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She takes forever to respond to my texts. Should I move on and save the myself the trouble?

Betty145

By Betty145
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Betty145 New Member

Betty145

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So I met this girl at a party and we really hit it off, first night we had fun and she slept in my bed. Second night she came over again and we hooked up. Couple days later we went on a dinner date and then went back and hooked up again, we seemed to both really enjoy each other’s company, sex, cuddling, talking, etc. however, when we’re not together she seems distant and takes forever to respond to texts, like sometimes it goes 8 hours before I get a response. If she was really interested in me she would initiate texts and respond to me a lot quicker than that. Right? Should I just break this off now and save myself the heart ache?

Thanks 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

8 hours is not all that bad.  It's certainly not "forever."  Learn more patience.   Just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 does not mean we have the obligation to do so. Not everybody has their phone surgically attached to their hands; people have jobs, lives & need to sleep.  Calm down.  

If you need instant gratification that is not good.  It means you have limited ability to go slowly to build something lasting.   IMO as long as she gets back to you within 48 hours -- yes 2 full DAYS -- it's all good.  

You can't tell anything about a person's level of interest based on the time, quality or quantity of a text.  The ONLY thing that matters is how the person treats you in person.  

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Betty145 New Member

Betty145

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3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

8 hours is not all that bad.  It's certainly not "forever."  Learn more patience.   Just because we have the ability to be connected 24/7 does not mean we have the obligation to do so. Not everybody has their phone surgically attached to their hands; people have jobs, lives & need to sleep.  Calm down.  

If you need instant gratification that is not good.  It means you have limited ability to go slowly to build something lasting.   IMO as long as she gets back to you within 48 hours -- yes 2 full DAYS -- it's all good.  

You can't tell anything about a person's level of interest based on the time, quality or quantity of a text.  The ONLY thing that matters is how the person treats you in person.  

Hmmm, interesting. Seems like a red flag to me, but I’ll trust your advice. 

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Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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I would back off here and not overwhelm her. Don’t be so eager. A lot of people can think things are awesome but that’s your feelings not hers.
 

Let’s face it 8 hours in todays world is a long time. Maybe she had something going on etc. Time will tell but it sounds like you are a lot more invested than she is. Early on if it’s as you are perceiving I would think she’d be on the same page but actions are telling. 

Edited by Marc878
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's a yellow flag because it's a point of incompatibility.  You want more, more more & NOW but that is not the way the world works,   You will be better served learning some patience but in time a faster response is warranted.   For example, yesterday I texted my husband to see if he wanted take out for dinner.  When he hadn't responded to me in 2 hours I place the order & picked it up on my way home.  I guessed at what he wanted & he ate it knowing that it was his own fault for not getting back to me.   But If we were just starting out dating, like you & this woman, I would be more patient. 

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Betty145 New Member

Betty145

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1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

It's a yellow flag because it's a point of incompatibility.  You want more, more more & NOW but that is not the way the world works,   You will be better served learning some patience but in time a faster response is warranted.   For example, yesterday I texted my husband to see if he wanted take out for dinner.  When he hadn't responded to me in 2 hours I place the order & picked it up on my way home.  I guessed at what he wanted & he ate it knowing that it was his own fault for not getting back to me.   But If we were just starting out dating, like you & this woman, I would be more patient. 

Yep, but I’m not gonna invest a whole bunch of effort and time into someone who can’t even bother to return a text within 8 hours... If we were right for each other this would be a lot smoother. 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Again it's a point of incompatibility but I firmly believe that you learning patience will benefit you.   

SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

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1 hour ago, Betty145 said:

So I met this girl at a party and we really hit it off, first night we had fun and she slept in my bed. Second night she came over again and we hooked up. Couple days later we went on a dinner date and then went back and hooked up again, we seemed to both really enjoy each other’s company, sex, cuddling, talking, etc. however, when we’re not together she seems distant and takes forever to respond to texts, like sometimes it goes 8 hours before I get a response. If she was really interested in me she would initiate texts and respond to me a lot quicker than that. Right? Should I just break this off now and save myself the heart ache?

Thanks 

It all seems to be going great in actions, and then you judge this based on some script in your head about how she uses social media.  You are dating her not her phone, some people loath texting.   You conclusions are foolish as she is already sleeping with you just not as responsive as you'd like.   I'm guessing you are young, inexperienced or both.  She wouldn't sleep with you if she wasn't interested, she just may not express it the way you do or be interested in the exact way you are.

Oh, and 8 hours is not forever, especially if someone is working or sleeping

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Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

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If faster text message replies are important to you, then don't settle.

Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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I dated one woman where her employer had a rule that every employee turn off their cell phones while on the job. 

If this woman is at work, then I can understand her not texting you back until she is home from work.

FMW Established Member

FMW

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As has been pointed out, it may just be an issue of compatibility, not interest.  The person I'm involved with doesn't look at his phone for hours on end, it's something I and his friends just have to accept about him if we're going to have him in our lives.  

If it's not something you're willing to deal with, let her go.  It sounds to me like it might be worth giving things a little more time in order to figure out her interest level (and using other metrics than texting habits to gauge that interest).  

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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2 hours ago, Betty145 said:

If we were right for each other this would be a lot smoother. 

Unfortunately you seem to have too many doubts about communication to start dating.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Hey @Betty145

For me, 8 hours isn't bad..but I wouldn't call it great, either.  It could be better.    But because it's on the margin and you like her, and assuming you two just met..I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and show her some patience.  Maybe give it another week or two just to be sure.

If she is working, then perhaps she's not allowed to use her phone at work.  If not that, she could be trying to sort some things out in her life.  Keep in mind, this woman does have her own life that existed well before you came into the picture.  There could be things she's trying to deal with it that she hasn't told you about yet.  

If you can't show some understanding and patience right now, do you think you could do it in a relationship?  Something to think about.

- Beach

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notbroken Established Member

notbroken

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I'm wondering why it takes her so long.  Is she in a work environment that won't let her answer?  Does she have another boyfriend? Husband?  Something is up.  Tread lightly until you know why. 

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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Is she at work, or in school or something like that during these times when she's not responding to the texts?

Interstellar Established Member

Interstellar

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Well you did sleep with her way too soon so this muddles the situation. Are you interested in dating this girl? Don’t waste your time texting that’s for her with her girlfriends. Just call her and ask her out on a date. If she gives you the runaround or didn’t counteroffer with a specific time and day then forget and flush her number. Women help you when they like you.

 

Edited by Interstellar
dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, Betty145 said:

So I met this girl at a party and we really hit it off, first night we had fun and she slept in my bed. Second night she came over again and we hooked up. Couple days later we went on a dinner date and then went back and hooked up again, we seemed to both really enjoy each other’s company, sex, cuddling, talking, etc. however, when we’re not together she seems distant and takes forever to respond to texts, like sometimes it goes 8 hours before I get a response. If she was really interested in me she would initiate texts and respond to me a lot quicker than that. Right? Should I just break this off now and save myself the heart ache?

Thanks 

Right now I just think it's a case of you coming on way too strong. and this other person isn't where you are yet.  I would back off.

People, even some who you're dating, can't carry on text conversations all day.  

Edited by dramafreezone
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

People tend to do what they passionately want to do, regardless of work situation or other circumstances. You can text from the toilet at work when you really want to.

She doesn't feel passionately about you at the moment. It may change but it likely won't.

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TrueGuy Member

TrueGuy

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On 5/13/2021 at 6:10 AM, Betty145 said:

So I met this girl at a party and we really hit it off, first night we had fun and she slept in my bed. Second night she came over again and we hooked up.

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Way too soon to start going to bed with each other. I would really hold back on that stuff until I got to know her really well. I would be more of  challenge and hard to get, this always increases the girl's attractions level. My experience has been that when I was too easy and available, the girl just lost interest in me. So what I learned to do was to playfully push her away and stall her off but in a gentlemanly way. 

Couple days later we went on a dinner date and then went back and hooked up again, we seemed to both really enjoy each other’s company, sex, cuddling, talking, etc. however, when we’re not together she seems distant and takes forever to respond to texts, like sometimes it goes 8 hours before I get a response. If she was really interested in me she would initiate texts and respond to me a lot quicker than that. Right?

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No, she probably has a life of her own and is involved in it. I don't do any texting with my woman. Texting is a leash to us guys and it's something that I've come to dislike. If my lady texts me between dates, I just text back saying: "Hey sweety, save all that interesting stuff for our next date, we'll have more to talk about." Then no more texting until we meet for our date. 

Should I just break this off now and save myself the heart ache?

Quote

Well, you've been really really easy for this girl and she just might be starting to pull away from you because of that. Women end up being repulsed by guys that you are too easy and a non-challenge. 

Thanks 

 

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 5/13/2021 at 6:39 AM, d0nnivain said:

It's a yellow flag because it's a point of incompatibility.  You want more, more more & NOW but that is not the way the world works,   You will be better served learning some patience but in time a faster response is warranted.   For example, yesterday I texted my husband to see if he wanted take out for dinner.  When he hadn't responded to me in 2 hours I place the order & picked it up on my way home.  I guessed at what he wanted & he ate it knowing that it was his own fault for not getting back to me.   But If we were just starting out dating, like you & this woman, I would be more patient. 

Wholeheartrdly agree! 

To add, often times a woman (person) might intentionally wait a bit to text/respond to avoid getting overly invested too soon and risk burn out.

It has nothing to do with being "busy" and if a woman tells you that, it's BS. Imho.

She might really like you but intentionally waiting for reasons stated above.  

Also some women will intentionally wait to see how a man responds - if he starts freaking out, gives her shyt for it, or becomes overly anxious and acts out.

Slow your roll (and expectations) and try to avoid interjecting negativity into her actions and thus becoming anxious and doing/ saying something you may later regret.

 

Edited by poppyfields
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

You met at a party and saw each other 3 times in that same week. It's too much. 

What do you know of her? Does she even want a relationship? How long she's been single? It's not because a woman had a few days of fun with you that she's interested in a relationship.

Your best move now is to give her space. Let her realize she has not heard from you in a while and she'll reach out.

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dangerous Established Member

dangerous

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Posted

Too much assuming going on about the 8 hour texting gaps. We/ you don;t have enough information.

As others have said, if she is intensively working, eg. is a doctor, or a factory worker and doesn;t use her phone all day, fair enough. But most people have access to their phones or check in breaks and lunchtime, so no reply would be alarm bells. 

Personally, my hunch is she is flakey, and exhibits classic signs of problems ahead: hot, ie. slept with you immediately, then cold, no/ slow communication. 

Enjoy the ride, while it lasts.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Sometimes people feel passionate in the moment...but after a few encounters it losses it's flavor. She's done....Chewing gum (Annie)

Edited by smackie9
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Posted (edited)

Uhhh yea end it if you wanna shoot yourself in the foot. If she’s accepting dates /hooking up and just doesn’t want to ramble on in texts like 98% of people it sounds like you’ve got an ideal situation ing going here. You’re really gonna end it because she doesn’t like to text much? Okay 🙁

Edited by Cookiesandough
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