Is this girl taking me for a ride?

[Radio]

Sometime in February, I met a girl on a Discord server but it was just platonic because she was all the way in the Philippines and we were just talking casually every now and then. But then, around March time we started talking a lot more, like everyday - video calling and whatnot. 

Anyway, to cut a long story we started a "long distance relationship" and it was all good but I just realized that there are a few red flags that I can't ignore. Firstly, she told me doesn't have any social media accounts but I found her on FB with a lot of male "friends" from Europe and North America and even though she doesn't ask for money directly, she does complain about her family back in her home village not being able afford unexpected bills, etc. Those two factors alone make me feel like this is just some sort of long winded way to eventually get money out of me (I haven't sent anything and won't).

Apart from that, everything is great and I like her a lot. We have so many things in common and I find her to be a great person and she also shares the same desire as me to have a family, etc. Which might just be a shtick idk. 

[Marc878]

Red flag. She’s looking for money.

[dramafreezone]

Find someone that's more geographically desirable.  Nothing will come of this.

[spiderowl]

Firstly, don't send any money.  

Secondly, however well you get on, she's too far away.  You are better off looking locally.

Just keep her as a friend and no more.

[Alfano]

There's nothing wrong with playing with scammers, they're sort of like misbehaved dogs. Good to pass the downtime but don't look at this as anymore than cheap entertainment and maybe also you're doing a good thing for society in general. Every minute of the scammers time you waste is one less minute they can scam someone else.

Were there any more questions?

[Taramere]

15 hours ago, Radio said:

Sometime in February, I met a girl on a Discord server but it was just platonic because she was all the way in the Philippines and we were just talking casually every now and then. But then, around March time we started talking a lot more, like everyday - video calling and whatnot. 

Anyway, to cut a long story we started a "long distance relationship" and it was all good but I just realized that there are a few red flags that I can't ignore. Firstly, she told me doesn't have any social media accounts but I found her on FB with a lot of male "friends" from Europe and North America and even though she doesn't ask for money directly, she does complain about her family back in her home village not being able afford unexpected bills, etc. Those two factors alone make me feel like this is just some sort of long winded way to eventually get money out of me (I haven't sent anything and won't).

Apart from that, everything is great and I like her a lot. We have so many things in common and I find her to be a great person and she also shares the same desire as me to have a family, etc. Which might just be a shtick idk. 

I think it's pretty clear that requests for financial assistance are going to spring from this.  You can see that yourself, but still you're investing emotionally.  My concern would be that if you carry on communicating with her, you're going to get more and more emotionally invested.  When the heart wants something, it can be a pretty potent force in blocking logical thinking/decisions that are in your own best interests.  There are many perfectly intelligent, logical people out there who make bad decisions every day because the powerful forces of desire have conquered common sense.  Let this thread pull you away from being one of them.

[glows]

18 hours ago, Radio said:

Sometime in February, I met a girl on a Discord server but it was just platonic because she was all the way in the Philippines and we were just talking casually every now and then. But then, around March time we started talking a lot more, like everyday - video calling and whatnot. 

Anyway, to cut a long story we started a "long distance relationship" and it was all good but I just realized that there are a few red flags that I can't ignore. Firstly, she told me doesn't have any social media accounts but I found her on FB with a lot of male "friends" from Europe and North America and even though she doesn't ask for money directly, she does complain about her family back in her home village not being able afford unexpected bills, etc. Those two factors alone make me feel like this is just some sort of long winded way to eventually get money out of me (I haven't sent anything and won't).

Apart from that, everything is great and I like her a lot. We have so many things in common and I find her to be a great person and she also shares the same desire as me to have a family, etc. Which might just be a shtick idk. 

Yes, your instincts are correct. There are too many red flags. Hold off on dating for awhile if you need to take a time out and reconsider what you want/ought to have in a relationship. 

[d0nnivain]

It's not real.  This is someone you are unlikely to ever meet.  Wanting a family is so generic it's not a valid basis for a relationship.  She already lied to you.  You are not in a LDR.   This is at best a long con

[jspice]

There are women from certain countries who live up to their stereotype. She’s textbook 🤣

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, Radio said:

even though she doesn't ask for money directly, she does complain about her family back in her home village not being able afford unexpected bills, etc.

It's best to cut off scammers early on. Read up on romance scams, it's more common than many think.

[Radio]

I mean I still kinda don't know. I was kinda speaking to her all day yesterday and today and we just get along so well. I even suggested that I go visit her and she told me she'd like that. Also, she doesn't just come across as a leecher since she's finishing up her degree. 

Usually, I'm cynical to the core by default but you know, I turned 27 quite recently without ever having even been on a date. I probably won't get another opportunity like this so I'm just trying to make 100% sure.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Radio said:

I probably won't get another opportunity like this

Sure you will. get a good profile and pics up on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local women in a timely fashion. Also volunteer, join some groups, clubs, takes classes, etc. Just practice talking to women.

[normal person]

On 5/8/2021 at 2:47 PM, Radio said:

Apart from that, everything is great and I like her a lot. We have so many things in common and I find her to be a great person and she also shares the same desire as me to have a family, etc.

Apart from the outright lie she told you, yeah. As someone else mentioned, "wanting to have a family" is a nearly universal trait, I'd be hesitant to travel to another continent to explore the potential of this more. It's almost like saying "We both want to be happy in life, so it seems like we have a lot in common." Everyone wants to be happy. That doesn't mean all those people are worth your time. 

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

I was kinda speaking to her all day yesterday and today and we just get along so well.

How so?

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

I even suggested that I go visit her and she told me she'd like that.

Of course she would, there's no real downside in it for her and there's a chance you might give her money, or possibly a better life. 

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

Also, she doesn't just come across as a leecher since she's finishing up her degree. 

People with degrees in much richer countries still need money. See: America. I haven't looked up the stats but I can't imagine job prospects and wages in her country are that favorable, which is probably part of the reason why so much of The Philippines  GDP is from remittances. 

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

I probably won't get another opportunity like this

You most certainly could find a woman from an impoverished country willing to be nice and agreeable to you if there's an even a chance that you can improve their life in some way. You could have a dozen in five minutes if you look hard enough. This is not what you think it is. 

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

so I'm just trying to make 100% sure.

She already lied to you. You thought there were enough red flags to start a thread about it. Can you ever going to be 100% sure? Probably not. 

Look, I'm not saying she's definitely a scammer, but she's probably willing to overlook a lot of things at the prospect of getting closely involved with someone -- almost anyone -- who could potentially give her a leg up financially. Trust your instincts on this one and let it go. Ask yourself why she isn't involved with someone in her own country. 

[Radio]

On 5/9/2021 at 9:38 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Sure you will. get a good profile and pics up on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local women in a timely fashion. Also volunteer, join some groups, clubs, takes classes, etc. Just practice talking to women.

I've been on and off dating apps for several years with various different types of photos. I never really got any dates from them ever. I effectively get zero matches and sometimes a few matches during some months but from experience, these people don't even put in an effort to have a conversation. It was all me doing the talking. 

For the most part, I have been part of various different groups by virtue of practising a certain hobby where I have met loads of women since I was like 18 and I'm not really socially inept and don't really have a problem with talking to women or befriending them but you know, you can't really create romantic feelings. If someone likes you, they do and if they don't, they don't.

[Radio]

5 hours ago, normal person said:

Apart from the outright lie she told you, yeah. As someone else mentioned, "wanting to have a family" is a nearly universal trait, I'd be hesitant to travel to another continent to explore the potential of this more. It's almost like saying "We both want to be happy in life, so it seems like we have a lot in common." Everyone wants to be happy. That doesn't mean all those people are worth your time. 

How so?

Of course she would, there's no real downside in it for her and there's a chance you might give her money, or possibly a better life. 

People with degrees in much richer countries still need money. See: America. I haven't looked up the stats but I can't imagine job prospects and wages in her country are that favorable, which is probably part of the reason why so much of The Philippines  GDP is from remittances. 

You most certainly could find a woman from an impoverished country willing to be nice and agreeable to you if there's an even a chance that you can improve their life in some way. You could have a dozen in five minutes if you look hard enough. This is not what you think it is. 

She already lied to you. You thought there were enough red flags to start a thread about it. Can you ever going to be 100% sure? Probably not. 

Look, I'm not saying she's definitely a scammer, but she's probably willing to overlook a lot of things at the prospect of getting closely involved with someone -- almost anyone -- who could potentially give her a leg up financially. Trust your instincts on this one and let it go. Ask yourself why she isn't involved with someone in her own country. 

Yes, I completely agree with everything you wrote here. Thanks for that

[d0nnivain]

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

I mean I still kinda don't know. I was kinda speaking to her all day yesterday and today and we just get along so well.

Of course you got along well.  She is skilled at saying what you want to hear to soften you up to put the squeeze on you.  

[Gaeta]

On 5/9/2021 at 4:27 PM, Radio said:

I turned 27 quite recently without ever having even been on a date. 

These women look for men just like you. Desperate for love. Much easier to manipulate their feelings.

[Alpacalia]

On 5/9/2021 at 1:27 PM, Radio said:

I probably won't get another opportunity like this so I'm just trying to make 100% sure.

Try not to limit yourself to this mindset, i.e. "I probably won't get another opportunity."

Otherwise, you'll end up dating any jerkette that comes your way.

[Radio]

Hm, so I just blocked her 2 days ago on almost everything. I don't really need the anxiety and constant wondering in my life

[Marc878]

😂 she’s probably a huge hairy man with a PC.

[dangerous]

On 5/8/2021 at 7:47 PM, Radio said:

Sometime in February, I met a girl on a Discord server but it was just platonic because she was all the way in the Philippines and we were just talking casually every now and then. But then, around March time we started talking a lot more, like everyday - video calling and whatnot. 

Anyway, to cut a long story we started a "long distance relationship" and it was all good but I just realized that there are a few red flags that I can't ignore. Firstly, she told me doesn't have any social media accounts but I found her on FB with a lot of male "friends" from Europe and North America and even though she doesn't ask for money directly, she does complain about her family back in her home village not being able afford unexpected bills, etc. Those two factors alone make me feel like this is just some sort of long winded way to eventually get money out of me (I haven't sent anything and won't).

Apart from that, everything is great and I like her a lot. We have so many things in common and I find her to be a great person and she also shares the same desire as me to have a family, etc. Which might just be a shtick idk. 

Complete waste of time from the getgo. Get real man!

[luiscasabuena]

As a person from the Philippines, yes, I know, there are plenty of scammers here. Prolly why our country is still a 3rd world country with low per capita income (due to too much corruption and lack of principles). GDP grew fast from around 2005 to 2019 but 2020 pandemic year stifled the development by 9.5%.