TrueGuy Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 13 minutes ago, Angelle said: I don't know that I would want to fit your "good girl" qualities, but what if a man did that more than once? Would she be "allowed" to move on after that? A healthy romantic attraction goes both ways, and doesn't include being ignored. But if she has a romantic attraction to the guy she won't want to move on. Yup, it goes both ways, but if a man pursues a woman who has a high or rising romantic attraction level, she isn't going to ignore him, in fact, she'll start chasing him, eg, she'll start calling him up to ask him out on date; she'll have her hands all over him, etc.. Remember, I tell guys to act this way, ie, hold back, because it demonstrates healthy male self-control, and that is always attractive to women. It's just the way it is. Thank God. lol Great question by the way.
elaine567 Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 No women in todays dating scene is going to hang around waiting for a guy who leaves her 5-8 days with no contact after a date. By doing that he is left with. desperate women with no other options. Women in general are no longer waiting around for a guy to decide to pick her up, when he feels like it. By 5 days he is already nexted, whether she was originally interested or not... Plenty guys around who will show interest... It is a competitive market, he who hesitates is lost.
Wiseman2 Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 14 hours ago, LDLove said: "Hey I have some great date ideas for next weekend, wanna do something?" she responded "We will see " Ok. Keep in mind that you are both talking to and meeting other people. She doesn't seem very enthusiastic. Text once more about which day is best and what idea you have. If it's another "we'll see" nonsense response, put her on the back burner and ask someone else out. BTW, ultra specific plans tend to backfire. Ask what day/time is best and have a couple of ideas in mind. Never text someone "Joe's pizza at 8pm Fri.", for example.
Yosemite Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 14 hours ago, LDLove said: 5 days after the same day invitation, I didn't give her concrete plan just "Hey I have some great date ideas for next weekend, wanna do something?" she responded "We will see " and this is about the upcoming weekend. The OP waited 5 days...didn't work out too well for him. OP, 5 days is way too long to contact after a date and it makes you look like a player or disinterested. It's kind of irrelevant in this case though because it seems like this woman lost interest after you two met in person...so for her, you two clicked online, but irl, it didn't work out. Next time, try to do your part to hold up the conversation...barely talking on a date makes you seem boring or like you don't have a personality. It should naturally come out to each person talking about 50% of the time. 1
Interstellar Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, basil67 said: Why is it that the stereotypically handsome but awfully mainstream white guy is always used as the example women would accept mediocre treatment for? While it's pretty obvious that men have a hard on for these types of guys, I can't understand why they think women would be accepting lacklustre treatment from such a person. for the record, I’m not white and I agree with your statement. it’s because the tall, good looking white guy is still what the modern media in movies and television has popularized for years, and isn’t that what women typically go for especially on dating apps/sites? anyway, I don’t think waiting to call so that a guy isn’t gonna appear hungry or thirsty is really mediocre treatment.especially if the guy for once in his entire life, wants to do something different than what he’s doing and failing at for years and what the modern dating culture has brainwashed him ie. call her right away, tell her your feelings, give her flowers and gifts, etc...those are nice after she’s your girlfriend anything before that and she’ll cringe and he’s out. Edited May 21, 2021 by Interstellar
introverted1 Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 6 hours ago, TrueGuy said: You won't next any man that you have a healthy romantic attraction level for, that's just the way women are made. If he waited 5 to 8 days to call, you might be a littly miffed at him, but your romantic attraction for him will force you to go out with him. If you don't go out with him, even though you have a high romantic attraction for him intially, that's really really hard headed, inflexible, and that's a violation of my Good Girl Qualities. In which case, I would have to advise my guy to block and delete your number. No offence, I'm sure you're a lovely lady..that needs to soften up a bit...I know that you will when you meet the right man. If a guy waited 5-8 days to call, I would assume that he was either low interest or that he'd read some stupid PUA stuff about playing it cool after the first date. Either one would be a huge attraction killer. FTR, this has never happened in real life, although it's often spouted as gospel on boards like these. (@InterstellarLeonardo has never called, but not sure it matters as he doesn't float my boat. Good looking guys with poor manners lose their appeal pretty quickly, imo.) 3
introverted1 Posted May 21, 2021 Posted May 21, 2021 19 minutes ago, Interstellar said: anyway, I don’t think waiting to call so that a guy isn’t gonna appear hungry or thirsty is really mediocre treatment.especially if the guy for once in his entire life, wants to do something different than what he’s doing and failing at for years and what the modern dating culture has brainwashed him ie. call her right away, tell her your feelings, give her flowers and gifts, etc...those are nice after she’s your girlfriend anything before that and she’ll cringe and he’s out. Agree that the bolded is cringey when you are just starting to date. But there's a middle ground. Smart men know how to act decisively without becoming doormats. In OP's case, I don't think it's the timing of his asks that was the issue-- he got the 2nd date, after all -- but rather that 1) the asks were not for actual dates but rather vague suggestions of "meeting up"; and 2) there was too much empty texting. It's one thing to send a meme or article that relates to something from an earlier date, but ongoing meaningless texts ("What's up") kill attraction/interest/joy/etc.
basil67 Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) On 5/21/2021 at 2:48 PM, TrueGuy said: You won't next any man that you have a healthy romantic attraction level for, that's just the way women are made. You are trying to tell a woman that you she doesn't know her own mind? On 5/21/2021 at 8:46 PM, Interstellar said: for the record, I’m not white and I agree with your statement. it’s because the tall, good looking white guy is still what the modern media in movies and television has popularized for years, and isn’t that what women typically go for especially on dating apps/sites? anyway, I don’t think waiting to call so that a guy isn’t gonna appear hungry or thirsty is really mediocre treatment.especially if the guy for once in his entire life, wants to do something different than what he’s doing and failing at for years and what the modern dating culture has brainwashed him ie. call her right away, tell her your feelings, give her flowers and gifts, etc...those are nice after she’s your girlfriend anything before that and she’ll cringe and he’s out. The last actor which I saw women of young and old swoon over was Regé-Jean Page (Bridgerton). While he does look a bit mainstream, he's far from white. Meanwhile, I'm watching my (white) daughter swipe left on every conventionally attractive man she sees and certainly has no preference as to genetics. I think your first advice to this guy was far better than supporting the idea that he should fake disinterest. If a guy's been on a date where they got on really well and she was keen, he'd be a fool to not run with the vibe. Again, watching my daughter date, this morning she's on cloud nine after a fabulous first date. She'd be so disappointed if she didn't hear from him in the next couple of days because she wants a guy who makes his interest clear. Having dated men who haven't shown keen interest, she's learned to walk away when it happens. Edited May 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
dramafreezone Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, Angelle said: Leo isn't my type, and never has been. He isn't attractive to everyone. He seems to have a thing for models who are much younger than him, which I find distasteful, and he has never been my type physically. If we got along well, he could become attractive to me. I have been put off a very attractive man, when he did things like forget my birthday, or not contact me for a while. You're missing his point. Substitute Leo for whatever guy you view as your ideal, a 10 in your eyes. And his point is valid. All of these rules you have about how long you're waiting before you move on just depends on your attraction level to the guy. If it's a once-in-a-lifetime type of guy/woman, all of those rules go right out of the window. The less we like someone, the more "rules" they have to abide by or else they're out. All of the rules don't apply equally to everyone. Edited May 22, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
basil67 Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, dramafreezone said: You're missing his point. Substitute Leo for whatever guy you view as your ideal, a 10 in your eyes. And his point is valid. All of these rules you have about how long you're waiting before you move on just depends on your attraction level to the guy. If it's a once-in-a-lifetime type of guy/woman, all of those rules go right out of the window. The less we like someone, the more "rules" they have to abide by or else they're out. All of the rules don't apply equally to everyone. Agrgh, you're also telling women that she doesn't know her own mind. Anyway, it's you who's not understanding women. Have you ever heard that the brain is a woman's most important sexual organ? For most women, their attraction isn't based on looks alone. If a woman has learned through experience that she wants an attentive guy, then she will have learned to next a guy who's not showing interest. Good looks does not give a man a hall pass on lack lustre dating. Edited May 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator remove offensive term
dramafreezone Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, basil67 said: [] Anyway, it's you who's not understanding women. Have you ever heard that the brain is a woman's most important sexual organ? For most women, their attraction isn't based on looks alone. If a woman has learned through experience that she wants an attentive guy, then she will have learned to next a guy who's not showing interest. Good looks does not give a man a hall pass on lack lustre dating. Where did I say anything about looks? That's your assumption. I said ideal guy, that means you see this guy at a art exhibit, and he's great looking, but not only looks, he has a warm personality, is funny, he's very well off financially, he's the unicorn. Or if you don't like any of that stuff, whatever combination of the best traits you prefer in a man, what's what is your ideal. If you're telling me you're moving on from that guy if you don't hear back in 5 days, I'll say your BS-ing. And this isn't a man or woman thing. My rules would also change if I met someone who's drop dead gorgeous, oozes sex appeal, really makes me feel great about myself. I'm just honest with myself in that everyone I date isn't held to the same standard. Edited May 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed offensive term 1
basil67 Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) 38 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Where did I say anything about looks? That's your assumption. I said ideal guy, that means you see this guy at a art exhibit, and he's great looking, but not only looks, he has a warm personality, is funny, he's very well off financially, he's the unicorn. Or if you don't like any of that stuff, whatever combination of the best traits you prefer in a man, what's what is your ideal. If you're telling me you're moving on from that guy if you don't hear back in 5 days, I'll say your BS-ing. And this isn't a man or woman thing. My rules would also change if I met someone who's drop dead gorgeous, oozes sex appeal, really makes me feel great about myself. I'm just honest with myself in that everyone I date isn't held to the same standard. You mentioning "Substitute Leo for whatever guy you view as your ideal, a 10 in your eyes. And his point is valid." is what made me think it's about looks. Because the whole discussion I had with the poster who mentioned Leo was about looks. But yes, take it further and imagine a guy who ticks all the boxes on the first date. How does him guy going radio silent after a great start make a woman feel great about herself? I think it's incredibly arrogant to believe that everyone who doesn't think like you do is BSing. Do you not realise that different people react to the same things in different ways? Honestly, he'd have to have a pretty good sob story to make up for going AWOL after such a strong start. Edited May 22, 2021 by basil67
cleverusername Posted May 22, 2021 Posted May 22, 2021 Don't play games. Playing games gets you games. 1
spiderowl Posted May 29, 2021 Posted May 29, 2021 On 5/21/2021 at 5:48 AM, TrueGuy said: You won't next any man that you have a healthy romantic attraction level for, that's just the way women are made. If he waited 5 to 8 days to call, you might be a littly miffed at him, but your romantic attraction for him will force you to go out with him. If you don't go out with him, even though you have a high romantic attraction for him intially, that's really really hard headed, inflexible, and that's a violation of my Good Girl Qualities. In which case, I would have to advise my guy to block and delete your number. No offence, I'm sure you're a lovely lady..that needs to soften up a bit...I know that you will when you meet the right man. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Actually, that's just not true. If a guy takes a long time to call, I'd assume he already has girlfriends to keep him busy. I wouldn't want to be one of many. Besides, I just don't like arrogant men. Looking good does not mean someone is a decent person.
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