Heart broken.

[AngelDelight]

Hi all, 

I'm new here so please be kind.

I am absolutely heartbroken. I had a fairly good relationship with my ex until these past few weeks. I had to break up with him because I wasn't happy anymore, he was neglecting me and treating me poorly - we were fighting a lot because of it. I exhausted all my options, tried different approaches, nothing worked. I was nice when I brokeup with him, told him I loved him and explained my feelings, he reacted by cussing me out and telling me "not to be nice". I remained calm and then i tried sorting our stuff out together but he told me that he wasn't ready to do this just yet. I lived with him but was leaving to my mums and just wanted to arrange what he wanted but he didn't want to so I just did it by myself. 

 

I had bought him a very expensive gift a week before we broke up and it was finally delivered to him yesterday. He text me a very short thank you and tried speaking to me like nothing happened, tried speaking to me sexually. I felt offended because during our relationship he neglected me for 3 months and even when I brought it to his attention so many times, he didn't care. By neglecting, I mean sexually, emotionally, he would go 7 hours a day or more without speaking to me and never make time for me. All he was focused on was work, his new car, his mum and younger siblings. He's 27 years old. He stopped asking how I am, how my day was, etc. I finally got myself a job and when I was going back to work he told me everyday to quit because he liked me being at home.. but I didn't. I wanted my independence back. I joined the gym and tried convincing him to come with me since we got together we both put on weight and he has put on a lot. He never wanted to. I lost so much weight and now i'm healthy. Since he stopped doing things with me, I decided to make plans such as go to my friends for a drink and dinner. He would come home and text me asking me why I look good, who i'm going out with, and have an issue I was going out. Last week i offered to cancel my plans and do something with him, he said no he had to work anyway and he stayed home playing his playstation and working from home.. 

 

It wasn't until 8 days ago, he finally made plans with me to have dinner. He booked us at a restaurant and I waited all night to hear from him, he never called nor text. I finally fell asleep waiting up for him on the sofa, i woke up and it was 6am,i had no text or even a call from him and he was home sleeping in our bed. I lost my sh*t and i was crying and told him I love him but cannot do this anymore. Even though I was losing my sh*t, I remained calm and was nice to him, but I was just a ball of mess, sobbing while I was saying everything I felt and when I broke up with him he cussed me out. 

 

He was supposed to give me back something that belonged to me and I have been asking for it everyday since we broke up, but he makes excuses that hes busy at work or whatever. I offered to come pick it up or even send him money so he could post it and get it tracked but he refused. He promised he would send it yesterday. My friend told me he was in the pub getting drunk last night, and I text him asking him if he sent it through the post, he responded no and I said why not? Because you were busy getting drunk all day? We basically argued and then he blocked me. 

I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. I loved this man so much but he was dragging me down with him..

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, AngelDelight said:

 I had to break up with him because I wasn't happy anymore, he was neglecting me and treating me poorly. I had bought him a very expensive gift a week before we broke up a

he would go 7 hours a day or more without speaking to me and never make time for me.

tried convincing him to come with me since we got together we both put on weight and he has put on a lot. He never wanted to.

Last week i offered to cancel my plans and do something with him, he said no he had to work anyway and he stayed home playing his playstation

He booked us at a restaurant and I waited all night to hear from him, he never called nor text. I lost my sh*t and i was crying and told him I love him but cannot do this anymore.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating and what is the real reason you ended it? 

It seems rather abrupt if  you "bought him a very expensive gift a week before we broke up", no?

You are still chasing him quite a bit and still trying to fix things and change him. However faux breakups and expensive gifts do not make anyone love or respect you, as you know.

Does he drink heavily or see other women? He seems to be completely checked out for at least 6 mos.

Let go. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can reflect in peace and decide what you really want from a man and a relationship.

[AngelDelight]

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating and what is the real reason you ended it? 

It seems rather abrupt if  you "bought him a very expensive gift a week before we broke up", no?

You are still chasing him quite a bit and still trying to fix things and change him. However faux breakups and expensive gifts do not make anyone love or respect you, as you know.

Does he drink heavily or see other women? He seems to be completely checked out for at least 6 mos.

Let go. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can reflect in peace and decide what you really want from a man and a relationship.

No, he doesn't see or talk to anyone. Other women never even entered my mind bc all he does is sleep, eat (a lot), work, work, work and he's a mommas boy so he goes to his moms every single day after work. 

I bought him an expensive gift as a congratulations because he got a promotion at work and also because I always enjoyed spoiling him. Whether it's an expensive gift or making his favourite dessert. 

 

He had a mental breakdown last year back in September, and he treated my very very poorly back then also but I stuck by him and helped him. He was so grateful for everything I did back then and then when he got transferred to this new department, he started drinking. His behaviour only changed the past month to this extent. 

 

The real reason I ended it is because I felt unloved. Unwanted. I felt like I was only useful when he wanted to take my clothes off, which was rare nowadays. 

I already removed him off social media when I broke up with him. We only had each others numbers and he blocked me today. We were together for 6 years and he has never behaved this way before. He was very passive aggressive towards me the past two weeks, when I was going to my friends for dinner, he grilled me asking who I was looking good for, where I was going, how I was getting there, and after him asking a billion questions I asked why and his response was "because that p*ssy is mine" - he has never spoken to me like that before... 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, AngelDelight said:

He had a mental breakdown last year back in September,. We were together for 6 years and he has never behaved this way before. his response was "because that p*ssy is mine" 

Sorry that is tragic. How old is he? Does he have appropriate medical, neurological and psychiatric care? Who knows what is going on?  Could be anything from psychotic disorders to neurological disorders to drugs, etc., etc. You were wise to step away from this.

[AngelDelight]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry that is tragic. How old is he? Does he have appropriate medical, neurological and psychiatric care? Who knows what is going on?  Could be anything from psychotic disorders to neurological disorders to drugs, etc., etc. You were wise to step away from this.

He is 27 years old - he doesn't believe in going to the doctors or anything. I tried asking him to go to therapy with me so we could fix our issues and he refused. 

I always knew he had small issues because his mother left his father for another man when he was young, he walked in on his mother giving head to his now stepdad.. and his stepdad treats his mother like sh*t so i think thats why he always visits her everyday but his relationship with his mother affects his mood and sometimes he would take things out on me if he had a bad day or his mom p*ssed him off. 

I just don't understand how someone can be so cruel to another person and not feel guilty or regret the nasty things they say. 

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad you ended a relationship that wasn't working for you but your expectations may have been a bit out of whack. 

As he leaned when you went back to work, no one can be always available to another person 24/7.  People have other obligations.  Your comment that you were so put out when he could go 7 hours without talking to you made me roll my eyes.  You do not have to be in constant contact to make a relationship work.  It's possible to go days without talking & still be in love.  Especially after 6 years, you should have been more OK with being apart during the work day but I admit that one of the things I loved about my parents' marriage was their lunch time phone calls to each other just to check in.  

You were a fool to give him the expensive gift.  You  should have returned it, exchanged it, sold it or regifted it.  Since he's still holding something of your hostage march over there with a friend at a time you know he will be home, knock on the door & demand that it be returned.  If that doesn't work perhaps reach out to his mom with help getting it back.  Then delete him out of your phone, go NC & move on.