Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Been seeing a guy for a little over a month. We’re moving slow but things are good. He had broken up with his ex gf over a year ago and they briefly got back together this past winter for a few weeks. Ultimately it ended because they want different things. The thing that bothers me is they still follow each other on social media. I did snoop on her page and noticed and he had liked a selfie pic she put up of herself about a month ago and then this past weekend she put up a selfie of herself in a bathing suit and he liked that as well. I don’t think I’d be as bothered if he was liking memes she put or pics of scenery or something, but is it me or is liking a pic of your ex in a bathing suit inappropriate? Clearly I can’t say anything to him because I don’t want him to know I’ve looked at her page. He’s not the type of guy who likes everything in his newsfeed so that’s not it. Maybe I was wrong for looking but am I wrong to think this might be a yellow flag at the least? PS he has told me he hasn’t spoken to her since the last breakup which was over a few months ago.
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 In my book, liking a bathing suit picture of an ex it 100% innapropriate. How long exactly since they last spoke 2 months or 6 months? 4
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 This is why it's better to unfollow your EXs on social media. It is possible for her to simply think it's a nice picture without him wanting to get back together with her. Yellow flag is a apt description. Do keep your eyes on the situation but there's nothing to get upset about yet. Caution is good. 1
Sun Seeker Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Yellow? More like red flag. He should not be following her on social media at all, let alone liking her bikini pics.
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: In my book, liking a bathing suit picture of an ex it 100% innapropriate. How long exactly since they last spoke 2 months or 6 months? It was a selfie so it wasn’t a full body bathing suit pic, you basically just saw the top of her bathing suit. it’s been over 2 months since they last spoke
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: This is why it's better to unfollow your EXs on social media. It is possible for her to simply think it's a nice picture without him wanting to get back together with her. Yellow flag is a apt description. Do keep your eyes on the situation but there's nothing to get upset about yet. Caution is good. Yes, definitely possible however if it were me seeing a pic of my ex where I thought he looked nice, I still would avoiding hitting the like button. Thinking your ex looks nice and letting them you know you think they look nice are two different things in my book lol. 2
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Punterxx said: Yellow? More like red flag. He should not be following her on social media at all, let alone liking her bikini pics. Not sure if it was a bikini or not, it was more of a headshot but it was pretty obvious she was in a bathing suit. Nonetheless it was clearly a sexy pic Edited May 4, 2021 by Ging84
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 You've only been seeing each other for a little over a month. Have you established that you are exclusive? If not then you don't have a saying on what he does online. You can draw some conclusion for yourself though but you cannot address this with him if you are not dating exclusively. You're saying they last spoke 2 months ago, that's what he says, they could have spoken last week. Also, liking a picture IS a type of communication, it says *I like what I see*
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Based on the fact that it's only a month, this is nothing. Frankly you should feel happy that he can have a civil friendship with his ex. If things go south with you and him he won't turn into some jerk to you. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Punterxx said: Yellow? More like red flag. He should not be following her on social media at all, let alone liking her bikini pics. Why not? Is there some rule that breakups have to be acrimonious? You have to unfollow them, tear up their photos, delete their number and stick pins in voodoo dolls? Edited May 4, 2021 by dramafreezone 3
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: You've only been seeing each other for a little over a month. Have you established that you are exclusive? If not then you don't have a saying on what he does online. You can draw some conclusion for yourself though but you cannot address this with him if you are not dating exclusively. You're saying they last spoke 2 months ago, that's what he says, they could have spoken last week. Also, liking a picture IS a type of communication, it says *I like what I see* Oh I totally agree. I believe he hasn’t spoken to her since they broke up, he’s been pretty honest with me, and we have mutual friends who have vouched for his honesty.
ShyViolet Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 You've only been seeing him a little over a month. You need to stop policing what he likes or doesn't like on Facebook. It's not your place. You are being insecure and jealous when you barely know this guy and have been dating him for four weeks. Just because he hits a "like" button, that doesn't mean that he's talking to her, or wants to get back together with her. It's just a simple "like" button. If it bothers you so much then stop monitoring his online activity. 2 2
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Based on the fact that it's only a month, this is nothing. Frankly you should feel happy that he can have a civil friendship with his ex. If things go south with you and him he won't turn into some jerk to you. I guess that’s one way of looking at it. But you can have a civil relationship with an ex without liking their selfies on social media, no? 3
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 1 minute ago, ShyViolet said: You've only been seeing him a little over a month. You need to stop policing what he likes or doesn't like on Facebook. It's not your place. You are being insecure and jealous when you barely know this guy and have been dating him for four weeks. Just because he hits a "like" button, that doesn't mean that he's talking to her, or wants to get back together with her. It's just a simple "like" button. If it bothers you so much then stop monitoring his online activity. I just don’t want to date someone who’s not over his ex. I’m not saying he is or he isn’t but him liking her selfies makes me think he may not be totally over her.
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Ging84 said: I guess that’s one way of looking at it. But you can have a civil relationship with an ex without liking their selfies on social media, no? Of course. He prefers to like photos though. You're blowing this out of proportion for someone that you haven't been dating for very long. If you were dating for 6 months and had come to an understanding that you were exclusive, then yes this would be a bit out of bounds. Edited May 4, 2021 by dramafreezone 4
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 @Ging84 Was there anything that prompt you to check his FB feed? A gut feeling maybe?
Sun Seeker Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Why not? Is there some rule that breakups have to be acrimonious? You have to unfollow them, tear up their photos, delete their number and stick pins in voodoo dolls? For social media yes, they should be un followed and all pics of them on yours deleted. What possible reason is there to still follow them unless you are not over them? That's just disrespectful to whoever you are dating next. Edited May 4, 2021 by Punterxx 1
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Punterxx said: For social media yes, they should be un followed and all pics of them on yours deleted. What possible reason is there to still follow them unless you are not ever them? That's just disrespectful to whoever you are dating next. I don't really have social media anymore, but when I did I don't think I ever deleted a former love interest. And I wasn't all into posting couples photos, I can't stand people that do that. I dunno, I guess I still follow them because I still respect them as a person and I don't wish them any ill will. If I dated someone that saw that I was following an ex on social media and they had an issue with it, I would seriously reconsider if I should even be dating them. That type of insecurity and jealousy won't stop with this issue. Edited May 4, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Punterxx said: For social media yes, they should be un followed and all pics of them on yours deleted. What possible reason is there to still follow them unless you are not over them? That's just disrespectful to whoever you are dating next. In all fairness to him, we’ve only been seeing each other a month so I wouldn’t expect him to delete her off his social media on account of me just yet if he didn’t already do it right after the breakup. I also know from mutual friends they remained friends on social media after the first breakup and he was liking her pics then too, he was obviously not totally over her then since they ended up getting back together. And he was the one who asked her to get back together. Edited May 4, 2021 by Ging84
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: I don't really have social media anymore, but when I did I don't think I ever deleted a former love interest. And I wasn't all into posting couples photos, I can't stand people that do that. I dunno, I guess I still follow them because I still respect them as a person and I don't wish them any ill will. If I dated someone that saw that I was following an ex on social media and they had an issue with it, I would seriously reconsider if I should even be dating them. Were you liking their pics?
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 I have never added a boyfriend on my social media, problem solved.
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 If they broke up once before & got back together while remaining connected on social media, this is a bit more concerning considering that you are the new love interest & they haven't been apart that long. It is possible that you are a rebound. You need to tell him you saw the like & come clean about your insecurities around same. Just fess up. His reaction will be very telling. If he apologizes for hurting your feelings, it's all good. If he blows up at you or uses words like "stalking" or "controlling" you have a problem. We all do silly things in the name of love. I met the man who is now my husband at an event. When I learned he had am OLD profile on a site, I made a fake profile so I could read his profile. It squared with what I knew about him. Later when we had a talk about exclusivity he told me he had taken down his profile. I checked & sure enough it was gone. I deleted my fake profile & never looked back. A few months later I told him what I did. He laughed at me & asked me if I learned anything. I said yes: his favorite author & that he's a honest guy. In your shoes I'd say something like Hey. I know it's silly but I noticed you liked a sexy picture of your EX the other day. That's making me a little insecure. Are you still carrying a torch for her? See how he reacts. Maybe ask him to mute her for 30 days.
lana-banana Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 20 minutes ago, Ging84 said: I also know from mutual friends they remained friends on social media after the first breakup and he was liking her pics then too, he was obviously not totally over her then since they ended up getting back together. And he was the one who asked her to get back together. This to me is a much, much, much bigger flag than anything happening on social media. Given that they only broke up in winter it seems unlikely that he's really had time to get over her. (Social media activity means nothing. I know plenty of people who like every single thing their friends post whether it's a meme or a blurry family photo.) 1
Happy Lemming Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 53 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: ...tear up their photos. Yes... I have photos of my ex girlfriends in a box in the back of my closet. They are part of my past. That being said, I don't go through that box every week and stare at those pictures. Personally, I delete an ex-girlfriend's number out of my phone, so I don't drunk text her, but I don't block her.
Author Ging84 Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 12 minutes ago, lana-banana said: This to me is a much, much, much bigger flag than anything happening on social media. Given that they only broke up in winter it seems unlikely that he's really had time to get over her. (Social media activity means nothing. I know plenty of people who like every single thing their friends post whether it's a meme or a blurry family photo.) They were broken up for almost a year when they got back together, and they only got back together for a few weeks so I wouldn’t think he’d need that much time to get over her.
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