Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 23 minutes ago, Alpaca said: That odd feeling of something not being and/or feeling right. You know, like if you ate a ton of beans. Isn't this just your second date? This time span is fraught with enough uncertainty. You'd think he'd want to not give you the wrong idea. Y'know? That's very true, thank you for clarifying @Alpaca!!
FMW Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 3 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: Is there any reason to not drop him? Some people are hardline about these things and cut if off immediately. Others are open to giving second chances. Reason for a second chance (I'm not saying yes or no to whether or not he should get one) is giving him the benefit of the doubt about falling asleep and being willing to give him a chance to show you that he can plan and be dependable and responsive. But I will say that if you give him that chance and he flakes again, that should be it. 3
flitzanu Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 1 hour ago, FMW said: Some people are hardline about these things and cut if off immediately. Others are open to giving second chances. Reason for a second chance (I'm not saying yes or no to whether or not he should get one) is giving him the benefit of the doubt about falling asleep and being willing to give him a chance to show you that he can plan and be dependable and responsive. But I will say that if you give him that chance and he flakes again, that should be it. this. i mean all you've lost so far is time sitting by the phone, he hasn't "done" anything hurtful or mean or insulting, he's just been a flake. if YOU like him and want to see what can happen, let him plan a date. if he can't successfully plan and execute your next date or flakes/excuses at a next proposed meetup, then it's probably time to walk away. 1
Alpacalia Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 2 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: That's very true, thank you for clarifying @Alpaca!! You got it! Sushiandtacos 1
Alvi Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) What do they say? Three strikes and you are out. This guy has already used two strikes with you. If you really, really like him, give him one more chance to woo you. You know what I would do? I would not get rid of him completely. Rather, I would make him a very low priority. I would talk and date other guys. Go meet my friends, live my life. If he somehow manages to arrange a date and actually show up for that said date, then by all means, then go meet him. If you are free and available that is. Don't cancel other plans just to meet him. Perhaps you will meet someone better for yourself, never know. But definitely don't spread yourself too thin with this guy. But seriously, it makes me wonder about his level of interest, if it is THAT hard for him to arrange a second date. Makes me wonder if he just wants to keep you on the shelve just in case. Edited May 12, 2021 by Alvi 3
hippychick3 Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 I, personally, would not tolerate such flakiness. This is the time to put your best foot forward and show effort and thoughtfulness. If he’s this flakey now, imagine how he’ll be once he’s in a comfortable established relationship. And this is assuming he was actually being flakey and not lying or playing you...which is far worse. 3
Alvi Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) This guy is very flaky or lying to you. Edited May 12, 2021 by Alvi
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 12, 2021 Author Posted May 12, 2021 2 hours ago, FMW said: Some people are hardline about these things and cut if off immediately. Others are open to giving second chances. Reason for a second chance (I'm not saying yes or no to whether or not he should get one) is giving him the benefit of the doubt about falling asleep and being willing to give him a chance to show you that he can plan and be dependable and responsive. But I will say that if you give him that chance and he flakes again, that should be it. 1 hour ago, flitzanu said: this. i mean all you've lost so far is time sitting by the phone, he hasn't "done" anything hurtful or mean or insulting, he's just been a flake. if YOU like him and want to see what can happen, let him plan a date. if he can't successfully plan and execute your next date or flakes/excuses at a next proposed meetup, then it's probably time to walk away. Yeah, thinking about giving him one more chance aka third strike and he's out. Thanks guys!
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 12, 2021 Author Posted May 12, 2021 28 minutes ago, Alvi said: What do they say? Three strikes and you are out. This guy has already used two strikes with you. If you really, really like him, give him one more chance to woo you. You know what I would do? I would not get rid of him completely. Rather, I would make him a very low priority. I would talk and date other guys. Go meet my friends, live my life. If he somehow manages to arrange a date and actually show up for that said date, then by all means, then go meet him. If you are free and available that is. Don't cancel other plans just to meet him. Perhaps you will meet someone better for yourself, never know. But definitely don't spread yourself too thin with this guy. But seriously, it makes me wonder about his level of interest, if it is THAT hard for him to arrange a second date. Makes me wonder if he just wants to keep you on the shelve just in case. Yeah thanks for the analogy, I think I'm gonna give him one more chance... we'll see what happens with that. I actually rlly agree with what you wrote, needed this reminder and to place guys who I'm just getting to know very low on the totem pole until they show themselves to have potential. 18 minutes ago, hippychick3 said: I, personally, would not tolerate such flakiness. This is the time to put your best foot forward and show effort and thoughtfulness. If he’s this flakey now, imagine how he’ll be once he’s in a comfortable established relationship. And this is assuming he was actually being flakey and not lying or playing you...which is far worse. I agree with this too. Just know sure if he overextended himself and planned things on the days that I wanted even if he might've been busy.
Dis Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 Well that's disappointing .... especially disappointing because he seemed promising at first. I hate that...when you get a good vibe from someone and they really seem like a good bet but turns out they're not Generally speaking the way I gauge acceptable behavior from men is, would I do that? I probably wouldn't "fall asleep" the night I had a date planned AND the day you were going to go out after Mother's Day brunch and he bailed then too. Would you do that, OP? Nope, plenty of fish in the sea. Don't need to waste time on someone who can't even stick to plans. I wouldn't respond to him at all. If this is his best foot forward, imagine what he's like once you get to know him. 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 12, 2021 Author Posted May 12, 2021 19 minutes ago, Dis said: Well that's disappointing .... especially disappointing because he seemed promising at first. I hate that...when you get a good vibe from someone and they really seem like a good bet but turns out they're not Generally speaking the way I gauge acceptable behavior from men is, would I do that? I probably wouldn't "fall asleep" the night I had a date planned AND the day you were going to go out after Mother's Day brunch and he bailed then too. Would you do that, OP? Nope, plenty of fish in the sea. Don't need to waste time on someone who can't even stick to plans. I wouldn't respond to him at all. If this is his best foot forward, imagine what he's like once you get to know him. Exactly!! I wouldn't do that to him, so I expect at least that from him! Thanks for this haha 2
Alpacalia Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 2 hours ago, flitzanu said: this. i mean all you've lost so far is time sitting by the phone, he hasn't "done" anything hurtful or mean or insulting, he's just been a flake. if YOU like him and want to see what can happen, let him plan a date. if he can't successfully plan and execute your next date or flakes/excuses at a next proposed meetup, then it's probably time to walk away. Yes, but it's a terrible feeling to be sitting there, staring at your phone, wondering if you're still going to meet up as planned. He's done with her nudging for some idea about what they will be doing (Saturday and Sunday). Sunday comes along, he falls asleep. It's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt but I don't think it's worth it when it has the potential to impact our wellbeing. 39 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I think I'm gonna give him one more chance... we'll see what happens with that. Okay sushiandtacos. Maybe try to plan something a bit further in advance. Good luck! 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 12, 2021 Author Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Yes, but it's a terrible feeling to be sitting there, staring at your phone, wondering if you're still going to meet up as planned. He's done with her nudging for some idea about what they will be doing (Saturday and Sunday). Sunday comes along, he falls asleep. It's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt but I don't think it's worth it when it has the potential to impact our wellbeing. This is very true also!! I keep going back and forth now It honestly wasn't a fun feeling at all waiting by the phone eventually wondering if I was ever gonna go out with him... it honestly drove me insane even if was with a friend. Edited May 12, 2021 by sushiandtacos
Alpacalia Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: This is very true also!! I keep going back and forth now It honestly wasn't a fun feeling at all waiting by the phone eventually wondering if I was ever gonna go out with him... it honestly drove me insane even if was with a friend. I'm sorry. Well if you like him and want to give it another go I wouldn't be nudging him at this point. If he doesn't "show up," you can ride off into the sunset feeling relieved that you no longer have to waste time on a fat n' flakey puffy pastry. 1 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 12, 2021 Author Posted May 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: If he doesn't "show up," you can ride off into the sunset feeling relieved that you no longer have to waste time on a fat n' flakey puffy pastry.
prince0fgame Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) On 5/10/2021 at 10:21 PM, sushiandtacos said: Hey ya'll I have been talking to a few guys from OLD here and there and went on a date with a guy before my two-week trip back home to California. He was really sweet and we ended up kissing after the first date. He wished me a safe trip back home and he's been sending a lot of messages and pictures updating me on how he's doing. He would ask me when I'd come back so we can see each other again and I told him sometime next week (this past week). A few days after I got back, he asked me about my upcoming availability. I answered this past Saturday and Sunday I would be free. He said he's working all day Saturday but would try to come see me after having a brunch thing with his mom for Mother's Day. He said he would be done around 5 yesterday but I didn't hear back. So I ended up calling him for an update and we decided to reschedule (IDK why he should've never agreed on mother's day if he knew he would be busy). I gave him a pass bc he was spending time with family, and he could've lost track with the time. We decided to reschedule to tonight, on the phone he said he would be done with work around 6. A little past 6 today he asked me if I was done for the day. I answered and he said he would call places to see if they were open. We finally agreed on a place. The gap between texts were 20-30 minutes (which was annoying considering we were planning to meet) THEN he informed me that he is actually working on a quiz and asked for my help? So I helped him then once he was done, he said once he gets to the place it'll be close to closing (No duh... we were supposed to meet earlier). I suggested another place that closes later, and he didn't respond to that. Then I asked for an update, and he didn't respond to that either. I'm speechless. I get that things come up unexpectedly but wouldn't it be more respectful to actually set a plan and date instead of pushing it back and back because of a quiz he could've taken at a later time or even with the mother's day thing? I honestly wouldn't have cared if we didn't meet again but he kept pushing to meet when I was on my trip and when I came back? I'm honestly confused and tbh honest that someone can act this way. Sorry if the grammar doesn't make sense, I've been having a headache because of this tonight. Thanks fam for reading He sounds like me when I was younger. He is handsome, has plenty of options, and hasn't experiences great lost yet, and therefore doesn't understand appreciation. 10 years from now he would love you. But the law of supply and demand is giving him too many options. He is not emotionally matured enough to give you the love that you need. 10 years ago I took every woman for granted. Now, I have so much to give. But it only came after so much suffering. My opinion is that you guys are in different timelines. It is not your job to expedite him. When you find a guy who is BOTH sexy and emotionally MATURED, then you know you have a catch. Don't just look for the sexiness. Look for the emotional matureness. Edited May 12, 2021 by prince0fgame 1
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 Like I always say date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. This guy ain't doing that.....so what does that tell you? It wouldn't tell me to give him another chance. 1
poppyfields Posted May 12, 2021 Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) 13 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: This is very true also!! I keep going back and forth now It honestly wasn't a fun feeling at all waiting by the phone eventually wondering if I was ever gonna go out with him... it honestly drove me insane even if was with a friend. Hi sushi, I think it might be wise to ask yourself why you're willing to give him a second, or is it actually a third chance? My guess would be because you're seriously attracted to him which is fine but sometimes leads us to making bad decisions for ourselves. What his actions tell me is that he's lazy and well, frankly, not all that interested. I'm sorry, jmo. My interpretation. I mean showing up for a scheduled date is like the bare minimum and if a man cannot even manage that especially so early in, then what's the point? Choose wisely from the get-go and avoid disappointment or pain later. For me, this would most likely be a next, but you do what feels best for you. Good luck and keep us posted! Edited May 12, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 15, 2021 Author Posted May 15, 2021 On 5/11/2021 at 8:34 AM, Caauug said: Looks like he is borderline "Needy" or a little too interested.... It's not like you were dating steady for months.... He had you interested for Mother's Day but his time management was crap but couldn't bring himself to admit failure... Next!!! IDK why I didn't see this post earlier, but I agree with this that he sucks at time management! He shouldn't overextend himself and have me waiting when he'll be free
Alpacalia Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 4 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: IDK why I didn't see this post earlier, but I agree with this that he sucks at time management! He shouldn't overextend himself and have me waiting when he'll be free So, what is it about this guy that appeals to you? Get back out there and get moving missy! 1 1
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