Author lala156 Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: See how the phone call goes. But there have to be places he does go & he's comfortable. Get him to talk about them. Before you end the phone call nail him down with a commitment to meet you at one of those places in a week or two. You be super confident & upbeat. Hopefully he will feed off your positive energy. That’s my plan! 1
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 You have to be ready to shoot down & overcome his excuses (unless they are about the sick brother but that can't go on forever.) You may have a diamond in the rough here but you also may have a lazy guy who will never make the effort to address your needs. 1
Amanda92 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Meet him asap or go away. He is wasting your time. He didn't find any time to meet you for several months. Think about yourself and your needs and stop listening to his excuses.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 5 hours ago, lala156 said: So deleting tinder and forgetting it existed when talking to me isn’t a positive action? Not when you've never so much as had a live conversation, no. Neither of you has any clue if you would even get along in person, let alone want to exclude all others. It's putting the cart way before the horse. You're assuming he deleted it to focus on you, but you currently don't know the real reason he deleted it. Try to convince him to meet you if you choose, but keep both feet firmly on the ground. You don't truly know each other. This could go in any number of directions.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Him deleting a dating app is certainly not negative but it's not enough of a positive to hang your hat on. Remember it's all meaningless until you meet. The clock on how long you have known each other doesn't even start running until you meet, live & in person. He could be a giant dud in real life. What you think you know about him from texts is an illusion. You have no real info.
ZA Dater Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 I think the problem here is he needs to make a decision, the longer he is prepared to do nothing the worse his inaction will be if that makes sense. I'd simply be very assertive with him and tell him you will meet him at ABC spot at XYZ time and if he is not there, then you are done. Chances are he is loving the attention you are giving him so there is no incentive for him to meet or he is fearful he will mess things up badly so you could take the pressure of and try just create a calm vibe. I may be speaking our of personal experience here
ZA Dater Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Him deleting a dating app is certainly not negative but it's not enough of a positive to hang your hat on. Remember it's all meaningless until you meet. The clock on how long you have known each other doesn't even start running until you meet, live & in person. He could be a giant dud in real life. What you think you know about him from texts is an illusion. You have no real info. Very true, the longer he takes to meet the more suspicious I would be that he perhaps does not have quite the same intellectual skill in person as he has when he texts. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 He needs to get off the app (or at least put something in his profile) if is too afraid to meet . And possibly get some therapy. What is he so afraid of
Weezy1973 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 I was diagnosed with a severe social anxiety disorder about a decade ago. Cognitive Behavioral therapy did wonders. That being said I was still actively dating. He’s going to need therapy and sooner is better than later.
Author lala156 Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 40 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Him deleting a dating app is certainly not negative but it's not enough of a positive to hang your hat on. Remember it's all meaningless until you meet. The clock on how long you have known each other doesn't even start running until you meet, live & in person. He could be a giant dud in real life. What you think you know about him from texts is an illusion. You have no real info. Exactly, that’s why I want to meet him so I know more who I’m talking to hahaha 1
Author lala156 Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 40 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I think the problem here is he needs to make a decision, the longer he is prepared to do nothing the worse his inaction will be if that makes sense. I'd simply be very assertive with him and tell him you will meet him at ABC spot at XYZ time and if he is not there, then you are done. Chances are he is loving the attention you are giving him so there is no incentive for him to meet or he is fearful he will mess things up badly so you could take the pressure of and try just create a calm vibe. I may be speaking our of personal experience here How do I create a calm vibe?
Wiseman2 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 57 minutes ago, lala156 said: How do I create a calm vibe? Meet for hot chocolate or milk or (decaffeinated) soda rather than coffee. 1
IntBrowser Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 13 hours ago, lala156 said: Not yet, he’s brought it up but it hasn’t happened yet you might not be talking to a man
Fletch Lives Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 If you don't get a date in a couple of weeks after you first start talking, you may be wasting your time. You might get catfished. 1
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 4:14 PM, Gaeta said: Let us know how the phone call goes tomorrow. The phone call was great. He sounded really nice and we spoke about stuff we’d already spoken about and he asked me questions etc. He lead the conversation really well, in fact it made me feel and speak more shy and awkwardly (because I do get anxious speaking to people when they seem more confident than me). I don’t see why he’s been so scared to do it. He also without a prompt said we’ll go to the cinema soon because they’re opening up. So this is good news! I guess this is step 1 complete, but I feel like you guys are gonna say he’s been lying because he wasn’t too shy on the phone
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 I'm not going to say he was lying but perhaps exaggerating. While you see his "soon" as a good thing, I just see it as more delay. I get that movies aren't open but why can't you go for a walk, play tennis, play mini golf or just get a drink -- alcohol or coffee. His refusal to plan something you can do now & your acceptance of further delay is not positive. I am dismayed that this guy somehow made you feel less than. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: While you see his "soon" as a good thing, I just see it as more delay This. OP, you need to set a mental deadline for yourself as to how long you're going to tolerate all this stalling. 1
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This. OP, you need to set a mental deadline for yourself as to how long you're going to tolerate all this stalling. I don’t see it as a good thing at all, it’s irritating but I really like him and I want to give it a chance. I will, it’s only been just over 3 months and he has a freelance job so he can’t really predict when he’ll have a full day free (we live an hour away from each other so would be better to have a full 12 hours free just in case), so I guess I’ll just say by month 5, if we haven’t had a first date, I’ll speak to him about it and probably just stick him in the friend zone
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, lala156 said: so I guess I’ll just say by month 5, if we haven’t had a first date, I’ll speak to him about it If it takes this long to get to a first date, how exactly do you expect a relationship to ever happen? He apparently can't find a free day to have a first date, so it's unclear how he will consistently find free time to date someone regularly.
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: If it takes this long to get to a first date, how exactly do you expect a relationship to ever happen? He apparently can't find a free day to have a first date, so it's unclear how he will consistently find free time to date someone regularly. That’s very true. Well, when I’ve pinned him down on a date in person (don’t worry, I’ll wait for him to organise it, I won’t do it myself), I’ll ask him about how regularly he can see me and we’ll work it out together (provided the date goes well lol.) if not then yeah you do have a point!
Sun Seeker Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 Wow you are really setting the bar low with this guy. He can't predict when he will have a free day.. just LOL at that. Any guy who is interested in a woman and knows what to do would be making it a priority to meet them. They would make time, regardless of their schedule. 1
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Punterxx said: Wow you are really setting the bar low with this guy. He can't predict when he will have a free day.. just LOL at that. Any guy who is interested in a woman and knows what to do would be making it a priority to meet them. They would make time, regardless of their schedule. Yeah but he’s never had a girlfriend or been on a date so he probably doesn’t realise how important it is, like you can see he’s bringing it up but it’s probably a lot for him to take in that this is the first time he’s doing it. Also he said he wanted to make sure it was fun and that I’d enjoy it
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 48 minutes ago, lala156 said: I don’t see it as a good thing at all, it’s irritating but I really like him and I want to give it a chance. I will, it’s only been just over 3 months and he has a freelance job so he can’t really predict when he’ll have a full day free (we live an hour away from each other so would be better to have a full 12 hours free just in case), so I guess I’ll just say by month 5, if we haven’t had a first date, I’ll speak to him about it and probably just stick him in the friend zone This is A LOT of silly excuses. You do not need a full day free to meet in the middle. You don't need to spend that much time together when you meet for the first time!! It's 30 minutes for both of you that's nothing! Takes me 1 hour in the morning just to go to work and I've been doing that every day for 18 years. Being a freelance worker means he can do his own schedule!! He actually has more flexibility than the rest of us working a 9 to 5 job. And he suffers from severe social anxiety but he's a freelance!!! I don't think so! A freelancer needs to work regularly at finding new customers. Not something a man hiding in a shell can do. 1
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 30 minutes ago, lala156 said: Yeah but he’s never had a girlfriend or been on a date so he probably doesn’t realise how important it is, like you can see he’s bringing it up but it’s probably a lot for him to take in that this is the first time he’s doing it. Also he said he wanted to make sure it was fun and that I’d enjoy it Enough!! My teen girl had a boyfriend at 15 and he knew how to ask her on a date!! Your guy just didn't land on here from Jupiter!! 1
Author lala156 Posted May 25, 2021 Author Posted May 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: This is A LOT of silly excuses. You do not need a full day free to meet in the middle. You don't need to spend that much time together when you meet for the first time!! It's 30 minutes for both of you that's nothing! Takes me 1 hour in the morning just to go to work and I've been doing that every day for 18 years. Being a freelance worker means he can do his own schedule!! He actually has more flexibility than the rest of us working a 9 to 5 job. And he suffers from severe social anxiety but he's a freelance!!! I don't think so! A freelancer needs to work regularly at finding new customers. Not something a man hiding in a shell can do. Yeah I think you’re right to be honest. Don’t know what to do then, give up on him?
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