Missy Love Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 I've been in a relationship for close to a year now, and things are going well. He has a former female co-worker, who he has stayed in touch with. She has been happily married for a while, and so I don't think it was ever more than a friendship. There has been some communication between the two of them that I wasn't aware of, and he has since told me about them, and even let me see some of the messages. It was more frequent than I thought, about once per month. He did talk about me some in the messages, and she also asked about me, even saying she wanted to meet me. I guess what worries me is that she seemed to treat him like he would always be there, like she felt she could text him whenever. When he didn't respond, she would follow up and ask if everything was ok, etc., and also the fact I had never met her. At one point when I felt uncertain in the beginning of our relationship, he mentioned to her that I was having some doubts. Then later, said that we were just going through a patch and things have been going well, he's happy, etc. I have noticed, and so has he, that over the last few months, she hasn't reached out at all. And, he says he's fine with that, and so am I. Was there more to this than a friendship? Should I try and meet her, or just leave it alone?
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 They are friends. They weren't sexy messages. He told you about them. Go on a double date with your guy, her & her husband. It will ease your mind. You might even get a new female friend out of the deal.
Blind-Sided Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 It depends on the guy. I know there are threads here that will say guys can never be friends with a girl.... but that's not the truth. I have several VERY GOOD female friends, and I thank god for them. A few of them I've known for +20 years. (Going back to collage and some past co-workers) AND... these girls were a life saver when my exW went crazy, and tore my life apart. (They knew both of us) They were there when I needed them most, and were willing to listen when I needed to talk. I'm the kind of person who understands that it's just as hard to maintain a "Friendship" as it is to maintain a SO... and once a real friendship is established... I'm not going to jeopardize it with crossing any lines. If you feel your BF is that kind of person... then there is nothing to worry about. (Ever)
elaine567 Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 My guess the "attraction" was on her side, keeping in touch, making sure he was OK...but when the bad patch got fixed, then she decided to bow out. I don't think you should try and get them back together. You may regret it.
Author Missy Love Posted May 6, 2021 Author Posted May 6, 2021 I’m not sure that there was attraction given that she’s married, and seems that she is happy with her husband. I think maybe she enjoyed having another male outlet. My boyfriend explained, she’s just very outgoing. I can’t say since I’ve never met her. She seems to have backed off though. And, my boyfriend isn’t trying to maintain the friendship either.
dramafreezone Posted May 8, 2021 Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) I think it's inappropriate to have a close friendship with the opposite sex when in a relationship. That's just me. I just think it's inconsiderate. It doesn't matter how progressive they think their significant other is, intrusive thoughts (thoughts they cannot control) about this best friend will affect them. Their friends will ask why the BF/GF has a friend of the opposite sex. It's not because they inherently have trust issues with the SO. These intrusive thoughts are unavoidable. So why would anyone want to do that to their SO? Is keeping this close friendship that important? I cannot think of any friendship with a woman that would be worth holding on to when it's going to cause undue stress to my GF/wife. Edited May 8, 2021 by dramafreezone
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