to not make him uncomfortable. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Kivcas

[mortensorchid]

Sounds like he does have a thing for you.  But he's not saying it directly.  Why?  I don't know.  Would I question him if I were you?  I don't know that either.  

[Kivcas]

Just now, mortensorchid said:

Sounds like he does have a thing for you.  But he's not saying it directly.  Why?  I don't know.  Would I question him if I were you?  I don't know that either.  

I have no desire to ask. I would rather keep the connection we have than take a risk and possibly lose it. I don’t know if that makes me mature or a coward.

[Kivcas]

16 minutes ago, LoopyLoop99 said:

sounds really beta

usually when i like a girl i'll ask her out. is he 16?

No he’s 25 lol

[mortensorchid]

Just now, Kivcas said:

I have no desire to ask. I would rather keep the connection we have than take a risk and possibly lose it. I don’t know if that makes me mature or a coward.

I know how you feel in that way.  I have had crushes in the past only to have others reject me or treat me badly.  I am just not one of those people who should be with someone, I have determined.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Kivcas said:

This person is very respectful so it’s been very difficult to tell if he’s just being friendly or genuinely interested. 

Is he your supervisor? If so you could file for sexual harassment.

Is he the office wolf/horndog?

It seems like you have a crush on him. 

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he your supervisor? If so you could file for sexual harassment

 

On what grounds?  The OP said he was very respectful.  

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

On what grounds?  The OP said he was very respectful.  

"Sweetheart"? That's not how to address colleagues.

[basil67]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

"Sweetheart"? That's not how to address colleagues.

The OP said it was in the context of her being considerate.   If OP brings him a coffee and he responds "oh thanks, you're a sweetheart" it's hardly harassment.  Conversely, the "hey sweetheart, you're looking hot today" from the office creep isn't going to go down well.  

Do you really want to encourage women to make frivolous harassment claims on coworkers?

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The OP said........

Why badger me?. Thanks for the recap.

My point is this is a crush that's not going anywhere. Therefore if every little thing is seen as some sort of pass or move, then it's either harassment or a vivid imagination.

[Kivcas]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he your supervisor? If so you could file for sexual harassment.

Is he the office wolf/horndog?

It seems like you have a crush on him. 

Where in my post did I mention anything about work? There is no sexual harassment going on whatsoever.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Kivcas said:

 did I mention anything about work? 

You mentioned he complements your "work ethic". Why is that?

So it's just a crush and you want more?

How do you know him? 

[Kivcas]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You mentioned he complements your "work ethic". Why is that?

So it's just a crush and you want more?

How do you know him? 

Sorry, I’ll edit my OP and make that part more clear. My work ethic as in how hard I work. We work in similar sectors. He knows I have a busy schedule and take on multiple things a week.

I would be open to wanting more, but I’m also perfectly comfortable with where we’re at now. Is he prodding me for reactions to see if I’ll give him a signal? That’s what I’m trying to figure out with this thread.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Kivcas said:

 We work in similar sectors.

Ok. Excellent. If he's not asking you out, he's not interested.

There's nothing to figure out if you are in the same field and are friends because of that.

[Kivcas]

59 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Excellent. If he's not asking you out, he's not interested.

There's nothing to figure out if you are in the same field and are friends because of that.

We’re not in the same field though, I said we work in similar sectors. How hard is it to read my OP and give a simple yes or no answer?

[lana-banana]

2 minutes ago, Kivcas said:

We’re not in the same field though, I said we work in similar sectors. How hard is it to read my OP and give a simple yes or no answer?

Because context (age, environment, circumstances) all matter. I have to agree that if he hasn't asked you out at this point he's not seriously interested.

[Alpacalia]

Might he be in a relationship but keeps this detail to himself at work?

The guy may just be friendly.

Or, maybe he's bored at work. 

[d0nnivain]

I don't see respectful here.  I see a friend but then again passive guys like him bore me so I never feel chemistry with that type.  

If you want to find out if he likes you, first we have to establish what you want.  You said yourself that you are a go with the flow type & you won't ask.  So I have to ask, what do you want?  If you want a friendship just leave it alone & carry on.  Use the word "friend" a lot when you talk to him.  If you think you might like to date him, flirt with him more.  Find out if there are industry events coming up.  Ask if he's going, even if it will be virtual.  If you flirt  & nothing happens then he never wanted more than a friendship in the 1st place.  

[SumGuy]

@Kivcas

He likes you, that is clear.  Likely more than a friend, and seems he really values you as a friend and doesn't want to mess that up.  He's dropping hints.   Given he is respectful and clearly impressed by you, do not think it will explode if you tell him you think at times of how you'd like to be more than friends, has he ever thought that...or something like that. 

He may be hesitant to not ruin the friendship...but better to love and lose than never love at all.  It may be awkward if he says no, but generally I believe these friendships survive when the men say no, not so much when it is reversed.

 

Short answer, communication.  Let him know how you feel and see how he feels.  This seems about as safe a situation for open honest communication as it gets.

Forget all the tea leaves reading, forget that others think he has no interest because he doesn't follow the "script" they lay out for men.  You know what the relationship is now, you know if he will flip out (very unlikely in my mind), ask and you will know.  There is no other way to know.

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by SumGuy