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She said she wants us to meet as FRIENDS and its our 1st meet? Now Im getting rejected and havent met yet? lol

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
in Dating

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I'm trying to help the OP out.  Can you see that he's already somewhat resentful of this woman and they've not even gone out yet.  I don't see the point in going forward for him.  They're too far apart in expectations.

Okay but perhaps we should help him lower expectations?  Because the way I see it, that's been a big problem for him.  His inability to relax and enjoy the moment, see where it will lead.  Naturally, organically.

He's overly anxious about it, which is his Achilles heel and why he's unable to connect with women.

Apologies @IntBrowserfor speaking about you in the third person. 

Edited by poppyfields
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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

 

OP has been on this site for years, bemoaning the fact that he can't find a woman interested in him.  If you read his past threads, it's clear that a big part of the problem is that he simply doesn't know how to interact with women, whether as friends, potential romantic partners, or anything else. 

No one is suggesting that this date will turn into cinderella-like wonderfulness. Rather, we are suggesting that he go into it with an open mind and use this opportunity to practice his social skills.  That way, when he meets a woman who is up for more than friendship, there is a chance she will be up for more than friendship with him.

Well don't you think the best way to approach this is by taking the pressure off?  This will be nothing but a friendly meeting, and most likely nothing beyond that.  If the OP can accept that, then I think it would be very helpful.

His issues likely stem from him putting far too much into every meetup with a woman.  So see it as nothing but a meet up with a friend and nothing else.  Seeing it as anything more turns in to "uh oh, I better not mess this up."

Edited by dramafreezone
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well don't you think the best way to approach this is by taking the pressure off?  This will be nothing but a friendly meeting, and most likely nothing beyond that.  If the OP can accept that, then I think it would be very helpful.

With his defeatist attitude, I agree it probably will be nothing more than a friendly meeting.  But nevertheless, he's gaining experience which is the best teacher.

That said, one never knows.  The best connections are made when they are least expected.

That's what meeting as "friends" is about, lowering the expectations and pressure to "connect" and allowing the attraction (if it's there) to develop naturally and organically.

Edited by poppyfields
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Don't give the guy false hope, unless he's ok with being just friends.

The way I see it, IntBrowser would benefit from having a couple of female friends. He needs guidance into women's mind. 

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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The way I see it, IntBrowser would benefit from having a couple of female friends. He needs guidance into women's mind. 

Certain things I think would be very helpful coming from a female friend.

Some things he'd be better off listening to men, especially men who have been through the same type of experiences.  Sometimes a guy needs to receive brutal honesty.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I sent her this text............."so you want to wake up get in the shower and get dressed and get in your car and drive to meet me in the park as friends?

Dude.  

You really need to ask here before you go firing off texts like that.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

She wants to meet at a local city park and walk and talk

I had first meeting in parks that turned into laying in the grass and kissing. Just saying. When you meet and you're hit with mutual attraction it doesn't matter anymore if you met as friends first.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

  Now the only reason I am agreeing to go is because I think she is HOT and but I am wondering why a woman would wake up and get in the shower and get dress and get in her car to burn gas to meet a guy she just wants to be friends with in the park???     Does that sound odd to anyone else?    I figured she would use that energy to meet another guy on the dating app.

Learn the language:  let's meet up as friends means I am not going to have sex with you.   She's childish because she can't use the grown up, mature words, "I like to get to know someone."  

The text you send was dreadful & insulting.  Showing & getting dressed are basics.  She's going to do that anyway whether she's meeting you or anybody else.  She's burning gas for the enjoyment of a nice walk in the park & some companionship.  

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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I had first meeting in parks that turned into laying in the grass and kissing. Just saying. When you meet and you're hit with mutual attraction it doesn't matter anymore if you met as friends first.

That guy's game was on point though.  A guy that's still learning basics doesn't even need to have that on his mind.

Edited by dramafreezone
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

That guy's game was on point though.  A guy that's still learning basics doesn't even need to have that on his mind.

100% agree. 

I don't want IntBrowser to even think of getting his date rolling on the grass. I just want thim to know he doesn't know the outcome of a meeting, until they meet. 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

The dating help you need is way beyond my pay grade, but I will say it’s not the worst thing. You don’t even know what she looks like 100% and friends usually pay for their own food/drinks. Bring your game face insofar as you can and try to close the deal if you’re feeling it 

Edited by Cookiesandough
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

It's been years since you've spoken and you're now catching up..  My guess is that she wants you to know that she's meeting you as a friend.  Not 'friends who might become more'.  But an actual friend.

For the record, I just got up, showered, got dressed, and will soon drive 1.5hrs to have lunch with a friend.   So yes, people absolutely do this stuff if they want to see a friend.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, basil67 said:

My guess is that she wants you to know that she's meeting you as a friend.  Not 'friends who might become more'.  But an actual friend.

Agree. That is most likely what this preemptive disclaimer meant. 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Learn the language:  let's meet up as friends means I am not going to have sex with you.   She's childish because she can't use the grown up, mature words, "I like to get to know someone."  

Fair enough but you don't know what her experience has been.  Which may be every guy she meets pushes for sex, so she plays it safe by interjecting a preemptive strike - let's meet as friends.  

If, during the meet, there is a mutual attraction, then it escalates.  If not, then it doesn't.  Best thing is to not even think about it, and allow it to play out.  Forget "words," they're often meaningless in situations like this.  Better to pay attention to actions during the actual meet.  And body language, I find body language to be extremely telling!

I am certainly not going to fault her for not using the correct or "proper" language (i.e. I like to get to know someone.).

Life is not always so black and white and we are not robots following a script.

 

Edited by poppyfields
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Also , you could use this as practice. If she is still hot... hot girls generally have hot friends, you know? So you could at least use this to open you to more opportunities. While practicing game/talking to women you’re attracted to with her. You should really practice or something. Idk, you need help, int. I’m just not sure how to help you. This just doesn’t sound like the worst thing, your options at the moment depending ... 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Learn the language:  let's meet up as friends means I am not going to have sex with you.   She's childish because she can't use the grown up, mature words, "I like to get to know someone."

"Friends first" means that she wants to get to know him before sex.   "Friends" means platonic.

dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted

 

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Also , you could use this as practice. If she is still hot... hot girls generally have hot friends, you know? So you could at least use this to open you to more opportunities. While practicing game/talking to women you’re attracted to with her. You should really practice or something. Idk, you need help, int. I’m just not sure how to help you. This just doesn’t sound like the worst thing, your options at the moment depending ... 

Speed dating for a while would be helpful for OP.  I did it a few years back after not dating for a while, to get a lot of face time with women and learn to relax.

Also OP should hire a dating coach.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

We don't know what Intbrowser said prior to her saying that......🤨

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norealusername Established Member

norealusername

Posted
Posted

I think she's just another big flake. Nobody says 'let's meet as friends'. Nobody is on a dating site looking for friends. You should just drop her and keep looking. She probably won't even show up.

dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

"Friends first" means that she wants to get to know him before sex.   "Friends" means platonic.

IMO he should only do it if he's ok with being friends.  That's what she explicitly stated as her expectation.

I don't think the OP can get there which is why I suggested that he decline.

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
51 minutes ago, basil67 said:

"Friends first" means that she wants to get to know him before sex.   "Friends" means platonic.

Exactly.  They've never met in person and haven't talked in six years, not sure what else he would expect...

Doesn't mean it has to stay platonic after they meet.

Edited by poppyfields
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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Exactly.  They've never met in person and haven't talked in six years, not sure what else he would expect...

Doesn't mean it has to stay platonic after they meet.

But it might stay platonic.  If the OP doesn't want platonic, then he shouldn't go out with her.

My entire point is that he should take her at face value.  Part of his issue is reading more into what's there.

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
46 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

IMO he should only do it if he's ok with being friends.  That's what she explicitly stated as her expectation.

I don't think the OP can get there which is why I suggested that he decline.

DFZ, I hate to keep harping on this, but I seriously don't understand....  what else could he possibly be thinking and expecting from a woman he's never met and hasn't talked to in six years?

Is he assuming she's been pining away for him all these years, and now that she's divorced, she couldn't wait to reach out, schedule a meet, to date, have sex, leading to a relationship?

This is a serious question, I just don't get the mindset.

She has no expectation, which is why she phrased it as friends.  Which is how it should be -- NO expectations.

Meet and play it out, see what happens, determine if there is a mutual attraction.

 

 

 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

But it might stay platonic.  If the OP doesn't want platonic, then he shouldn't go out with her.

My entire point is that he should take her at face value.  Part of his issue is reading more into what's there.

But how could he know whether he wants platonic or not?  Again, they've never met or talked in six years.

And if he IS sure he doesn't want platonic with a woman he's never met and hasn't talked to in six years, then the help he needs goes beyond dating advice.

I trust I don't need to explain why.

Anyway, I've said my piece, we will never agree on this, which is fine.

All the best @IntBrowserand I mean that sincerely.

Good luck.

 

Edited by poppyfields
dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

DFZ, I hate to keep harping on this, but I seriously don't understand....  what else could he possibly be thinking and expecting from a woman he's never met and hasn't talked to in six years?

Is he assuming she's been pining away for him all these years, and now that she's divorced, she couldn't wait to reach out, schedule a meet, to date, have sex, leading to a relationship?

This is a serious question, I just don't get the mindset.

She has no expectation, which is why she phrased it as friends.  Which is how it should be -- NO expectations.

Meet and play it out, see what happens, determine if there is a mutual attraction.

 

 

 

 

Yes, if he had his druthers, this is how things would play out for him.  Did you read his first post?  He's sexually attracted to her.  In this state, guys at times project their interest on to the woman.  He does not want platonic.  I'm 100% certain of that.

You're thinking of this from the woman's (with options) point of view, and I'm trying to tell you what's apparent to me from his point of view, a man with a dearth of options.

If you've lived a social life full of options of course it's going to seem foreign to you.

Edited by dramafreezone
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