MoonchildTX Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 I'm in love with my boyfriend and he's always been expressive of his love too. Recently, however, he dropped a bombshell and told me he felt like I love him more than he loves me. Of course I was shocked, it instantly pierced my heart. He tried to salvage his comment and to clarify that he was still 100% committed but that I was 110%. That felt a little better but what's eating at me is that he said it at all. I don't think I could ever tell someone to their face that I don't love them as much as they love me especially knowing that'd hurt them deeply. We are supposed to be getting married. 2nd marriages for us both, but now I'm not sure anymore, it feels like the whole relationship is a lie. He's tried to make things better though, he always says I'm the love of his life and he said I'm his best friend but in review of our relationship I can see that there were many times he took me for granted, yet many other times he seemed so loving and very sincere. The other issue is I have seen him online in Whatsapp in the early morning but he has ignored most of my messages and phone calls lately. He explained there's been bad weather, he's away from the US right now, but I can see read receipts. How is he able to be seen online and how can I see he's read the messages if he's got very poor wifi? What do you guys think about his comment? Would you ever tell the woman you love such a thing? What about this whatsapp issue?
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 I think I'd but the wedding on hold & get some pre-marital counseling to explore this more. 2 1
ShyViolet Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 "He's away from the US right now"... so this is a long-distance relationship?
Author MoonchildTX Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 Yes, it is LDR at the moment while he's working overseas. He's been gone 6 months.
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 If he's already been gone 6 months & is now ignoring your messages you have to assume somebody else has caught his eye. When is he scheduled to come home? Is there a way for you to go visit him? The distance is killing your relationship. 1 1
ShyViolet Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 Long distance relationships are difficult even in the best of circumstances. He might be feeling a disconnect from you because of the complete lack of in-person intimacy which is what a relationship is supposed to have. Put the marriage plans on hold until he actually comes back and you're together in person for a substantial amount of time. See how your relationship is once you are together for a while in person again, and only then decide if this is someone you can marry. You should never marry someone who tells you that they don't love you as much as you love them. That's just crazy. 2 1
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 Not a good thing... not a good thing at all. He’s having some doubts that I assume are not unrelated to the LDR 2 1
hippychick3 Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 That must have been so hard to hear. Telling you he’s committed 100% vs. your 110% is total BS. It’s just another way of telling you he’s not committed as much as you are. I’d totally reconsider marrying him. And given his lack of communication, I’d assume someone else is in the picture. I’d get myself prepared for that possibility. 2 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 2 hours ago, MoonchildTX said: I was shocked, it instantly pierced my heart. it feels like the whole relationship is a lie. I have seen him online in Whatsapp in the early morning but he has ignored most of my messages and phone calls lately. Sorry to hear this. How long have you been dating? It sounds like he doesn't want to get married as much as you do. It also seems as though he thinks you are clingy or dramatic. Step way back. It appears to be moving at a too much too soon pace. 1
Author MoonchildTX Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 We have been together for 4 years. I'm not clingy, dramatic or mean but I'm not a doormat either, I do stand up for myself. To me it's a little fishy he'd be on Whatsapp at 5am and not call me back or text back, but maybe it was work related. The 2 messages I sent were #1) hey babes, #2) is everything ok? Our last conversation back on May 3 was great like they usually are, but here we are and it's May 20th, he did text and call about four or five times between the 3rd and today, that's not normal or ok to me, personally. That's also not clingy and dramatic to expect to talk to the man who says you're the love of his life, wife, best friend, an amazing and perfect girlfriend. I chose to believe him about the wifi being an issue at first, but I find it odd that he'd be able to be online and that it's happening again. I've already stepped way back and I'm ending things. My hunch is he met someone and is afraid to tell me the truth. Lately he's been saying he's going to love me for the rest of his life and if I met someone else and decided to leave he'd be hurt but would understand why.
Taramere Posted May 20, 2021 Posted May 20, 2021 3 hours ago, MoonchildTX said: My hunch is he met someone and is afraid to tell me the truth. Lately he's been saying he's going to love me for the rest of his life and if I met someone else and decided to leave he'd be hurt but would understand why. If it were me, I think I'd perceive that comment and the circumstances leading up to it as him offering me an opportunity to exit with some dignity intact, and I would take it with as much grace as I could summon up. It's not easy to walk away, but at least it's a choice you can make - and it evidently won't come as a surprise to him. I think dealing with the consequences of not walking away is likely to be a lot harder on you. 1
Kyra Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 I think it's normal for one person to be more committed or feel more love than that other. It's not usual to admit it but perhaps he felt he should be honest; or perhaps he felt a little guilty that he doesn't feel as deeply or openly as you do. It does hurt to hear your love isn't 100% returned but some guys just don't feel as deeply as their partners.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 This doesn't sound too good, @MoonchildTX I think his comment coupled with his increasingly distant behaviour with you spells trouble, unforunately. It sounds like he's losing interest and may be trying to brace you for what's coming. I realize it's been a little bit since you first posted this. Have there been any developments since?
Caauug Posted June 2, 2021 Posted June 2, 2021 On 5/19/2021 at 8:56 PM, MoonchildTX said: I don't think I could ever tell someone to their face that I don't love them as much as they love me especially knowing that'd hurt them deeply. And you can't. Your love for him is not the same as his love for you, it's like comparing apples to oranges... The attractive characteristics that your BF has is different to the characteristics that your BF finds attractive in you. We have different needs so the attraction will be different and the love will be different. Do not compare love. Commitment? Yes, you can compare commitment. On 5/19/2021 at 9:42 PM, MoonchildTX said: Yes, it is LDR at the moment while he's working overseas. He's been gone 6 months. Good luck with that... LDR can work. It's hard work, both parties have to want it to work and you need lots of forgiveness.... There has to be an end date to work forward to.... Most people give up and can't deal with it.
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