KurbKidC Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 My girlfriend of 3 years is all over me wanting marriage. I feel like the pressure is steadily mounting to tie the knot. Whenever a movie or show on TV involves marriage so gets all mushy and starts her asking me when I am going to ask her "the question". I do want to get married but I want to wait a little while longer for a couple reasons: A) We are only 21 and 20 respectively B) I feel I dont have my finances in order yet C) I dont want to be pressured into it, I just want it to feel right My question is, how do I assure her that I am dedicated to her and want to marry her but at the same time get her off my back about it? I love her but cant be pressured into it. It is actually pushing me away. All input welcomed.
Silas25 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Have you expressed all of these points to her? Is your finiancial situation in a decent shape enough for maybe a nice little ring? Just a nice little gift, nothing expensive just something in your means, maybe in her birthstone or if she has a favorite stone. Make it like a "promise ring" type thing. Tell her you want to make sure that your future together starts off right by getting yourself and the finances in order, but you wanted her to know that you see that future for you two. So you want to give her this gift as a start and when the time is right you will propose...Make a evening out of it, nice dinner or something you both like doing together and give it to her at the end of the evening. Make is special in itself and maybe that will do the trick. My bf has made this kinda of comment. He wants to get me a nice little ring as a promise to me that our future is there, but that he knows we are not ready for marriage or an engagement ring yet. I thought it was really nice. The only difference in our situation is I am the one that is not there yet for similar reasons as you and him suggesting that is something he wanted to do took the pressure off enough that I don't feel rushed. Always just do your best to reassure her that it isn't that you don't want to, you just want things to be right for the both of you in every way. But also look at as atleast you don't have to question as to whether she will say yes! Good Luck!
slubberdegullion Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Don't be pressured into it. Much of what girls seem to want is not actually marriage, but the marriage ceremony; the fancy dress, the attention focused on her, the stupidly expensive ring and all the rest. Just tell her the truth; that you are simply not ready. If she persists in hounding you about it, take that as a sign. If she dogs you like this before you're married, just think about what it will be like after the wedding.
SmallWonder Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Here's some good advice - TAKE IT The most important thing for you and your girlfriend to do is be totally honest with each other. Ask your girlfriend: Why is it TRULY so important to be engaged right now? Why do you want it so bad? Will things change if we're not engaged now? Will that change your feelings for me? Don't you really want stability - or at least, don't you want that for ME since it's what I want? Do you want a marriage or do you just want a big wedding/party? I just turned 28 and am in the process of a divorce. I was engaged at 21 and married right before my 23rd birthday. My soon to be Ex Husband recently told me that the night we got married, he thought "What have I done?" and that he felt physically sick because we didn't wait. I had to agree, of course, I am able to reflect back on it now as an adult. Not that you're not, but these things change you. Here's why I wanted to get married so bad when I was 21: All my friends were getting married, or asking me when I was getting married since I was seeing someone exclusively. Females get themselves all worked up and excited. They look at Brides magazine in the grocery store, they talk about what they want for their wedding. I wanted that huge rock that has been in my family for years, just waiting for my finger so I could prance around flashing it everywhere I went. Not that I didn't love my ex husband at the time. I just wasn't mature enough to seperate my needs and my wants. You're going to have to be strong enough to do it for you and your girlfriend. Trust me, if she loves you, she'll wait.
KurbKidC Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Thanks everyone for your replies! This all has really helped me get some perspective. I am printing out your advice and will use it well. You all are very kind and helpful. Thank you again!
Recommended Posts