Is she interested, How do I proceed from here?

[LDLove]

Before first date: 

Texting back and forth for two weeks (it was quarantine) replaying sometimes on 24h, sometimes 10min depend on the day, with wide and deep texts.

 

First date:

Date was 3.5h long, she was talking like 70% of the time, smiling showing a lot of signs of interests, at the end of the date she was walking me half way to my car, at the end I have gone for a kiss, she showed her cheek and said it is because she was afraid of covid, also she said she had great time and maybe we can go out sometimes again without definitive plans.

 

Day after the first date I texted her, she was replaying like 2-3hours with short replays, at the end of the day I asked her if she is free for second date, she said maybe in 4 days.

 

No texting in between

 

Day of the second date I texted her for confirmation she responded after maybe 5 hours and agreed to meet up

 

Second date:

Length 2h, same signs of interest like the first date, she was talking like 60%, asking me a lot of personal questions, also she was more relaxed, to sum up a great date, I didn’t go for the kiss now, maybe she looked like she wanted it I cannot say for sure. At the end she said like yea we will see each other again.

She texted me 30min after the second date, we exchanged couple of texts for goodnight.

 

Two days after:

I texted her what up?, she gave me one-two word answers without asking me anything.

 

Three days after:

I texted her if she is free to grab a drinks for that night, she replayed after 5-6 hours that she has plans without giving a counter offer date.

 

One week after second date:

No texts in between, I have texted her how it was her week, we exchanged 5-6 texts back and fourth I have asked her again to meet in next days, she said she has some foot pain, and said "we will see".

 

To sum up:

I am totally confused about this girl she seems interested in person (as I am) but between dates she is like a different person, not initiating, and from a lot of the texts like she is just polite. Also from what I sum up about her she is not looking for one night's for sure.

How do I proceed from here?

Wait for her to make a move?

Ask her again in couple of days maybe week?

Edited May 20, 2021 by LDLove
better title

[Sun Seeker]

She's not interested.

She has already blown you off twice. You do nothing, do not contact her.

If she wants to meet you she has your number.

Go meet other women.

[Gaeta]

The last 2 times you asked her out y ou did it on VERY short notice. One you wanted to go out on same night and then you asked her out for the following night. Don't do that. Makes you look like you're  putting no thoughts into this and just looking for anyone to fill your last minute free spot. It might be why she blew you off. 

If you want to give this another shot then call 3-4 days ahead to set a date. 

Edited May 20, 2021 by Gaeta

[Marc878]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The last 2 times you asked her out y ou did it on VERY short notice. One you wanted to go out on same night and then you asked her out for the following night. Don't do that. Makes you look like you're  putting no thoughts into this and just looking for anyone to fill your last minute free spot. It might be why she blew you off. 

If you want to give this another shot then call 3-4 days ahead to set a date. 

Exactly.

Tell her you’d like to take her to dinner, specific place, certain day/time etc. Schedule well ahead. Put some thought into it. 
 

good luck

[Wiseman2]

Try not to text-tether anyone. Or crowd or smother them. You're both still talking to and meeting others, so step back a bit.

[elaine567]

I think the 70/30 first date was probably hard work for her, which was not vastly improved on the second date.
She was likely trying hard to keep the conversation going so she had to resort to asking you personal stuff.

At home she probably thought never again, hence the "we'll see" knock back..

[LDLove]

16 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I think the 70/30 first date was probably hard work for her, which was not vastly improved on the second date.
She was likely trying hard to keep the conversation going so she had to resort to asking you personal stuff.

At home she probably thought never again, hence the "we'll see" knock back..

Nope it was not like that, the conversation was free flowing always, on both dates there was almost no time of silence, she was just more extrovert.

Edited May 20, 2021 by LDLove
edit

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, LDLove said:

Nope it was not like that, the conversation was free flowing always 

FOR YOU

[d0nnivain]

Since she is still talking to you, I would try one last time ask her on another date 3-4 days in advance.  

If she turns you down, be done.  

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, LDLove said:

Two days after:

I texted her what up?, she gave me one-two word answers without asking me anything.

That's what I would do, too. I hate "what's up" texts.  It's a lazy way to start a conversation that makes the recipient do all the work... or reply with one or two word answers!

Quote

Three days after:

I texted her if she is free to grab a drinks for that night, she replayed after 5-6 hours that she has plans without giving a counter offer date.

I would not ask for a date on the day of.  This makes it seem like seeing her is an after-thought.

Quote

One week after second date:

No texts in between, I have texted her how it was her week, we exchanged 5-6 texts back and fourth I have asked her again to meet in next days, she said she has some foot pain, and said "we will see".

How far after the same-day invitation was this and what did you actually ask her to do? Are you actually asking her for a date or is it some vague plan to"meet up"?

Quote

To sum up:

I am totally confused about this girl she seems interested in person (as I am) but between dates she is like a different person, not initiating, and from a lot of the texts like she is just polite. Also from what I sum up about her she is not looking for one night's for sure.

How do I proceed from here?

Wait for her to make a move?

Ask her again in couple of days maybe week?

If you want to try one last time (and I am not convinced that will yield anything) then ask her on a proper date, with a specific time and place.  I think the odds are not in your favor but, if you can handle potential rejection, there is no harm in trying.

 

[smackie9]

Nothing to be confused about....she gave you a shot...wasn't really feeling it on the first date, didn't kiss....she tried a second date to be sure....now she is sure she is not interested.

Know when to give up...go by their actions. The texting died off, she took forever to get back to you, said she was busy. Those are typical hints that she's not interested.

Just because someone enjoys the date doesn't mean they enjoyed you too.

[LDLove]

21 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

That's what I would do, too. I hate "what's up" texts.  It's a lazy way to start a conversation that makes the recipient do all the work... or reply with one or two word answers!

I would not ask for a date on the day of.  This makes it seem like seeing her is an after-thought.

How far after the same-day invitation was this and what did you actually ask her to do? Are you actually asking her for a date or is it some vague plan to"meet up"?

If you want to try one last time (and I am not convinced that will yield anything) then ask her on a proper date, with a specific time and place.  I think the odds are not in your favor but, if you can handle potential rejection, there is no harm in trying.

 

5 days after the same day invitation, I didn't give her concrete plan just "Hey I have some great date ideas for next weekend, wanna do something?" she responded "We will see "  and this is about the upcoming weekend.

[Marc878]

3 minutes ago, LDLove said:

5 days after the same day invitation, I didn't give her concrete plan just "Hey I have some great date ideas for next weekend, wanna do something?" she responded "We will see "  and this is about the upcoming weekend.

Most like to know what’s planned. Plan something interesting if you want a bite. 
 

Wanna do something?  Didn’t cut it.

[dramafreezone]

4 hours ago, LDLove said:

Before first date: 

Texting back and forth for two weeks (it was quarantine) replaying sometimes on 24h, sometimes 10min depend on the day, with wide and deep texts.

 

First date:

Date was 3.5h long, she was talking like 70% of the time, smiling showing a lot of signs of interests, at the end of the date she was walking me half way to my car, at the end I have gone for a kiss, she showed her cheek and said it is because she was afraid of covid, also she said she had great time and maybe we can go out sometimes again without definitive plans.

 

Day after the first date I texted her, she was replaying like 2-3hours with short replays, at the end of the day I asked her if she is free for second date, she said maybe in 4 days.

 

No texting in between

 

Day of the second date I texted her for confirmation she responded after maybe 5 hours and agreed to meet up

 

Second date:

Length 2h, same signs of interest like the first date, she was talking like 60%, asking me a lot of personal questions, also she was more relaxed, to sum up a great date, I didn’t go for the kiss now, maybe she looked like she wanted it I cannot say for sure. At the end she said like yea we will see each other again.

She texted me 30min after the second date, we exchanged couple of texts for goodnight.

 

Two days after:

I texted her what up?, she gave me one-two word answers without asking me anything.

 

Three days after:

I texted her if she is free to grab a drinks for that night, she replayed after 5-6 hours that she has plans without giving a counter offer date.

 

One week after second date:

No texts in between, I have texted her how it was her week, we exchanged 5-6 texts back and fourth I have asked her again to meet in next days, she said she has some foot pain, and said "we will see".

 

To sum up:

I am totally confused about this girl she seems interested in person (as I am) but between dates she is like a different person, not initiating, and from a lot of the texts like she is just polite. Also from what I sum up about her she is not looking for one night's for sure.

How do I proceed from here?

Wait for her to make a move?

Ask her again in couple of days maybe week?

 

I'm assuming you actually planned tthe first date well ahead of time.  So why after the second date are you texting her if she's free to get drinks that night?   You ask anyone out for drinks out of the blue like that and they're probably not going to be free, much less an attractive (I'm assuming) woman.  Of course she had plans.  The part that works against you is she starts thinking to herself why she has plans and you don't?  You were starting to come on too strong.

Foot pain, "we will see."  We'll see means no, unless her plans fall through.  From this timeline of events, she began to waver after the first date with the "maybe" talk.  You became too needy, too available, too soon and she lost interest, so I think you blew this one.  Nothing to do but leave her alone and maybe she'll come back around somtime down the line.

For future reference when she gives you "maybe" talk you put the ball in her court and tell her to get back to you when her schedule is more certain.  Then leave it alone.  You ask over and over and over it's just going to make you seem needy to her.  You've asked her out, you hit the ball over the net, it's her job to hit it back over eventually.

[TrueGuy]

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

Texting back and forth for two weeks (it was quarantine) replaying sometimes on 24h, sometimes 10min depend on the day, with wide and deep texts.

 

That's ok, but only because of Covid. Without the Covid i would say call her on the phone and ask her out on the first  date, a Starbucks coffee date, no more than 40-45 minutes just to see if you two vibe; to see if she laughs at your silly humor; touches your arm/hand; talks alot and seems enthusiastic. 

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

First date:

Date was 3.5h long, she was talking like 70% of the time, smiling showing a lot of signs of interests, at the end of the date she was walking me half way to my car, at the end I have gone for a kiss, she showed her cheek and said it is because she was afraid of covid, also she said she had great time and maybe we can go out sometimes again without definitive plans.

Good, you got her out on the first date, but 3.5h was too long. First date is always the coffee or tea date for 40-45 minutes. She did 70% of the talking...GREAT!. Signs of interest? What were they? Did she touch your hand/arm; laugh at your little jokes? She smiled, that's good, and she walked you back to your car, and you went for the kiss. Never kiss on the first date date, you wait until the third date. You went in too strong, too fast, and she is right about covid. She said she wanted to go out again with you. That's sounds good. However, never ask a next date while you are already on a date. So don't ask her out on the second date while you are still on the first date, it just comes off as too needy and desperate if you do. If she asks you out with definite plans while you are still on a date with her(or at the end of the date) you can suspend this rule because she is now starting to chase you, and that's what we want. 

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

Day after the first date I texted her, she was replaying like 2-3hours with short replays, at the end of the day I asked her if she is free for second date, she said maybe in 4 days.

 

No texting in between

 

Day of the second date I texted her for confirmation she responded after maybe 5 hours and agreed to meet up

You needed to wait longer before you contacted her. I always say that after the date wait 5 to 8 days before you resume contact, and it's only by phone, not text. You've got to get off the texting because you'll turn into her text-puppie, and that's not a respectable title to have around women. I would have called her on the phone and asked to go to on a definitive date on a specific day and time and then say: "Can you make it?" All this texting is just making you look needy with no self-control, and like kind of a stalker. All this texting isn't even necessary anyways. If she's attracted to you, you showing self-control by not text-nagging her will actually increase her attraction for you. What's happening is the opposite; Because you are text-hounding her, her attraction for you is starting to go down. So you've got to learn to hang back and be more Hard to Get, not so easy and available. 

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

Second date:

Length 2h, same signs of interest like the first date, she was talking like 60%, asking me a lot of personal questions, also she was more relaxed, to sum up a great date, I didn’t go for the kiss now, maybe she looked like she wanted it I cannot say for sure. At the end she said like yea we will see each other again.

She texted me 30min after the second date, we exchanged couple of texts for goodnight.

Great, you had another good date, that's good news. You say that she said "yea we will see each other again." Did you ask her if you could see her again, or did she just come out and say it? You should never ask if you can see her again, especially if you are already on a date with her, even if it is the end of the date. You simply drop her off home, walk her to the door, tell her you had a nice time and say goodnight, and at the end of the third date you go for the kiss on the lips. Wait 5 to 8 days and then call her up and ask her out on the next date. See? Simple. 

You say that you exchanged a couple of texts for goodnight. Wrong. Bad. You already said you goodnight to her at her door when you dropper her off home. Again, you've got to stop being her text-puppie. Just because she texts you doesn't mean you have to do it back, or you don't have to respond in the way that she expects. You've only had two dates with this girl, you don't even know her so you really have no business texting her goodnight messages, even if she started the texting first. Just ignore her texts for the most part, ie, don't reply. Save all you conversation for the next date always. 

 

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

Two days after:

I texted her what up?, she gave me one-two word answers without asking me anything.

 

Three days after:

I texted her if she is free to grab a drinks for that night, she replayed after 5-6 hours that she has plans without giving a counter offer date.

 

One week after second date:

No texts in between, I have texted her how it was her week, we exchanged 5-6 texts back and fourth I have asked her again to meet in next days, she said she has some foot pain, and said "we will see".

Ok, because of all of your text-stalking(that's what I have to call it at this point because you just won't leave that poor girl alone) that have done, her romantic attraction level for you is not going down, it is going toward 0 out of 10 and you are going to lose her. She initially had good attraction level for your, but because you didn't demonstrate proper dating social skills, it is now decreasing. This is what happens to most guys until they learn this stuff. The way that girls show low attraction level for guys is by giving excuses not to go on dates, or they start breaking dates because they are no longer attracted enough to want to be around them. This is now happening to you. 

5 hours ago, LDLove said:

To sum up:

I am totally confused about this girl she seems interested in person (as I am) but between dates she is like a different person, not initiating, and from a lot of the texts like she is just polite. Also from what I sum up about her she is not looking for one night's for sure.

How do I proceed from here?

Wait for her to make a move?

Ask her again in couple of days maybe week?

To sum up, you've got to get some postive dating skills going on here to salvage what you can of your own diginity and maybe, just maybe, get this girl back, but it's a huge clean up case now. Here's how we can determine if she is still attracted:

1. Wait 5 to 8 days to contact her again, AND ONLY BY PHONE NOT TEXT. 

2. Plan a specific date/day/time. 

3. Call her on the phone and ask her out for that specific date. 

4. If she says yes, and actually shows up on the date that's good, her attraction level is above 0.0 and you can raise it. 

5. If she says yes, and then breaks the date, she is telling you in a round about way--I call it Feminese--that she her attraction level for you is 0 out of 10. Once a woman's attraction level reaches 0.0, you can't fix that, you can't raise it. You have to move onto the next girl. 

6. If she says something like: "I don't know if I'll be able to go on that day, maybe next week, I'll get back to you." Or, something like this kind of non-definitive reply, this also means that her attraction level for you is 0 out of 10. You have to move onto the next girl and forget this one. Never keep pusuing a girl that has zero attraction level for you because you'll get into real trouble. You have to learn to leave them alone. In this case, you say to the girl: "Hey I understand, mayby some other time when you schedule is not so crazy...So long."  Use the exact words. Remember, you have to salvage your dignity here as you withdraw from pursuing this girl after she has basically told you that she's no longer interested in you. 

The bottom line is that if a woman has romantic attraction for you, she'll put herself in front of you on dates, and won't break them. If she can't make a date, she'll counter-offer with a specific day and time. "Sometime maybe next week," or "I don't know, I'll check my schedule, and I'll get back to you," don't cut it. 

I'm not trying to drive a train locomotive over your heart guy, but if I'm not straight up front with you, you'll never learn this stuff. 

Good luck and keep us posted so the other guys here can learn from your experiences. 

Edited May 20, 2021 by TrueGuy
Change words

[spiderowl]

I don't know whether I am misunderstanding, OP, but it seems to me you didn't text her much between dates and left long gaps.  If so, she would probably have felt disconnected.  You were happy to meet on a day but then barely texted her?  I think by day 3 after the date, I would have given up if I had not heard from him.  No point bothering with someone who barely keeps in touch or only contacts me at the last minute when I already have plans or have settled in for the evening.

[Alvi]

4 hours ago, TrueGuy said:

1. Wait 5 to 8 days to contact her again, AND ONLY BY PHONE NOT TEXT. 

That is way way way too long. If I don't hear anything from the guy 2 or 3 days tops after our date, then I  would assume that he is not interested. If he decides to contact me 8 days later, I would suspect that he is only contacting me because he run out of other options. I would definitely think that he is not that into me. More than likely I would next him. Maybe I am wrong but I honestly do think that an interested guy would contact me sooner rather than later. A day or two at the most. 
OP, you also need to realize that a woman who is in a search for a boyfriend is not just going to sit and wait for 5-8 days for a guy to contact her. Most likely she is going to agree to go out with another guy(s) so waiting long enough to contact her is not going to do you any favors. Me, personally, I like when a guy tells me right after our date that he had a great time and would like to see me again. A simple confirmation like that tells me that he is interested. And then ideally arrange the next date a day or two later.

 

Edited May 21, 2021 by Alvi

[Interstellar]

 

19 minutes ago, Alvi said:

That is way way way too long. If I don't hear anything from the guy 2 or 3 days tops after our date, then I  would assume that he is not interested. If he decides to contact me 8 days later, I would suspect that he is only contacting me because he run out of other options. I would definitely think that he is not that into me. More than likely I would next him. Maybe I am wrong but I honestly do think that an interested guy would contact me sooner rather than later. A day or two at the most. 
OP, you also need to realize that a woman who is in a search for a boyfriend is not just going to sit and wait for 5-8 days for a guy to contact her. Most likely she is going to agree to go out with another guy(s) so waiting long enough to contact her is not going to do you any favors. Me, personally, I like when a guy tells me right after our date that he had a great time and would like to see me again. A simple confirmation like that tells me that he is interested. And then ideally arrange the next date a day or two later.

 

if Leonardo DiCaprio waited 5 days to call you, you’ll next him? 

[basil67]

empty post

Edited May 21, 2021 by basil67

[jspice]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

That is way way way too long. If I don't hear anything from the guy 2 or 3 days tops after our date, then I  would assume that he is not interested. If he decides to contact me 8 days later, I would suspect that he is only contacting me because he run out of other options. I would definitely think that he is not that into me. More than likely I would next him. Maybe I am wrong but I honestly do think that an interested guy would contact me sooner rather than later. A day or two at the most. 
OP, you also need to realize that a woman who is in a search for a boyfriend is not just going to sit and wait for 5-8 days for a guy to contact her. Most likely she is going to agree to go out with another guy(s) so waiting long enough to contact her is not going to do you any favors. Me, personally, I like when a guy tells me right after our date that he had a great time and would like to see me again. A simple confirmation like that tells me that he is interested. And then ideally arrange the next date a day or two later.

 

Clearly you don’t speak feminese like that poster

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

 

if Leonardo DiCaprio waited 5 days to call you, you’ll next him? 

Why is it that the stereotypically handsome but awfully mainstream white guy is always used as the example women would accept mediocre treatment for?   While it's pretty obvious that men have a hard on for these types of guys, I can't understand why they think women would be accepting lacklustre treatment from such a person.     

Edited May 21, 2021 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

 

if Leonardo DiCaprio waited 5 days to call you, you’ll next him? 

Probably not he's at the bottom of the ocean.

"Wanna do something" sounds like something a gal pal might say to her female friends.

 

Edited May 21, 2021 by Alpaca

[TrueGuy]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

That is way way way too long. If I don't hear anything from the guy 2 or 3 days tops after our date, then I  would assume that he is not interested. If he decides to contact me 8 days later, I would suspect that he is only contacting me because he run out of other options. I would definitely think that he is not that into me. More than likely I would next him. Maybe I am wrong but I honestly do think that an interested guy would contact me sooner rather than later. A day or two at the most. 
OP, you also need to realize that a woman who is in a search for a boyfriend is not just going to sit and wait for 5-8 days for a guy to contact her. Most likely she is going to agree to go out with another guy(s) so waiting long enough to contact her is not going to do you any favors. Me, personally, I like when a guy tells me right after our date that he had a great time and would like to see me again. A simple confirmation like that tells me that he is interested. And then ideally arrange the next date a day or two later.

 

You won't next any man that you have a healthy romantic attraction level for, that's just the way women are made. If he waited 5 to 8 days to call, you might be a littly miffed at him, but your romantic attraction for him will force you to go out with him. If you don't go out with him, even though you have a high romantic attraction for him intially, that's really really hard headed, inflexible, and that's a violation of my Good Girl Qualities. In which case, I would have to advise my guy to block and delete your number. No offence, I'm sure you're a lovely lady..that needs to soften up a bit...I know that you will when you meet the right man. 

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. 

[Angelle]

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

 

if Leonardo DiCaprio waited 5 days to call you, you’ll next him? 

Leo isn't my type, and never has been. He isn't attractive to everyone. He seems to have a thing for models who are much younger than him, which I find distasteful, and he has never been my type physically. If we got along well, he could become attractive to me. I have been put off a very attractive man, when he did things like forget my birthday, or not contact me for a while. 

[Angelle]

7 minutes ago, TrueGuy said:

You won't next any man that you have a healthy romantic attraction level for, that's just the way women are made. If he waited 5 to 8 days to call, you might be a littly miffed at him, but your romantic attraction for him will force you to go out with him. If you don't go out with him, even though you have a high romantic attraction for him intially, that's really really hard headed, inflexible, and that's a violation of my Good Girl Qualities. In which case, I would have to advise my guy to block and delete your number. No offence, I'm sure you're a lovely lady..that needs to soften up a bit...I know that you will when you meet the right man. 

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. 

I don't know that I would want to fit your "good girl" qualities, but what if a man did that more than once?  Would she be "allowed" to move on after that? A healthy romantic attraction goes both ways, and doesn't include being ignored. 

Edited May 21, 2021 by Angelle