Can't stop thinking about this girl. Felt like I messed up and filled with a bit of regret. What you think?

May 6, 2021

Want to analyze my social interaction wondering if I came across as a creeper. Met this women on a dating app she is 32 I am 29. As soon as I saw her I was hooked never felt this way about many of the girls I met. I asked to hang out at my place but she wanted to hang out at her place. I didn't want to be difficult so was like cool. We get there we chill, had some wine, and chatted. During the middle of it she mentions she just got out of a relationship. I said how recent? she said very.

I asked her to show me around her place. Then we move to bedroom to watch a movie. We laid in bed but there was something in between us and that was that. Then she made the move and said do you want to cuddle? I was like yeah. We cuddled and I think I messed up real bad here. We cuddled for a bit and I wanted to get a bit more exciting so I started moving down to her breast she didn't reject then I move down to her pants and starting fingering her a bit in spoon position. Her body reaction didn't say no nor yes. Then we were lying face to face and I go in the for kiss and she pulled back. In my head I was like damn. Then little later she says that is as far as I am willing to go. I didn't say anything but we cuddled a bit more. She tells me its her curfew and she needs to sleep at 10 pm. Im like okay Then I leave i figured she was lying about that. It was a bit awkward as I got my finished glass of wine and went to the kitchen to clean it. She comes out basically to see what I was doing and she didn't come to say goodbye as I left. I later message that I had a great time. Later I tried sending her a text mainly so she has my number as we only communicated on dating app. No response.

Fast forward a bit we text back and forth on dating app a bit with mostly me initiating. I offered to stop by bring her medicine before I head to work as she said she is feeling some sickness from the vaccine shot. She said thank you but no need. I asked her if she is free these days to hang out she tells me "Hey I am not ready for relationship/cuddle like I thought. Thanks for offering meds tho." I said "of course. I know how you are feeling as I have been through that before. Here is my number if you want to stay in touch down the road. Take care." she said thank you.

one month later I sent a how are you doing? on dating app. No response. Couple weeks later I deleted it the app. I recreate the app awhile later and me and her match again. But this time she didn't initiate a convo and just let time run out. She needs to initiate for us to communicate and I didn't bother extending the time. Mainly because the ball is in her court if she wanted to talk to me she could have just started the convo. A month or two goes by and I couldn't stop thinking about her. So I sent a random text out of the blue that the weather is looking nice and if she wanted to go on a hike. No response. I am sure its not a fake number she gave me because the number says that this number is assigned with a certain app.

Well That is it for me. I know I should have just ended communication when I gave her my phone number and told her to take care but I felt little regret from trying to get physical on first date. I don't plan on messaging her again. I may have oneitis as I thought she was such a catch compared to other girls I interact with. One of my friends told me that I should have been straight forward with her saying telling her that I did not just want to hook up with her after since it may have came across that way and I want to take her on a real date. I decided to just leave and do nothing it since I didn't want to come across as a really needy guy since it was only the first date. Should I have done that?

Edited May 6, 2021 by lovers

May 6, 2021

32 minutes ago, lovers said:

I asked her if she is free these days to hang out she tells me "Hey I am not ready for relationship/cuddle like I thought. Thanks for offering meds tho."

This is where you should have ended all communication.

When a woman sends you this sort of message, your best bet is to walk away for good. Not to then message yet again thereafter, even though she's unresponsive. Her silence is your cue that she is not interested, unforunately.

I don't think you telling her that you didn't want to just hook-up would have made any difference here.

May 6, 2021

She rebounded into you & the realized she wasn't ready for a new man. Leave her alone.

May 6, 2021

It's odd that she interpreted your reaching out after a "cuddles"-only first date as meaning that you wanted a relationship with her rather than something more casual.

You've tried contacting her several times, but she's been unresponsive. So, if she doesn't respond, you can rest assured that you did everything you could.

May 6, 2021

This girl initially sent mixed signals by cuddling with you in her bed and allowing you to fondle her. It seems like she thought she was dtf, but then when you went in for the kiss, the intimacy of it all hit her like a ton of bricks and she put on the brakes. I'm ashamed to say I participated in this sort of behavior alot myself when my how husband and I broke up for a bit premarriage. I thought by fueling my ego with the sexual desires of other men, I could fill the void he left, but I quickly learned that wasn't the case and ended up being nothing more than a tease to most of them because I simply couldn't go through with it.

I think she's telling you the truth in this case.. She tried to jump in the deep end of the pool and as soon as she hit the water she realized she needed a life preserver. She's not ready to be with anyone else in any capacity, and you were fortunate enough to get that honesty from her.

Just move on and date others. Also in the future, never feel a girl up before you've even kissed her.

May 6, 2021

She just wanted some fun to get her mind off her breakup and her ex. She did not want a relationship from you. At some point she realised having meaningless fun is not going to help her get over her ex, so you are of no use to her anymore.

You didn't do anything wrong. The only different thing I would have done is go down on her and gave her the best O of her life using my tongue so she would never forget the feeling. That's just me though..

May 6, 2021

2 hours ago, Punterxx said:

She just wanted some fun to get her mind off her breakup and her ex. She did not want a relationship from you. At some point she realised having meaningless fun is not going to help her get over her ex, so you are of no use to her anymore.

You didn't do anything wrong. The only different thing I would have done is go down on her and gave her the best O of her life using my tongue so she would never forget the feeling. That's just me though..

you know i thought about this too. I tend to like to push the pace and make something happen. Take the reigns so to speak. I either get shot down or it works. I thought about when I was touching her to escalate and go down on her but I stopped cause i didn't want to do everything essentially "rape" her with no reciprocation.

Edited May 6, 2021 by lovers

May 6, 2021

2 hours ago, princessaurora said:

This girl initially sent mixed signals by cuddling with you in her bed and allowing you to fondle her. It seems like she thought she was dtf, but then when you went in for the kiss, the intimacy of it all hit her like a ton of bricks and she put on the brakes. I'm ashamed to say I participated in this sort of behavior alot myself when my how husband and I broke up for a bit premarriage. I thought by fueling my ego with the sexual desires of other men, I could fill the void he left, but I quickly learned that wasn't the case and ended up being nothing more than a tease to most of them because I simply couldn't go through with it.

I think she's telling you the truth in this case.. She tried to jump in the deep end of the pool and as soon as she hit the water she realized she needed a life preserver. She's not ready to be with anyone else in any capacity, and you were fortunate enough to get that honesty from her.

Just move on and date others. Also in the future, never feel a girl up before you've even kissed her.

I thought it was weird we rematched like couple months later. she didn't message me tho but still she showed me no interest so why rematch with me later and not initiate a convo?

May 6, 2021

17 minutes ago, lovers said:

I thought it was weird we rematched like couple months later. she didn't message me tho but still she showed me no interest so why rematch with me later and not initiate a convo?

I'd lean more towards thinking this was a blooper on her part and mentally/emotionally out of it. She could have swiped and then realized after the fact "Oh, it's him. Oops." Meanwhile, on the other end, you're getting excited all over again that she's into you. She's not.

She just left a relationship. Unless this was a casual one night stand for you, it shouldn't have gone any further. I suspect she invited you over because it's what she might have done with her ex, having someone over and as someone else mentioned above, filling a void of a relationship.

The sad truth is that when someone is fresh out of a relationship, that person isn't looking at you as a person. They're still wrapped up in the past and in the process of letting go. You're coming into this still thinking as if she was interested in dating you.

May 6, 2021

14 hours ago, lovers said:

I asked her if she is free these days to hang out she tells me "Hey I am not ready for relationship/cuddle like I thought. Thanks for offering meds tho."

This is the point where you should have stopped reaching out to her and just gotten the message that she wasn't interested. It's just cringey that you kept texting her and texting her multiple times after this. She couldn't have been more clear that she wasn't interested. Next time get the hint and leave someone alone when they don't respond to you.

May 6, 2021

41 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

This is the point where you should have stopped reaching out to her and just gotten the message that she wasn't interested. It's just cringey that you kept texting her and texting her multiple times after this. She couldn't have been more clear that she wasn't interested. Next time get the hint and leave someone alone when they don't respond to you.

well tbf only texted her twice in a span of 5 months. but yeah I should have stopped after I told her to take care. Its tough I know its the right thing to do is to end it right there but in my head I was like maybe if I can just get her to hang out non sexual manner. Everything was good until I started feeling her up. Its probably be better it didn't work out because I can tell that I would be too obsessed with her. I never or very rarely felt that way with someone before. They would have too much power and I would want to please them. Its not healthy and I don't like putting someone on a pedestal like that

Edited May 6, 2021 by lovers

May 12, 2021

On 5/7/2021 at 1:43 AM, lovers said:

you know i thought about this too. I tend to like to push the pace and make something happen. Take the reigns so to speak. I either get shot down or it works. I thought about when I was touching her to escalate and go down on her but I stopped cause i didn't want to do everything essentially "rape" her with no reciprocation.

You were right to back away. But next time, if a woman's words or reaction doesn't give you a strong 'yes', take it as non consent and stop feeling her up straight away.

May 12, 2021

Did she invite you over due to the pandemic? ie she did not invite you over for sex, but because there was no where else to go.
Yours or hers, so she decided it was probably safest at hers.

If that was the case, you kind of presumed a lot by feeling her up to the extent you did with no prior kissing/making out.

You went straight for sex and that was not well received, in fact with no sign of reciprocation whatsoever, you should have stopped long before you did.
Your "wooing" skills are non-existent...
She probably felt violated, so no wonder she didn't feel like saying good bye to you.

THEN you have the audacity to try to engage with her again... SMH.

May 14, 2021

Sorry she is no longer interested, OP.

I think you tried to get physical with her too fast. She probably wanted a cuddle and then it went further. It does not seem appropriate to handle a woman's intimate parts without even having kissed her. I'm surprised she didn't stop you.

She might have thought you were only interested in sex because you took it so far on a first meeting. She had just come out of a relationship, was probably not in the right place emotionally for anything else, but then thought a cuddle might be nice. Getting more physical at that point probably just confirmed to her that all other guys are just looking for sex and that she was still emotionally attached to her ex for a reason.

Having said the above, it was not sensible of her to invite you to her place at all, even in a pandemic, and then to invite you into the bedroom to watch TV. Unless she was stupid, she must have realised this could be misinterpreted. However, it was not an invitation to sex and thankfully you realised she was not reciprocating and you backed off.

A variety of things went wrong here, OP, and going for her body too soon was probably one of them. You can't build a relationship just by getting physical with someone; at the very least there needs to be some affection and mutual kissing for you to even think it is appropriate to take it further.

Edited May 14, 2021 by spiderowl

May 17, 2021

You should never finger someone that you haven't kissed. You should also stop if there is no reciprocation. Some girls will feel pressured and freeze but if sounds and body language don't indicate enjoyment, you should stop.

I am guessing she just felt grossed out by the whole thing.

May 17, 2021

Telling someone in the other thread the same thing ... this is a bit weird, ya, no doubt, but I really don’t think that isolated incident what did it if she’s into you... my guess is it was a conglomeration or awkwardness and weird vibes that she ultimately wasn’t feeling it. It’s easy for people to think back and try to pin point what they “did wrong” but that’s typically not useful... realize that most first dates don’t go anywhere, whether this is involved or not.

May 17, 2021

Stop with the cuddling in their bed! That's what teenagers do...when you go to their bed and they say no to sex, go sit on the couch. Set boundaries. I would have gotten up and left when she broke the news she's real fresh out of a breakup. Ya should of jumped ship. She was the one that F^&*$ you over. What a (o&*% tease. She used you for attention, and just wanted to know if she "still had it". Dude stay away from chicks like this.

You want a relationship? Go out on dates, talk, get to know one another, and build from there. I tell ya lately there are a lot of threads about people goofing around being like spoiled brats, playing games,etc...it's like no one knows how to be an adult anymore. I feel for ya bro. It really must suck out there.

Edited May 17, 2021 by smackie9

May 17, 2021

38 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I am guessing she just felt grossed out by the whole thing.

Agree. Don't start "cuddling" and making weird moves if she's obviously not into it. What's the point, if there's no response? Comes off sort of creepy like necrophilia or something.

Edited May 17, 2021 by Wiseman2

May 17, 2021

On 5/5/2021 at 10:28 PM, lovers said:

Want to analyze my social interaction wondering if I came across as a creeper. Met this women on a dating app she is 32 I am 29. As soon as I saw her I was hooked never felt this way about many of the girls I met. I asked to hang out at my place but she wanted to hang out at her place. I didn't want to be difficult so was like cool.

On 5/5/2021 at 10:28 PM, lovers said:

Want to analyze my social interaction wondering if I came across as a creeper. Met this women on a dating app she is 32 I am 29. As soon as I saw her I was hooked never felt this way about many of the girls I met. I asked to hang out at my place but she wanted to hang out at her place. I didn't want to be difficult so was like cool. We get there we chill, had some wine, and chatted. During the middle of it she mentions she just got out of a relationship. I said how recent? she said very.

Quote

First of all, men should never as a woman to "hang out." It's always best to ask her out on a real date with a an actual activity that she would enjoy. Most lades like to go out and do things, so try that next time. Secondly, we never ask a woman to our home until after she officially becomes the girlfriend, and that's usually after 10 to 12 dates, and we also shouldn't be going into a woman home until, again, she is officially the girlfriend.

I asked her to show me around her place. Then we move to bedroom to watch a movie. We laid in bed but there was something in between us and that was that. Then she made the move and said do you want to cuddle? I was like yeah. We cuddled and I think I messed up real bad here.

Quote

Ya, you messed up bad here, first by going into a woman's house way too soon, and then allowing yourself to be put on a stranger's bed to be touched by someone you don't even know. You showed absolutely no self-control, and this lack of self-control in extremely unattractive to women.

We cuddled for a bit and I wanted to get a bit more exciting so I started moving down to her breast she didn't reject then I move down to her pants and starting fingering her a bit in spoon position. Her body reaction didn't say no nor yes. Then we were lying face to face and I go in the for kiss and she pulled back.

Quote

She's pulling back because her attraction level for you at that point is pretty much close to zero, because of your lack of dating social skills. I'm not trying to drive the train over you here buddy, but there's no nice way to say this stuff, but don't worry, you'll learn. Women's attraction levels are extremely reactive to what we do and say in front of them. They can quickly go from very high attraction to very low attraction for a guy just based on how he acts in front of her. Hey you're in good company here, all of us guys have had to learn this stuff just like you are doing now.

In my head I was like damn. Then little later she says that is as far as I am willing to go. I didn't say anything but we cuddled a bit more. She tells me its her curfew and she needs to sleep at 10 pm. Im like okay Then I leave i figured she was lying about that. It was a bit awkward as I got my finished glass of wine and went to the kitchen to clean it. She comes out basically to see what I was doing and she didn't come to say goodbye as I left. I later message that I had a great time. Later I tried sending her a text mainly so she has my number as we only communicated on dating app. No response.

Quote

She's not responding because her attraction level for you has tanked and she doesn't want to be in front of you anymore. I know it hurts but when we make these kinds of mistakes it just makes their attraction level for us crash and burn. But live and learn right?

Fast forward a bit we text back and forth on dating app a bit with mostly me initiating. I offered to stop by bring her medicine before I head to work as she said she is feeling some sickness from the vaccine shot.

Quote

Bad. Are you now her butler? See what you are doing here? You are trying to do 'nice' things for her in the hopes that this will make her like you. It won't, so stop doing that. Here's what you should do. Ask her out on a real date on the telephone, not by text. You need to hear her response. Remember, be specific about what you want to do and at what time. Take her out and make her giggle, and keep you hands to yourself, show self-control, and be a little hard to get for once. My guess is that she'll probably not go out with you because I believe she's no longer attracted to you, but give it a try anyway.

She said thank you but no need. I asked her if she is free these days to hang out she tells me "Hey I am not ready for relationship/cuddle like I thought. Thanks for offering meds tho." I said "of course. I know how you are feeling as I have been through that before. Here is my number if you want to stay in touch down the road. Take care." she said thank you.

Quote

Awesome, she's being honest and up front with you that basically she's not attracted to you, she did use a little bit of what I call Feminese--the woman's language--to tell you though.

one month later I sent a how are you doing? on dating app. No response. Couple weeks later I deleted it the app. I recreate the app awhile later and me and her match again. But this time she didn't initiate a convo and just let time run out. She needs to initiate for us to communicate and I didn't bother extending the time. Mainly because the ball is in her court if she wanted to talk to me she could have just started the convo. A month or two goes by and I couldn't stop thinking about her. So I sent a random text out of the blue that the weather is looking nice and if she wanted to go on a hike. No response. I am sure its not a fake number she gave me because the number says that this number is assigned with a certain app.

Quote

Here's a cardinal rule with women: If they like you they will want to be in front of you.

Here's another cardinal rule with women: If they like you they will help you and not give confusing signals.

She's not attracted to you obviously, but you are attracted to her very much, too much. If I was to put this in numerical form I would put it this way: Out of 10, your attraction level for her is 9.0; and her attraction level for you is 0.0. If her's was higher, say, 5.0 out of 10, you would stand a chance because she would probably go out with you.

Well That is it for me. I know I should have just ended communication when I gave her my phone number and told her to take care but I felt little regret from trying to get physical on first date.

Quote

Remember, us men don't give ladies our phone number, we always ask for their phone number. That's the manly thing to do. It's the first real test of a woman's attraction level for us. If she gives the phone number enthusiastically that's a good indicator that she has an initial attraction going on, you wait 6 to 8 days to call her and ask her out on a date.

I don't plan on messaging her again. I may have oneitis as I thought she was such a catch compared to other girls I interact with. One of my friends told me that I should have been straight forward with her saying telling her that I did not just want to hook up with her after since it may have came across that way and I want to take her on a real date. I decided to just leave and do nothing it since I didn't want to come across as a really needy guy since it was only the first date. Should I have done that?

We get there we chill, had some wine, and chatted. During the middle of it she mentions she just got out of a relationship. I said how recent? she said very.

I asked her to show me around her place. Then we move to bedroom to watch a movie. We laid in bed but there was something in between us and that was that. Then she made the move and said do you want to cuddle? I was like yeah. We cuddled and I think I messed up real bad here. We cuddled for a bit and I wanted to get a bit more exciting so I started moving down to her breast she didn't reject then I move down to her pants and starting fingering her a bit in spoon position. Her body reaction didn't say no nor yes. Then we were lying face to face and I go in the for kiss and she pulled back. In my head I was like damn. Then little later she says that is as far as I am willing to go. I didn't say anything but we cuddled a bit more. She tells me its her curfew and she needs to sleep at 10 pm. Im like okay Then I leave i figured she was lying about that. It was a bit awkward as I got my finished glass of wine and went to the kitchen to clean it. She comes out basically to see what I was doing and she didn't come to say goodbye as I left. I later message that I had a great time. Later I tried sending her a text mainly so she has my number as we only communicated on dating app. No response.

Fast forward a bit we text back and forth on dating app a bit with mostly me initiating. I offered to stop by bring her medicine before I head to work as she said she is feeling some sickness from the vaccine shot. She said thank you but no need. I asked her if she is free these days to hang out she tells me "Hey I am not ready for relationship/cuddle like I thought. Thanks for offering meds tho." I said "of course. I know how you are feeling as I have been through that before. Here is my number if you want to stay in touch down the road. Take care." she said thank you.

one month later I sent a how are you doing? on dating app. No response. Couple weeks later I deleted it the app. I recreate the app awhile later and me and her match again. But this time she didn't initiate a convo and just let time run out. She needs to initiate for us to communicate and I didn't bother extending the time. Mainly because the ball is in her court if she wanted to talk to me she could have just started the convo. A month or two goes by and I couldn't stop thinking about her. So I sent a random text out of the blue that the weather is looking nice and if she wanted to go on a hike. No response. I am sure its not a fake number she gave me because the number says that this number is assigned with a certain app.

Well That is it for me. I know I should have just ended communication when I gave her my phone number and told her to take care but I felt little regret from trying to get physical on first date. I don't plan on messaging her again. I may have oneitis as I thought she was such a catch compared to other girls I interact with. One of my friends told me that I should have been straight forward with her saying telling her that I did not just want to hook up with her after since it may have came across that way and I want to take her on a real date. I decided to just leave and do nothing it since I didn't want to come across as a really needy guy since it was only the first date. Should I have done that?

May 17, 2021

9 minutes ago, TrueGuy said:

It's unclear where your post is.

May 17, 2021

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear where your post is.

I know, I'm new here and I'm trying to learn how to use quotes in my posts. You have to do a lot of expanding if you want to see my replies to his concerns.

May 17, 2021

36 minutes ago, TrueGuy said:

I know, I'm new here and I'm trying to learn how to use quotes in my posts. You have to do a lot of expanding if you want to see my replies to his concerns.

@TrueGuy If you want to use the quote function, click on the + sign wish is at the bottom of post you wish to quote. If you're on a PC, you'll get a pop up at the bottom right of the screen and this will insert the desired text.

To make your responses, place your cursor below the quoted section, where the screen is white.

May 17, 2021

But I want to quote right in the body of the text to make my points better and more specific. When I do this, the post has to be expanded

May 17, 2021

@TrueGuy Your posts are illegible when expanded because we can't tell who's saying what. Anyway, I will leave the discussion at this point as I don't want to hijack the thread.

Edited May 17, 2021 by basil67

May 19, 2021

On 5/17/2021 at 3:00 PM, TrueGuy said:

I know, I'm new here and I'm trying to learn how to use quotes in my posts. You have to do a lot of expanding if you want to see my replies to his concerns.

I was able to read it. Yeah i think you are totally right. I messed up plain and simple. For some reason when theres a girl I really really like which is rare I just blow it. Im not a total rookie I don't think. I slept with 14 girls and been in like 3-4 ish relationships. I say that not to brag but to show that I have some experience. Again its hard for me to get the girls I really want since there more at stake. When I am like not that interested I give off a certain vibe and when I am interested I act a bit different. Like with texting that I had a good time. I never do that but for this girl I did. Then offering to bring her something I never do that especially with girls I barely met. smh.

I was chatting her up and we were having a good time where she was comfortable with inviting me into her bedroom and asked to cuddle but I got carried away and started to feel her up then it all went downhill from there. If I would have just played it cool maybe things would turn out different.

I am still stuck in my ways where I try to seal the deal push the pace as much as I can so to speak. For me I rather make the moves break the barriers and get rejected than not make the moves at all, but in this case I wanted a relationship with this girl (alot of girls I don't want a relationship with so I don't care if it doesnt work out). What I should have done is play it cool and not try to get all physical first night just enjoy her company then just set up more dates. Lesson learned but it sucks. Its been I don't even know how long now and I still think about her.

Edited May 19, 2021 by lovers

Sign In

Can't stop thinking about this girl. Felt like I messed up and filled with a bit of regret. What you think?

Recommended Posts

lovers

ExpatInItaly

d0nnivain

Alpacalia

princessaurora

Sun Seeker

lovers

lovers

glows

ShyViolet

lovers

basil67

elaine567

spiderowl

Eternal Sunshine

Miss Spider

smackie9

Wiseman2

TrueGuy

Wiseman2

TrueGuy

basil67

TrueGuy

basil67

lovers

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...