Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Enough!! My teen girl had a boyfriend at 15 and he knew how to ask her on a date!! Your guy just didn't land on here from Jupiter!! Okay I see your point, just don’t get why he’s doing this then
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, lala156 said: Okay I see your point, just don’t get why he’s doing this then He's an attention seeker, He has no intention of meeting you. He's probably seeing someone local or several other someone. OR my experience tells me he's trying to build a false connection and bond with you so when you go meet him for that one special day together you'll feel swept away and ready for sex. Is he still on Tinder? Edited May 25, 2021 by Gaeta
HadMeOverABarrel Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 23 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Meet for hot chocolate or milk or (decaffeinated) soda rather than coffee. Don't forget Kava! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 1 hour ago, lala156 said: Yeah but he’s never had a girlfriend or been on a date so he probably doesn’t realise how important it is Don't tell yourself these stories, OP. This man did not just fall off the turnip truck. Stop trying to convince yourself that he did. Being socially shy or awkward does not make him clueless. He could meet you if he genuinely wanted to. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This man did not just fall off the turnip truck. Stop trying to convince yourself that he did. Being socially shy or awkward does not make him clueless. He could meet you if he genuinely wanted to. Agree. If he were interested it would be crystal clear.
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 59 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He's an attention seeker, He has no intention of meeting you. He's probably seeing someone local or several other someone. OR my experience tells me he's trying to build a false connection and bond with you so when you go meet him for that one special day together you'll feel swept away and ready for sex. Is he still on Tinder? Nope, he deleted it. Yeah I hope he’s not just using me for sex but I really don’t get that vibe from him
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 It is interesting you say you tend to attract players, you may have found yourself another one. Players sometimes play the shy guy to get women to trust them and let down their guard... 1
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 11 minutes ago, elaine567 said: It is interesting you say you tend to attract players, you may have found yourself another one. Players sometimes play the shy guy to get women to trust them and let down their guard... Hm I don’t really think he is one but I suppose it’s a possibility
basil67 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 11:08 PM, lala156 said: I don’t just want to throw it away because of a few things that can change, I may regret it Potential means nothing because it may never be realised. This isn't just a few things that can change. If the story he's telling you is true, this is anxiety to the point where it's impacting how he lives his life. Even if he gets to the point of meeting you, how will he cope with meeting your family and best friends? The guy needs professional help. If he really wants to meet you, you may be able to persuade him into it, but unless he gives himself a kick up the rear end and is proactive about change, it's time for you to move on. 1
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Stay far away from guys that are not straight forward honest and true, You need guys who want to meet you, guys who have good social skills, guys who want to do the things you want to do... Far too many women get stuck with guys with "issues", once married or living together she is miserable and unhappy. 2
Angelle Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 You could tell him that I've dealt with extreme social anxiety, that I've sort of got past, thanks to things I won't go into. I learned that it's better to get things out of the way, unless he's in such a bad way that he couldn't handle rejection, if you didn't get along in person, or if you found him unattractive for whatever reason. There is a website called social anxiety support, that he might find helpful. I used to be a member there.
Angelle Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 8 hours ago, lala156 said: I don’t see it as a good thing at all, it’s irritating but I really like him and I want to give it a chance. I will, it’s only been just over 3 months and he has a freelance job so he can’t really predict when he’ll have a full day free (we live an hour away from each other so would be better to have a full 12 hours free just in case), so I guess I’ll just say by month 5, if we haven’t had a first date, I’ll speak to him about it and probably just stick him in the friend zone I would advise that you don't let him hold you back, if you meet someone else that you like, before he takes you to the movies. It can be easy to get attached to someone, or the idea of them, if you've been talking a lot, and you feel like he gets you, or is looking out for you.
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 4 hours ago, Angelle said: You could tell him that I've dealt with extreme social anxiety, that I've sort of got past, thanks to things I won't go into. I learned that it's better to get things out of the way, unless he's in such a bad way that he couldn't handle rejection, if you didn't get along in person, or if you found him unattractive for whatever reason. There is a website called social anxiety support, that he might find helpful. I used to be a member there. Yeah he did mention confidence issues and that he was worried he’d be a ‘disappointment’
Wiseman2 Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 1 minute ago, lala156 said: he was worried he’d be a ‘disappointment’ There's some truth to that. A lot of men you'll meet on hookup apps like Tinder usually are.
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: There's some truth to that. A lot of men you'll meet on hookup apps like Tinder usually are. I mean I thought tinder was a dating app lol. I know lots of people use it for hookups but I just don’t think that’s what he wants to be honest, he was on there for a relationship
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 1 hour ago, lala156 said: I mean I thought tinder was a dating app lol. I know lots of people use it for hookups but I just don’t think that’s what he wants to be honest, he was on there for a relationship And yet - he isn't at all ready for a relationship. 1
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 45 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: And yet - he isn't at all ready for a relationship. That’s true, it’s a shame
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 16 hours ago, lala156 said: he has a freelance job so he can’t really predict when he’ll have a full day free (we live an hour away from each other so would be better to have a full 12 hours free just in case), You don't need 12 hours for a 1st date. You need 3-4 hours. You each travel 1/2 hour to meet in the middle. You spend 2 hours together in a public place. You travel 1/2 hour home. 3 hours. What are you planning to do for 12 hours the very 1st time you meet somebody? Are you nuts? Those long first dates are not magical. They are people going too fast with a stranger. Remember that 1st date will be when the clock actually starts on how long you know each other. All this time while you have been texting is meaningless. The 1st date should not be much longer than the 1st conversation. As for his freelance job, freelance means he controls his own schedule. If he wants to take Wednesday off, he just takes it off. Maybe that means he will have to put in more hours on Monday, Tuesday & Thursday to make that happen but it absolutely does not negate him being able to find 4 hours to meet you. I'm tacking on that extra hour for him to shower, change & get ready for the date. So this is just another lame excuse to drag this out & string you along. Why are you doing to waste 2 more months, basically your summer on this guy who doesn't care enough about you to meet? 14 hours ago, lala156 said: Nope, he deleted it. Yeah I hope he’s not just using me for sex but I really don’t get that vibe from him You don't know that. He told you he deleted the app but since you have never met you can't see his phone or other devices. Maybe he did delete Tinder but maybe he just blocked you or now he's on Bumble, OKCupid, Match, & AdultFriendFinder. Fact of the matter is you have no idea. You are just blindly believing what he says which is very dangerous when you have not met. 3 hours ago, lala156 said: Yeah he did mention confidence issues and that he was worried he’d be a ‘disappointment’ Think long & hard about this. I know you think you have a diamond in the rough but all I see is a pile of nothing that you will have to carry & support throughout a relationship because he's a scared rabbit who will run & hide at the slightest provocation, who can't make a decision. . .in short a spineless mess. Why do you want that? 3 hours ago, lala156 said: I mean I thought tinder was a dating app lol. I know lots of people use it for hookups but I just don’t think that’s what he wants to be honest, he was on there for a relationship That is a lot of supposition about a boy you have never met. You are projecting. It's a major downside of talking this long (3 months) but not meeting. You are filling in your knowledge gaps about him with stuff you want to be true. You have zero idea what the actual reality is .You are falling for the guy you made him out to be in your mind, without knowing who is truly IS. You will be disappointed when he turns out to be different than who you imagined. 2
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You don't need 12 hours for a 1st date. You need 3-4 hours. You each travel 1/2 hour to meet in the middle. You spend 2 hours together in a public place. You travel 1/2 hour home. 3 hours. What are you planning to do for 12 hours the very 1st time you meet somebody? Are you nuts? Those long first dates are not magical. They are people going too fast with a stranger. Remember that 1st date will be when the clock actually starts on how long you know each other. All this time while you have been texting is meaningless. The 1st date should not be much longer than the 1st conversation. As for his freelance job, freelance means he controls his own schedule. If he wants to take Wednesday off, he just takes it off. Maybe that means he will have to put in more hours on Monday, Tuesday & Thursday to make that happen but it absolutely does not negate him being able to find 4 hours to meet you. I'm tacking on that extra hour for him to shower, change & get ready for the date. So this is just another lame excuse to drag this out & string you along. Why are you doing to waste 2 more months, basically your summer on this guy who doesn't care enough about you to meet? You don't know that. He told you he deleted the app but since you have never met you can't see his phone or other devices. Maybe he did delete Tinder but maybe he just blocked you or now he's on Bumble, OKCupid, Match, & AdultFriendFinder. Fact of the matter is you have no idea. You are just blindly believing what he says which is very dangerous when you have not met. Think long & hard about this. I know you think you have a diamond in the rough but all I see is a pile of nothing that you will have to carry & support throughout a relationship because he's a scared rabbit who will run & hide at the slightest provocation, who can't make a decision. . .in short a spineless mess. Why do you want that? That is a lot of supposition about a boy you have never met. You are projecting. It's a major downside of talking this long (3 months) but not meeting. You are filling in your knowledge gaps about him with stuff you want to be true. You have zero idea what the actual reality is .You are falling for the guy you made him out to be in your mind, without knowing who is truly IS. You will be disappointed when he turns out to be different than who you imagined. Yeah I agree with you on the maybe he downloaded other apps and took me off tinder. I forgot to mention, I don’t know where in the world you guys are, but here in the UK we’ve been in lockdown for a few months since January, I met him in feb so we could never really get a train and meet as it’s not an essential trip. We’d probably get stopped at the station. Everythings opened up now and he said to me on the phone we’d go out now so I think what I’m going to do is wait 3 more weeks for him to plan something whilst we can now travel properly and if he doesn’t plan anything I’ll just run, because yeah like you all say, this could guy could just be a nightmare in the long run too and all this pulling back from meeting up is stopping me from realising it early on. I need to see what he’s truly like. We’re literally penfriends right now and I’m entertaining that and being too patient, which is stupid, but I guess easy to do haha. So yeah to conclude, I won’t reach out for 3 weeks or bring up meeting up and then if nothing changes, I’ll move on to something hopefully better. Because he has asked, several times, it’s just a case of it actually happening.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 Lockdown are a valid reason to have not met. I'll back off that one. Timing a meeting around when you are legally allowed to travel & socialize is valid. I want you to be right. I want him to be your diamond in the rough but I fear you are getting ahead of yourself. I also tend to be blunt so I'm glad you aren't put off by my style. I am trying to help. I guess my real point is don't put all your eggs in his basket. If you are doing your thing & your schedule happens to coincide with him getting his head out of his posterior great. But don't wait around for him. 1
ZA Dater Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 Sounds to me like he is wasting your time, he enjoys the conversation but perhaps is playing a few different options and trying to decide which is best. Do you know is shy and how do you know this? The problem is he is not being decisive and that to me says a lot, meet up and see, there is no way in my opinion he is too shy to meet up or even have a telephone call. I'd give him an ultimatum OR ignore him for two day and see what happens.
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 22 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What type of freelance he does? Video editing
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2021 Posted May 26, 2021 Lockdown is a valid reason not to have met in person, but it's not a valid reason to have never even spoken on the phone until just days ago. Was it a video call, at the very least? The red flags are mounting up here. He is apparently giving you all sorts of excuses for not meeting: lockdown (valid), his job, his shyness - so which is it, exactly? I don't know OP. I still think he's yanking your chain, and you're wasting your time for someone who can't even manage the bare minimum in getting to know you.
Author lala156 Posted May 26, 2021 Author Posted May 26, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Lockdown is a valid reason not to have met in person, but it's not a valid reason to have never even spoken on the phone until just days ago. Was it a video call, at the very least? The red flags are mounting up here. He is apparently giving you all sorts of excuses for not meeting: lockdown (valid), his job, his shyness - so which is it, exactly? I don't know OP. I still think he's yanking your chain, and you're wasting your time for someone who can't even manage the bare minimum in getting to know you. No it would’ve been but I asked for a standard phone call because I look bad on video most of the time lol. Yeah I was thinking that, but maybe he just prefers texting? Could be anything. Yeah I did think it was the bare minimum atm. Yeah it is lots of excuse making, I’ll just have to drop my effort and see what happens. Thank you for your help
Recommended Posts