Guy doesn't reply?

[Kyrak]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Honestly... I’d wait several days and just send the sexy pic ... In the meantime be looking for backup/ someone new ..

 

don’t look too desperate... even if you are. You said you’re hyper sexual then you probably need backup option because he’s not pulling through ? 
 

 

Yeah correct. I tried a guy few days ago but he smelled weird.

[elaine567]

Get a proper bf and forget about the casual.
The right one will give you sex every day even multiple times a day... and he will also be someone you like and trust... 

[Miss Spider]

Oh I know.., the struggle is real. People are like oh you’re attractive and a woman, go get a sex partner. It’s like...where? And who? Sure there’s plenty of creepy, ugly guys, weird guys, crazy guys, annoying guys, smelly guys etc, ones who get super obsessive and make you feel like you’ve done wrong, but no one wants to have sex with those people so I wish people would stop making that seem like an option. & ‘bfs’ don’t come without baggage and heavy load of expectations you might not want in your life right now. You can’t just have sex when you want with a bf and do nothing else.. never heard of it 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Kyrak said:

Maybe he's just busy

Yes, with his girlfriend. 

He claims he's in an open relationship, so that means he does indeed have a girlfriend. He is going to prioritize her over you. For something casual, you're too stressed out about this guy. 

Don't text him anymore. He knows where to find you if he wants to see you. 

[Kyrak]

I get it now. Just want to make it clear that I'm only looking for sex.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe the pace is too much for him.  I get the sense that this happened over 2-3 days.  Maybe he can't perform every day or has other playmates.  

If you still want to have sex with him, I don't see the harm in a note that clearly spells it out . . . Wanna come over for some quality time, conversation & clothes optional?

 

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, Kyrak said:

So I do nothing? I'm also going after sex. Just wrote a stupid comment cause I didn't want to scare him that I'm hypersexual and feel pressured but now I regret writing one thing when I meant another. My last message was sent last night. Can I give it a rest few days and text again when I want a quickie?

 

2 hours ago, Kyrak said:

I get it now. Just want to make it clear that I'm only looking for sex.

He knows you are DTF.  There is no need to contact him to tell him so.  He'll reach out to you when/if he wants more sex from you. 

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

He knows you are DTF.  There is no need to contact him to tell him so.  He'll reach out to you when/if he wants more sex from you. 

This!  Leave it be.  Sending a sexy pic sounds desperate and like you're seeking validation and/or his approval.

Guys pick up on that real fast, and THAT will turn him off.

You double texted him which indicated your interest, so what?  There is nothing to be embarrassed about, I wish folks would get this crazy notion out of their heads.

If you continue messaging and chasing, sending pics, clarifying you only want casual or whatever, that is something to be embarrassed about.

Try and chill...  let him wonder about you a bit, just like you are wondering about him.

It adds to the sexual tension, and he will reach out when he has the desire to be sexual with you again.

[Miss Spider]

Sending a sexy pic has never not worked for me I think it would only turn him off if it was not a sexy pic... the idea is to sexually entice. You gotta game for sex different than if you were to game in for a relationship/bf... a guy looking at it like a relationship prospect might turn away from a sexy pic... a guy who is DTF only wants to see sexy pics .. he’s not thinking about what you’re doing at all.. he’s looking at other sexy pics a

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sending a sexy pic has never not worked for me I think it would only turn him off if it was not a sexy pic... the idea is to sexually entice. You gotta game for sex different than if you were to game in for a relationship/bf... a guy looking at it like a relationship prospect might turn away from a sexy pic... a guy who is DTF only wants to see sexy pics .. he’s not thinking about what you’re doing at all.. he’s looking at other sexy pics a

Okay, that's a fair assessment,  since it's worked for you.  I take what I said back then...

For me, I've never had to send additional sexy pics to entice, but I understand the appeal. 

Once we begin actually dating, different story - he's the one taking the sexy pics!  

I get it though cookies...

Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Yea I don’t know if it works all the time for everyone... but only my own xp... I’ve randomly sent a guy sexy pics as a tease for what to come... and idk if it seemed desperate (?) but they’ve always been enthusiastically received ...lol... maybe some others can chime ? ..Also it doesn’t have to be too risqué Either, only what youre comfortably with 

 

I also agree with you to just back off awhile maybe. I think what happened is this guy is going about his day and he gets a what’s up how’s your day or friendly type of text and he’s like “jfc.. you sleep with them once... “bc that happens a lot.  I hooked up with a guy the day before yesterday and he sent me like that type of text and I mentally cringed and didn’t want to respond. If he didn’t contact I may hit him up down the road , but I might be with some else then too. If he sent things that out us in a sexy direction, that would be the best, I’d know we’re both on the same page and things would flow easy. Which is why I don’t really agree all the time with “let them come to you” seek out what you want too & if person can’t provide, seek someone who will .. obviously though if they brushed you off., stop 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

He knows you are DTF.  There is no need to contact him to tell him so.  He'll reach out to you when/if he wants more sex from you. 

Agree. In fact, if he's with someone, he can't be at your beck and call for sex.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

17 hours ago, Kyrak said:

Have been seeing casually this guy

What you're describing is what happens when something is casual. You fit the person in when it's convenient. He or she is not a priority. Are you sure you're okay with something casual? 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

9 hours ago, Kyrak said:

Not sure what changed in the meantime. Does it have to do with me sending him messages?

Honestly, there a lot of other women offering casual to men. You are probably not the only side woman he's seeing. If you truly want casual, you need to adjust your expectations and realize you won't see or hear from him on a set schedule.

[Kyrak]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Maybe the pace is too much for him.  I get the sense that this happened over 2-3 days.  Maybe he can't perform every day or has other playmates.  

If you still want to have sex with him, I don't see the harm in a note that clearly spells it out . . . Wanna come over for some quality time, conversation & clothes optional?

 

This sounds cool. I will take a step back until Sunday and then write to him if he's down to hook up.

[Kyrak]

7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh I know.., the struggle is real. People are like oh you’re attractive and a woman, go get a sex partner. It’s like...where? And who? Sure there’s plenty of creepy, ugly guys, weird guys, crazy guys, annoying guys, smelly guys etc, ones who get super obsessive and make you feel like you’ve done wrong, but no one wants to have sex with those people so I wish people would stop making that seem like an option. & ‘bfs’ don’t come without baggage and heavy load of expectations you might not want in your life right now. You can’t just have sex when you want with a bf and do nothing else.. never heard of it 

You are so right honestly, sums up everything I'm thinking about. And it's not like I can't find alternative but sexual chemistry was there and so when we left he texted me on his way home. I get it not being able to pull through because I want it all the time but he could have explained to me how casual works for him. Many years ago I had a fwb and we talked almost every day about all sorts of stuff, he was my best friend and f***ing constantly. Idk, I thought this one had the same potential towards fwb. Excuse me but don't want a bf cause I'm not into dating but I prefer these encounters that grow organically and don't even care about a stupid text or replies or watching my stories was just trying to keep the momentum alive to make it easier to start hooking up casually like next message would be "come over I'm horny" and don't tell me u text me this plainly to the guy you hooked up twice cause there isn't the friendly element yet necessary in my opinion for casuals. It just makes the whole sex part more fun and exciting. I don't want to become his gf neither his priority just someone he can share few moments with and me also, have amazing sex, laugh together and then separate our ways till the next time. I'm indeed hypersexual but cmon if you just met someone and they are super into you and attracted, wouldn't you be f***ing constantly (lets say no stressful schedules or other issues)? Thank you for giving me food for thought. Ofc, I have to trust my sex buddy to experiment and feel comfortable and for STDs etc. Don't think it is too much to acknowledge that I like the gesture of taking the time to bring me a fine wine and flirt a bit, again when we last met he was all over me cuddling and talking and didn't want to get off to go home. So I'm confused by sudden shift don't think I overwhelmed him cause another guy I was f***ing with just told me hey you're writing me too much can't keep up and we were still hanging together and f***ing. So yes, communication without stepping someone's space is key for me, I wanna be able to talk freely to someone I'm sweating together and sees my vagina and also them to feel free to express themselves. He even told me that I'm chilled and transparent so I felt that he can freely speak his mind with me even to tell me hey it was fun but don't want more I wouldn't take it personally or be hurt just a bit frustrated cause it's hard all over again to search for a new sex buddy, that can make u laugh and enjoy sex and cuddling without thinking when its the time to exit cause sex wasn't good or no other interaction is possible as they don't get you. Also, I like casual cause honestly I hate being on the phone and me also need some alone days to recharge than being couple and do couple things. Anyhow, would be less anxious if I wasn't an ovethinker and enjoy myself more cause imagine he's just chilled, meeting other girls as well and saying alright planning to see her end of week, glad she enjoyed the wine, don't want to check her stories cause I told her I stalked all her male friends and maybe she thinks im creepy or she's posting too much. You know if you could be in another person's mind and share their perspective on things like sex, friendship, relationships we wouldn't hate dating game so much and life would be easier and enjoyable.

[Miss Spider]

I agree with you completely. It could also be his main chick ( not necessarily, but could be someone who thinks he’s monogamous too ... like his gf/wife like wiseman mentioned) but EVEN if it is an open rship, I’ve known friends like these and there’s usually a main chick who says she’s cool with poly but still keeps the guy on a short leash/ she’s priority. Don’t really know what’s going on with him. That sucks though. I’m kind of annoyed aboyt the guy I was seeing too , 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Allupinnit]

14 minutes ago, Kyrak said:

You are so right honestly, sums up everything I'm thinking about. And it's not like I can't find alternative but sexual chemistry was there and so when we left he texted me on his way home. I get it not being able to pull through because I want it all the time but he could have explained to me how casual works for him. Many years ago I had a fwb and we talked almost every day about all sorts of stuff, he was my best friend and f***ing constantly. Idk, I thought this one had the same potential towards fwb. Excuse me but don't want a bf cause I'm not into dating but I prefer these encounters that grow organically and don't even care about a stupid text or replies or watching my stories was just trying to keep the momentum alive to make it easier to start hooking up casually like next message would be "come over I'm horny" and don't tell me u text me this plainly to the guy you hooked up twice cause there isn't the friendly element yet necessary in my opinion for casuals. It just makes the whole sex part more fun and exciting. I don't want to become his gf neither his priority just someone he can share few moments with and me also, have amazing sex, laugh together and then separate our ways till the next time. I'm indeed hypersexual but cmon if you just met someone and they are super into you and attracted, wouldn't you be f***ing constantly (lets say no stressful schedules or other issues)? Thank you for giving me food for thought. Ofc, I have to trust my sex buddy to experiment and feel comfortable and for STDs etc. Don't think it is too much to acknowledge that I like the gesture of taking the time to bring me a fine wine and flirt a bit, again when we last met he was all over me cuddling and talking and didn't want to get off to go home. So I'm confused by sudden shift don't think I overwhelmed him cause another guy I was f***ing with just told me hey you're writing me too much can't keep up and we were still hanging together and f***ing. So yes, communication without stepping someone's space is key for me, I wanna be able to talk freely to someone I'm sweating together and sees my vagina and also them to feel free to express themselves. He even told me that I'm chilled and transparent so I felt that he can freely speak his mind with me even to tell me hey it was fun but don't want more I wouldn't take it personally or be hurt just a bit frustrated cause it's hard all over again to search for a new sex buddy, that can make u laugh and enjoy sex and cuddling without thinking when its the time to exit cause sex wasn't good or no other interaction is possible as they don't get you. Also, I like casual cause honestly I hate being on the phone and me also need some alone days to recharge than being couple and do couple things. Anyhow, would be less anxious if I wasn't an ovethinker and enjoy myself more cause imagine he's just chilled, meeting other girls as well and saying alright planning to see her end of week, glad she enjoyed the wine, don't want to check her stories cause I told her I stalked all her male friends and maybe she thinks im creepy or she's posting too much. You know if you could be in another person's mind and share their perspective on things like sex, friendship, relationships we wouldn't hate dating game so much and life would be easier and enjoyable.

This is because you are not wired for casual sex.  You want an "eff buddy" but also with all of these stipulations because you know you're not a robot and being treated as such makes you feel rotten inside.  

[Kyrak]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with you completely. It could also be his main chick ( not necessarily, but could be someone who thinks he’s monogamous too ... like his gf/wife like wiseman mentioned) but EVEN if it is an open rship, I’ve known friends like these and there’s usually a main chick who says she’s cool with poly but still keeps the guy on a short leash/ she’s priority. Don’t really know what’s going on with him. That sucks though. I’m kind of annoyed with the guy I was seeing too , it fell through

Oh I'm sorry about that. Was anything similar? I've been with a guy who had a gf in the past and he set the pace by telling me directly I have relationship, we meet x days so I won't be available as much but feel free to text me anything you want. And he was even an athlete with tight schedule but always came back to me within three four days or weeks maybe and the momentum was lost by then ofc after a while so didn't want the same thing to happen. Ofc, he gave me the green light to leave him these messages here and there. Again, I stopped being major texter and only leave a message when someone sets the pace that is okay to do, for example when he wanted to hook up he double tripled texted me and I replied didn't think it was cringe. Also, it was a polite message since I told him I'm into wines and was impressed he could find authentic Bordeaux which I happen to like. Had guys ditching up on me after first hook up usually but after second third you're more comfortable leaving messages here and there because we are humans and get distracted and whole point of casual is to be stress free and enjoy the flirt but you'll need to keep momentum for sex to remain good and chemistry alive than f***ing once per month is not really sex buddy but hook up. I'm more into fwb and told him even we can hang out as friends and said he'd be cool with that. I missed some male company group to go out and have our beers and later maybe f*** one two rounds. He said he got out of depression and that the girl is toxic and she got mad at him for meeting with me without telling her. I mean, if she was cool with open and polygamy why get mad? Either not open or her jealousy wasn't triggered only by hooking up with me, and really it's none of my concern. I told him that I'm looking for a f*** buddy stress free no commitment and that I'm horny all the time, he seemed to be okay with it. No commitment I didn't mean I don't like texting occasionally to keep fun alive. But this is how I operate with casual.

[Kyrak]

2 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

This is because you are not wired for casual sex.  You want an "eff buddy" but also with all of these stipulations because you know you're not a robot and being treated as such makes you feel rotten inside.  

Not really I'm just more humane in my approach. I'm having sex also with guys I don't fancy much and its robotic but does the job for a hook up. Not my ideal though correct.

[Kyrak]

2 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

What you're describing is what happens when something is casual. You fit the person in when it's convenient. He or she is not a priority. Are you sure you're okay with something casual? 

Yeah casual but also fun and exciting. Text me one month after hey wanna hook up I won't even remember who this is honestly just need abit of more playful flirty interaction at the minimum to not lose my interest then it's a pity cause a lot of guys text me even ten months after for casual hook up and it feels weird to f*** with them again cause I already had sex with so many other guys in the meantime. I just like these kind of guys that I can have fun with and not get the wrong idea if I enjoyed myself and share a picture to invite some sex talk in between meetings, if any but I want occasional sex with guys on rotation and ideally I'm keeping the momentum with all cause it's odd to text once per month, hey wanna hook up im horny, they don't even remember how your body is like or what each other enjoys in sex. Is that fun?

[Allupinnit]

Girl when you can figure out how to successfully pull this off you should write a national best-seller.  People have been lying to themselves trying to play this game where nobody  gets hurt and we all get off at our leisure, but that is not human nature.  Sex is meant to bond you deeply and that's why it is so satisfying when there is that trust built, there is consistency, that communication; we are all looking to feel connected and that is ultimately what is behind your need for sex with these men, even if casual.

 

 

[Miss Spider]

21 minutes ago, Kyrak said:

. He said he got out of depression and that the girl is toxic and she got mad at him for meeting with me without telling her. I mean, if she was cool with open and polygamy why get mad? Either not open or her jealousy wasn't triggered only by hooking up with me, and really it's none of my concern. I told him that I'm looking for a f*** buddy stress free no commitment and that I'm horny all the time, he seemed to be okay with it. No commitment I didn't mean I don't like texting occasionally to keep fun alive. But this is how I operate with casual.

Ohh boom bingo bango, that’s it .. the main chick got mad, she probably got jelly. she’s probably like let me see your phone, don’t respond,  delete that ***s number lol. She said she’s cool with poly, but she either just relunctantly agreed or she means on her side only haha at least that’s what I think might have happened here. And I agree it’s hard to see someone as too desperate if you know they just want sex and you want the same... and it’s good... Sucks since it was, but I think you need to keep searching for a fwb who doesn’t have strings attached because this guy sounds a bit too messy. He won’t be convenient enough to be a good, steady fwb to you that keeps in regular contact like you’re looking for. I’ve never had fwb, but I’m sure what you’re looking for exists. Somewhere in the middle between f buddies and bf/gf . Esp since you found one in the past 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Kyrak]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sending a sexy pic has never not worked for me I think it would only turn him off if it was not a sexy pic... the idea is to sexually entice. You gotta game for sex different than if you were to game in for a relationship/bf... a guy looking at it like a relationship prospect might turn away from a sexy pic... a guy who is DTF only wants to see sexy pics .. he’s not thinking about what you’re doing at all.. he’s looking at other sexy pics a

Always worked for me as well but tbh I would do that only if the guy was so boring and uninteresting that only a sex pic would do to get him excited so I tend to agree with the poster above about this particular case- I also send him sexy pic before hooking up one time he couldn't make it and he said he was horny all night and came the next day but I believe you tend to do this trick perhaps once twice max before hooking up, after it's a bit odd.

[Allupinnit]

Also - I'd be careful about sending nudies to a man in this day and age.  Men love showing these to each other.  

Sorry to be a Debbie downer on your fun, I just feel that there is a potential price to pay here.