Can't stop thinking about this girl. Felt like I messed up and filled with a bit of regret. What you think?

May 19, 2021

On 5/17/2021 at 12:23 PM, smackie9 said:

Stop with the cuddling in their bed! That's what teenagers do...when you go to their bed and they say no to sex, go sit on the couch. Set boundaries. I would have gotten up and left when she broke the news she's real fresh out of a breakup. Ya should of jumped ship. She was the one that F^&*$ you over. What a (o&*% tease. She used you for attention, and just wanted to know if she "still had it". Dude stay away from chicks like this.

You want a relationship? Go out on dates, talk, get to know one another, and build from there. I tell ya lately there are a lot of threads about people goofing around being like spoiled brats, playing games,etc...it's like no one knows how to be an adult anymore. I feel for ya bro. It really must suck out there.

Yeah this is a possibility too. Who knows what she wanted. She could have just played me and test the market so to speak for her. Like an ego boost.

July 21, 2021

This happened about 4 or 5 months ago. We met on app and I invited her to come hang out at my place to which she responded by how about going to her place? I said cool no problem as I didn't want to be difficult. We chilled on separate small couches, drinking wine, and chatting. In the middle she mentioned she just got out of a relationship to which I responded how long ago? She said very recent. We chatted awhile more. I asked her to show me around her place.

Then we moved to the bedroom where we watched a tv show. There was something in between us for a good while so we were sitting separate from one another. I felt a bit defeated as I wanted to get close to her but couldn't. Then she out of the blue says do you want to cuddle? I was like yeah of course. We laying in spooning position continue to watch tv show. Eventually I decided to make the moves. I had arms wrapped around her for awhile so I started to feel her up slowly, moving under her shirt, her breast, her stomach, to her pants, to crotch, to fingering her. The whole time she wasn't resistant but nor was she getting hot and heavy. I noticed that so I just stopped. She later turned her body towards me where our face was really close to one another. I decided to slowly go for the kiss which she pulls back. Felt dejected and stopped after that. Later she says thats as far as I am willing to go. I said okay. She then tells me she needs to go to bed soon which I knew meant gtfo. I left.

I told her I had a fun time we texted back and forth with me mostly initiating. Small talk. I asked for a second date which she tells me "hey i am not ready to date/cuddle like I thought I was. Thanks for offering to bring me some medicine tho." (offered to bring her some medicine cause she was feeling sick from the covid vaccine). I said of course I have been there before so I know how you are feeling. Heres my number if you want to stay in touch down the road. Take care." She said thanks. My friend tells me to text her and say something like hey I know I may have came across a certain way which is not me. I got caught up in the moment. If you are open to a real date sometime I will take you somewhere nice. I decided not to do that since I felt it was too much and don't think it would have made a difference instead of just making me look desperate.

A month goes by I am still thinking about her. I sent her a dry text like how have you been? she doesn't respond. She randomly matches with me again on the dating app, but she needs to initiate convo first before it goes anywhere which she doesn't so it times out. A month or two later I send her a random text out of the blue asking if she is down to go on a hike which she does not respond.

Mistakes: some mistakes which I learned from. Shouldn't have hanged out at her place first date. I couldn't control my emotions and shouldn't have gotten that physical with her on first date but then again we were cuddling for a bit. I shouldn't have continued to text her after that take care text. I was really smitten over her and been in and out of depression from it. I do wonder if I was mislead cause she opted for her place, she was the one who asked to cuddle, plus drinking wine so did I go too far or was it more of her own personal issue of recent break up? Just want to improve from this experience and not make same mistakes. I was pretty smitten over here. usually when i am disinterested I act more cool and casual but with this girl i acted so different. For me from my experience cuddling often times lead to sex.

Edited July 21, 2021 by lovers

July 21, 2021

2 hours ago, lovers said:

This happened about 4 or 5 months ago. We met on app and I invited her to come hang out at my place to which she responded by how about going to her place? I said cool no problem as I didn't want to be difficult. We chilled on separate small couches, drinking wine, and chatting. In the middle she mentioned she just got out of a relationship to which I responded how long ago? She said very recent. We chatted awhile more. I asked her to show me around her place.

Then we moved to the bedroom where we watched a tv show. There was something in between us for a good while so we were sitting separate from one another. I felt a bit defeated as I wanted to get close to her but couldn't. Then she out of the blue says do you want to cuddle? I was like yeah of course. We laying in spooning position continue to watch tv show. Eventually I decided to make the moves. I had arms wrapped around her for awhile so I started to feel her up slowly, moving under her shirt, her breast, her stomach, to her pants, to crotch, to fingering her. The whole time she wasn't resistant but nor was she getting hot and heavy. I noticed that so I just stopped. She later turned her body towards me where our face was really close to one another. I decided to slowly go for the kiss which she pulls back. Felt dejected and stopped after that. Later she says thats as far as I am willing to go. I said okay. She then tells me she needs to go to bed soon which I knew meant gtfo. I left.

I told her I had a fun time we texted back and forth with me mostly initiating. Small talk. I asked for a second date which she tells me "hey i am not ready to date/cuddle like I thought I was. Thanks for offering to bring me some medicine tho." (offered to bring her some medicine cause she was feeling sick from the covid vaccine). I said of course I have been there before so I know how you are feeling. Heres my number if you want to stay in touch down the road. Take care." She said thanks. My friend tells me to text her and say something like hey I know I may have came across a certain way which is not me. I got caught up in the moment. If you are open to a real date sometime I will take you somewhere nice. I decided not to do that since I felt it was too much and don't think it would have made a difference instead of just making me look desperate.

A month goes by I am still thinking about her. I sent her a dry text like how have you been? she doesn't respond. She randomly matches with me again on the dating app, but she needs to initiate convo first before it goes anywhere which she doesn't so it times out. A month or two later I send her a random text out of the blue asking if she is down to go on a hike which she does not respond.

Mistakes: some mistakes which I learned from. Shouldn't have hanged out at her place first date. I couldn't control my emotions and shouldn't have gotten that physical with her on first date but then again we were cuddling for a bit. I shouldn't have continued to text her after that take care text. I was really smitten over her and been in and out of depression from it. I do wonder if I was mislead cause she opted for her place, she was the one who asked to cuddle, plus drinking wine so did I go too far or was it more of her own personal issue of recent break up? Just want to improve from this experience and not make same mistakes. I was pretty smitten over here. usually when i am disinterested I act more cool and casual but with this girl i acted so different. For me from my experience cuddling often times lead to sex.

Just because cuddling sometimes leads with sex in the past does not mean that is what SHE wanted it to lead to, and you clearly weren't reading the room. Explicit consent is not cuddling. Explicit consent= Active Engagement. She was probably in shocked that you went that far, and since ya'll were spooning you couldn't read her facial expression. This is just awful because I've been there, but I am a fighter. I elbowed the last dude in the gut for taking it too far. But, use this as an experience, at least you weren't elbowed in the gut.

If dating in open/public spaces makes you feel more comfortable and stops a repeat of this, go for it,....

July 22, 2021

Since she is recently out of a relationship, it’s unlikely anything you do will have a positive outcome. She’s looking for a rebound and men to take her mind off of her ex. If she wasnt comfortable with you it might have nothing to do with you. Do not overthink this and certainly try not to feel too low or depressed over it. Are you being treated for depression or mood disorders? Or going for therapy?

Meet other women when you feel ready. This one is no good. Avoid individuals who have recently broken up if you’re interested in dating or getting to know anyone seriously.

Edited July 22, 2021 by glows

July 22, 2021

I think she doesn't know what she wants, you were probably a rebound. I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. I think most men in that situation would do the same thing.

July 22, 2021

What a mess. First date at home dates are usually hook ups. Frankly she was practically a tease letting a man she just met off the internet into her bed & allowing him to finger her You did nothing wrong. She gave major mixed signals because she was all over the place. You best forget her because she is not going to want to see you again. She probably thinks you have a low opinion of her & you should because she doesn't know her own mind. If she was DTF that would be fine; no moral judgments from me but running hot & cold like that is just not a nice way to treat people.

I am concerned that you say you could not control your emotions. My heart breaks for you because from what you wrote there was no reason to get attached. You barely scratched the surface of getting to know this girl. You need to get a grip & keep your composure. That will be a great asset in dating as you go forward with others.

July 22, 2021

3 hours ago, Kai_Kai said:

Just because cuddling sometimes leads with sex in the past does not mean that is what SHE wanted it to lead to, and you clearly weren't reading the room. Explicit consent is not cuddling. Explicit consent= Active Engagement. She was probably in shocked that you went that far, and since ya'll were spooning you couldn't read her facial expression. This is just awful because I've been there, but I am a fighter. I elbowed the last dude in the gut for taking it too far. But, use this as an experience, at least you weren't elbowed in the gut.

If dating in open/public spaces makes you feel more comfortable and stops a repeat of this, go for it,....

do you think apologizing and asking her out on a real date would have changed anything? at the very least put me in a positive look? I opted to not do anything.

July 22, 2021

Just now, lovers said:

do you think apologizing and asking her out on a real date would have changed anything? at the very least put me in a positive look? I opted to not do anything.

No bro...just move on. It wasn't a great date. You read too far deep into it and made a move, and it wasn't the right one for her. She's not engaging. It's fine. I know moving on is easier said than done. But, you can't keep pursue a brick wall.

July 22, 2021

19 minutes ago, Kai_Kai said:

No bro...just move on. It wasn't a great date. You read too far deep into it and made a move, and it wasn't the right one for her. She's not engaging. It's fine. I know moving on is easier said than done. But, you can't keep pursue a brick wall.

yeah i know. this one is hard for me. normally i wouldn't care but this girl it was lust at first sight for me. You know where you feel dead inside seeing a bunch of girls they are just whatever to you. No emotional connection. This girl for some reason I could have pictured a life together and such. I been with a decent amount of women and there have only been 2 times in my life where it was lust at first sight. Hard pill to swallow for me. just gotta live and learn.

July 22, 2021

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I am concerned that you say you could not control your emotions. My heart breaks for you because from what you wrote there was no reason to get attached. You barely scratched the surface of getting to know this girl. You need to get a grip & keep your composure.

I agree.

OP, instead of beating yourself up over this, I would focus instead on why this one episode has triggered you to this extent:

8 hours ago, lovers said:

been in and out of depression from it.

This woman was essentially a stranger, and to be suffering to this degree means there's something more going on inside you that has little to do with this specific woman. If I recall, this is not the first thread you've made about her. You are taking this very hard, so I would encourage you to look at the bigger picture and understand why this sent you spiralling after just one date.

July 22, 2021

On 5/14/2021 at 7:30 AM, spiderowl said:

Having said the above, it was not sensible of her to invite you to her place at all, even in a pandemic, and then to invite you into the bedroom to watch TV. Unless she was stupid, she must have realised this could be misinterpreted.

Yeah... this is what caught my eye. The idea of having the first date at his place or hers, lying in her bed, cuddling...

I realize that there are exceptions, but that's generally way too much physical intimacy for a first date if you're actually interested in getting to know each other and ultimately having a relationship. It's also potentially unsafe bringing someone you've never met before back to your place.

Then there's the fact that she mentioned she'd just broken up. That's the point where you take a step back unless you want to be a rebound.

July 22, 2021

Ok good insight. Next time no in-house first dates. Yes, she was most likely put off by things.

Take it slowly and be patient enough to date. When you start grabbing and pawing right away, women could perceive you as creepy.

July 22, 2021

4 hours ago, lovers said:

do you think apologizing and asking her out on a real date would have changed anything? at the very least put me in a positive look? I opted to not do anything.

Not doing anything was the right thing. Taking people's responses at face value is the way to go. It sounds to me like, in the end, she was pretty straightforward about not being ready to date.

I think if you had done things differently, you would probably be feeling better about yourself right now, but you still wouldn't be in a relationship with her. She was clearly not ready to date so soon after breaking up.

July 22, 2021

9 hours ago, lovers said:

she tells me "hey i am not ready to date/cuddle like I thought I was. . She randomly matches with me again on the dating app

She's ready to date that's why she's still on the dating apps.

Things went too fast and "not ready to cuddle" means just not that into you.

That's fine. Live and learn. "Not ready to date" is a variation of "it's me not you".

July 22, 2021

On 5/19/2021 at 10:56 PM, lovers said:

I am still stuck in my ways where I try to seal the deal push the pace as much as I can so to speak. For me I rather make the moves break the barriers and get rejected than not make the moves at all,

^^^ this is the fundamental issue and will lead to a rape accusation, if you continue down this path.
This girl did not consent to being groped, she froze...
Forget the "not ready to date" you were half way to raping her.
She knows it, you know it.

July 22, 2021

On 5/19/2021 at 5:56 PM, lovers said:

I try to seal the deal push the pace as much as I can For me I rather make the moves break the barriers and get rejected

Ironically that's the problem. You're not getting anywhere because you are brainwashed by pickup artist rubbish and women think you're creepy, thus you keep getting rejected.

July 22, 2021

9 hours ago, lovers said:

do you think apologizing and asking her out on a real date would have changed anything? at the very least put me in a positive look? I opted to not do anything.

No apologizing will not put you in a good light. She has rejected you & wants nothing to do with you. The more you pursue for any reason makes you look like a stalker who won't take no for an answer.

July 22, 2021

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's ready to date that's why she's still on the dating apps.

Things went too fast and "not ready to cuddle" means just not that into you.

That's fine. Live and learn. "Not ready to date" is a variation of "it's me not you".

yeah its true. hard pill to swallow for me.

July 22, 2021

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ironically that's the problem. You're not getting anywhere because you are brainwashed by pickup artist rubbish and women think you're creepy, thus you keep getting rejected.

Its true. Years of pick up artist type stuff, hanging out with players, and having some success with it in the past doesn't work for everyone. Not good if you want a relationship with that person.

Sign In

Can't stop thinking about this girl. Felt like I messed up and filled with a bit of regret. What you think?

Recommended Posts

lovers

lovers

Kai_Kai

glows

norealusername

d0nnivain

lovers

Kai_Kai

lovers

ExpatInItaly

Acacia98

Wiseman2

Acacia98

Wiseman2

elaine567

Wiseman2

d0nnivain

lovers

lovers

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...