How do you handle interview type questions and feeling on the phone or during the 1st date

May 23, 2021

11 hours ago, max3732 said:

This has happened a few times and happened against yesterday. I called this woman from online dating and asked her something fun we'd talked about in our chat. Then she answers and goes into interview mode. What do you do for work. Where are you from, etc.

I find that I'm spending the whole conversation just answering biographical information and when I'm just about finished she'll ask another question. The only way I can ask her anything is if I say "how about you" as I'm finishing my answer.

Would it be rude or hurt my chances if I said something about asking if I should send her my resume as well if we're going to do an interview or say that I'd rather have more of an organic conversation and learn something about her. I don't know if I'm expressing it right, but just something or someway to get out of feeling like I'm being interviewed and judged by everything I say.

This has happened on quite a few first dates as well. I'd like for us to learn about each other, but with a natural flowing conversation. I get kind of uncomfortable and don't find it fun to be interviewed.

nothing wrong in these questions. In my response I’d send back a question to her.

what I hate having in a date is me asking questions, she responding but no question to me. Thrn I ask the next question. Thus is a date killer for me if I’m asking all the questions.

May 23, 2021

I hung up on a woman who asked me on a friday night on the phone............."Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" lol

Instant turn off

May 23, 2021

And I love that follow up question after asking what I do for a living........................."Do YOU IIKE IT????????????????????????????????

LOL

May 23, 2021

These general type questions are often only really a problem for those who really want to hide some parts of themselves.
If you have a great job then you will be happy to talk about it, if you have a dreadful job or a job you hate, or are unemployed you will not like talking about it, same with family, friends. where you grew up where you live, travel etc.
If you are proud then you will be happy to talk about it, if you are not proud you will want to skim over and get upset or stroppy.

These getting to know you questions are all part of dating strangers, there is no real way of avoiding them.
People want to know who and what they are dealing with.
If you can't be bothered with all that, then maybe time to reassess why you are even on the dating scene...

May 23, 2021

It's called the art of conversation for a reason. Some people are just bad at it.

If you feel like somebody is interviewing you & ticking off boxes, but you can't change the subject to get a better conversation going, end the conversation & don't call them again. What's the problem?

May 23, 2021

I hate the asking questions conversation style. It's even worse if they put me on the spot with something lame like "What would you do if you won a million dollars?". That's why I found online dates draining when I was doing it.

What I ended up doing instead is lead the conversation and pretend I am talking to a friend. For OLD meet, I would sit down and for example say: "I just managed to avoid my boss on the way out. He is the type of person who can't say anything in under 30 minutes.." Then a date would ideally share a related story about his boss and organic conversation will continue. I did have many instances when a guy would share nothing but launch into interview style questions. It's even worse if questions are not related and don't go in depth, for example covering 10 different topics in 10 minutes. Ugh. I usually am polite but make my excuses after about 40 minutes. For me, banter is crucial to a relationship and I see lack of banter as lack of chemistry/connection.

May 23, 2021

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

It's called the art of conversation for a reason. Some people are just bad at it.

If you feel like somebody is interviewing you & ticking off boxes, but you can't change the subject to get a better conversation going, end the conversation & don't call them again. What's the problem?

Maybe it's bad conversation skills, but I think the overarching message is that there's not a lot of natural chemistry or mutual interest if the conversation goes on like this. Even if the conversation flows relatively well, sometimes there's just not chemistry. And that's ok, more often than not you're just not going to have chemistry with the other person. I think you can try to redirect with some fun/humor, but it's an uphill battle. If it goes on, just cut the date short and don't see them again. Every date or match cannot be salvaged, that's the lesson here.

That's the great thing about meeting someone at an event such as a social outing, gym, work, school before you actually go out with them. You have a better idea of if there's chemistry.

May 23, 2021

On 5/22/2021 at 9:40 AM, max3732 said:

This has happened a few times and happened against yesterday. I called this woman from online dating and asked her something fun we'd talked about in our chat. Then she answers and goes into interview mode. What do you do for work. Where are you from, etc.

I find that I'm spending the whole conversation just answering biographical information and when I'm just about finished she'll ask another question. The only way I can ask her anything is if I say "how about you" as I'm finishing my answer.

That is the nature of such interactions in my expereince...bonus BS points if they say you aren't asking them anything when they haven't given you a chance...and they conveniently forget the "how about you." Can you tell this approach is not for me? I can certainly do it but find it bland and blunt. Now that being said, some women (and men) find this style to be important, if you don't follow it you are not asking about them and you are not really interested. To each their own I say, never regretted passing on such folks.

Quote

Would it be rude or hurt my chances if I said something about asking if I should send her my resume as well if we're going to do an interview or say that I'd rather have more of an organic conversation and learn something about her. I don't know if I'm expressing it right, but just something or someway to get out of feeling like I'm being interviewed and judged by everything I say.

There may or may not be judgment, is does come off to me as evaluation and a checklist...but to be fair I have my own "check list" just way more subtle and getting at things besides what you do for work etc. In general, if you make a joke about their technique one of two things are likely to happen, they will laugh and agree and say something like this is what they were told they should do, or they will get offended. If you do bring it up need to make it come across as you are enjoying the process and more making fun of the nature of modern OLD.

Personally, I had no interest in person who truly believed this approach was the best way to go, so not worried about offending. I am my irreverent self and looking for same.

Short answer, yes most likely it will hurt your chances to get a date.

Quote

This has happened on quite a few first dates as well. I'd like for us to learn about each other, but with a natural flowing conversation. I get kind of uncomfortable and don't find it fun to be interviewed.

When it arise from natural flow and not a check list that makes sense. Heck even if she has the check list and is savvy enough to do it naturally I can respect that. I respect it because it make you more a human she is interacting with and hoping t make a good impression on you (it's a two way street) than you are the candidate and she the CEO. The "you are the candidate and she the CEO" is actual dating advice women pay big money for, I agree with it to the extent it means don't settle or feel you need to be submissive...but it is taken beyond the analogy to behaving like an actual CEO interviewing a candidate. Again to each there own....

May 23, 2021

I would send them my latest tax return, copy of my passport, three recent references, copy of my credit report and a video tour of my home. Oh and the latest test results from my doctor.

May 23, 2021

On 5/22/2021 at 3:46 PM, Cookiesandough said:

I got that once now that I remember. I had this guy ask me that “fun” interview question: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”...

Well that is an easy question comrade. Have looked at the 5 year plan of our glorious leader and see myself reaping the fruits of such foresight. The Soviets were big on there 5 year plans, good to see the tradition continues. Now of s=course this joke requires he know a bit of history, and does give plenty of room for him to spin off his own insightful and witty observations...or go down harder than a collective without any tractors.

May 23, 2021

12 hours ago, elaine567 said:

These general type questions are often only really a problem for those who really want to hide some parts of themselves.
If you have a great job then you will be happy to talk about it, if you have a dreadful job or a job you hate, or are unemployed you will not like talking about it, same with family, friends. where you grew up where you live, travel etc.
If you are proud then you will be happy to talk about it, if you are not proud you will want to skim over and get upset or stroppy.

These getting to know you questions are all part of dating strangers, there is no real way of avoiding them.
People want to know who and what they are dealing with.
If you can't be bothered with all that, then maybe time to reassess why you are even on the dating scene...

Ahhh agree to a point. On job I keep it vague, I want to filter out those who will like me for my money and just put up with the real me because of it.

I disagree that ones job and family, and most other interview type questions, are a good way to know who and what you are dealing with. Have met way too many people who have the wonderful career, check all the "close family" boxes, are "pillars of the community" who are completely toxic people.

May 24, 2021

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Well that is an easy question comrade. Have looked at the 5 year plan of our glorious leader and see myself reaping the fruits of such foresight. The Soviets were big on there 5 year plans, good to see the tradition continues. Now of s=course this joke requires he know a bit of history, and does give plenty of room for him to spin off his own insightful and witty observations...or go down harder than a collective without any tractors.

That question is too personal and none of someone'e business if they are still a stranger. That is a AFTER INTIMACY question

May 24, 2021

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking basic questions about a person (what do you do jobwise? Have you ever been married, have kids, etc.). If you want to talk about something specific from the person's profile or what they mentioned in a chat previous to your meeting, that's okay as well. There have been times that I have talked to someone online in some way (chat, text, etc.) where they are asking inappropriate questions of me (questioning my sexual history) and I attempt to change the subject but they refuse. If I tell them I want to hang up some have actually said they don't want to hear anything other than things having to do with sex. At that point, I would just hang up on them and block their number.

Some things are not appropriate to talk about and you have to be very careful with people these days. People get offended by the smallest things, will twist things around, etc. They literally might sue you over something you do/say.

May 24, 2021

9 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I hate the asking questions conversation style. It's even worse if they put me on the spot with something lame like "What would you do if you won a million dollars?". That's why I found online dates draining when I was doing it.

What I ended up doing instead is lead the conversation and pretend I am talking to a friend. For OLD meet, I would sit down and for example say: "I just managed to avoid my boss on the way out. He is the type of person who can't say anything in under 30 minutes.." Then a date would ideally share a related story about his boss and organic conversation will continue. I did have many instances when a guy would share nothing but launch into interview style questions. It's even worse if questions are not related and don't go in depth, for example covering 10 different topics in 10 minutes. Ugh. I usually am polite but make my excuses after about 40 minutes. For me, banter is crucial to a relationship and I see lack of banter as lack of chemistry/connection.

Asking the basic questions can be a conversation starter. It can naturally become a conversationstarter

Did you move here or were you raised elsewhere?

My hometown is X, what about you...were you raised here?

it’s a drainer if there is not a conversation but a Q and A because they don’t ask questions. They just answer as if they aren’t interested in you.

I do t like making up situations just to start a conversation. To me it’s a sign of de eit

May 24, 2021

32 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking basic questions about a person (what do you do jobwise? Have you ever been married, have kids, etc.). If you want to talk about something specific from the person's profile or what they mentioned in a chat previous to your meeting, that's okay as well. There have been times that I have talked to someone online in some way (chat, text, etc.) where they are asking inappropriate questions of me (questioning my sexual history) and I attempt to change the subject but they refuse. If I tell them I want to hang up some have actually said they don't want to hear anything other than things having to do with sex. At that point, I would just hang up on them and block their number.

Some things are not appropriate to talk about and you have to be very careful with people these days. People get offended by the smallest things, will twist things around, etc. They literally might sue you over something you do/say.

im a guy and I’ve never asked that kind of stuff on a first call or first meet.

ve had some weird stuff come out from her....

May 24, 2021

maybe she’s secretly a cia agent and is working on her interrogation skills.

how old is this woman? older women like to do this, usually. or she could be structured too and you don’t want that. if you turn it around and be as charming and funny as you can be that, based on her answers will also be a good way to find out if she’s uptight so at least you can get rid of her sooner.

Edited May 24, 2021 by Interstellar

May 24, 2021

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

im a guy and I’ve never asked that kind of stuff on a first call or first meet.

ve had some weird stuff come out from her....

If you say so. I have no reason to believe why you would lie about that to me or anyone else. But I am here to tell you it has happened to me in the past.

May 24, 2021

13 hours ago, Interstellar said:

maybe she’s secretly a cia agent and is working on her interrogation skills.

how old is this woman? older women like to do this, usually. or she could be structured too and you don’t want that. if you turn it around and be as charming and funny as you can be that, based on her answers will also be a good way to find out if she’s uptight so at least you can get rid of her sooner.

She was in her early 30's. The other ones that have done it were in their 30's as well.

To me an ice breaker interview type question is ok, like "are you from here" or whatever, but when you answer and as you're just finishing your answer she goes "where do you see yourself in 5 years" and then just jumps from 1 question to the next. It's not the question so much as the lack of interation afterwards.

Lots of great suggestions for how I should handle it. I know I can do a better job, that's why I asked for tips on here.

I had a date Saturday night that went well as far as conversation. Very natural and flowing and I did more talking than I expected.

Tonight I have a date with a different woman who I'm meeting "for drinks" even though I don't drink. It's at a restaurant that has a bar and drinks. Hopefully it will go well and I'll be able to have a great conversation!

This is my 2nd time meeting someone for drinks. I think you can still order food, right?

May 24, 2021

4 minutes ago, max3732 said:

She was in her early 30's. The other ones that have done it were in their 30's as well.

To me an ice breaker interview type question is ok, like "are you from here" or whatever, but when you answer and as you're just finishing your answer she goes "where do you see yourself in 5 years" and then just jumps from 1 question to the next. It's not the question so much as the lack of interation afterwards.

Lots of great suggestions for how I should handle it. I know I can do a better job, that's why I asked for tips on here.

I had a date Saturday night that went well as far as conversation. Very natural and flowing and I did more talking than I expected.

Tonight I have a date with a different woman who I'm meeting "for drinks" even though I don't drink. It's at a restaurant that has a bar and drinks. Hopefully it will go well and I'll be able to have a great conversation!

This is my 2nd time meeting someone for drinks. I think you can still order food, right?

Yeah, just order a mocktail or something. Also, don't be afraid to take control of the conversation. Politely Interrupt when they move on too fast

"Wait, that was interesting. Tell me more about X"

"*insert answer here* what about you?"

Finish up your answer with an open ended question to take back control.

May 24, 2021

If it's the first date, let it go. Some people haven't had a huge amount of experience dating, or haven't done it for years. If everyone was fantastic at presenting the best side of themselves straight away they wouldn't be single, would they?

You can dismiss people for trivialities like this, but you risk missing out on someone great. Consider that past a certain age, those who have great charisma and a talent for connecting well with others are single only because either there is something massively wrong with them, or they've got no interest in pairing up for long.

May 24, 2021

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

...This is my 2nd time meeting someone for drinks. I think you can still order food, right?

You can do whatever you want, but if you order food should offer to get her something and offer to pay for it.

Now for me if she wants to split something that is a good sign (sharing food). I'm a food sharer though, my GF has actually mentioned that was a thing on our first date she liked about me (just one of many)...it's not everyone's cup of shared tea For me if I am up to kiss her and so much more, sharing a plate of fries is a given.

May 25, 2021

On 5/22/2021 at 9:40 AM, max3732 said:

The only way I can ask her anything is if I say "how about you" as I'm finishing my answer.

That can work to some extent.

You should have about 15% serious talk and the rest should be light and playful. You can shut down the interview in most cases by telling a joke....in most cases, she'll forget the original question!

Example:

Her: What do you look for in a woman?"

You: Well the first thang I look for is a pulse.....if she has none, I call nine-Juan-Juan!!!

May 25, 2021

Some basic data like what you do for work,etc isn't intrusive.

It's a lot better than someone yammering on about their ex or their hypochondriasis or woes

Or me, myself and I and "what I deserve" or how many men are chasing them.

Or how men suck and even their therapists agree.

In summary, why get offended by a couple of very basic get to know you questions?

May 25, 2021

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Some basic data like what you do for work,etc isn't intrusive.

It's a lot better than someone yammering on about their ex or their hypochondriasis or woes

Or me, myself and I and "what I deserve" or how many men are chasing them.

Or how men suck and even their therapists agree.

In summary, why get offended by a couple of very basic get to know you questions?

I agree it's a lot better than the other things you described.

It's just when it's 1 question after another and no organic conversation. Plus she's not really interested in letting me get to know her. It's like the whole time she's checking off a list and qualifying me. Not much fun

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How do you handle interview type questions and feeling on the phone or during the 1st date

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