liverpoolc5 Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 I've been seeing a girl for a short period of time (6 months) she has an 18 month kid, I don't have any children. Were both 32 We met in lockdown so we haven't been able to do much apart from watch TV, cook and go for walks. I'm generous and have a self sacrificing nature and like to do things for my partner to make them feel special and I have always been playful and good with children. However my past relationship ended coz nothing i did was enough and enough was enough and just realised am clearly a bit scarred from it the last few days have shown. However in the start of this relationship I was just none of what I have been in my past relationships and not made much of an effort with her kid in terms of playing with him all the time etc. (ive been in past relationship with children and have always bonded and done lots with them) About 6 weeks ago she told me she had proper feelings for me and i told her the same but this week said she feels as though we have hit a rut but she didn't know if it was coz of lockdown and was happy to crack on and hopefully things fall into place. I asked her at the weekend if she was happy and she said yes and the next day asked if she seen a future with me and she said she's not thought about it which is a first for her as usually she over thinks everything. She did say shes not let me totally in and she doesn't know why but wants to, but if shes been totally honest with me her heart isnt 100% in it like it was, even though last week she was asking me to stay a day longer coz i was gunna go home and on wattsapp she messages me first thing every day and before she goes to sleep with love hearts etc.- which maybe naively I thought was a sign her feelings were getting stronger. Shes always been with complete a**h***s like drug dealers and phyco's and has never been with someone with an office job like i have, said I am a sweetheart, its been going well, nothing bad has happened, i'm no bother and she does like spending time with me and that its a shame but something is just not right and usually at this stage in a relationship she is over the top and feels closer but something is stopping her giving me 100%( obv coz ive not showed her im in to her that much or invested in the kid) Basically it seems as though at the start she was totally in and i wasn't and as a result of me not meeting her expectations (with her kid, spoiling her now and then and just doing nice things off my own back which i usually do) her feelings have dwindled whereas mine have grown massively. She said shes happy to crack on on hope things fall into place and i said dont waste my time coz I've said i want marriage and kids n wanna settle in not to distant future. So she said its probs best to end it even though she'll probs regret it and she'll miss me, that nothings wrongs and nothing has happened and so she doesnt know how it'll change and tbh i am absolutely gutted coz i know she has not seen the real me giving 100% and its taken this to give me the kick up the arse What do you guys think? Should I tell her she's not had the best of me and that she hasn’t seen the real me at all? That i've been reserved as a result of last relationship?? Or do u think shes done at all or just leave it? is she letting me down gentlly? i have no idea what to do. This has came from literally 2 conversations of us discussing our relationship coz we never discussed anything and ive not messaged her in 2 days now after her saying to end it. Please help
Sun Seeker Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 Dating is finding out whether you are both compatible and want to be together long term. Just because you date someone, it does not mean you have to stay together for ever. After 6 months she has realised she does not want to be with you long term. Dating has served its purpose. Unfortunately you feel the opposite. It happens. What you do is start to accept that it is over. She is not the one for you. You will meet others. One of them will appreciate you for you and will feel the same about you as you do about them. This one doesn't. You don't want to be with someone like that. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 (edited) I think you met somebody during lockdown when everybody's options were limited. She has a bad picker & you are scarred from your last relationship. Neither of you were in a good place but you found each other & brought some happiness to lockdown. She also only know bad boys. They are exciting by nature because she is always on edge wondering if they like her. They keep her guessing which is actually bad only she doesn't know that. You are good, loyal, decent person but she misinterprets your reliability as boring. You have only been together for 6 months while the world has been in upheaval. You have no basis to talk about forever. You are still getting to know each other. 6 months is way too early for you to be bonding with her child. Children need stability. Her new BF -- at only 6 months you are still relatively new -- does not represent stability. It's waaaaayyyyyyyy toooo soon for you to be talking about marriage & forever. Back off those conversations. Explain to her that while you do want marriage in the future you were not trying to pressure her. Reassure her that you like what you two have now & that you are happy to carry on as you are. Then shut up about the future. You never again bring up the future more than 1 month in advance unless she starts the conversation. Spoiling somebody with material things is not required. You can't buy a relationship. Instead invest your time & attention. Don't even try that. If you feel like you are in a rut, do something to break the monotony. Can you take a short trip? If that is not allowed, try having a picnic outside or even having breakfast for dinner. Just change things up somehow. Bring in some more excitement & romance but stop talking about marriage, commitment & forever Edited May 5, 2021 by d0nnivain 1
assertives Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 (edited) Frankly, it sounds like she's not that into you. For whatever reason, the feelings are no longer there and I don't think telling her that she hasn't seen the real you or that you had more to give is going to change things. She was initially willing to coast on for abit, but ultimately called it off when you told her not to waste your time as you are looking to settle in the not too distant future. That tells you alot about what she thinks about a future with you. She doesn't see one with you. I also wanted to say that if wanting to settle down and have kids in the not so distant future is your plan/goal, don't compromise on that just to keep dating her and hope she'll change her mind. Because she may not and you may end up with resentment. I would say leave it. Edited May 6, 2021 by assertives
ExpatInItaly Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 33 minutes ago, assertives said: Frankly, it sounds like she's not that into you. That's my take as well. It worked in the honeymoon phase as she enjoyed your company well enough, OP, but there isn't enough for her to build on long-term. I think she's trying to let you down gently. Don't bother trying to convince her that she doesn't know the real you - that makes it sound like you weren't being sincere with her throughout the last 6 months. I would chalk this one up to a mismatch and leave it here.
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