New2single Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 I’ve been hooking up with a guy for just over 6 months. We’ve gone from just meeting for sex to having dinner at my house and then the sex. I hear from him almost daily with “how was your day,” kind of small talk and that about it. I’ve hinted around at going out on a date away from home and even told him I’d love to go fishing sometime but he’s never asked. We both started this knowing what it was and he’s asked me once if I was seeing someone else where I told him I was not. We have mutual friends and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Should I tell him I’m gonna start dating? If so how should I do it?
FMW Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 Yes, I would tell him, especially since you have mutual friends and the word will probably get around. I would tell him that you're interested in more than hookups, so you plan to start dating. That gives him the opportunity to express an interest in advancing your relationship. If he doesn't want to, for whatever reason, you've been honest with him and are free to be open to meeting and dating other guys. 7
spiderowl Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 This guy knows the score. He could take you on a date but hasn't taken the hint. Although you are not seeing anyone else, you are perfectly free to do so. You do need to tell him that you plan to go on dates though in the same way that he should tell you if he is not planning to be sexually exclusive with you. You don't owe him anything apart from the necessary information above for his health and safety. If he wants to date you, he should ask and take it further himself. He has not shown any signs of doing this has he? Has he taken you anywhere special or indicated that he wants to date you? If he's just a hook-up guy, and that was the agreement, then you are a free agent. You can date someone else. 2
Wiseman2 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/9/2021 at 6:43 PM, New2single said: I’ve been hooking up with a guy for just over 6 months. We’ve gone from just meeting for sex to having dinner at my house and then the sex. I hear from him almost daily with “how was your day,” kind of small talk and that about it. I’ve hinted around at going out on a date away from home and even told him I’d love to go fishing sometime but he’s never asked. We both started this knowing what it was and he’s asked me once if I was seeing someone else where I told him I was not. We have mutual friends and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Should I tell him I’m gonna start dating? If so how should I do it? You're not dating no less exclusive,so you're a free agent to do as you see fit. Telling him you are going to date people won't inspire him to change . Just get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. Next time be crystal clear on what you want and don't invite men for dinner and sex, if what you wish to have is a relationship.
Emilyinroses Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/9/2021 at 11:43 PM, New2single said: I’ve been hooking up with a guy for just over 6 months. We’ve gone from just meeting for sex to having dinner at my house and then the sex. I hear from him almost daily with “how was your day,” kind of small talk and that about it. I’ve hinted around at going out on a date away from home and even told him I’d love to go fishing sometime but he’s never asked. We both started this knowing what it was and he’s asked me once if I was seeing someone else where I told him I was not. We have mutual friends and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Should I tell him I’m gonna start dating? If so how should I do it? You don't need to tell him you are going to start dating or give him any explanations since you are only casual. What you seem to need to do however is to resolve things with yourself before you start dating. You seem attached to him already and it will be difficult to date other men feeling attached to this unresolved situation. I just posted a question on here about having sex with a guy I met that is just casual too, and I also want a relationship, so I can see myself down the road having the same questions as you if I take things further with him. I don't want that. I prefer to be free, physically and mentally, to date properly. 2
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 Tell him the FWB arrangement is not working for you and that you are going to start dating properly. You will never find a good guy if you are still mixed up physically and emotionally with this guy so end it immediately... 2
Miss Spider Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 Don’t see why you need to tell him at all. You aren’t committed 1
elaine567 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Don’t see why you need to tell him at all. You aren’t committed No, but he is in contact with her daily...it is not as if he only touches base monthly or twice a year. They may not be committed but he needs to know where he stands surely?. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: They may not be committed but he needs to know where he stands surely?. I don’t think so Edited May 14, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Wiseman2 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: They may not be committed but he needs to know where he stands surely?. She can start dating and when it turns into something she can tell him "I am dating someone exclusively". For now, no preemptive announcement is required. 1
Alvi Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 (edited) It's totally up to you. You can give him heads up that you are going to start auditioning guys for the role of your long term boyfriend. Probably would be wiser to stop seeing him if you are truly honestly committed finding someone for a long term as he might be a destruction. Or you can wait till you actually find someone that you want to get serious with and tell him then. Either way, you don't owe him anything. I am guessing that if he likes you more than just for sex, he is going to step up and claim you all for himself. But it may not happen. Edited May 14, 2021 by Alvi 1
FMW Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) She doesn't "owe" him anything, but she said she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. If they have friends in common it's likely he'll hear about her dating. It would be polite to give him a heads up, common courtesy. Edited May 15, 2021 by FMW 1
basil67 Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 You're his casual sex on the side, so I can't see why you dating others would hurt his feelings. Get your date lined up. Then, when this guy does the daily check in, tell him "Hey, I'm going on a date with a guy who looks interesting. If things work out, obviously I won't be able to hook up with you anymore" 2
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