MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Okay, so I (F21) have been seeing this guy now (M25) for almost 2 months. I met him through Tinder. I am quite busy with work and he is finishing up his master's and with that, we're both very busy people. My only free day from work is usually Sunday and most of the time he works Sundays so it gets tricky to see each other all that much. When we first met we went to play pool and that was nice but I wasn't really feeling it. After 10 days he asked me if I would be busy the next day in the evening. All things planned, we met up at his friends' bar where they were launching a new wine or something. So I met a few of his friends that evening. Due to covid restrictions, two people had to move up to the bar so he and I went. We talked a lot, we laughed, there was lots of eye contact and smiles, he complimented my earrings, my skin, outfit, even my nails, and all of this while drinking wine. I start work at 8pm usually and everything closes around that hour now anyways so he paid (On our first date I offered to split) and we left. We talked about more things we had in common, and then he mentioned maybe stopping by my place to grab my things and go to his, so we could maybe play a video game we both liked and I could work from his place. (He lives with his friends from uni and I'm at my parents' place since covid started) But I made up some excuse abt my parents needing me so he said it wasn't a problem and that he would walk me home anyways. After that, he kissed me, and when we walked out of the subway he held my hand all the way to my door where he kissed me again. Keep in mind that he's not much of a texter since we both think that things can get misunderstood. Because we had texted before and with the language barrier we had a small miscommunication, where he said it would be really nice to have me over, this was late like around 10pm, and I told him I wasn't really looking for that but in the end, we both agreed we wanted to take it slow. The third date wasn't too long after and he initiated it. We went to a park on a walk since I had work later and he had to meet up with some friends. We walked and talked, he bought me coffee and we ran into one of his friends, I introduced myself and then they talked for a bit. Afterward, we walked to a part of the park where he wanted to lay down and enjoy the sun. So we lay there and talk we're hugging and he kissed me once. I walk him to where he's meeting his friends and again we hold hands all the way there, we hug at traffic lights and he kisses me goodbye. We text a bit, he remembers my birthday and congratulates me and 5 days later we met again but we both had very little time so it was basically a quick hi, I was with a friend when I met him so I introduced them before she left and he and I played pool, went to another friend's bar. This time he introduced me to everyone we ran into instead of me introducing myself. I walked with him a bit, we were hugging and rubbing our noses together then I told him it was a shame how we only saw each other once a week, and he said that I was the one with the busy schedule, and we kissed once before we both had to go. I talked to him not so long after asking him how his week looked like and he said he would have work Wednesday and Thursday and even Sunday so I told him if there was a bit of time to let me know. That was maybe 6 days ago and spoke 4 days ago last. I'm not very good at the whole dating thing, nor am I used to it since I've only had one relationship when I was younger. But I thought he liked me or maybe that he was interested. I haven't stopped meeting other people, haven't talked about it yet to him either. And we haven't even slept together so..he's either taking it very slowly since I told him I preferred to or he's just not that interested and I'm convenient. Also, the whole thing with maybe kissing me once or twice during a 3-hour date is that normal? Should there be more? I'm probably overthinking but I thought I'd ask you guys Thanks in advance!
Calmandfocused Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 I think if you are serious about dating then you need to make yourself more available. I think he got bored and fed up with the long gaps in between dates. He probably felt disconnected from you and disappointed that things weren’t moving forward. I sense he concluded that you weren’t compatible and from where I’m sitting he’s correct. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 (edited) I think you are overthinking it. It's a new relationship & you are both busy people. You can build slowly & not see each other daily or even talk daily. When the semester is over he may be more free. If you want to see him, reach out with a plan & then on the date lean in & by your physical behavior, make it obvious that you would like to kiss him. He's looking for a green light. Edited May 4, 2021 by d0nnivain 1
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said: I think if you are serious about dating then you need to make yourself more available. I think he got bored and fed up with the long gaps in between dates. He probably felt disconnected from you and disappointed that things weren’t moving forward. I sense he concluded that you weren’t compatible and from where I’m sitting he’s correct. I understand yeah, most likely took that turn. Anyway thank you for the time!
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 33 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I think you are overthinking it. It's a new relationship & you are both busy people. You can build slowly & not see each other daily or even talk daily. When the semester is over he may be more free. If you want to see him, reach out with a plan & then on the date lean in & by your physical behavior, make it obvious that you would like to kiss him. He's looking for a green light. It might be that too, reading the first comment I kinda just felt like if its supposed to be it will kind of just work itself out. With both of us being busy and all, last time I did tell him to let me know how his week was looking but nothing said besides commenting on each others stories(snapchat). I'll just lay back I guess. But thank youu!!!
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 51 minutes ago, MayaMay said: I kinda just felt like if its supposed to be it will kind of just work itself out. That is magical thinking. Things don't just work out. Somebody has to be the driving force to make things happen.
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 His shift to "Go to my place" went from there could be sex to, I'm not going to do that "Lets take it slow". That's when the plane took a header in a downward spiral. No sex. no magic, a lot of silence. If you have said, meet me at my place tonight for some fun, he would drop everything. 2
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, smackie9 said: His shift to "Go to my place" went from there could be sex to, I'm not going to do that "Lets take it slow". That's when the plane took a header in a downward spiral. No sex. no magic, a lot of silence. If you have said, meet me at my place tonight for some fun, he would drop everything. Annnnnd that's when you know, ugh
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 24 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: That is magical thinking. Things don't just work out. Somebody has to be the driving force to make things happen. But the ball is in his court, if he wanted to he would have planned something, doesn't seem like he's all that interested anymore
glows Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 3 hours ago, MayaMay said: I talked to him not so long after asking him how his week looked like and he said he would have work Wednesday and Thursday and even Sunday so I told him if there was a bit of time to let me know. That was maybe 6 days ago and spoke 4 days ago last. I'm not very good at the whole dating thing, nor am I used to it since I've only had one relationship when I was younger. But I thought he liked me or maybe that he was interested. It could go either way at this point. Your dates sound positive but your schedules regularly conflict. If he hasn't gotten back to you he's not going to meet you any time soon - today or tomorrow. If you would like more of a heads up you just state the facts and be clear that you need a few days notice. This sounds like a communication/consideration issue and he seems immature. Don't confuse this with exclusivity or how often you're kissing in a 3hr date. I get the feeling you're a tad insecure and feeling a bit left out in the cold. If someone doesn't have the organizational skill or simple wherewithal to keep you informed, you make other plans. It's as simple as that. Don't hesitate for a second. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 22 minutes ago, MayaMay said: But the ball is in his court, if he wanted to he would have planned something, doesn't seem like he's all that interested anymore It's 2021. If you are modern woman who believes in equality it's not really fair of you to saddle him with all the planning. You are interested & I'm assuming your phone makes outgoing calls. You sitting there hoping he will reach out is an anachronism. If you want a relationship or even another date with this man, take some action. 1
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 30 minutes ago, glows said: It could go either way at this point. Your dates sound positive but your schedules regularly conflict. If he hasn't gotten back to you he's not going to meet you any time soon - today or tomorrow. If you would like more of a heads up you just state the facts and be clear that you need a few days notice. This sounds like a communication/consideration issue and he seems immature. Don't confuse this with exclusivity or how often you're kissing in a 3hr date. I get the feeling you're a tad insecure and feeling a bit left out in the cold. If someone doesn't have the organizational skill or simple wherewithal to keep you informed, you make other plans. It's as simple as that. Don't hesitate for a second. I thought about that too, I texted him just now brought up something we had talked about before just to see how it goes, if its still one sided from there I'll move forward! Thank youu! 3
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 36 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's 2021. If you are modern woman who believes in equality it's not really fair of you to saddle him with all the planning. You are interested & I'm assuming your phone makes outgoing calls. You sitting there hoping he will reach out is an anachronism. If you want a relationship or even another date with this man, take some action. Yeah texted him just now, will see how it turns out! And thank you!!!! 1
Allupinnit Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 The fact that he wanted you to "grab your things" to head over his place after not even a proper date but hanging out with friends when you barely knew each other tells you that he wants to "chill." I wasn't the kind of woman who responded to that lazy type of dating where everything is up in the air while he expects sex, with no real dates even going on. But this is what it sounds like he's trying to set up with you. It's Tinder, so not that surprising.
Author MayaMay Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 6 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: The fact that he wanted you to "grab your things" to head over his place after not even a proper date but hanging out with friends when you barely knew each other tells you that he wants to "chill." I wasn't the kind of woman who responded to that lazy type of dating where everything is up in the air while he expects sex, with no real dates even going on. But this is what it sounds like he's trying to set up with you. It's Tinder, so not that surprising. There's that too yeah, I wouldn't really be surprised either
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