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How to start the 'what are we' talk?


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Posted

I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months (I'm 25, he's 27). Everything seems to be going great. He seems very interested, has been putting in the effort and makes me feel really good. 

I've met some of his friends and we talk and see each other often. 

I'm just nervous to bring that up? I feel it's sort of insinuated that we're dating, but I'd like confirmation but I'm nervous. This is easily the best I've ever been treated, but nervous none the less. 

Posted

I've never actually had the conversation, but I will give you some clues.   Are you his assumed date on peak date nights?  Is he open about what he's doing when he's not with you?   Are you spending a fair bit of time together?   If so, it's looking good.   However, if he's not an open book about when he's not with you and you're only seeing him for one date per week, then it would be good to find out.

I honestly don't see the down side to asking.  If he's really into you, he'll be reassuring.   If he's not really into you, you'll get your answer and can move on before you get too involved.  Lastly, a guy who's into you won't get scared off by you asking the question.  

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Posted
1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I've never actually had the conversation, but I will give you some clues.   Are you his assumed date on peak date nights?  Is he open about what he's doing when he's not with you?   Are you spending a fair bit of time together?   If so, it's looking good.   However, if he's not an open book about when he's not with you and you're only seeing him for one date per week, then it would be good to find out.

I honestly don't see the down side to asking.  If he's really into you, he'll be reassuring.   If he's not really into you, you'll get your answer and can move on before you get too involved.  Lastly, a guy who's into you won't get scared off by you asking the question.  

Yes. I see him 2-3x a week and he texts me throughout the day. Not constantly, but little updates through the day, a good morning and goodnight, that kinda stuff. And I've gone out with him and a couple of his friends? I mostly feel that I'm the only one he's really seeing? 

Posted

In my life... I've never had that talk either. (I'm getting close to 50)  When you are with someone for a while, and see each other almost every day.... then it's just given. (Unless you think he's a player) 

With that said... you shouldn't be worried or nervous about that talk.  If you are both on the same page... it should be easy.  Next time you are sitting and having dinner... just say.... "I really enjoy being with you.  Where you you see this going?"

 

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Posted

I'd say something along the lines of 

I wanted you to know that you are the only one I am seeing.  I was curious if I am the only one you are seeing. 

The best way to start these conversations is for you to share  / be vulnerable rather than to ask a Q that puts the other person on the spot

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Posted
58 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

With that said... you shouldn't be worried or nervous about that talk.  If you are both on the same page... it should be easy.  Next time you are sitting and having dinner... just say.... "I really enjoy being with you.  Where you you see this going?"

 

Too early to ask where this is going. All she  needs to know at this point is that he's not dating others and concentrating on her only. 

OP don't make it a big deal, just tell him you're only seeing him and would like to know if it's the same for him. 

 

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Posted

I agree that only 2 months in, the where is this going conversation is premature.  Here, now in the beginning of May I would not project farther than the 4th of July.  At this point it's not even a given that you still be together at the end of the summer.  

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Posted

Women need to be very  protective of their health especially fertile women hoping to have children, STDs can be very sneaky and symptomless in women and can cause infertility.
Women need to know if they are in an exclusive relationship with both being tested.
Some get surprise answers to the exclusive question so best not to just assume.

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Posted
7 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said:

I'm just nervous to bring that up? I feel it's sort of insinuated that we're dating, but I'd like confirmation but I'm nervous. This is easily the best I've ever been treated, but nervous none the less.

You have been see him for 2 months.... Yes you are dating. You mean are you exclusively dating???

As yourself where you want this to go? Is he just a filler or would you except him to be good enough to be a father of your children? All hypothetical of course... If it's the later, you will have bigger concerns down the road, don't be shy now... 

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