poppyfields Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: The reason I was attracted to him was because of our conversations. He seemed intelligent and we had a lot in common. Then when he ignored me saying I want to meet (and twice) and did nothing about it, the attraction was gone. Bolded, fair enough, but then why create this thread? That's the confusing part. When we are no longer attracted, we don't spend energy on them including creating threads, unless it's an on-line journal, and you're adding an entry to your journal. I have a journal at home and I try to add to it every night. When you are no longer attracted, you just delete and focus on other guys you are attracted to. Talking and scheduling meets/dates with them. Look, I am not even judging you IF you are attracted to him!! Attraction involves many things, even anger sometimes. . Like if you were NOT attracted, him flaking or not scheduling dates would not bother you. You would be indifferent about it, NEXT. But it did, it pissed you off! Hence this thread. That's all we're saying, if you like him, just own it. Like I do, even though I know I shouldn't be or he's the best man for me in some instances. That's how we resolve our unhealthy attractions or anything really. But owning it and taking steps to understand why. Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields 5
dramafreezone Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If the bloom is off the rose, just stop talking to him. Why drag this out? Because she's attracted to him more than she will admit, despite being disgusted by him. If this was someone that was barely making a passing grade and he didn't make plans, he would've been deleted after he didn't make plans the first time. He would not have had another chance to make plans, and this thread wouldn't have been created. Edited May 19, 2021 by dramafreezone 3
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: You date every guy!? Well, it’s a goal ... “shoot for the moon. even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars” Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Bolded, fair enough, but then why create this thread? That's the confusing part. When we are no longer attracted, we don't spend energy on them including creating threads, unless it's an on-line journal, and you're adding an entry to your journal. I have a journal at home and I try to add to it every night. When you are no longer attracted, you just delete and focus on other guys you are attracted to. Talking and scheduling meets/dates with them. Look, I am not even judging you IF you are attracted to him!! Attraction involves many things, even anger sometimes. . Like if you were NOT attracted, him flaking or not scheduling dates would not bother you. You would be indifferent about it, NEXT. But it did, it pissed you off! Hence this thread. That's all we're saying, if you like him, just own it. Like I do, even though I know I shouldn't be or he's the best man for me in some instances. That's how we resolve our unhealthy attractions or anything really. But owning it and taking steps to understand why. You are right. I guess I got hooked up by our conversations. Guys usually are so superficial and boring that when you find someone you have an interesting conversation you kinda see it differently. But nope he’s just like most guys online, flaky. And that yes killed the attraction. I already deleted him. Edited May 19, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Well, it’s a goal ... “shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars” But why date guys you are not attracted to or know are not right for you!? 1
hippychick3 Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: But why date guys you are not attracted to or know are not right for you!? I think she was being sarcastic. I hope so at least! lol 2
poppyfields Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: But why date guys you are not attracted to or know are not right for you!? This does not apply to cookiesandough (agree she was being sarcastic), but some women will date any man, even men they're not into or attracted to, for attention and validation. .. Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields 2
dramafreezone Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: You are right. I guess I got hooked up by our conversations. Guys usually are so superficial and boring that when you find someone you have an interesting conversation you kinda see it differently. But nope he’s just like most guys online, flaky. And that yes killed the attraction. I already deleted him. If he's an attractive guy, you're going to be one of many women that's he's getting messages and date offers from. It doens't sound like he's being malicious or being flaky on purpose, it's just that he has an abundance of options and the timing is off. Who knows what he's dealing with, maybe in another week or so timing will be better. I don't condone him not communicating but he may have so many matches that he simply loses track of them. I can't relate personally (nor can most guys) but I do have friends that do very well with OLD, one comes to mind that dated a different woman every day of the week. He told me that was his goal. So the options are compete, or date men with fewer options. It's certainly not "most guys online" just the subset that you've reduced your pool to. Edited May 19, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: If he's an attractive guy, you're going to be one of many women that's he's getting messages and date offers from. It doens't sound like he's being malicious or being flaky on purpose, it's just that he has an abundance of options and the timing is off. Who knows what he's dealing with, maybe in another week or so timing will be better. I don't condone him not communicating but he may have so many matches that he simply loses track of them. I can't relate personally (nor can most guys) but I do have friends that do very well with OLD, one comes to mind that dated a different woman every day of the week. He told me that was his goal. So the options are compete, or date men with fewer options. It's certainly not "most guys online" just the subset that you've reduced your pool to. He is not that attractive that he should have so many date offers, but I can be wrong. I don’t care if next week the timing will be right for him. The timing was now, we connected and I told him I wanted to meet. Take it or leave it, next week I’m gone because guess what, there are other guys for me too! I certainly do not want to ‘compete’ or date guys who date a different woman every day. That is all just ridiculous! I want to meet someone I connect with, we meet and where we both feel there is some special in there and worth to pursue further. That has no competition for or wrong timing.
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: Guys usually are so superficial and boring that when you find someone you have an interesting conversation you kinda see it differently. I find interesting men suspicious, and I also find boring men suspicious. Actually I find everything suspicious at the beginning, so should you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: Guys usually are so superficial and boring. Can you improve your screening? Are you on hookup apps or quality apps?
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I find interesting men suspicious, and I also find boring men suspicious. Actually I find everything suspicious at the beginning, so should you. I do. That’s why I haven’t had a date in ages.
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Posted May 19, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Can you improve your screening? Are you on hookup apps or quality apps? I am on Bumble and Happn. Tried Tinder but the quality is so low. Also tried Match.com and didn’t like it. I’m gonna start using sugar daddy sites next! Just kidding... or maybe not 1
Alpacalia Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: And I get to choose if I want that or not. Simple. Yes.
dramafreezone Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I am on Bumble and Happn. Tried Tinder but the quality is so low. Also tried Match.com and didn’t like it. I’m gonna start using sugar daddy sites next! Just kidding... or maybe not Why don't you try something completely different? Obviously if you've subscribed to this doctrine of what the guy should look like, what he should say in his profile, and that's not working, why wouldn't you change your pattern? If you're not had any dates in months maybe the problem isn't the quality, but your expectations. If no one can meet your asking price in terms of what they bring to the table, your price is probably too high with regard to what you bring to the table. Edited May 19, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 @Emilyinroses: Are you in your around 40 as well? or you're younger looking for an older man?
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I am on Bumble Is he from bumble... that’s where the girls make the first move? That wouldn’t be my first stop for assertive men Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Versacehottie Posted May 19, 2021 Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, Alpaca said: This comes across kind of bitter-y. Maybe he is picking up on that? I think if he's been calling you regularly and also proposing a date it would fine for you to reply with what you did initially and then maybe suggest something. Agreed. I have heard that tone in some of what you posted before OP, sorry....I do think your other thread where you say you want to do things differently was introspective. If that is truly the case, though, this feels the same as your other threads in tone and spirit. I would suggest doing the opposite of you what you would "normally" do. I don't think it serves you at all to vent and complain about this guy. I mean why waste YOUR OWN time on that? From what I can tell what the opposite action would be would be to MOVE ON without all the venting and critiquing of some guy who is basically not giving you what you want. Or since you are spending time on it, give him the benefit of the doubt and initiate by proposing a date. Edited May 19, 2021 by Versacehottie 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 8 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Why don't you try something completely different? Obviously if you've subscribed to this doctrine of what the guy should look like, what he should say in his profile, and that's not working, why wouldn't you change your pattern? If you're not had any dates in months maybe the problem isn't the quality, but your expectations. If no one can meet your asking price in terms of what they bring to the table, your price is probably too high with regard to what you bring to the table. Not quite right. Before I would give guys the benefit of the doubt and would go on dates even without feeling it, now I don’t. I’m more selective now and will only go on a date when and if I totally feel it. That way I don’t waste my time.
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Agreed. I have heard that tone in some of what you posted before OP, sorry....I do think your other thread where you say you want to do things differently was introspective. If that is truly the case, though, this feels the same as your other threads in tone and spirit. I would suggest doing the opposite of you what you would "normally" do. I don't think it serves you at all to vent and complain about this guy. I mean why waste YOUR OWN time on that? From what I can tell what the opposite action would be would be to MOVE ON without all the venting and critiquing of some guy who is basically not giving you what you want. Or since you are spending time on it, give him the benefit of the doubt and initiate by proposing a date. Agree. I need to move on without venting. Just next and that’s it. Benefit of the doubt? Not anymore. Every time I did that and asked the guy I realised he didn’t take an action because he wasn’t that much into me, or because other reasons like being attached to someone. So no more benefit of the doubt. A grown-up interested man knows how to ask a woman on a date, doesn’t need help. And if he does, he’s not the right man for me. Edited May 20, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Wiseman2 Posted May 20, 2021 Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, Emilyinroses said: will only go on a date when and if I totally feel it. That way I don’t waste my time. Excellent. That's why texting a guy who won't set up a meeting is a waste of time. How much texting do you typically do before meeting?
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 8 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Is he from bumble... that’s where the girls make the first move? That wouldn’t be my first stop for assertive men No he still was from Tinder before I deleted the App. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Excellent. That's why texting a guy who won't set up a meeting is a waste of time. How much texting do you typically do before meeting? Agree. I like to text 2/3 days maximum before meeting up. As soon as I am interested and curious about the person I realized I reached the point of wanting to meet. That’s what happened with this guy. And by ignoring me saying I want to meet too, he killed the interest. Edited May 20, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: @Emilyinroses: Are you in your around 40 as well? or you're younger looking for an older man? I am in my 40’s too yes. I was married for a long time and then after divorced just realised how the dating world changed and not for the best. I’m still very much old school in regards to like gentleman behaviour and romance. Edited May 20, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 20, 2021 Author Posted May 20, 2021 Also he told me he used to attract co dependent and manipulative women in his past and that he did major inner work to let go of that. I am not that type of woman at all. So he connects with me, mentions to meet, and then does nothing? I think he’s just an idiot. Or not ready for something different and is going to end up with the same type of woman again. And then he’s gonna tell his friends ‘oh I tried OLD and it didn’t work...’ Anyway, I like things that are mutual and flow easily. Want to meet? Yes, let’s go. Simple.
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