Ghosting is actually the better type of rejection because the other type makes me wanna SNAP out and send her a nasty message

[IntBrowser]

See if she disappears after the 1st date and dont respond to any texts or phone calls,. then you get the hint and know the deal.    Its the ones who reply to a text making it seem like they are interested and wasting your time.   And that sends off mix messages and gets someone angry where if you ghosted completely then the message would be clear.     But you have stupid females replying to texts and saying they have to work or their grandmother is dying or some other nonsense and then I have to get out of character for wasting my time.      Not sure why a woman who is not interested after a date just dont block the guy so it wont be no more communication.      And this the SHET SIDE of online dating apps, the possible aftermath once the date is finished

 

Years ago I thought if someone contacted you when they got home then the 2nd date was a LOCK because what other reason would someone contact me?

[Sun Seeker]

Why did you have to create a new thread just to moan about a date which you already have a thread for?

And from all of your topics on this forum, if that is the way you come across on your dates then I can see exactly why you don't progress past a first date.

[IntBrowser]

5 minutes ago, Punterxx said:

Why did you have to create a new thread just to moan about a date which you already have a thread for?

And from all of your topics on this forum, if that is the way you come across on your dates then I can see exactly why you don't progress past a first date.

This is about rejection not about that date.    How ghosting seems to be better rather than giving off fake vibes

[DatingMom]

To be honest, dating is equally frustrating for women than for men. Maybe even more so, because we have to deal with all the guys that pretend interest just to get us into bed with them. I agree that it's hard to not feel burned out sometimes. That being said, one must keep positive, and keep faith that things will work out. There is no bigger turn off that someone who turned bitter from dating.

For example:

1) Men who, on their profile, rage about women matching and not replying to messages. Rage about women having  having photos that don't look like them, or anything else.

2) Men that put on their profile that they are looking for a "no drama" relationship. What does that even mean? It's very demeaning to women to be honest, like we are constantly creating drama. 

3) Men who, after a date, if you text them that you had a great time but didn't feel chemistry, go completely ballistic on you. 

I get the frustration, but it's very unattractive. Sounds like you have dating exhaustion. I think it's nice to text someone after a date, even if you're not interested. Ghosting is not a nice thing to do I think. I always appreciate when men text me after a date, even if it's to tell me that although they had a good time, they're gonna pass. 

Maybe time to take a break from dating, focus on other things, and go back to you when your nerves are less raw. 

[Taramere]

42 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

See if she disappears after the 1st date and dont respond to any texts or phone calls,. then you get the hint and know the deal.    Its the ones who reply to a text making it seem like they are interested and wasting your time.   And that sends off mix messages and gets someone angry where if you ghosted completely then the message would be clear.     But you haveand then I have to get out of character for wasting my time.      Not sure why a woman who is not interested after a date just dont block the guy so it wont be no more communication.      And this the SHET SIDE of online dating apps, the possible aftermath once the date is finished

 

Years ago I thought if someone contacted you when they got home then the 2nd date was a LOCK because what other reason would someone contact me?

Well, maybe that's something to clarify in your dating profile - ie that you're okay with women ghosting you as a method of conveying their lack of interest.  I would even advocate adding the comment about "stupid females replying to texts and saying they have to work or their grandmother is dying or some other nonsense" if the dating site you use allows for that sort of commentary since that will let women know the mindset you're approaching dating in.  It will reduce your options dramatically - but there are bound to be a small pool of women who are not only okay with that mindset but may even share it. 

[IntBrowser]

14 minutes ago, DatingMom said:

To be honest, dating is equally frustrating for women than for men. Maybe even more so, because we have to deal with all the guys that pretend interest just to get us into bed with them. I agree that it's hard to not feel burned out sometimes. That being said, one must keep positive, and keep faith that things will work out. There is no bigger turn off that someone who turned bitter from dating.

For example:

1) Men who, on their profile, rage about women matching and not replying to messages. Rage about women having  having photos that don't look like them, or anything else.

2) Men that put on their profile that they are looking for a "no drama" relationship. What does that even mean? It's very demeaning to women to be honest, like we are constantly creating drama. 

3) Men who, after a date, if you text them that you had a great time but didn't feel chemistry, go completely ballistic on you. 

I get the frustration, but it's very unattractive. Sounds like you have dating exhaustion. I think it's nice to text someone after a date, even if you're not interested. Ghosting is not a nice thing to do I think. I always appreciate when men text me after a date, even if it's to tell me that although they had a good time, they're gonna pass. 

Maybe time to take a break from dating, focus on other things, and go back to you when your nerves are less raw. 

If someone is not interested in seeing me again I dont need a text saying nothing after the date

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

See if she disappears after the 1st date and dont respond to any texts or phone calls,. then you get the hint and know the deal.

As weird as the topic title sounds, I agree. After  a couple messages or one meeting, it's better if they just disappear than giving someone the "busy", "not ready", "stressed", "lets be friends", type BS.

[Calmandfocused]

As a woman I have indeed accepted a second date with someone only to swiftly change my mind.
 

I can do that, it’s my prerogative. However there is always a good reason why. 
 

In my case it’s always because the guy has behaved in a way that has really turned me off. Usually demanding, insecure, needy or insecure behaviour (or a combination of the lot. 
 

I remember a first date I went on last year: I had an amazing time so I readily agreed to a second date, which was 5 days after the first.  However in between dates one and two he text me continuously, texts that dripped of insecurity and self doubt. The final straw was when I was in a meeting all afternoon (which he knew) and I came out to find about 20 text messages from him all seeking reassurance from me. ...I swiftly cancelled that second date, then I blocked him!

So my question to you is Op, are you doing anything after a first date that could be triggering these women to change their mind about you? 
 

 

[FMW]

Some people - including here on LS - think the exact opposite.  They want the courtesy of a closing interaction.  It's impossible to know how someone is going to react to someone else's choice of saying thanks but no thanks.  Either method of response risks an angry reception.   

[hippychick3]

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

As weird as the topic title sounds, I agree. After  a couple messages or one meeting, it's better if they just disappear than giving someone the "busy", "not ready", "stressed", "lets be friends", type BS.

It took me several months of dating to realize that it wasn’t respectful to give excuses rather than just say I wasn’t interested. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Once I was made aware that men would prefer a direct “I’m not feeling a connection/compatibility, etc” over excuses, I started to do this. The men I would say this to all appreciated my honesty and not being led on or left in the dark. I’d never ghost anyone unless they were a total a-hole. 

Edited May 11, 2021 by hippychick3

[introverted1]

There was just a lengthy thread from a woman who repeatedly texted a guy who had ghosted her.  She was outraged!  Point being, for each person who thinks ghosting is the best/worst way to handle things, there is someone else who thinks the opposite.

The best thing you can do is not get overly invested after the first date (or 2 or 3) so that if things don't work out, it's no big deal.

 

[dramafreezone]

When in doubt, pay no attention to what they say and watch what they do.  Are they taking action to match their words?

Ghosting is just the cost of doing business.  You should be happy when she ghosts, because you can quickly decide to move on.

Texting when she doesn't have genuine interest is tougher, but just understand that some get their kicks (or self-esteem) out of keeping orbiters.  If she texts or calls, don't chit chat,  just ask her out.  If she declines, say cool, let me know when you change your mind.  She texts again, same thing, don't spend a great deal of time chit chatting, ask her out.  She'll either stop texting or go out with you eventually.  You have to make it clear that you're not going to be an orbiter.

Edited May 11, 2021 by dramafreezone

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

As weird as the topic title sounds, I agree. After  a couple messages or one meeting, it's better if they just disappear than giving someone the "busy", "not ready", "stressed", "lets be friends", type BS.

and then when u ask some women WTF do u reply to texts if you are not interested?   She will say......"i dont want to be rude" lol

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

As a woman I have indeed accepted a second date with someone only to swiftly change my mind.
 

I can do that, it’s my prerogative. However there is always a good reason why. 
 

In my case it’s always because the guy has behaved in a way that has really turned me off. Usually demanding, insecure, needy or insecure behaviour (or a combination of the lot. 
 

I remember a first date I went on last year: I had an amazing time so I readily agreed to a second date, which was 5 days after the first.  However in between dates one and two he text me continuously, texts that dripped of insecurity and self doubt. The final straw was when I was in a meeting all afternoon (which he knew) and I came out to find about 20 text messages from him all seeking reassurance from me. ...I swiftly cancelled that second date, then I blocked him!

So my question to you is Op, are you doing anything after a first date that could be triggering these women to change their mind about you? 
 

 

I don think so since she wanted to sit in the park after brunch but it never happened do to chilly weather.    

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, hippychick3 said:

It took me several months of dating to realize that it wasn’t respectful to give excuses rather than just say I wasn’t interested. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Once I was made aware that men would prefer a direct “I’m not feeling a connection/compatibility, etc” over excuses, I started to do this. The men I would say this to all appreciated my honesty and not being led on or left in the dark. I’d never ghost anyone unless they were a total a-hole. 

why would u think u would hurt a grown man feelings?

[smackie9]

Everyone's experience is different. Lots of women have tried the ghosting, and the honest "I don't want to pursue this any further..." and get angry messages anyways, so they try the excuses, and do the slow fade, so damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

why would u think u would hurt a grown man feelings?

Why would you assume this isn't possible?

I would wager you have never dated men. Let those of us who have assure you that it can and does happen.

[hippychick3]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

why would u think u would hurt a grown man feelings?

Do you not have feelings as a grown man? Rejection doesn’t feel good.  

[Allupinnit]

Do you always refer to women as "females"?  That just seems weird.  I've never referred to men as "males."  

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

why would u think u would hurt a grown man feelings?

Because of threads like this one.

[SumGuy]

Wow!   Women are damned if they do and dammed if they don’t.  
 

I know it’s all about a mans, wants and feelings and needs, wrapped up in some set of conflicting rules of what women are supposed to do.   

Snowflakes shouldn’t date.  

If you can’t take rejection with composure, whatever form it may take, you’re not ready to date.  

 
All this is mutual, you have no guarantee or entitlement to anything,...if you can’t “waste” your time meeting someone, going on a date, or reading a text...don’t date.

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Because of threads like this one.

My feelings are not hurt my time was just wasted

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why would you assume this isn't possible?

I would wager you have never dated men. Let those of us who have assure you that it can and does happen.

so they cry? lol

Edited May 11, 2021 by IntBrowser

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

My feelings are not hurt my time was just wasted

You created a new thread expressly for the purpose of complaining about how a woman who's been on ONE date with you has failed to communicate (or not communicate) in a way that's acceptable to you. 

This is the behavior of someone who is hurt/upset.

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

My feelings are not hurt my time was just wasted

Time is never wasted. 

You went out, you enjoyed yourself, it was time well spent. A lot of men don't get to go on dates at all or it's very hard to get women's attention because they're too short, chin to weak and a list of other reasons. You get dates. You're out there experiencing life, it's never a waste of time.

Edited May 11, 2021 by Gaeta