Guy doesn't make concrete plans to meet!

May 21, 2021

Maybe one thing I need to start doing is take this OLD less seriously. I take it too seriously.

Maybe I need to take it in a light, fun and not serious way until the day comes where I find someone I can be more serious with.

May 21, 2021

11 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

How did it help you?

I don't know how helpful it is

That's the thing. It's not up to us to decide what is helpful to her or not. She is the one walking her path and she is processing it the way she needs to. Coming on here, complaining is part of that process. *he's just like most guys* is also something I went through before accepting it was my actions that attracted the wrong type of men.

May 21, 2021

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

That's the thing. It's not up to us to decide what is helpful to her or not. She is the one walking her path and she is processing it the way she needs to. Coming on here, complaining is part of that process. *he's just like most guys* is also something I went through before accepting it was my actions that attracted the wrong type of men.

Yes. One thing I just realized is what I mentioned before, I have to take this OLD less seriously and stop expecting that every guy I talk to is respectful and emotionally available and wanting to date. Many are not.

I have to take it less personally and less seriously too.

Edited May 21, 2021 by Emilyinroses

May 21, 2021

7 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I think it’s normal too to feel annoyed when you meet someone you click with, mention meeting, and then nothing.

On the simplest of things you could change, I think you remain annoyed about it for far too long. Try 5-10 minutes and then be grateful which is really always looking fo the silver lining (there almost always is one) that you did not spend time with someone who was not interested in you in the way you need and want him to be.

And you take it & yourself too seriously. Start with the premise that the majority of people online are NOT going to be for you--either the plainly are just not a match in how you are attracted to you or how they approach you. Statistically that is exactly how it is in life overall. Just because you are online and it makes it seem like shopping where they are available for purchase if you like the look/sound of them doesn't really make it that way. They are humans; you are a human; stuff happens. It's all part of the process of figuring it out. If you are bringing that state of perpetual annoyance to your daily life and your dating life (I would say you are), it lowers your attractiveness (i would say it does).

I come to your threads because it's glaringly obvious what some first steps to get you to a more dateable place are. I noticed that you replied defending your right to bash and trash (lol though I'm sure you won't see it that way) but didn't answer the direct questions I had in the subsequent post. Those were meant you to get you to think about your own behavior/your own role. You can focus on the exterior (other guys, other people's behavior) and wish that things would change--and be frustrated when it doesn't because it generally won't OR you can focus on yourself and your interior and how you relate to the world and things will change. its really that simple of a concept. Obviously harder to do if you have set in patterns or huge walls up.

Edited May 21, 2021 by Versacehottie

May 21, 2021

16 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

If you are bringing that state of perpetual annoyance to your daily life and your dating life (I would say you are), it lowers your attractiveness (i would say it does).

Emilyinroses this is true, and when we're in that mode we don't realize it.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how fed up are you?

May 21, 2021

46 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

On the simplest of things you could change, I think you remain annoyed about it for far too long. Try 5-10 minutes and then be grateful which is really always looking fo the silver lining (there almost always is one) that you did not spend time with someone who was not interested in you in the way you need and want him to be.

And you take it & yourself too seriously. Start with the premise that the majority of people online are NOT going to be for you--either the plainly are just not a match in how you are attracted to you or how they approach you. Statistically that is exactly how it is in life overall. Just because you are online and it makes it seem like shopping where they are available for purchase if you like the look/sound of them doesn't really make it that way. They are humans; you are a human; stuff happens. It's all part of the process of figuring it out. If you are bringing that state of perpetual annoyance to your daily life and your dating life (I would say you are), it lowers your attractiveness (i would say it does).

I come to your threads because it's glaringly obvious what some first steps to get you to a more dateable place are. I noticed that you replied defending your right to bash and trash (lol though I'm sure you won't see it that way) but didn't answer the direct questions I had in the subsequent post. Those were meant you to get you to think about your own behavior/your own role. You can focus on the exterior (other guys, other people's behavior) and wish that things would change--and be frustrated when it doesn't because it generally won't OR you can focus on yourself and your interior and how you relate to the world and things will change. its really that simple of a concept. Obviously harder to do if you have set in patterns or huge walls up.

Annoyed for 5 minutes and move on seems what I’ll be aiming to from now on. And yes grateful that they showed so early they’re not a match. Maybe changing annoyance for gratitude will make a difference. Thank you!

Edited May 21, 2021 by Emilyinroses

May 21, 2021

24 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Emilyinroses this is true, and when we're in that mode we don't realize it.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how fed up are you?

When I started this thread I would say I was a 9. Now I realised I have to change a few things, like taking OLD and myself less seriously and feel grateful when they show me early they are not a match, so I feel more peaceful and positive now.

May 21, 2021

2 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Annoyed for 5 minutes and move on seems what I’ll be aiming to from now on. And yes grateful that they showed so early they’re not a match. Maybe changing annoyance for gratitude will make a difference. Thank you!

This is a good plan! Men can pick up on any type of underlying bitterness or b****iness and it is a real turnoff. I’m not saying that you are bitter or b****y at all... but if you’re feeling this way, men know and don’t find it attractive. When we feel gratitude and peace, it shines through us and makes us more attractive.

And none of this is saying that this particular guy would have behaved any differently if you felt this way. He may still have been a flake, but in this scenario you’re not annoyed by it and are more emotionally available for the right guy.

May 21, 2021

2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I have to take it less personally and less seriously too.

Yes.

And if he plans beforehand, you'd be delighted to join him.

May 21, 2021

9 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Actually the reason I come here asking about guys is not to bash them out. I was married many years and after divorce and started dating again (especially online), I realised the world is very different.

Now everything is superficial, disposable, there’s a ‘hook up’ culture and the sorts.

There are things I am trying to understand how they work and trying to navigate online dating.

So I come here for that. Is not about the guy per se, but about this OLD dynamic in general.

I’ve had no negativity in regards to this guy. He asked for my number I said yes, we talked on the phone, I responded I wanted to meet, and he did nothing. I don’t see anything negative from my side in there to be honest.

But I am learning, and yes I’ll move on quickly next time.

Also, if you don’t like my threads you can also ignore and move on. Thank you.

im not viewing your prior threads and prior stories.

I asked a valid question and you dodged it on vaccinations ehich us a big issue now in deciding if you are going to meet or not e rn if you want to.

currently I’m fully vaxxed.I know others might not be.

the forum is for advice ...not validating a particular agenda or POV

as for OLD. Ve done it for over 25 yrs. during that time I had gotten married and divorced and had a LTR.

Yes there are problem with it now because more people use it but that includes more people who either aren’t as serious or looking for someone the wouldn’t meet in real life like the waitress/ cashier/clerk getting to date a doctor...

15 years ago you had only serious people wanting a relationship online. You just didn’t have as mane Frosted Flakes. Now, you had more of these on because it’s more socially acceptable and ease of use with smart phones

May 21, 2021

9 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I think it’s normal too to feel annoyed when you meet someone you click with, mention meeting, and then nothing.

There are many guys I talk to and don’t give a second thought about it, but is rare to click with someone and when that happens you pay a little more attention. And I am human and have emotions, I think is normal to feel annoyed and not like it.

Actually there’s something different I do now. In the past I would confront these guys and would be nasty, now I stopped that.

Now I either ask normally what’s happening (if I feel is worth it), or I just move on. In this case I felt like moving on.

Also, I do have guys who ask me out, but is those guys who ask you out after 2 or 3 lines of ‘where do you live, ‘want to meet’. That is way too fast for me.

I guess I am trying to find someone who has a balance. Someone with whom I feel there’s things in common and an interest to meet, and then we meet. Simple. That is not easy to find online it seems.

trust me I’ve been there...

I had a few peop,e I either seemed to click with online but then no date or we had a very good date then nothing after.

I recall one person I met face to face. We really clicked both on phone and in person. At the end of the date we kissed and it was more than a polite peck. My gut feeling...she had ended things with a bf she got back with or I wasn’t the only one she was dating and I wasn’t her first choice.. there is nothing I can do to change that.

never assume you are the only one they talk to nor the only one that are dating.

there are some now eho just cut to the chase and just want to meet face to face rather than chat.

there is an ideal time in meeting. My rule is

id like to talk to them on the phone and chat. If every thing seems good I’ll ask them out for a face to face meet up. From my experience if you talk too much before meeting face to face you need to do an activity date that has conversation starters. If you try to do a lunch date and have not much to talk about the date won’t go well.

if you have a good first meet with no red flags...have a second date.

May 21, 2021

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

trust me I’ve been there...

I had a few peop,e I either seemed to click with online but then no date or we had a very good date then nothing after.

I recall one person I met face to face. We really clicked both on phone and in person. At the end of the date we kissed and it was more than a polite peck. My gut feeling...she had ended things with a bf she got back with or I wasn’t the only one she was dating and I wasn’t her first choice.. there is nothing I can do to change that.

never assume you are the only one they talk to nor the only one that are dating.

there are some now eho just cut to the chase and just want to meet face to face rather than chat.

there is an ideal time in meeting. My rule is

id like to talk to them on the phone and chat. If every thing seems good I’ll ask them out for a face to face meet up. From my experience if you talk too much before meeting face to face you need to do an activity date that has conversation starters. If you try to do a lunch date and have not much to talk about the date won’t go well.

if you have a good first meet with no red flags...have a second date.

Yes you are right, it is what it is and we can do nothing about it but just move on.

I like to do that too, message and talk on the phone and get a feeling for them to see if I am interested and curious to meet. And when I am not for whatever reason, I just move on.

May 21, 2021

3 hours ago, hippychick3 said:

This is a good plan! Men can pick up on any type of underlying bitterness or b****iness and it is a real turnoff. I’m not saying that you are bitter or b****y at all... but if you’re feeling this way, men know and don’t find it attractive. When we feel gratitude and peace, it shines through us and makes us more attractive.

And none of this is saying that this particular guy would have behaved any differently if you felt this way. He may still have been a flake, but in this scenario you’re not annoyed by it and are more emotionally available for the right guy.

I can say I have been a bit bitter and a bit bitc** with guys, like they can only be doing online dating if they want something serious as me, and that I am entitled that every guy has to treat me properly.

I do deserve (as anyone else) to be treated properly, but I am not entitled to a certain behaviour from any guy, especially when many of them do not want the same as me.

I can clearly see that now.

I need to detach from how they are and what they want and how they act. That has nothing to do with me. I just need to observe and decide do I want this or not. If yes, great, if not, just move on.

As I said before I take this too seriously and then end up attracting the same over and over again.

And yes I agree, guys pick up on that energy just like I pick up on a lot of stuff from men. At the core I am peaceful and positive, the bitterness is just a wall I put up. I guess it’s time to change that energy.

Edited May 21, 2021 by Emilyinroses

May 21, 2021

5 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Annoyed for 5 minutes and move on seems what I’ll be aiming to from now on. And yes grateful that they showed so early they’re not a match. Maybe changing annoyance for gratitude will make a difference. Thank you!

yeah if this is the way that we can help you, I think it would help! So glad if it does

I know that I can be tough love but I feel like sometimes people need a wake up call to see how they might be being perceived. Also SO much of the way you experience the world, is within your control and that ABSOLUTELY is where to put your effort and your results in the world will change, promise.

May 21, 2021

5 hours ago, hippychick3 said:

This is a good plan! Men can pick up on any type of underlying bitterness or b****iness and it is a real turnoff. I’m not saying that you are bitter or b****y at all... but if you’re feeling this way, men know and don’t find it attractive. When we feel gratitude and peace, it shines through us and makes us more attractive.

And none of this is saying that this particular guy would have behaved any differently if you felt this way. He may still have been a flake, but in this scenario you’re not annoyed by it and are more emotionally available for the right guy.

Yeah exactly! I'm big on stats etc. And basically you want to see if there is a trend over time rather than extrapolate a single event and change your whole tactic. In this case, because OP mentioned it and it's been apparent to me and others (I believe, sorry I did not read all the responses, lack of time currently) that there is some bitterness and hurt there and a defensive mechanism going on, that emily would want to recognize, acknowledge the trend. It serves you best, emily, adjust once that starts to happen repetitively vs place blame or analysis on the outside (other people) which you cannot control. Every action has a reaction. So that's why I keep saying that no of this stuff is happening in a bubble--however you feel and are interacting with them is influencing the outcomes in "some" way. Much better to get yourself in the BEST, most OPTIMAL place so that your next encounter will go more the way you would like. Put it this way: even if the next guy is also not it, coming away from that one without any aggravation, serves you for the following guy, etc etc. That's the way, you need to get yourself "trending". Hippychick is soooo right about gratitude. That's why if you always look for the silver lining, you most likely will find it much easier to be grateful. Like 'oops he's not it, good thing I found that out this early so I can be onto the right one; each thing is a step closer to that".

May 21, 2021

2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I do deserve (as anyone else) to be treated properly, but I am not entitled to a certain behaviour from any guy, especially when many of them do not want the same as me.

Yeah I wouldn't even focus too much on that. Worrying about how other people treat you is wishing their behavior could be controlled--when perhaps they simply are not capable of behaving in the way you would wish them to. Saying it again for emphasis: not capable of behaving that way or even not interested. Much better to tailor your searching techniques to incorporate the fact that you will run into people who do not treat you "properly". Then you need to get real with yourself about what "properly" is. I think should put it into 3 categories:

*Complete Unacceptable, ie You are no longer interested

*Complete Acceptable, you are still interested

*Not Sure, ie you are not sure if you are still interested or not, ie it will take gathering of more info about this person in order for you to decide. Give the benefit of the doubt and be open to the fact that what you view as "properly" is only one script in your head and some people will approach you differently than you expect for no bad reason or intention--they just don't do it like you expect. So keep an open mind. Sometime you might be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't go according to your script or fantasy in your head at all, but is even better, though different, than you expected. Again in line with a first date, not much required to do that and not much invested, I would recommend following through so you can learn more about your likes and dislikes and open your mind and learn how to take yourself and dating less seriously. The upside of going is huge and the downside or cost is really low--so from a risk analysis perspective, this is a no brainier. Though I would caution someone who is still working on their defensive walls or negative belief patterns to be careful that they don't keep going or stay open if it's going to poison their thought patterns more. That said, it's a numbers game in a way, so if that keeps coming up or is the excuse, then you need to address the negative belief system--which you should be doing simulateneously anyway.

I feel like I should have a good quote from the Art of War but yeah no, no guy is going to willingly sign up if the girl he is dating somewhat views the class of people defined as men as the enemy. So yeah work on that one actively. Look for examples in other relationships (not yours) where you can clearly see that men are good in a variety of ways.

Edited May 21, 2021 by Versacehottie

May 22, 2021

22 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I can say I have been a bit bitter and a bit bitc** with guys, like they can only be doing online dating if they want something serious as me, and that I am entitled that every guy has to treat me properly.

I do deserve (as anyone else) to be treated properly, but I am not entitled to a certain behaviour from any guy, especially when many of them do not want the same as me.

I can clearly see that now.

I need to detach from how they are and what they want and how they act. That has nothing to do with me. I just need to observe and decide do I want this or not. If yes, great, if not, just move on.

As I said before I take this too seriously and then end up attracting the same over and over again.

And yes I agree, guys pick up on that energy just like I pick up on a lot of stuff from men. At the core I am peaceful and positive, the bitterness is just a wall I put up. I guess it’s time to change that energy.

My viewpoint is that it should all be casual until the relationship organically escalates.

The type of guy that you really want is in a happy space in his life. He's not looking to take on baggage. A lot of guys (not all) that state that they're seeking relationships are looking to fill a void, or they're using it as a trick.

The type of guy that you want isn't perfect, but he has a sense of contentment and peace in his life. To attract that, you have to be that. A lot of good guys are saying they want casual. When things are going well for a guy, the last thing he wants to do is anything to change it up, so he better be dang sure that anyone he dates will only add to his life and not bring turmoil to it. If whoever he's dating is so great that he can't risk going back to a life without her, that's when the casual guy gets serious with someone.

Whatever you're emanating now is being exploited by a certain small subset of guys. So until you change that inner chemistry, the men that you attract will not change. It's not about spotting the good ones better. You're not seeing the good ones because they're not approaching, not because they're scared to, but because they're not attracted. It's not your looks, it's about some vibe you're emanating that he's seen before and doesn't like.

Edited May 22, 2021 by dramafreezone

May 22, 2021

On 5/18/2021 at 4:35 PM, Emilyinroses said:

I met this guy on OLD some days ago. We have been texting and also spoke on the phone, and have a lot in common.

He mentioned twice for us to meet and twice I responded that would like to do that, and nothing. No concrete plans to meet from him.

It feels like he sends the ball to my side, I send back, and then nothing happens.

We both work from home and live just 10 minutes away from each other, so it would be easy to meet anytime for a coffee.

I just don’t get it. If I said yes to meet, shouldn’t he ask me out properly?

He has someone, and may be second guessing. Or just a bullshit mf

May 22, 2021

10 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

My viewpoint is that it should all be casual until the relationship organically escalates.

The type of guy that you really want is in a happy space in his life. He's not looking to take on baggage. A lot of guys (not all) that state that they're seeking relationships are looking to fill a void, or they're using it as a trick.

The type of guy that you want isn't perfect, but he has a sense of contentment and peace in his life. To attract that, you have to be that. A lot of good guys are saying they want casual. When things are going well for a guy, the last thing he wants to do is anything to change it up, so he better be dang sure that anyone he dates will only add to his life and not bring turmoil to it. If whoever he's dating is so great that he can't risk going back to a life without her, that's when the casual guy gets serious with someone.

Whatever you're emanating now is being exploited by a certain small subset of guys. So until you change that inner chemistry, the men that you attract will not change. It's not about spotting the good ones better. You're not seeing the good ones because they're not approaching, not because they're scared to, but because they're not attracted. It's not your looks, it's about some vibe you're emanating that he's seen before and doesn't like.

Funny thing is, I am exactly in the same place. I am content and happy in my life and will only change it for an amazing person with whom being together is so good I don’t want to live without him in my life. So in that way we are a match.

My problem is that I have a wall up and scared of being hurt or getting involved with the wrong man.

I think I am also expecting to meet online, connect immediately, and then when we meet is all sparks and everything amazing.

So is hard for me to date casually.

But yes I have to take things less seriously and start to have fun with dating, otherwise men will feel my bitter energy and feel repelled, agree.

May 22, 2021

On 5/18/2021 at 6:12 PM, Emilyinroses said:

Now this time he hinted twice about meeting, I said I would like that and he did nothing.

Since this has been a pattern for you when a guy hints twice about meeting and doesn't set up plans, just next him and move on instead of wasting your time.

May 22, 2021

16 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Funny thing is, I am exactly in the same place. I am content and happy in my life and will only change it for an amazing person with whom being together is so good I don’t want to live without him in my life. So in that way we are a match.

My problem is that I have a wall up and scared of being hurt or getting involved with the wrong man.

But those two comments are incongruent.

Everyone's been hurt. There's always a risk when navagating through romantic life. A lot of men can sense guarded women and just steer clear. It takes a lot of time to break those walls down and if he sees a path of less resistance (a woman that's not guarded) he'll take that. Most of what's left are the men that are very skilled at disarming women (a lot of these guys are charmers). Therapy may be very beneficial for you.

But I think you have to play the long game, which it sounds like you may be realizing. Casual with a relationship organically happening is the long game, enjoying the journey instead of trying to rush through it as quickly as possible. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, even if you're on a date with someone that ultimately may not be a fit for you. Make all dates enjoyable, not just for the guys that you see as suitable for you. You can't just say, oh I'll put forth my best effort when the guy is worth it.

Edited May 22, 2021 by dramafreezone

May 22, 2021

42 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

But those two comments are incongruent.

Everyone's been hurt. There's always a risk when navagating through romantic life. A lot of men can sense guarded women and just steer clear. It takes a lot of time to break those walls down and if he sees a path of less resistance (a woman that's not guarded) he'll take that. Most of what's left are the men that are very skilled at disarming women (a lot of these guys are charmers). Therapy may be very beneficial for you.

But I think you have to play the long game, which it sounds like you may be realizing. Casual with a relationship organically happening is the long game, enjoying the journey instead of trying to rush through it as quickly as possible. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, even if you're on a date with someone that ultimately may not be a fit for you. Make all dates enjoyable, not just for the guys that you see as suitable for you. You can't just say, oh I'll put forth my best effort when the guy is worth it.

That’s exactly what I have been doing, ‘I’ll put forth my best effort when the guy is worth it’, but then if I attract a guy who feels the same, I’ll never go anywhere with anyone.

Yes agree, casual with a relationship developing organically. That’s what happened many years ago with my now exhusband.

And take one date at a time, each conversation at a time, see how I feel, etc. Yes play the long game.

May 22, 2021

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, even if you're on a date with someone that ultimately may not be a fit for you. Make all dates enjoyable, not just for the guys that you see as suitable for you. You can't just say, oh I'll put forth my best effort when the guy is worth it.

OMG this 100%^^^^ not just for the OP but could solve many of the issues on Loveshack!!! Agreed!! Making yourself enjoyable and attractive (not just in a physical sense) in EVERY interaction from the moment you connect with someone--even if the person turns out to not be a fit for you--is how you "feel yourself" in the world. It's like a positive feedback loop. That's the energy you carry to the next interaction and around with you in daily life---so if you are characterizing interactions that are relatively insignificant in the scope of your life as burdensome, grueling, and dinging your persona then you carry that to every future interaction as well as surely miss opportunities because you are spending so much of your time in that state and mindset.

It's not that much of an investment to weed through people and it a necessary part of dating. The process itself isn't going to go away and all you can control is your reaction to how you move through the world. Even dates that don't turn into what you hoped usually have some humor or just a somewhat of a some type of connection with people that shouldn't be viewed as some kind of assault. In a way, you just have to view it as harmless like talking to a neighbor or some random stranger that you discover this one conversation (or first date) is about as far as you choose to go with that person. Also sometimes they decide that about you--fair enough, you shouldn't want to waste your time with someone that doesn't see you in their future or in a romantic way or is not inspired to go on a second, third date, etc.

It might be more difficult as it is for anyone if you are 2 months in or more and the thing falls apart. That would probably require some different techniques to get you off feeling bad or bitter (i don't know I never think there's an excuse for bitter as it really is about you not just being more real in that you are covering up hurt or sadness but I am going a little off topic with that) if it happens at that stage. But let's say in the first 8-10 dates, you guys are determining if there is real compatibility and committed relationship potential so no reason to over invest or to get heavy or hold high expectations. Lol, I get that wanting to go on a date when you both on a dating app is not unreasonably high expectations--though you'd have to go into online dating knowing that this is normal enough so it will happen with some of the people on there. If you accept that fact, you will be less likely to be bothered by it. Sounds like you are headed toward this type of thinking which I think is really good

May 22, 2021

28 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

OMG this 100%^^^^ not just for the OP but could solve many of the issues on Loveshack!!! Agreed!! Making yourself enjoyable and attractive (not just in a physical sense) in EVERY interaction from the moment you connect with someone--even if the person turns out to not be a fit for you--is how you "feel yourself" in the world. It's like a positive feedback loop. That's the energy you carry to the next interaction and around with you in daily life---so if you are characterizing interactions that are relatively insignificant in the scope of your life as burdensome, grueling, and dinging your persona then you carry that to every future interaction as well as surely miss opportunities because you are spending so much of your time in that state and mindset.

It's not that much of an investment to weed through people and it a necessary part of dating. The process itself isn't going to go away and all you can control is your reaction to how you move through the world. Even dates that don't turn into what you hoped usually have some humor or just a somewhat of a some type of connection with people that shouldn't be viewed as some kind of assault. In a way, you just have to view it as harmless like talking to a neighbor or some random stranger that you discover this one conversation (or first date) is about as far as you choose to go with that person. Also sometimes they decide that about you--fair enough, you shouldn't want to waste your time with someone that doesn't see you in their future or in a romantic way or is not inspired to go on a second, third date, etc.

It might be more difficult as it is for anyone if you are 2 months in or more and the thing falls apart. That would probably require some different techniques to get you off feeling bad or bitter (i don't know I never think there's an excuse for bitter as it really is about you not just being more real in that you are covering up hurt or sadness but I am going a little off topic with that) if it happens at that stage. But let's say in the first 8-10 dates, you guys are determining if there is real compatibility and committed relationship potential so no reason to over invest or to get heavy or hold high expectations. Lol, I get that wanting to go on a date when you both on a dating app is not unreasonably high expectations--though you'd have to go into online dating knowing that this is normal enough so it will happen with some of the people on there. If you accept that fact, you will be less likely to be bothered by it. Sounds like you are headed toward this type of thinking which I think is really good

Yes agree, make it enjoyable and with a positive energy. Also, my grandmother always told me ‘the way to catch flies is with honey’.

May 22, 2021

3 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

My problem is that I have a wall up and scared of being hurt or getting involved with the wrong man.

Maybe some of the men that you're coming across in online dating have that problem too.

Maybe they just got out of a terrible relationship.
Maybe when they asked for a date too fast it backfired.

There's so many "maybes."

Not that you ought to spend your time thinking about what their reasons may be but people for the most part are just trying to find what works best for them.

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