MeloAF Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 First of all, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and look forward to your thoughts. I am currently going through a bit of a rough patch with my girlfriend who I have been seeing for 3 years now. This is something we have struggled with previously and talked at depth on how to deal with it. I don't think that intimate connection is there anymore. She likes to game a lot, but we do spend a healthy amount of time together regardless since I game a bit too. It's just when we aren't gaming things feel flat and friendly. The passion and drive just isn't there anymore and it's getting to me. Her sex drive is quite low and mine... isn't; we only have sex 3-5 times a month and we're only 26/25 years old. However, it isn't so much the sex or lack of it, it's also the passion behind things and feeling attractive to your partner and I don't really feel wanted, more disposable if anything. Even when we do it, it's just me doing all the work and trying to be creative (although she surprised me twice with outdoor sex and shower sex in the past which is surprising me thinking about it now). If I try to initiate most of the time she moves away in that sly, yet obvious, manner. Even just normal touching she'll just shrug off if it's gone on for too long. Even when I talk to her about why it's like this she usually says 'I don't know' and 'I am not very sexual' which doesn't make sense since she has had quite a few partners before me and been quite experimental with others by the sounds of it (it was certainly different the first few months we were together, but it usually is right?). I just never get a straight answer and she is quite coy in general about her likes even after 3 years being together (even talking about porn and masturbating she avoids even though I've told her everything about me after she asked me!). I kind of feel like I don't really know her, it feels one-sided and that games are her new priority. I just don't know what else to do anymore (and I have tried quite a few things). I really do love her and think the world of her, but I feel like I have hit a dead end and have even turned to the internet for help, which I avoid for these things. I just need some help and want to see if anyone else has experience anything like this and is there any hope? All the best. M
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Sounds like the relationship has run its course. The next step is up to you. You can stay & remain dissatisfied or you can make changes in your life. You cannot change her. Assuming her desire for sex or you never changes or diminishes, do you really want a lifetime of this? There is no scenario where your sex life with her will improve. Recognizing that, what do you want to do? 3
Blind-Sided Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Time to leave. If she is pulling away when you try to touch her... then it's over. And honestly, there is no fixing it. Sorry. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 Generally speaking, how a person shows up in a relationship is reflective of what they feel they need to do to keep you, or what they feel you deserve. If she's giving you little, then that's what she feels she needs to do to keep you, little to nothing. When you put it in that lens, you know what you need to do. 1 2
SumGuy Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 So the honeymoon period has worn off? Welcome to the complexities of human relationships. There is more to a relationship than the "it all just happens" honeymoon stage. Being comfortable with someone is not a bad thing, not at all. Sounds more like your sex life is not what you would like it to be...if all the other stuff is good I believe it is worth working on. You are very young so you may not realize how hard it is to fine the other non-sex stuff. Your relationship has naturally evolved, if there is good communication and trust such divergences can be addressed, and if the relationship continues this will not be the last divergence in how you grow together, and certainly this is a low on the scale of problems to have. It may take being more on the line about how the decreased intimacy and her not talking about things is leading you to think you two do not really want the same thing/see the relationship the same way. You want communication, without communication what do you really have. If she can't or won't communicate then likely things have run their course. 7
smackie9 Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 It's not her new "passion" it's her way to escape. Have to sit back and think...are you "in love" or just emotionally attached.
Caauug Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 8:45 PM, MeloAF said: The passion and drive just isn't there anymore and it's getting to me. Her sex drive is quite low and mine... isn't; we only have sex 3-5 times a month and we're only 26/25 years old. However, it isn't so much the sex or lack of it, it's also the passion behind things and feeling attractive to your partner and I don't really feel wanted, more disposable if anything. The gaming is the distraction for her boring life with you.... For the most part, women are more in touch with their emotions than we men are. With that, the gaming is likely stimulating her emotions where you are not. You state there is low passion and drive, what are you doing to counter act this? Get her to dress up, and take her out on a formal date? Get the camping gear out for a hike and an overnight camp out on the beach? Just the two of you, no games etc.... It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to have planning and be thought out somewhat. To start, make (not buy) some sandwiches, get bottle of wine and go out for a picnic and walk for the best part of the day.. The biggest part, you have to be committed to change and to make it work. The first few times do the work yourself, within time she will offer to help you. Don't expect her to embrace these changes straight up, but unless you try, your R is doomed. Sounds like you don't have much to loose except a little effort. If you have success, you will have to maintain this. If money is not an object, a weekend away in a nice hotel room with spa and pool etc. in the city. Sometimes the simple trips are the best. There is a saying: If she's not (having sex with) you, she's (having sex with) someone else... (LS mods don't like the real wording) Sounds like she is getting close to that... The gaming will only be a placebo for a little while, she will go looking for a better mate to replace you as life with you is not simulating her anymore. This is where you mentioned "Disposable", yes you will then be disposable to her... IMO you have to decide how much you love her, and how hard you want to try to keep her. It also depends if she has already checked out and given up on you. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted May 7, 2021 Posted May 7, 2021 Are you as romantic and generous with affection that doesn't lead to sex as you were in the beginning? Do you still take her out on well thought out dates? Do you still give her little surprises to make her day brighter? I think both men and women tend to get too comfortable.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 7, 2021 Posted May 7, 2021 Face the reality: the relationship has run its course. You've hit the wall. You say you and she have had many conversations about this. Well, that's the sign that you are not going to resolve things. Time to move on.
dramafreezone Posted May 8, 2021 Posted May 8, 2021 44 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Are you as romantic and generous with affection that doesn't lead to sex as you were in the beginning? Do you still take her out on well thought out dates? Do you still give her little surprises to make her day brighter? I think both men and women tend to get too comfortable. These are all fair questions. OP, you have to romance/date your GF. You can't get comfortable either. 1
Phallacy Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 Get a copy of the Kama Sutra ASAP. Also, get some scented candles. I recommend the scent ‘Cream Colored Ponies’ by Yankee Candles.
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2021 Posted May 9, 2021 On 5/4/2021 at 1:45 PM, MeloAF said: (even talking about porn and masturbating she avoids even though I've told her everything about me after she asked me!). She wanted to find out your habits to gauge if they were a threat to her, few women really want to discuss your porn watching and masturbating further... Nothing vaguely romantic about porn and masturbating... it is not a turn on, it may indeed be a turn off. Most women respond better to romance. Get the romance right and the sex will usually follow, but don' be too obvious. Her past with other guys is no indication of anything. Many women end up doing more adventurous stuff when young as they feel obliged and can't say no due to shyness or even intimidation. It generally doesn't mean they necessarily enjoyed it or want to repeat it. In future relationships, they quickly ditch the stuff they do not like doing. Why wouldn't they? Many men are under the misapprehension that sex with a woman will just get better and better and that eventually all his fantasies will be explored completely with any new ones he may dream up. In reality, all is more adventurous at the start, for it to fall off a cliff, once she filters out the stuff she doesn't like doing. In reality a woman is not a sex toy, she has her own idea of what sex should be like, and male fantasies are usually NOT it... I have a feeling your girl is no longer enjoying sex with you, since she usually avoids it, or she likes it well enough but is just giving you it when she feels like it. Nothing you have said says that this will get any better in the way you want it to.BTW another passion killer is when a relationship is not going anywhere. If she wants commitment and he doesn't or he is stalling, she gets sad, upset and angry. Sad, upset, and angry women are in no mood for sex.
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