How should I take all these remarks from guys???

[phyrespryte]

Sounds like the guy you like is shy.

 

I really doubt that he's shy. He hugged her another time when they were with friends. Also if you read the other 3 pages of this post or I think her other posts, you'll see that he does like her. He's just being a butthead.

[confusedgeek]

Ok, i've re-checked the original posts. Then Im kind of lost. I thought it was another guy. Theres 3 or 4 guys in the original post flirting with her. This one is the one whose sending mix signals, yes?

 

The cast so far as I can tell is:

 

- The poster (aka the girl)

- A former co-worker in his 40's (Scott?)

- A guy she hasnt seen in 5 months

- Dave the freshman

- The bestfriend (Shonna)

- AIM chat buddies

 

Just for a recap:

The one shes interested is the guy she hasnt seen in 5 months, yes?

Everyone minus Shonna is hitting on her.

 

Unless im reading this wrong, The guy she hasnt seen in 5 months is also the clumsy one who seems to bump into her/trip on her foot. There was also a mention of type of touching like leaning. Walking each other to there cars. Hell, I do this with my co-workers. Well, because I want to see their cars.

 

He sounds like me. The nervous type.

[phyrespryte]

Hm. Well. I think you have some of the people mixed up. Scott, Shonna, and the OP all used to work together. Scott and Shonna still work together. Scott isn't 40. The 40 year old was some other co-worker who is way too friendly. Scott's the crush. Scott also gave her a hug once before.

 

I get that you're shy and nervous, but I wouldn't compare yourself to this guy. I'm shy also and I've done things that make it seem like I'm not interested when I'm actually crazy about that person. But he didn't call her to cancel. And when he cut their date off early he should've given her a hug because who knows when they'll meet again. That's probably not shyness. Shyness would've been a real awkward hug at the end of the date. Or him mumbling that he'd want to meet again.

 

Hm. But you made me think of something. Justagirl, did you send him signals that you were closed off to him? Like at the end of the dinner did you have your hands in your pockets? Or were your arms crossed? Maybe that's why he didn't go for the hug?

[confusedgeek]

This guy got the phone call during the date. I dont think there was any choice to cancel the date at the time. Family is in trouble, gotta help right?

 

He didnt exactly rush out to help out the mom anyways. He waited an 1 1/2 hrs after the call.

 

This dude likes you.

 

======= Cast and Crew =======

- The poster (justagirl)

- A former co-worker in his 40's

- A guy she hasnt seen in 5 months (Scott)

- Dave the freshman

- The bestfriend (Shonna)

- Another friend (Nikki)

- AIM chat buddies

==========================

[elijahBailey]

This guy got the phone call during the date. I dont think there was any choice to cancel the date at the time. Family is in trouble, gotta help right?

 

He didnt exactly rush out to help out the mom anyways. He waited an 1 1/2 hrs after the call.

 

This dude likes you.

 

Exactly. But he's a little big-headed now. Gotta bring him back down to Earth.

[confusedgeek]

im trying to stick up for this guy now. he's trying to the best under the circumstances. he hesistated to help his mom, his mom! doesnt that mean anything?

 

we're trying to help justagirl get the person she wants don't we?

[justagirl1121]

Holy Crap! Elijah, you said "come on, people, post!" and they flocked here!!!

 

I really appreciate all your input, it helps me a lot, you have no idea!!!

 

confusedgeek, thanks for your input but since you're new let me give u a few quick pointers, cause you have a few things mixed up.

 

phyrespryte, you're pretty cool, you got things nailed pretty well

 

Confusedgeek, real quick.....Scott and I were temps where Shonna works. All 3 of us have separate jobs now. Scott is 28. Yes, he is the one who sends mixed signals. He was flirty for like the last 4 months or so we worked together, then I didn't see him from june until mid november, never made any plans, but he usually called me every week. I invited him out like 3 times but he was busy going to Harrisburg or other things (i think genuine things) but in between invites, he'd make comments about when he was going to be invited somewhere or if he couldnt go he'd ask so am i shunned from being invited now? etc...so he finally did come out adn then asked about dinner...it was just very out of the blue.

 

Nikki and i discussed this: when he called i was like 'what are u doing friday night" (in order to also find out about sat which was the day in question) "going to see harry potter?" (just so he knew i wasnt REALLY interested in friday night) and he made a comment about poker saturday. but when i told him about going out sat it was like he started making an excuse for poker to actually end early, like he was like oh i do want to go...i want it to seem like i have plans but can fit u in also... that's what nikki and i think...which is why he doesnt txt or call back right away bc he doesnt want to seem like he doesnt have anything to do, thats what he told shonna....

 

Elijah u said something about him thinking i wasn't interested b/c he did all the calling. sometimes its nice to be the one called, plus i felt that if i caleld and he answered, it wasnt necessarily b/c he liked me but b/c he tolerated me cause i called, but he called me b/c he WANTED to u know...was thinking about me...but usually he just would end up calling before i got a chance, kind of like that saying where "if you think about calling someone, the phone suddenly rings and it's them..." that's kind of what happens.

 

Anyway, I didn't have my hands in my pockets or anything when we left dinner. I was aware of that. I walked beside him. I didn't really go in for a hug because well, it just seemed like he needed to go and wasn't offering either, and was backing away instead of standing next to me while we exchanged our last few words and goodbyes. I guess he could be not making any advances for the same reason I am not, right?

 

I haven't talked to him since dinner, which isn't really a big deal as its only been 72 hours.....I would love to talk to him of course, but I think I will let it go about as normal and see if he makes any other plans, but probably not.

 

Next time, however, I WILL make sure i get a hug even if i have to be "dude, i want my hug" or something.

 

Last time we left bar and he hugged me, i was like 'come on i'll drive u to your car' (10 blks away who wants to walk that in the cold?) and he's like oh no and i tugged on his jacket and he's like 'i have to walk shonna back (duh, yes, should have realized she needed walked back) and so i was like oh right and gave him another hug, good of me right?

 

I never mean to make these posts so long....

 

Again, confusedgeek....the original intention behind this post was that i'm 23 and i dont' get any guys ever coming onto me, or if any are interested (so college friends state, 3 yrs after the fact) they never make any moves, and how am i supposed to know if i don't know who they are in the first place?...so I guess that's part of my problem with scott. some lack of experience...

 

I once liked this kid when i was a sen in college. he instant msg me alllllllll the time we hung out and stuff and my roommate pressured me into liking him b/c she teased me all the time...she would mention she thinks he has a crush on me, etc, and i really thought he did like me, he had apparently 3 yrs prev to my senior year told people he liked me and wanted to go to dinner as a group if it would make me more comfortable, wanted to talk to me online, apparently my roommate at the time (who turned out to be a bitch-never before mentioned on this board) must have told him i didnt like him or something...i dont know....years later nikki is like he liked you and i was like then why didnt he ever talk to me, we have mutual friends....and she's like cause u said you didnt like him! i was like i never did!!...anyway i told him i liked him and he told me 'oh well um i like pam and i want to see wehre that goes' so i guess the point is, i can't tell by the signs b/c to me in cases similar to this, their signs of interest don't lead anywhere.....so scott's signs of interest seem to me like they wouldnt lead anywhere so i am afraid to speak up...

 

anyway, it just seems lately that college guy friends i wasn't real close to in college (classmate acquaintances moreso) i've seem to come closer to them as i talk to them online more then before......maybe i am opening up a bit, my personality has changed a bit, maybe i flirt and talk a bit better, but they say things and im not sure how to take them. i told my friend dave abut the having dinner thing and i wasnt sure if it was a date or not and he makes some comment like "well, it could just be that he wants to go have dinner and hang out, but if he pays its a DATE...or its that i think you're hot and want to see you naked :)" i was like um, does he mean that last part in general or is he hitting on me....

 

then my friend timmy who is shy and self conscious is like 'hey wahts up hot stuff' and i was like omgosh...funny guy.....so its just weird they suddenly are making different types of comments....it makes me feel better to hear so and so likes me but i dont know why they never ever even initiate any contact....

 

when i would meet people and try to talk to htem they'd ignore me or just act in ways in which i got the feeling they jsut ddint like me b/c i was ugly or my personality sucked or something (highschool thing) so that's where taht also comes from....

 

shonna told me recently that this guy jerry at the temp job had a thing for me, must have gone up to scott at the beginning when we first started and was like 'so how about that lesley huh?' and i dont know what scott said 'yeah she is nice' or something, i was like WHAT? to shonna...seee i am so lost...

 

i'd go out on dates and fill scott in on the details i just....cant find any guys!!!!!

 

um sorry this is so long!!!!!

[elijahBailey]

i'd go out on dates and fill scott in on the details i just....cant find any guys!!!!!

 

you really crack me up

 

But seriously I wouldn't worry about it if I were you cuz I don't see you lacking in the looks department. Just be yourself and don't be shy when meeting people. And stop over-analyzing things Keep us posted when your clueless friend walks out of dreamland and steps into reality. Seriously, ignore him from now on.

[confusedgeek]

mmm.... If I was the guy and found out she was dating someone else, I'd probably just give up on her myself. Just tells me that she wasnt interested enough in me.

 

Ah well... poor guy.

[phyrespryte]

mmm.... If I was the guy and found out she was dating someone else, I'd probably just give up on her myself. Just tells me that she wasnt interested enough in me.

 

Ah well... poor guy.

 

 

Hm if you were the guy I'd say that you give up too easy and you're lazy.

[confusedgeek]

Gee. Thanks =P

[justagirl1121]

I think you make a good point confusedgeek...But i also think she does too.....if the guy liked the girl....and he knew she was interested...or maybe he thought she was but wasn't sure....(as i feel about him)....and she started telling him about a date, he might wake up and be like oh geez, maybe i should get on the ball before i lose my chance (as hopefully he's lost his chance before and will learn from his lesson)...or maybe he doesn't care enough, will think she's not waiting around for him....and decide to move on himself....or he will still fight....it depends on the guy, so confusedgeek, would that be you? Would you just let it go and move on? (just curious of your POV)...

 

I had a dream last night....Maybe I can put it into reality? It's not a crazy idea or anything.....mostly it was taken from RL....I might have one day off this month, that being friday (yeah im laughing, can't ya tell )

 

Might go have dinner with my BFF (nikki) in Robinson (he works down there but it is halfway point for me and her) and exchange gifts...

 

I think I'm going to go along with the whole ignoring him thing, however...if he does call me say tonight (if we're still on the same routine where we talk weekly) or even tomorrow night, I'll tell him about my plans...I'm sure he'll be like "oh, are you coming to visit me?" cause that's his typical type of remark...so I might bring up "well, want to meet for a drink when I'm done working?" I don't know if he'd say yes to that...if he likes me, he'd jump on that right?

 

Afterwards, I think I just need to be straight with him. I'm not good with words, I clam up, so I've thought about this (this was my dream talking, it worked real well there!), I have to have somethign to say planned out or I'll start talking and stop midsentence because I won't know what to say.....which is basically: "I've known you for over a year and I really like you, and I'm attracted to you. I think you like me, but I'm not sure, but I don't want to play around anymore." See even in typing, I can't figure out exactly what to say or how to say it or if I should say some of the things on my mind....like the guys i've kissed have been guys who've been all up front.nothing more has happened there but they've been "hey i like you" or maybe they just wanted to try to get some, i dont know....but the guys i've liked before who seemed to like me, i've said soemthing to them along those lines..."i like you" and it's ended up with me flat on my face....and feeling kind of embarrassed (I know, c'est la vie).

 

So should I say anything like that, tell him im not good at this kind of thing, because the guys i've been with have been very forward, and so I can't tell if people are interested otherwise?

 

(By the way, I was an english major in college, i think that's why i write such long posts!)

 

So, I'm not sure what might follow that...guys have you been there? What would you say/do? Be like oh ****.....or be like "i like you too" or...????

 

Good idea, or no? Probably won't happen.....like I said, it was a dream.... hehe

[confusedgeek]

Yeah, i'd probably move on. That is if I found out the girl I liked was dating someone else.

 

I guess its been always a rule for me not to go after a girl whose dating someone else. I think its wrong towards the girl whose not interested plus its also jacked up for the guy whose trying to hook up with the other girl.

 

I've never been a person who creates drama or causing drama for someone else. Its unfair for them to suffer through more. Even though my feelings get crushed, its really wrong to put more problems on others even though im the only one it really effects.

 

At least thats my thoughts.

 

I have no experience dating anyone, let alone hanging out with the opposite sex. I don't think hanging around with my older sister or mom counts. I had the balls in this one lifetime to ask a girl out to coffee. She never called back. The people here on loveshack.org seems to have like level 50 experience when it comes to dating/relationships. Heck, 5th graders probably have more experience than I do. So, take my comments as you see fit.

[justagirl1121]

oh geez here i am....again.....

 

how old are you? im 23 and i have like no experience either. all that stuff i said earlier, im starting to wuss out and think against it....

 

blah...what do you look like? Im not asking for a pic but just curious....not that that's anything against your experience...but hey i was terrible at talking to the other sex until maybe a year ago haha...the more social you become and the more things you do, the more you have to talk about, the more life experience you get, the easier it is to talk to people b/c you have things to talk about....

[confusedgeek]

27

 

ConfusedGeek Specs:

 

Height: 5' 8"

Weight: 250

Blood:AB

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Special: Wears glasses

Hobbies: Comics, Cars, Computers, Video Games

Likes: Nice People

Dislikes: Mean People

[justagirl1121]

oh god....you sound just like the guy i like...only he is 28, a few inches taller and maybe isnt so interested in cars as he's mentioned he doesnt know much about them.........kinda making me paranoid now haha....how'd you find me?

 

Ok, i'll do my specs since you did them differently than i'd expected:

 

Height: 5'6''

Weight: 130?

Blood: no clue

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Blue/Green

Special: Contacts

Hobbies: writing, reading, movies, hanging out....talking....writing....

Likes: funny people and fried zucchinni

Dislikes: Stupid people, including those who can't drive, or who cut me off when there's no room.

Obsessed about: Keeping my checkbook log neat: only write in pencil, drinking tea, X-Files, Harry Potter, money (to have some one day....)

[confusedgeek]

Some dude was asking for another opinion in this thread, so I decided to post.

 

The thing here is that you got someone you like. He hasnt really expressed his feelings for you, at least, not very obviously. You want some assurance he likes you but hes not being commander obvious.

 

For me, i really didnt think much about asking out this girl out for coffee until 7 months later. And when I did, she said she'll call me when she wasnt as busy. A week passed. Now its about a month now. And im still waiting.

 

But I never would have called her in the first place without some positive re-inforcement from some of the posters here on loveshack.org. I think i gave it everything i had.

 

Even though my story didnt pan out, I found out that at least it is over between me and her. (search for my original post)

 

I dont think its over between you and your friend until you confess to him.

please let him know how you feel. then come back to the forum to brag about your success story or turn into a forum troll like me.

[elijahBailey]

Afterwards, I think I just need to be straight with him. I'm not good with words, I clam up, so I've thought about this (this was my dream talking, it worked real well there!), I have to have somethign to say planned out or I'll start talking and stop midsentence because I won't know what to say.....which is basically: "I've known you for over a year and I really like you, and I'm attracted to you. I think you like me, but I'm not sure, but I don't want to play around anymore."

 

Bad idea for now. Seriously don't do it. He needs to be ignored for a while.

 

If you go thru with it head on, I'm pretty sure what the answer will be. Let him touch down on Earth before doing anything else. You'd be surprised how a little waiting can sometimes make a huge difference.

 

If you like someone, you gotta first be willing to let that person go.

[justagirl1121]

EB it was just a dream and the more i thought about it after waking the more it'll never happen. I thought of calling him tonite but you posted, so maybe I wont....he was busy for two weeks, i can be busy too. i got such contradicting things from people on this board, plus my own ideas, plus the advice from people i know personally....its soooo hard to know what to do, and i suppose every situation bares doing something different. I'll leave him alone for a while. I have work, holidays, and gifts, and friends who do make plans with me. I'm not looking to be with someone on new years (it'd be nice, but i work anyway so i dont really care). I'm busy.

[RecordProducer]

No guy is such a dumbass as some of you are trying to represent this guy. And I kinda don't like all this "I told you he likes you" type of encouragement from OP's girlfriends. This guy is not 12, he is 28. If he wanted something with her, she would have asked her out by now. Moreover he didn't show much interest when she invited him to hang out with her either or he did but nothing happened.

 

You're all basing the assumption that he is hot for her on the fact that he calls her once a week. I think the fact that he keeps calling but not taking it further speaks enough that he is not really interested.

 

I'd recommend to take this friendship merely as a friendship. If the guy is interested, he will find a way to let OP know about it. Actually, a little bit of mystery and distance might even improve things in her favor.

[justagirl1121]

Hey all, there is not really anything new....I'm just bored, though I was thinking about a couple things.

 

I did kind of just ignore him. I had nothing from him until Monday, but I was busy at work. So I called him back wed evening but he didn't answer. I called back Thur night, he didn't answer so i left him a voicemail. I joked around and was like "hi this is heather, where areeeeeeeee you?" (he doesnt like her) blah blah........call me back or I'll catch ya some other time"

 

So I told my friend who keeps saying she thinks he likes me and i was just like maybe i should just cut my losses. I said basically the same thing you said, he's 28, he's a grown boy...I need to just deal with it b/c i just dont have it or people think im gay or something, i dont know!!!

 

SHelikes this dude she met when visiting one of our friends in Baltimore. They talk on the phone like 3 x a week for hours at a time. Apparently she slept with him (not that way, just stayed with him) and he kissed her and that's it.) now why can't i get that? geez...so we live like 5 hrs apart and yet she's seen him 3x since she met him within the past 4 months which is more than i've seen scotta nd we live 5 mi away! anyway, she is visiting for new yrs and she doesnt know what to call him.....friend, boyfriend, dating? seeing him? i was like well i dont know if i would consider that dating...but then if she considers just talking to himon the phone dating, then isnt that like what scott and i are doing? i dont think so, which is why i dont think she and this chris dude (who is 27) would be considered "dating" but maybe close friends trying to get to know each other.....one of our guy friends apparantly told her that he would consider that DEFINITELY "dating." and i just....dont really see that....but she just broke up mutually with a bf and is already onto another and i can't friggin get ONE ever.

 

so, i dont know. she told me i shouldnt give up on him yet. just get to know him better. how much better do i need to get to know him though?????? ugh. its so annoying.

[justagirl1121]

by the way, anyone know what these reputation things are?

[confusedgeek]

Well, he did call you back.

That counts for something.....

[phyrespryte]

Hi justagirl! I'm not sure what is going on with the green squares. Something about rating a poster? Like it's supposed to show who to take seriously?

 

Well I think that I'm going to have to agree with RP on the whole take the friendship as a friendship thing. And like she said he is a grown man. But I'm going to disagree and say that he does like you. But I think that maybe he's just not wanting to go there with you? Like he's probably got all kinds of baggage? I'm not sure. Hm. Like there's an attraction, but he's enjoying being just friends. So I think just roll with it. And with the whole dating other people well you don't really have to date other people. You could just hang out with your guy friends. And this is evil... Then tell Scott that you and Billy Bob went to see a movie. No need to explain that Billy Bob is just a friend

Or just not talk about it. But I wouldn't stress anymore over him.

 

And confused geek...

::sigh::

I've done the shy loser geek thing for a good 23 years. Eventually you reach a point where you say to yourself I need to take a risk and go after what I want. It's not fair for justagirl to put her life on hold on the idea that maybe this guy will come around. If Scott is shy he's missing out on a good thing. And when she meets someone better, Scott will have to deal with the regret of not putting forth the same effort she had been showing him. A phone call isn't enough when she's been asking him to go out with her for quite some time.

[confusedgeek]

Well, he does call her and they do go out to eat from time to time.

Thats some kind of relationship there.

 

Going out to eat together are dates are they not? Regardless if they split the bill or dont split the bill.

 

What exactly does justagirl want? Does she want him to wave a sign stating:

 

I like you

 

What is the next step from here, out of curiousity? This is a good educational experience for me. Just so I know.