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Ghosting is actually the better type of rejection because the other type makes me wanna SNAP out and send her a nasty message

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Posted (edited)

Hey @IntBrowseryou said you called and got her voice mail, did you leave an upbeat message or any message?  

For the future and jmo, squelch the phone call, I very rarely answer my phone, I cannot stand talking on the phone and I know others who feel the same.  Not sure why I just feel pressured when a new guy calls me on the phone, so I prefer a text message or email.

It allows me to reply when I am in good spirits and an upbeat mood.  Versus being busy making dinner or tired from work or just wanting to chill for a bit!

Plus didn't you already connect immediately after the date when you texted at midnight?

It's a good idea to put a few days in between when you reached out the first time and when you reach out again.  It gives you both time to think and wonder about each other, it creates that bit of mystery and uncertainty which builds attraction.

After a few days, message and ask her out again.

Re it being a waste of your time, I don't understand this mindset.  Every experience, even if it doesn't work out the way you originally hoped, is an opportunity to learn and grow... or should be imo which is a positive.  Even if it's just one date.  

It's a glass half-full versus glass half-empty attitude, and that attitude will serve you much better with the ladies, I can almost guarantee you that!  

A man's energy/vibe is so important, it even trumps looks as far as I'm concerned..  So best to keep it positive, even when life throws you lemons.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Years ago I thought if someone contacted you when they got home then the 2nd date was a LOCK because what other reason would someone contact me?

Not necessarily.  I think it's important to be flexible.  Feelings are fluid, and often times, someone can have a great time on the date, believe they're clicking and text when they arrive home BUT the following day after having time to think about the date and the person, realize that person isn't the right fit or there wasn't enough energy/chemistry or whatever.

In short, people are allowed to change their minds, it's happens all the time.  Try to not let it get you down, it's human nature.

If you allow these things to bring you down, it will reflect in your energy/vibe and women will pick up on it and become turned off. 

Like I said earlier post, a man's vibe/energy is so important, more so than looks even imho.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

This is about rejection not about that date.    How ghosting seems to be better rather than giving off fake vibes

Sorry, aren’t you the person with a thread saying lying is better? Be fake. 

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hey @IntBrowseryou said you called and got her voice mail, did you leave an upbeat message or any message?  

For the future and jmo, squelch the phone call, I very rarely answer my phone, I cannot stand talking on the phone and I know others who feel the same.  Not sure why I just feel pressured when a new guy calls me on the phone, so I prefer a text message or email.

It allows me to reply when I am in good spirits and an upbeat mood.  Versus being busy making dinner or tired from work or just wanting to chill for a bit!

Plus didn't you already connect immediately after the date when you texted at midnight?

It's a good idea to put a few days in between when you reached out the first time and when you reach out again.  It gives you both time to think and wonder about each other, it creates that bit of mystery and uncertainty which builds attraction.

After a few days, message and ask her out again.

Re it being a waste of your time, I don't understand this mindset.  Every experience, even if it doesn't work out the way you originally hoped, is an opportunity to learn and grow... or should be imo which is a positive.  Even if it's just one date.  

It's a glass half-full versus glass half-empty attitude, and that attitude will serve you much better with the ladies, I can almost guarantee you that!  

A man's energy/vibe is so important, it even trumps looks as far as I'm concerned..  So best to keep it positive, even when life throws you lemons.

 

no need for a message in 2021.   You can see who is calling

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
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Posted
4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hey @IntBrowseryou said you called and got her voice mail, did you leave an upbeat message or any message?  

For the future and jmo, squelch the phone call, I very rarely answer my phone, I cannot stand talking on the phone and I know others who feel the same.  Not sure why I just feel pressured when a new guy calls me on the phone, so I prefer a text message or email.

It allows me to reply when I am in good spirits and an upbeat mood.  Versus being busy making dinner or tired from work or just wanting to chill for a bit!

Plus didn't you already connect immediately after the date when you texted at midnight?

It's a good idea to put a few days in between when you reached out the first time and when you reach out again.  It gives you both time to think and wonder about each other, it creates that bit of mystery and uncertainty which builds attraction.

After a few days, message and ask her out again.

Re it being a waste of your time, I don't understand this mindset.  Every experience, even if it doesn't work out the way you originally hoped, is an opportunity to learn and grow... or should be imo which is a positive.  Even if it's just one date.  

It's a glass half-full versus glass half-empty attitude, and that attitude will serve you much better with the ladies, I can almost guarantee you that!  

A man's energy/vibe is so important, it even trumps looks as far as I'm concerned..  So best to keep it positive, even when life throws you lemons.

 

Yes the night once we arrived home I sent a text saying enjoy her mothers day and she said thank you.     Then she asked how was my dinner with my mom and I said great and she sent me a response to the dinner saying it looked good.     So that was saturday night and was shocked that I didnt hear anything since then,   Especially since she was going to sit and talk in the park and talk if it was warmer

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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Posted
4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Not necessarily.  I think it's important to be flexible.  Feelings are fluid, and often times, someone can have a great time on the date, believe they're clicking and text when they arrive home BUT the following day after having time to think about the date and the person, realize that person isn't the right fit or there wasn't enough energy/chemistry or whatever.

In short, people are allowed to change their minds, it's happens all the time.  Try to not let it get you down, it's human nature.

If you allow these things to bring you down, it will reflect in your energy/vibe and women will pick up on it and become turned off. 

Like I said earlier post, a man's vibe/energy is so important, more so than looks even imho.

 

She didnt get a vibe from me yet because her last contact with me was saturday about my mom dinner.    Yesterday all I did was call but didnt leave a message

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, DatingMom said:

2) Men that put on their profile that they are looking for a "no drama" relationship. What does that even mean? It's very demeaning to women to be honest, like we are constantly creating drama. 

To be fair, I know a lot more women who are drama queens than men. That being said, I know a few guys who are major drama queens, too.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

OP, I'm sorry you're hurt but people are making some very good points that you're kind of brushing off

 

#1- Yes women change their minds after dates and so do men

 

#2- Are you doing anything after the 1st date that causes the women you go out with to lose interest?

 

#3- Your negative outlook could be turning women off 

 

It would be good for you if you really considered the above points because if you do some introspection, maybe this won't happen as often 

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Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

See if she disappears after the 1st date and dont respond to any texts or phone calls,. then you get the hint and know the deal.    Its the ones who reply to a text making it seem like they are interested and wasting your time.   And that sends off mix messages and gets someone angry where if you ghosted completely then the message would be clear.     But you have stupid females replying to texts and saying they have to work or their grandmother is dying or some other nonsense and then I have to get out of character for wasting my time.      Not sure why a woman who is not interested after a date just dont block the guy so it wont be no more communication.      And this the SHET SIDE of online dating apps, the possible aftermath once the date is finished

 

Years ago I thought if someone contacted you when they got home then the 2nd date was a LOCK because what other reason would someone contact me?

Don't blame women for your inability to manage your emotions.  I understand the frustration of being messed around, but you've just got to roll with the punches.  That's OLD for you...

Ghosting is rude and I dislike it myself.  Yeah, it gets the point across, but it's not how I wish to be treated.  I don't want to be lied to, either, though.  I'd rather just be told honestly that she wasn't interested.  Rejection doesn't bother me nearly as much as rudeness.

Reading between the lines, I think your problem is not about being lied to, but rather that you simply cannot handle rejection.  To be ghosted shields you from the rejection directly.  

 

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Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

My feelings are not hurt my time was just wasted

The woman's time was wasted just as much, by going on a date with a man she decided she didn't want to see again.  Indeed, if you wanted to see the woman again but she didn't want to see you, that suggests you had a better date than she did.  Ditto if you didn't actually go on a date but had some extended online interaction.

In any event, when it comes to a list of things that can go seriously wrong in online dating - your time being wasted would come pretty far down the list.  Top of the list is "person arranges to meet seriously disturbed stranger and ends up being killed."  Since women are far more likely to be the victims than the perpetrators in that sort of situation, women have to take their own personal safety seriously in online dating.  "Ghosting" a man could result in a barrage of messages.  Straight "I'm not interested" talking from a woman to a man with anger issues has a lot of potential to go very wrong.  Angry men who say they want straightforward, blunt messages from women may very well flip out when they actually get them.  So women will sometimes resort to excuses and half truths as a way of getting out of an uncomfortable situation with men - because even if it's not very honest, it's non confrontational.

You want to lash out and send horrible messages to women who have done nothing more than present a polite excuse for not wanting to spend any more time with you.  I wouldn't be surprised if you've discussed this with other men, and received some feedback that encourages you to demonise women for finding excuses not to spend time with you.   But the bottom line is that no matter how much you prioritise yourself and your time above everything else, any woman who has an uncomfortable feeling about you or just doesn't think you're likely to handle the blunt truth as well as you claim you can, is absolutely entitled to prioritise her own safety above the need to avoid wasting your time.  If you can't accept that, then you probably need to learn some anger management before wasting any more of your precious time with women online.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Instead of ranting about the "stupid females" who reject you, maybe you need to look at what you are offering a woman and why they reject you.
Seems to me you are a confirmed bachelor, you do things that suit you, you are pretty rigid in your thinking and spend your free time in a casino or staying up half the night gambling on sports matches.
This woman was a mother, do you think she really wants a man like that?  NO, she will want to protect her kids from a man like that, to be frank.
 You either take a long hard look at your life and want to change to be better suited to attracting women, or if you don't want to change then you need to try to choose women who would be happy with your lifestyle.
No good thinking about trivia like she laughed at my jokes, she gave me a hug, when the real issues with you are somewhat overwhelming to most women I would think.

Time to take stock before you get much older.

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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Taramere said:

...  But the bottom line is that no matter how much you prioritise yourself and your time above everything else, any woman who has an uncomfortable feeling about you or just doesn't think you're likely to handle the blunt truth as well as you claim you can, is absolutely entitled to prioritise her own safety above the need to avoid wasting your time.  If you can't accept that, then you probably need to learn some anger management before wasting any more of your precious time with women online.

(bold added)

In general, when I see a thread complaining about how a woman says "no" the thread itself makes it clear she made the right judgment call.  Threads like that, and this, are shining examples of the very reason women do not give the blunt truth in my view.   

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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

(bold added)

In general, when I see a thread complaining about how a woman says "no" the thread itself makes it clear she made the right judgment call.  Threads like that, and this, are shining examples of the very reason women do not give the blunt truth in my view.   

Yea, anyone who’s going to “snap” is not someone I want to be around or risk angering. 

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Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Instead of ranting about the "stupid females" who reject you, maybe you need to look at what you are offering a woman and why they reject you.
Seems to me you are a confirmed bachelor, you do things that suit you, you are pretty rigid in your thinking and spend your free time in a casino or staying up half the night gambling on sports matches.
This woman was a mother, do you think she really wants a man like that?  NO, she will want to protect her kids from a man like that, to be frank.
 You either take a long hard look at your life and want to change to be better suited to attracting women, or if you don't want to change then you need to try to choose women who would be happy with your lifestyle.
No good thinking about trivia like she laughed at my jokes, she gave me a hug, when the real issues with you are somewhat overwhelming to most women I would think.

Time to take stock before you get much older.

Wow! Now the blanks are filled in for sure. On the assumption that all this is correct:...,
 

As a mother of 2 children myself I can tell you that any responsible woman who is a mother will not want to date any man who displays either addictive or anti social behaviours that could negatively impact her children. I 100% would not date you based on your lifestyle alone. 
 

Elaines right: you’d be better off finding yourself a gamer/ gambler as a lot of women (especially those who are parents) will be repelled by your choice of lifestyle. 

I expect they’re out there but your pickings will be slim. So you have a choice: change how you live your life or change who you choose to date. I expect you’ll have better luck if you do one or the other but you need a positive attitude aswel. 

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Stupidkupid Established Member

Stupidkupid

Posted
Posted
On 5/11/2021 at 10:12 PM, IntBrowser said:

My feelings are not hurt my time was just wasted

Time wasted? With a couple of polite texts?

You're coming across badly here.

When I was dating I would send a message saying thanks for rhe date but I'm not feelinf it, sorry and good luck"

Most men replied with a thanks for being honest but we often get very abusive messages back. Or at least the women I know.

Which is why some ghost and some do as you've indicated and just carefully back off.

You might be too fragile to date right now if this seta you off. You aren't entitled to dictate how other people behave.

Take a step back and reframe this, look at your own reaction. Its not saying good things about you.

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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4 hours ago, Stupidkupid said:

Time wasted? With a couple of polite texts?

You're coming across badly here.

When I was dating I would send a message saying thanks for rhe date but I'm not feelinf it, sorry and good luck"

Most men replied with a thanks for being honest but we often get very abusive messages back. Or at least the women I know.

Which is why some ghost and some do as you've indicated and just carefully back off.

You might be too fragile to date right now if this seta you off. You aren't entitled to dictate how other people behave.

Take a step back and reframe this, look at your own reaction. Its not saying good things about you.

if someone wished me good luck I would curse them out.    I dont need no one to wish me good luck.    She move on with your life

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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Posted
4 hours ago, Stupidkupid said:

Time wasted? With a couple of polite texts?

You're coming across badly here.

When I was dating I would send a message saying thanks for rhe date but I'm not feelinf it, sorry and good luck"

Most men replied with a thanks for being honest but we often get very abusive messages back. Or at least the women I know.

Which is why some ghost and some do as you've indicated and just carefully back off.

You might be too fragile to date right now if this seta you off. You aren't entitled to dictate how other people behave.

Take a step back and reframe this, look at your own reaction. Its not saying good things about you.

if u dont want to see the guy again, fade away and no more contact or deal with whatever comes next

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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Posted

Effective 5/13,  no more brunch dates for 1st meets.    it will be a park near a cafe or a waterfront walking area.       And that way we can then see if we want to continue

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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22 hours ago, Dis said:

OP, I'm sorry you're hurt but people are making some very good points that you're kind of brushing off

 

#1- Yes women change their minds after dates and so do men

 

#2- Are you doing anything after the 1st date that causes the women you go out with to lose interest?

 

#3- Your negative outlook could be turning women off 

 

It would be good for you if you really considered the above points because if you do some introspection, maybe this won't happen as often 

 

It was no need for her to offer to take me home and take off her seatebelt to hug me before I got out.    See that's the type of stuff I be talking about.     We could have went our separate ways

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

I agree with the proposition” ghosting is actually the better form of rejection” but your argument is quite frightening to me & actually why a lot of women just ghost /block bc guys “snap” and no one wants to deal w that 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Stupidkupid Established Member

Stupidkupid

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

if someone wished me good luck I would curse them out.    I dont need no one to wish me good luck.    She move on with your life

You need to get help. Don't subject any more women to dates with you. Get some therapy.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

if someone wished me good luck I would curse them out.    I dont need no one to wish me good luck.    She move on with your life

You need to get a handle on your anger and resentment, OP. 

It is not helping you find women. 

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Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

if someone wished me good luck I would curse them out.    I dont need no one to wish me good luck.    

That's probably because you have no filter and no desire to develop a filter.  

I'm sure everybody here understands stress, anger, rejection and disappointment.   These are extremely common emotions that lots of people struggle with.  But it's possible to be angry and still have a filter in place.  It's possible to convey anger without being vindictive.  It's possible to be angry about somebody rejecting you in a way that you don't respect (ie with an excuse), but to manage that anger so that you don't end up behaving in ways that are likely to get you banned from these dating sites.

However, for all these things to be possible you have to regard your anger as a normal but potentially problematic emotion that you have a responsibility to manage.  So if you do curse out a stranger on the dating site, that isn't something to feel good about or congratulate yourself because "I told them!"  It' an episode where you have not managed your anger well.  If dating is causing you so much anger that you just can't restrain yourself from cursing out strangers,  then you're too angry to be going out there interacting with strangers.  If you don't sort that out, the dating sites will likely deal with the matter themselves by banning you.

I don't think it's your anger that's the problem, so much as the extent to which you're embracing it.  "I'd curse them out.  I'd tell them straight.  I won't put up with any of that crap."  That kind of thinking won't lead you to a place where you handle situations well.  You obviously do need people to wish you good luck.  You need some sort of lucky break that will help you to understand that your anger isn't some magnificent energy that will stop people crapping on you in life.  You need enough luck for something to happen that will show you in no uncertain terms that you must start controlling your anger - instead of allowing your anger (and anybody who triggers it) to control you.

 

 

Edited by Taramere
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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 no need for her to offer to take me home .

This is one of those "who likes sushi" type rhetorical questions, with no right answer.

Everyone has a preference. Sugar coated, or right between the eyes or nothing or whatever.

Some people prefer a more obsequious approach, some people prefer ghosting.

Can't please all the people all the time.

In this case, you don't drive so it was a pity thing and at some level you know that.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 

It was no need for her to offer to take me home and take off her seatebelt to hug me before I got out.

You don't drive?

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