ExpatInItaly Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 4 hours ago, seany25 said: If she wants to come see me, fine, but I'm not going to rely on her. You need more self-respect, sean. Block and be done with this chick. She's absolutely wasting your time and has no respect for you whatsoever. And to be clear, I don't mean only that she might have been seeing someone else during those 5 months - but also now. I would bet my bottom dollar that the nights she bails on you, she's with some other guy. It would be foolish to leave any door open to her. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think the explanation is a lot simpler, but probaby more painful to admit: you're the guy she will resort to when whomever she really wants to see and sleep with isn't available. When he is, she leaves you in the dust and doesn't even have the courtesy to cancel. She just doesn't care, and isn't as addicted to the sex as you are. You have to stop being your own worst enemy, and block this person. You two are not going to wind up together. Well, this is certainly the OP's prerogative, but I would just recommend that he downgrade her as far as priority. Make her the same priority that he is to her. I wouldn't block, that makes it seems like he's butthurt. I would just exert minimal effort. I would not call at all. If she wants to go out, she has to call, she has to ask, and she has to come to his place, on a day where he's going to be at home anyway. If she flakes, oh well, you were at home anyway so no time lost. No nice dinners or dates for her. There's really nothing wrong with being her backup plan IMO, as long as he continues to date around and makes her his backup plan too. Edited May 15, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
ExpatInItaly Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: There's really nothing wrong with being her backup plan IMO, as long as he continues to date around and makes her his backup plan too. Right, but given that he clearly has feelings for her and has always wanted more, this is not a very realistic prospect for him. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2021 Posted May 15, 2021 (edited) Yea whether you can realistic do that or not is the thing, because it seems you really liked the girl. Emotions are hard to shut off. I know my ex still likes me... but I don’t feel that for him even though I do enjoy his company. I’m going to be honest with him about this/not jerk his chain , but a lot of people wouldnt be. A lot of people don’t feel that bad about doing so. Like this guy slept with my friend and tossed her aside, do you think he feels an ounce of guilt about it? No way. Huge ego boost for him and he’s probably bragging to his buddies. So you really need to protect your heart out there. Be honest with yourself, as much as some people might tell you to “plate her” or “downgrade her” you’re probably just going to end up playing yourself and hurting yourself more when she continues to treat you in a matter of convenience when she’s a bit more to you. If it really is a “doesn’t matter, had sex” scenario, disregard that, but be realistic. She’s not going to fall for you and she sees you as not good enough , do you even want to have sex with someone that feels that way about youJmo Edited May 15, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Author seany25 Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 On 5/15/2021 at 3:45 PM, Cookiesandough said: Yeah np, Based on when I’ve done it, I’m thinking it’s indifference(maybe with a smidgeon of guilt) When you occupy this space in a person’s life, you’re generally an afterthought, so there’s really not much consideration about you/ruining your plans by canceling. If you bring it up, watch them get annoyed and switch it around on you. You’re not being convenient at that point I have to think reliable long term FWB are a tough thing to find. It’s usually one person who has feelings and another person who uses that to their advantage. Your best bet is to look elsewhere(recommended) but if you really want, only make plans with her when nothing else is going on and don’t be surprised if she cancels for something(or someone) she wants to do more :[ Yeah, it feels like I'm just an option to her, and that's not something I want to be. I'm not sure I could continue casually, when I love her. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 3 minutes ago, seany25 said: Yeah, it feels like I'm just an option to her, and that's not something I want to be. I'm not sure I could continue casually, when I love her. It's already not working. If you don't want to be an option, stop letting her treat you like one. 1
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 (edited) On 5/15/2021 at 3:47 AM, seany25 said: After 5 months, she reached out, and we had that night of hot sex 2 weeks ago. I'm now fairly certain there's some sort of game, or power play going on here. She got what she wanted, just because she could, and then started doing the push-pull again. She was lonely and bored. She preys on the fact that you want her. She knows that you will put up with this kind of behavior. She knows that you will continue to answer the call because the “sex is addictive.” To you, obviously. Not to her. Of course you can’t see her casually - you have feelings for the woman. That’s just going to be painful for you. Edited May 17, 2021 by BaileyB 1 1
Author seany25 Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 I do have other options, I always have. But something about this girl somehow hits me different than all the others. I'm wondering, do I tell her how I'm feeling? I don't mean in terms of my being besotted with her - she knows that - I mean in terms of "I think you're taking the p*ss out of me because you know how much I fancy you" ... Something along those lines.
TrueGuy Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 It's clear that her attraction level for you is pretty much non-existent. If I were you I would move on to the next girl and forget this one. If a woman has no attraction level for you there's nothing you can do to raise it, that's just the way they're made. Now, you've got to tighten up your game a little bit. In the future, you ask the girl out on a real date, not a 'hang out' or 'hook up', but rather a real date. You call her on the phone so you can hear her voice, don't do this by text. You have to be more specific when you ask her on the date. For example, tell her you want to take out to a specific place/activity, on a specific day, at a specific time, and then say: "Can you make it?" Then let her answer. Good luck. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 47 minutes ago, seany25 said: I don't mean in terms of my being besotted with her - she knows that - I mean in terms of "I think you're taking the p*ss out of me because you know how much I fancy you" ... What would be your end goal in this statement? Better sex?
Miss Spider Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, seany25 said: I do have other options, I always have. But something about this girl somehow hits me different than all the others. I'm wondering, do I tell her how I'm feeling? I don't mean in terms of my being besotted with her - she knows that - I mean in terms of "I think you're taking the p*ss out of me because you know how much I fancy you" ... Something along those lines. She most likely knows how you’re feeling bro... just saying , women know... that’s not really the issue here. The issue is she isn’t feeling you ( as much) sorry. I would completely cut off contact until you’re more over it... focus on other girls or other life goals/self improvement . It only takes one more to see that this one isn’t as special as you’ve made her out to be in your head. Good luck Edited May 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Author seany25 Posted May 18, 2021 Author Posted May 18, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: What would be your end goal in this statement? Better sex? I'm not sure. I think I just want her to know she hurt me.
Author seany25 Posted May 18, 2021 Author Posted May 18, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: She most likely knows how you’re feeling bro... just saying , women know... that’s not really the issue here. The issue is she isn’t feeling you ( as much) sorry. I would completely cut off contact until you’re more over it... focus on other girls or other life goals/self improvement . It only takes one more to see that this one isn’t as special as you’ve made her out to be in your head. Good luck See, it's weird because, I've already been heartbroken over her. I'm not heartbroken now, just really disappointed. I do find her incredibly attractive, and I would sacrifice a limb for a night of sex with her, but I'm not sure if it's worth the mental struggles it causes. Edited May 18, 2021 by seany25 1
Author seany25 Posted May 18, 2021 Author Posted May 18, 2021 Probably a stupid question, but, should I tell her how I'm feeling, or just leave it?
TrueGuy Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 12 minutes ago, seany25 said: Probably a stupid question, but, should I tell her how I'm feeling, or just leave it? Nope. That's a heavy subject. Whenever you are with a woman keep it light, humorous, playful, positive, and upbeat. No heavy subjects like Race, Religion, Politics, Sex, Love, Vulgarities of any kind. No Doom and Gloom topics, No Insults or Slights of any kind, and keep your paws to yourself at all times. Now, divulging to her your private love feelings you have for her is way too heavy. Don't go there, ever, it will never make her love you. She's just doesn't any romantic attraction for you so you have to move on to the next girl. Retreat with self-respect and keep your dignity. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 3 hours ago, seany25 said: I'm not sure. I think I just want her to know she hurt me. She didn't hurt you. You invited her for a hookup. You made no effort to take her on dates or treat her with respect or romance, so of course she's going to look elsewhere . 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 3 hours ago, seany25 said: Probably a stupid question, but, should I tell her how I'm feeling, or just leave it? I would just leave it. There is really no point having this sort of conversation with a person who clearly just doesn't care. What's she going to say that will make you feel better? "Sorry, Seany25. I didn't mean to hurt you." And then what? I don't see it being a productive talk for you.
introverted1 Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 What exactly do you *love* about her? Her character? Her compassion? Her strong moral compass? I think you are conflating lust with love. There's no value in telling her she hurt you. Assuming she was not raised by wolves in the wild, she is aware that her behavior is rude and hurtful. If she cared about you at all, she would not be hurting you. Find another girl to date. One who will actually care about you. 2
Marc878 Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 You are in love with this fantasy you’ve conjured up. Her actions or lack of tell you what you need to know. Like a lot you refuse or just don’t want to believe reality. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 10 hours ago, introverted1 said: What exactly do you *love* about her? Her character? Her compassion? Her strong moral compass? I think you are conflating lust with love. There's no value in telling her she hurt you. Assuming she was not raised by wolves in the wild, she is aware that her behavior is rude and hurtful. If she cared about you at all, she would not be hurting you. Find another girl to date. One who will actually care about you. This so much... you just find her really hot probably and probably cool.. you’re lusting. Not worth it. More where that came from .introverted1 is right... you want someone who cares about you and you guys mutually connect on a deeper level. No real point in (again) declaring your lust ie like for her. Generally, that doesn’t do any good unless they feel the same/similar & p clear she doesn’t. I think you probably will anyway though and it’s ok lol 1
dramafreezone Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 18 hours ago, seany25 said: Probably a stupid question, but, should I tell her how I'm feeling, or just leave it? What do you think this would accomplish? You wanting her doesn't do anything for her wanting you. Your attraction does not spark her attraction. She can only be attracted to you because of you providing her with a certain feeling that she wants more of. Otherwise your feelings do nothing but boost her ego. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 (edited) Ego boost ... at best,.. there have been guys I was so not that into that it didn’t even do that. It’s an ego boost to hear it from a guy you like or highly respect... a guy you’re not feeling , it’s can be very cringe .JBR Edited May 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Wiseman2 Posted May 18, 2021 Posted May 18, 2021 As long as she hops in and out on her terms, well... things will be on her terms.
Miss Spider Posted May 20, 2021 Posted May 20, 2021 On 5/17/2021 at 11:26 PM, TrueGuy said: No heavy subjects like Race, Religion, Politics, Sex, Love, Vulgarities of any kind. No Doom and Gloom topics, No Insults or Slights of any kind, and keep your paws to yourself at all times. So basically nothing fun
Highndry Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 IF she ever hits you up again you simply ignore her. Turn the tables. She's not worthy of a response. If for some strange reason, after ignoring her contact, she continues to contact you, THEN you can put her in her place, so to speak. Something like "sorry, I've lost interest in you, go bother somebody else" would suffice.
Recommended Posts