Comet4 Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 Hi would like some opinions. Met a guy online and have been on around 5 dates, in the past I’ve always waited for the man to ask me on the next one but in this instance it’s me asking every time. Have even tried to leave it a while before making arrangements in the hope that he would then take the lead but nothing. As the restrictions have lifted it has only been the 5th date when we had our fist kiss, again instigated by me but he did response quite enthusiastically I waited for him to message me first afterwards which he did. Was hoping this might change the dynamic slightly but still no mention of the next date. I want to see him again but I don’t know if I should keep asking?
Wiseman2 Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 15 minutes ago, Comet4 said: have been on around 5 dates, in the past I’ve always waited for the man to ask me on the next one but in this instance it’s me asking every time. in the hope that he would then take the lead but nothing. Keep in mind you are both still talking to and meeting others so don't take anything too personally. It's not about "taking the lead", it's about is he lazy?
smackie9 Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 If he seems like he's being lame...that's because he is! First impressions count...an interested man shows initiative. This guy right here, isn't impressive. He's feeling meh about you. 2
Ami1uwant Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 Have you talked about his dating experience? Is he still on a learners permit?
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 The pattern is now set. He expects you to take the laboring oar because that is the dynamic you established. It's unlikely to change. If you want it to change, speak up. Tell him you would like to plan the next date & you are wondering why he's not taking a more active role in your interactions. 1
SumGuy Posted May 23, 2021 Posted May 23, 2021 On 5/22/2021 at 11:58 AM, Comet4 said: Hi would like some opinions. Met a guy online and have been on around 5 dates, in the past I’ve always waited for the man to ask me on the next one but in this instance it’s me asking every time. Have even tried to leave it a while before making arrangements in the hope that he would then take the lead but nothing. As the restrictions have lifted it has only been the 5th date when we had our fist kiss, again instigated by me but he did response quite enthusiastically I waited for him to message me first afterwards which he did. Was hoping this might change the dynamic slightly but still no mention of the next date. I want to see him again but I don’t know if I should keep asking? Why not if it is working? There is no law that says because of your gender you can or cannot. I say flip the gender roles and see if your question makes sense. If it doesn't (hint if a man asked this same question can imagine the answers) then your question/worries/ concerns are a societal construct. Now you may not want to always initiate (en can feel this way to), a separate issue. My personal expereince is the best relationships have had are where we both ignored all the gender based advice and went with what worked for us. 2
Author Comet4 Posted May 30, 2021 Author Posted May 30, 2021 Thank you for your replies. So I raised my concerns to him saying ‘you never arrange anything with me’ his response - sorry, I never arrange anything with anyone tbh. I think it’s safe to say I’m wasting my time here! At least It’s clear to me now. Onwards and upwards! 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2021 Posted May 30, 2021 36 minutes ago, Comet4 said: I raised my concerns to him saying ‘you never arrange anything with me’ his response - sorry, I never arrange anything with anyone tbh. Good call. It doesn't get lamer than that response. 1
Versacehottie Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 On 5/23/2021 at 12:54 PM, d0nnivain said: The pattern is now set. He expects you to take the laboring oar because that is the dynamic you established. It's unlikely to change. If you want it to change, speak up. Tell him you would like to plan the next date & you are wondering why he's not taking a more active role in your interactions. I totally agree with this with one change....I wouldn't speak up about it (especially since you did once, which is enough to make what you need clear)...I'd show that you aren't going to do the work of the relationship with your actions. Don't ask out, don't hold space for him in your life, see if he steps up. That said, a guy who said the comment to you "sorry I never arrange anything tbh" is either not into you, doesn't want a relationship or lazy AF. I'd walk from that statement alone knowing you deserve better. Next time be really careful about what patterns you allow to be established. Think 1-for-1 at minimum (probably with the majority of guys a more traditional model is even better where they are pursuing you in the beginning dates--best way to gauge how interested they truly are & they feel like they are "choosing" to date you.) The way it happened, you were basically chasing him. I think this one is done tbh. Sorry and good luck in the future.
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