Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) Hi guys, I recently posted here another question but this one is about this specific guy I met over a year ago on OLD. We first matched on February 2020, we couldn't meet at the time in person because he lives 1h away and it was just before the first lockdown. So we continued chatting but then he started to have some sex talk and I deleted him. A few months later he contacted me casually asking how I am, and we started talking again. This time we actually met, had dinner and ended up having a sexy session in the car (no actual intercourse). After that I was left confused if I really want to do this as it was pretty obvious it was just something casual. We decided to meet again to take things further (sexually), but then a Second lockdown came and we couldn't meet. I was also having doubts about meeting him, as I want a serious relationship and am not usually the casual sex type. Then after the lockdown was over he invited me over to his house for dinner and spend the night together. I couldn't go that day and told him I can only go next week. Then next week I asked if he wanted to come and meet me instead. He then says he couldn't come and meet me as he was feeling sick with an UTI for over a week. I then asked him how can you say you have been sick with an UTI for over a week if just a few days ago you invited me to your house??? I thought that he was either lying or being very irresponsible if he was really sick, and I blocked his number on WhatsApp. Now 2 days ago he sends me a message on my phone (forgot to block him on my phone) asking how I am and if I want to go out with him. I asked him what happened last time when he said he was sick. He then called me and said he was sick for real, but there were days he was feeling better and that it probably must have been on these days he invited me over. He also said he went to the doctor and the doctor said he didn't have any UTI and was fine. I find all this very weird to be honest. He also said he hasn't been ok lately with anxiety because of work and hasn't been sleeping properly. I know he now wants to meet me for sex and some companionship. The thing is, we do have a great sexual chemistry and it would be good to have some fun after nearly 2 years without sex, but I am not sure this is the right guy for that. I don't want him to come here to vent about work and his life, have sex and then leave, leaving me depressed with his energy (and who know with a UTI). Should I block him completely and move on, or give him a chance? Thank you! Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Blind-Sided Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 You know he's flaky... and really only wants sex. If you are looking for a real relationship... then don't meet him. It takes away from being able to find a real connection. 4
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 9 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: You know he's flaky... and really only wants sex. If you are looking for a real relationship... then don't meet him. It takes away from being able to find a real connection. As I said, I wouldn't mind to have a casual experience with a guy I am attracted to, after such a long time without intimacy. But it would have to be with someone positive, a fun experience, not a flaky guy who seems to be depressed and coming to dump his bad energy on me (he actually said he is not ok and needs to talk). He also mentioned on the phone that he is having arguments with his ex as his 13 year old daughter that lives with him wants to move in to live with her mom. Not sure if I want to get entangled in this sort of energy when I am fine in my life.
Blind-Sided Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 3 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: As I said, I wouldn't mind to have a casual experience with a guy I am attracted to, after such a long time without intimacy. But that's the same as an alcoholic saying... "What can one drink hurt?" Don't get me wrong... I'm not opposed to casual, or even a FWB.... if that's what you actually want. BUT... if you are looking for a real connection... then "Hooking up" dilutes you, and keeps you from focusing on the ultimate goal because you are getting the "Prize" in an easier game. It's like any other easy path in life.... you continue to take the easy path. We have several members here who complain about the bad dates... but then just go back to the FWB. The other side of this is... When you get into a casual thing... a lot of the times... someone will build feelings... while the other person doesn't. Then ultimately, you will get hurt. 3 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He also mentioned on the phone that he is having arguments with his ex as his 13 year old daughter that lives with him wants to move in to live with her mom. Not sure if I want to get entangled in this sort of energy when I am fine in my life. Yep... you don't want to get into the middle of that at all.
Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 Well. Casual sex ought to be fun and free of negative energy. 12 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: As I said, I wouldn't mind to have a casual experience with a guy I am attracted to, after such a long time without intimacy. But it would have to be with someone positive, a fun experience, not a flaky guy who seems to be depressed and coming to dump his bad energy on me (he actually said he is not ok and needs to talk). 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: But that's the same as an alcoholic saying... "What can one drink hurt?" Don't get me wrong... I'm not opposed to casual, or even a FWB.... if that's what you actually want. BUT... if you are looking for a real connection... then "Hooking up" dilutes you, and keeps you from focusing on the ultimate goal because you are getting the "Prize" in an easier game. It's like any other easy path in life.... you continue to take the easy path. We have several members here who complain about the bad dates... but then just go back to the FWB. The other side of this is... When you get into a casual thing... a lot of the times... someone will build feelings... while the other person doesn't. Then ultimately, you will get hurt. Yep... you don't want to get into the middle of that at all. What you are saying makes all sense. I have taken that easy path before and never lead me to anything good at all. I have learned that focus is key to get what we want and I agree, casual stuff can take you off course and dillute things. Especially from something that I don't feel is positive. Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 2 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Well. Casual sex ought to be fun and free of negative energy. Correct. But he said he is not ok and needs to talk. I don't feel anything positive about that. I feel he just wants to come to vent, dump his negative energy and have sex. What's fun in that!?
Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 47 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Correct. But he said he is not ok and needs to talk. I don't feel anything positive about that. I feel he just wants to come to vent, dump his negative energy and have sex. What's fun in that!? Could his desire to talk have anything to do with the UTI possibly?
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Could his desire to talk have anything to do with the UTI possibly? He said he doesn't even remember the UTI very well. I think he wants to talk about work and also the dispute he has now with his ex and his daughter wanting to go live with her instead of living with him. And he wants sex too. After our talk on the phone, he started sending messages in that regard. Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 Agree with all the above. I'd also wonder if the UTI wasn't actually an STI. Some of them can present symptoms initially which then go away even though the infection has not. Is this a risk you are willing to take? 2
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 10 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Agree with all the above. I'd also wonder if the UTI wasn't actually an STI. Some of them can present symptoms initially which then go away even though the infection has not. Is this a risk you are willing to take? Yes I thought that too. It can be actually a STI, and maybe he knows it since he said he went to the doctor, but doesn't want to tell me. Not worth the risk at all.
ShyViolet Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 44 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He said he doesn't even remember the UTI very well. That's completely weird. There is something fishy about this "UTI". I know guys can get them, but they do not get them commonly like women do. I'm very suspicious that maybe this was actually a STD and he wasn't being completely honest about it. 4
Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 6 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He said he doesn't even remember the UTI very well. I think he wants to talk about work and also the dispute he has now with his ex and his daughter wanting to go live with her instead of living with him. And he wants sex too. After our talk on the phone, he started sending messages in that regard. So, if you're looking for a more serious relationship (which you mentioned initially), are you okay with dating casually (with or without sex) in between, or whether you feel it would only complicate matters? 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Alpaca said: So, if you're looking for a more serious relationship (which you mentioned initially), are you okay with dating casually (with or without sex) in between, or whether you feel it would only complicate matters? Dating casually was the way I met my now ex-husband many years ago. We started going out, had sex, and at the time I wasn't very concerned if it was a relationship or not, I was just enjoying being with him. We've had lots of fun together. Then one day he invited me for dinner at his mom's as his girlfriend and that's when things became official. So, yes I am ok with dating casually with sex IF I am feeling good and like the guy and no red flags or dodgy intentions. Also, no UTI's and issues with the ex and daughter, and etc, like this guy. Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 37 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: That's completely weird. There is something fishy about this "UTI". I know guys can get them, but they do not get them commonly like women do. I'm very suspicious that maybe this was actually a STD and he wasn't being completely honest about it. I found it all too weird at the time he told me that and still find it now. Also, he was very avoidant talking about it, dismissing it like it's nothing. He INVITED me to his house and to spend the night there (as in having sex) at the time he said he was sick with an UTI! So how can someone do that!? He was either lying or being very irresponsible. I do believe it was a STI and he just doesn't give a shyt if I get it too. I know that symptoms from certain STI's can come and go, but symptoms from a UTI do not, you are just continuously very sick until you take antibiotics. So all points to being a STI and I want distance from that. Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 42 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Yes I thought that too. It can be actually a STI, and maybe he knows it since he said he went to the doctor, but doesn't want to tell me. Not worth the risk at all. 29 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Also, no UTI's and issues with the ex and daughter, and etc, like this guy. 2 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I found it all too weird at the time he told me that and still find it now. Also, he was very avoidant talking about it, dismissing it like it's nothing. He INVITED me to his house and to spend the night there (as in having sex) at the time he said he was sick with an UTI! So how can someone do that!? He was either lying or being very irresponsible. I do believe it was a STI and he just doesn't give a shyt if I get it too. I know that symptoms from certain STI's can come and go, but symptoms from a UTI do not, you are just continuously very sick until you take antibiotics. So all points to being a STI and I want distance from that. Seems like you know the answer to your question. 2
Blind-Sided Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: That's completely weird. There is something fishy about this "UTI". I know guys can get them, but they do not get them commonly like women do. I'm very suspicious that maybe this was actually a STD and he wasn't being completely honest about it. I agree. It's highly uncommon for a guy to get a UTI. And if he got one... he would be "Tough" about it... until it hurt so bad that he REALLY needed a Dr. Because of that... he WOULD remember !!!! And I know this because............ I HAD ONE ! I remember it clearly, and it sucked. BUT... a couple days after antibiotics, and cranberry juice... it felt so much better. So, either he had something really wrong (STD) and now doesn't want to talk about it... or he was just making up an excuse to not go out with you. Regardless... Flakey, and don't need that in your life. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: I agree. It's highly uncommon for a guy to get a UTI. And if he got one... he would be "Tough" about it... until it hurt so bad that he REALLY needed a Dr. Because of that... he WOULD remember !!!! And I know this because............ I HAD ONE ! I remember it clearly, and it sucked. BUT... a couple days after antibiotics, and cranberry juice... it felt so much better. So, either he had something really wrong (STD) and now doesn't want to talk about it... or he was just making up an excuse to not go out with you. Regardless... Flakey, and don't need that in your life. My gut feeling is that something came up on that day and he made up an excuse that he was sick. That’s why now he says he doesn’t remember very well. Anyway, after our phone talk earlier today he started sending text messages with sexual innuendos, probably trying to see if I’m still ok to something sexual to happen between us. I also find that a bit manipulative and no need for that. We could just meet and take it from there. I then sent him a message saying I feel we don’t want the same thing and is better if we don’t meet. He then sent messages saying he thinks we both want the same and that he just wants to go out and talk. And asked if we are then cancelled? I didn’t reply anything else as I have told him before it’s better if we don’t meet. And also I don’t think he just wants to go out and talk if he was doing sexual innuendos to see my response. I do feel sad about this to be honest as we did have a great chemistry when we met, but is unfortunate that the rest is like this. Edited May 14, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Alpacalia Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 6 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: So, yes I am ok with dating casually with sex IF I am feeling good and like the guy and no red flags or dodgy intentions. Also, no UTI's and issues with the ex and daughter, and etc, like this guy. To that end, I believe you have answered your own query. You want it to have a sexy feel to it. Seems like you've met the other reality of casual sex and that sometimes it isn’t. At least, not with this one.
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Author Posted May 14, 2021 2 minutes ago, Alpaca said: To that end, I believe you have answered your own query. You want it to have a sexy feel to it. Seems like you've met the other reality of casual sex and that sometimes it isn’t. At least, not with this one. Sexy yes, but also a positive experience and fun. This is definitely not it. 1
spiderowl Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 On 5/14/2021 at 11:30 AM, Emilyinroses said: Correct. But he said he is not ok and needs to talk. I don't feel anything positive about that. I feel he just wants to come to vent, dump his negative energy and have sex. What's fun in that!? Exactly! Where's the fun in that? 1
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 (edited) Right from the start you knew by his actions he just wants to smash. You want a relationship, but you both are horny and that keeps pulling you in. Who said you can't have both. I say meet up for a smash or two with this guy, but date/seek out other men that are more relationship minded. Remember: men will do and say anything to get sex....this guy is trying to hook you back in for some. He's gonna manipulate, lie, say whatever, dance, stand on his head to get head. He's just a horny guy, not some criminal. It's up to you, you decide if he gets sex or not. You have complete control over this. Edited May 17, 2021 by smackie9 2
Stupidkupid Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 On 5/14/2021 at 1:17 PM, ShyViolet said: That's completely weird. There is something fishy about this "UTI". I know guys can get them, but they do not get them commonly like women do. I'm very suspicious that maybe this was actually a STD and he wasn't being completely honest about it. I came here to say this ^^ And UTIs in men are actually very serious (can be in women too). Also, to clarify, UTIs are not generally transmissible from person to person (I guess the bacteria could travel but not the infection), just... awfully painful. 1
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