sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 Hey ya'll I have been talking to a few guys from OLD here and there and went on a date with a guy before my two-week trip back home to California. He was really sweet and we ended up kissing after the first date. He wished me a safe trip back home and he's been sending a lot of messages and pictures updating me on how he's doing. He would ask me when I'd come back so we can see each other again and I told him sometime next week (this past week). A few days after I got back, he asked me about my upcoming availability. I answered this past Saturday and Sunday I would be free. He said he's working all day Saturday but would try to come see me after having a brunch thing with his mom for Mother's Day. He said he would be done around 5 yesterday but I didn't hear back. So I ended up calling him for an update and we decided to reschedule (IDK why he should've never agreed on mother's day if he knew he would be busy). I gave him a pass bc he was spending time with family, and he could've lost track with the time. We decided to reschedule to tonight, on the phone he said he would be done with work around 6. A little past 6 today he asked me if I was done for the day. I answered and he said he would call places to see if they were open. We finally agreed on a place. The gap between texts were 20-30 minutes (which was annoying considering we were planning to meet) THEN he informed me that he is actually working on a quiz and asked for my help? So I helped him then once he was done, he said once he gets to the place it'll be close to closing (No duh... we were supposed to meet earlier). I suggested another place that closes later, and he didn't respond to that. Then I asked for an update, and he didn't respond to that either. I'm speechless. I get that things come up unexpectedly but wouldn't it be more respectful to actually set a plan and date instead of pushing it back and back because of a quiz he could've taken at a later time or even with the mother's day thing? I honestly wouldn't have cared if we didn't meet again but he kept pushing to meet when I was on my trip and when I came back? I'm honestly confused and tbh honest that someone can act this way. Sorry if the grammar doesn't make sense, I've been having a headache because of this tonight. Thanks fam for reading 1
cleverusername Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 He's putting in the effort, it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances. You're both trying to figure out each others schedules. Why don't you offer a time you're free a few days in advance? You're trying to schedule a date in less than 24hrs wont work.
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, cleverusername said: He's putting in the effort, it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances. You're both trying to figure out each others schedules. Why don't you offer a time you're free a few days in advance? You're trying to schedule a date in less than 24hrs wont work. I don't see him putting in effort tho but it could be my bias (angry) perspective right now lol. About yesterday, I gave him a pass but don't guys know it's rude to let someone wait around whenever he's done? He shouldve just cancelled and actually set a time and place. Then we picked tonight and this thing happens, to which he didn't have the courtesy to respond to my text asking him for an update? He should've cancelled tonight too but instead didn't text me back.
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, Alpaca said: So he blew you off? I'm not sure tbh It feels like it but equally confused because he's the one that kept pushing to see each other
Alpacalia Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 1 minute ago, sushiandtacos said: I'm not sure tbh It feels like it but equally confused because he's the one that kept pushing to see each other Yes, it sounds like it. He's unreliable. Goodbye. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 4 hours ago, Alpaca said: Yes, it sounds like it. He's unreliable. Goodbye. I agree. This was a blow-off, OP. I would not be interested in seeing someone again who didn't have the courtesy to let me know he was going to cancel. 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 8 hours ago, Alpaca said: Yes, it sounds like it. He's unreliable. Goodbye. 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I agree. This was a blow-off, OP. I would not be interested in seeing someone again who didn't have the courtesy to let me know he was going to cancel. I agree, it was rude and he should've cancelled... I'm just confused because I didn't get that vibe from him that he would do this especially when he was the one that initiated to hangout both times
Alpacalia Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 27 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I agree, it was rude and he should've cancelled... I'm just confused because I didn't get that vibe from him that he would do this especially when he was the one that initiated to hangout both times He may simply be overstretched. However, the perplexing behavior left you befuddled. Sure, he might have been preoccupied with other matters, but as time passes, it's normal to feel a little off about it. 2
FMW Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 Sounds like he's disorganized, not good at planning, and rude (by not responding). Dropping him is probably a good idea. If you don't, just don't expect a lot out of him. 4
Caauug Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 10 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: He wished me a safe trip back home and he's been sending a lot of messages and pictures updating me on how he's doing. He would ask me when I'd come back so we can see each other again and I told him sometime next week (this past week). A few days after I got back, he asked me about my upcoming availability. Looks like he is borderline "Needy" or a little too interested.... It's not like you were dating steady for months.... He had you interested for Mother's Day but his time management was crap but couldn't bring himself to admit failure... Next!!! 1
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 I have said this to everyone...first impressions count! This guy is flakier than puff pastry. 4
DatingMom Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 This is not a very impressive first impression. I agree with @smackie9 that first impressions are important. I have dealt with a huge number of flakes, but generally they were reliable for the first two dates, it's more at date 3 that they started being flaky. I think if you really liked this guy before, and now are considering dumping him because of this behaviour, you have nothing to loose by just asking him straight out what happened. Just say honestly that you were a bit confused, and see what he says. If he apologizes profusely and makes up for it immediately by setting up a date later in the week, you can give him another try if you really like him. But if he's being wishy washy, I think that this is not gonna get any better, and you would just be forever frustrated. 4
Wiseman2 Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 14 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: I don't see him putting in effort Exactly. He's last minute, blowing stuff off, juggling a bunch of women, who knows? At any rate, he seems like a waste of your time. 4
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 6 hours ago, Alpaca said: He may simply be overstretched. However, the perplexing behavior left you befuddled. Sure, he might have been preoccupied with other matters, but as time passes, it's normal to feel a little off about it. Yeah I think he was overstretched but he should've not started something during the time we agreed to meet... What do you mean it's normal to feel off about it?
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 6 hours ago, FMW said: Sounds like he's disorganized, not good at planning, and rude (by not responding). Dropping him is probably a good idea. If you don't, just don't expect a lot out of him. Is there any reason to not drop him?
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 1 hour ago, DatingMom said: This is not a very impressive first impression. I agree with @smackie9 that first impressions are important. I have dealt with a huge number of flakes, but generally they were reliable for the first two dates, it's more at date 3 that they started being flaky. I think if you really liked this guy before, and now are considering dumping him because of this behaviour, you have nothing to loose by just asking him straight out what happened. Just say honestly that you were a bit confused, and see what he says. If he apologizes profusely and makes up for it immediately by setting up a date later in the week, you can give him another try if you really like him. But if he's being wishy washy, I think that this is not gonna get any better, and you would just be forever frustrated. Yeah usually when they are flakey in the beginning, it gets worse later bc guys usually put their best steps forward in the beginning right?
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 He ended up texting me back this morning apologizing about last night, he said he wanted to lay his head for a few min but ended up falling asleep... He apologized three times in the text lol. Debating on whether to text back or not...
flitzanu Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 i mean, i'd just step back until he can follow through with plans. at the very least...he is communicating the dilemmas and poor at time management, so either A) he really wants to see you and should not make plans when he is busy or, B) isn't going out of his way to prioritize setting up a date and making you waste time waiting. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 (edited) I mean, if you come on here and ask people if you should stop seeing someone, invariably some will say yes, every dang thread. People are great at telling you to dump someone and can rationalize it every time. Maybe people should start asking how to work things out. Edited May 11, 2021 by dramafreezone 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 37 minutes ago, flitzanu said: i mean, i'd just step back until he can follow through with plans. at the very least...he is communicating the dilemmas and poor at time management, so either A) he really wants to see you and should not make plans when he is busy or, B) isn't going out of his way to prioritize setting up a date and making you waste time waiting. I completely agree with this, it's definitely one or the other. Should I reply to his apology?
Author sushiandtacos Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 24 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I mean, if you come on here and ask people if you should stop seeing someone, invariably some will say yes, every dang thread. People are great at telling you to dump someone and can rationalize it every time. Maybe people should start asking how to work things out. Yeah very true lol
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 Him giving you the excuse "Oh I fell asleep..." is no different than saying the dog ate my homework. 4
Alpacalia Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 2 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: What do you mean it's normal to feel off about it? That odd feeling of something not being and/or feeling right. You know, like if you ate a ton of beans. Isn't this just your second date? This time span is fraught with enough uncertainty. You'd think he'd want to not give you the wrong idea. Y'know? 3
Recommended Posts