LoopyLoop99 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 how can u casually date someone for 18 months wtf this seems so weird to me
Caauug Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 On 5/18/2021 at 4:28 AM, seany25 said: I'm wondering, do I tell her how I'm feeling? I don't mean in terms of my being besotted with her - she knows that - I mean in terms of "I think you're taking the p*ss out of me because you know how much I fancy you" ... Something along those lines. You are "Option B" at best.... I would guess the cousin is closer to having his 6 sixes and isn't really related... You will gain nothing by telling her how you feel, but you will loose respect or status in her eyes and show that you are butthurt by her actions. One of the attraction characteristics that women value in men is strength, mentally and physically. If you show weakness she will likely loose some attraction for you. Go NC and find someone that doesn't treat you like that or drop her to the same level she treats you on and show her she doesn't make a difference in your life.
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 No she doesn't know the turmoil that's going on in your head. To her, she sees this as a hookup arrangement when convenient. She's not psychic. She doesn't know you are falling for her, she doesn't know your heartbreak, she doesn't know your frustration. What she knows is you both enjoy sex, and she assumes you and her are seeing other people and that's fine with her....that's why she doesn't question anything or say anything. She just does what she does. So all this stuff going on your head is of your own creation. She's not doing any of it to YOU. Sure you can confess your feelings to her, but I can guarantee you, the probability of never hearing from her again is pretty high....aaaannnnd I think you know deep down this will be your reality. So you have some options: Cut her off completely and move on. Best option ever IMO. Keep being a shlep and wait for her to come around again. Keep her around, but ditch the feelings, and find other women to smash. Stay single and not care. Throw caution into the wind and profess your love for her. Results may vary, but most likely not good ones. 1
Author seany25 Posted May 30, 2021 Author Posted May 30, 2021 Thanks, y'all. I'm starting to feel like I want, and deserve more. Meaning, a woman who will be as into me as I'm into her. The way things are with this one is, it's all on her terms. She came back into my life in some sort of power trip. Came to me for that one night of hot sex, and has essentially vanished again, leaving an additional, but different mark. In a way, I see that night as kind of a gift to me. Here I am, trying to move on, believing I was never going to see her again, then out of nowhere I get to spend a night of hot, sexy passion with her. Like, thank you! I know this all comes down to a few things.. I find her incredibly attractive - she literally keeps getting sexier The sex is the best I've ever had - and I've had sex with 39 different women. The unattainability and distance most definitely increases that desire for her Since that one night a month ago, we were supposed to meet again twice. Both times she never showed up. It's so blatantly push-pull; like, "here, have me for one night to get you hungry for me again, then I shall withdraw my attention, again." I text her on Friday asking if she was available over the weekend. She never even bothered saying no. I'd actually be happy just to see her every now and then if that's all she wants, but I just don't want to be put in the position of her arranging to meet, and then not showing up. Although, if it was a situation where, like someone said above, I was at home anyway, then cool, if she shows up she shows up. If not, fine, I'll not be chasing. I get the feeling that, when I start seeing a new girl and she finds out, the tables would then turn and she'd be trying to assert whatever power she believes she has over me. To some extent she clearly does have certain degree of power over me. She knows I drool at the idea of sex with her, and she uses that to her advantage. I do however, need to start seeing someone who treats me with a little more respect. I need a new girl to take over the top spot.
Author seany25 Posted May 30, 2021 Author Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/24/2021 at 6:23 AM, LoopyLoop99 said: how can u casually date someone for 18 months wtf this seems so weird to me Yeah, well, it happened. Technically it's now two years, although obviously for much of the last 6 months, nothing happened except me being heartbroken, followed by that one recent night I spent with her out of the blue. In hindsight, It think my best shot at something more serious with her was back at the beginning, about 2 years ago. When she knew I was seeing other women, she didn't like it and stopped seeing me for a while. Essentially, this is probably all my own fault. That was disrespectful of me and she may be getting her own back in a way, whether that's consciously or not. She knows how attractive she's become, and knowing where I stand in terms of how much I want her, she knows she can just take it or leave it (and that's just what she does). She's a true coquette.
Author seany25 Posted May 30, 2021 Author Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) On 5/24/2021 at 7:02 AM, Caauug said: You are "Option B" at best.... I would guess the cousin is closer to having his 6 sixes and isn't really related... You will gain nothing by telling her how you feel, but you will loose respect or status in her eyes and show that you are butthurt by her actions. One of the attraction characteristics that women value in men is strength, mentally and physically. If you show weakness she will likely loose some attraction for you. Go NC and find someone that doesn't treat you like that or drop her to the same level she treats you on and show her she doesn't make a difference in your life. Well, the female cousin definitely exists, because she shares clips of them dining and drinking. However, I'm pretty certain she is at the very least communicating with other men. Attractive girls inboxes are constantly full, and she'd be no exception. I think perhaps she was seeing someone for those 5 months, it ended for whatever reason, and then she went where she knew she'd get validation - to me. Me laying all my cards on the table with her likely put her off a bit. A foolish move by myself, yes, but it is what it is. I'm now going to assert the same level of interest she does to me. Edited May 30, 2021 by seany25
Author seany25 Posted May 30, 2021 Author Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) On 5/24/2021 at 5:14 PM, smackie9 said: No she doesn't know the turmoil that's going on in your head. To her, she sees this as a hookup arrangement when convenient. She's not psychic. She doesn't know you are falling for her, she doesn't know your heartbreak, she doesn't know your frustration. What she knows is you both enjoy sex, and she assumes you and her are seeing other people and that's fine with her....that's why she doesn't question anything or say anything. She just does what she does. So all this stuff going on your head is of your own creation. She's not doing any of it to YOU. Sure you can confess your feelings to her, but I can guarantee you, the probability of never hearing from her again is pretty high....aaaannnnd I think you know deep down this will be your reality. She does know. She knows for certain how much I lust for her and that it pains me to see so little of her. It doesn't however, appear to have made any difference, since she doesn't make any effort to make time for me. So you have some options: Cut her off completely and move on. Best option ever IMO. Part of me wants to do this, but.. Keep her around, but ditch the feelings, and find other women to smash. Stay single and not care. I think this is the option I'm going to go with. I don't need to completely block her, but I do need to stop chasing after her. From here on, if she wants it, she needs to reach out to me. Edited May 30, 2021 by seany25
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 18 hours ago, seany25 said: I text her on Friday asking if she was available over the weekend. She never even bothered saying no. Wait, do you mean you texted her this past Friday?
Author seany25 Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Wait, do you mean you texted her this past Friday? Yes, that's what I did.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2021 Posted May 31, 2021 22 minutes ago, seany25 said: Yes, that's what I did. My guy. You need to take the hint and just stop. Her silence and lack of any consistent effort is you're cue that she is not that into you. You need to hang on to your dignity and let this go. She doesn't want what you want.
Author seany25 Posted May 31, 2021 Author Posted May 31, 2021 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: My guy. You need to take the hint and just stop. Her silence and lack of any consistent effort is you're cue that she is not that into you. You need to hang on to your dignity and let this go. She doesn't want what you want. Thanks, yeah I'm well aware of that now. So what I'm doing is just going about my life (which is a busy one, thankfully) and getting on with things, not really bothering myself with the situation too much. When I text on Friday it was more like "if you're free and want to meet, cool. If not, whatever". You see, the difference this time is that I've already felt the heartbreak earlier in the year. I don't know what she was hoping to achieve in coming back for one night of lust, then vanishing again, but it was most likely just to see if she was able to come out of the woodwork and get what she wanted. There's nothing more I can possibly say to her to make her see how highly I regard her. There's not much point in keeping that up, when it's not changing anything. It's likely she'll pop up now and again for validation but I probably need to stop giving it. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 I just think you need to start focusing on finding another woman, OP. This one is a dead-end for you. 2
Highndry Posted June 1, 2021 Posted June 1, 2021 On 5/30/2021 at 4:30 PM, seany25 said: The unattainability and distance most definitely increases that desire for her I think you have some self esteem issues to work out, because if a woman blows me off she becomes increasingly unattractive. In fact, I have a zero tolerance policy for that. There better be a damn good excuse, because otherwise I'm never, ever talking to her again. Somebody disrespecting you should not increase your attraction for them.
Author seany25 Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 (edited) On 6/1/2021 at 6:41 AM, ExpatInItaly said: I just think you need to start focusing on finding another woman, OP. This one is a dead-end for you. Yeah I know I need to, and I'm going to. I have had sex with plenty of other women since I started seeing this one two years ago. More importantly, though, I've had sex with a handful of ladies since being broken hearted over her after Christmas, and sex just isn't as mind blowing with anyone else. Not yet, anyway. Edited June 4, 2021 by seany25
Author seany25 Posted June 4, 2021 Author Posted June 4, 2021 On 6/1/2021 at 10:03 PM, Highndry said: I think you have some self esteem issues to work out, because if a woman blows me off she becomes increasingly unattractive. In fact, I have a zero tolerance policy for that. There better be a damn good excuse, because otherwise I'm never, ever talking to her again. Somebody disrespecting you should not increase your attraction for them. I completely get this. It's even more poignant to me personally because I'm qualified in human behaviour. There is most definitely reverse psychological elements at play here, and despite me knowing this, I couldn't escape it. The two main factors are.. Her physical attractiveness The incredible sex I'm done chasing her now. If the recent night we spent together was the last time we have sex, I see it as a parting gift. I would, however, never turn down sex with her again. It would be purely lust, though, no feelings.
Wiseman2 Posted June 4, 2021 Posted June 4, 2021 2 hours ago, seany25 said: I'm qualified in human behaviour. The two main factors are.. 1.Her physical attractiveness 2.The incredible sex Unfortunately all the "qualifications" go out the window because of 1. and 2. 1
Author seany25 Posted June 5, 2021 Author Posted June 5, 2021 14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately all the "qualifications" go out the window because of 1. and 2. Exactly 1
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