georgiagirl76 Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Hey everyone. I haven't posted for a few days. Hope all is going well. For those of you who don't know my ex and I have been broken up for 5 weeks. I did NC and he contacted me after 3 weeks was flirty and suggested getting together (if you want to know more read my previous posts) There has been a lot that has happened. I sent an email to my ex regarding our U2 tickets. I was pretty blunt and told him that I had someone to go with me if he wanted to sell them to me. He replied that he had them on ebay. I should have thought more carefully about sending him that email because he has gotten tickets for U2 several times in his life and something ALWAYS comes up and he can't go. I thought he was selling them because we broke up but it turns out that he has something with work and he can't get out of it. There are other things that really don't seem to matter at this point. I had changed my mind and decided that I wanted to see him and try to slowly spend time with him just as friends and see what happened. He had suggested getting together with the dogs when he first contacted me but I didn't want to be too eager so I said Maybe another time. I emailed him inviting him to meet us at the park and he said he would love to but that the date wasn't convenient. He then said he had the whole next day off and would love to do it then if I could. Well I had to work. Then I sent the U2 email. (which I know it is just a concert but there is some backstory- it is his all-time favorite band. In high school he had tickets but his girlfriend pulled some "If you love me you will skip the concert and go to this family function with me." He skipped the concert and hasn't ever been able to go since. This was going to be a big deal to him. This week he became active again on the online dating site. He then started changing his status to indicate that he was on dates. He did this when we started dating and then once we became somewhat serious he began referencing me by name. This morning he has done that with her. All of this is just is not coming out right but I needed to vent I suppose. I know, AC you are going to say if I had deleted him off my list I wouldn't know this. Well, I had decided to take him up on his offer and see him and I thought that maybe we could get back together- stupid me. His brother called this weekend to tell me that he had changed his number- I picked up the phone because I didn't recognize the number. Anyway, his brother thinks that my ex was testing the waters, wanting to see me, but afraid to rush in to anything. He said he thinks that my ex thinks I moved on because I resisited all his attempts to see me and a couple times I ignored him when he tried to contact me. Therefore, here we are. I was trying to play it cool, not tell him that I still loved him, not jump the minute he contacted me or allow him to come over when he asked and now he thinks I am seeing someone else. I know that I have to allow myself to hurt now and figure out of way to move on. I know that I made a mistake thinking that we could get back together because it allowed me to get hurt. I just hurt right now. When I have more of a clear head, Ill post again and maybe make sense instead of sounding like a whining child. I know that I posted from my mixed up emotions instead of a clear head where I can be rational so go easy on me Thanks for all your support.
JosiePosie Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Hi georgiagirl, I have been following your posts and know what you are going through. I am going on Week 5 from breaking up with my bf. The last month he was mistreating me and withdrew emotionally. That hurt like hell. Not willing to continue to be mistreated, I decided to move out. We barely spoke to each over the 5 weeks. He sent an email a few days after I left apologizing for putting me through this, he needs time alone to get his head straight, and would like to get know each other once he sees clearly. I didn't reply, the only time I did was when I had to make arrangements to move out the rest of my things. Stupid me, I would check out his online profile from friendship networks and dating profiles. I wanted to see what he was doing. Sure enough, he is single and checking out women. I cried so hard when I saw that. He wanted space and now he is acting like he is ready to mingle? I have decided to quit looking at that stuff. I rather not know. It will only slow my healing process. I haven't taken him off my MSN list. Just this morning I unblocked him to see if he would message me. Sure enough he did. Before our breakup, he was making me a shaker to use at ceremonies (we are Native Canadians). He messaged me this morning to let me know that it is ready and that he can drop it off in the building I work in. Remembering how he mistreated me, I wasn't sure if I should accept it or not. So I went back to MSN and told him to give it his mom or dad, and that it should be kept in his family, I then said take care and logged off. For some reason, I feel better for doing that. Since our breakup, I have cried everyday. It is slowly getting easier. I also attend support group meetings and visit a counsellor. I think the hardest part is letting go of "what was" and "what could have been". Everyone tells me that I was an awesome gf and an awesome person with a lot to offer. And that someday, once he wakes up out of his selfishness, he will regret his behaviour and actions toward me. There are times when I get so lonely and miss his companionship. He has a five year old son and the three of us would do alot of activities together. Like we were a family. I try not to remember those times. It was just a dream. All these mixed emotions are a pain in the butt. But I am making every effort to let go and get over him. You are not alone in this ordeal.
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Sorry to hear that you are hurting GG.. Since you have seen his true colors maybe now you can get some peace and start healing.. ***Hug***
slubberdegullion Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 GG; Welcome back; I was wondering where you were. I'm with Art. It's just as well that you've seen through his facade and now have a clearer picture of this fellow. I know that I have to allow myself to hurt now and figure out of way to move on. Exactly. Take some time to heal, stay connected with friends, but refrain from any contact with this dude. Good luck. We're all here to support you.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Thanks all Art- I can't believe it- you didn't yell at me. Ha. I am just kidding. I am so thankful for the "strangers" I have met on this site. It makes me feel really good. His brother thinks that he wanted me back but thought I wasn't looking for any reconciliation. Well, if he is that shallow to move on before he really tries to work it out then you are right. I am glad that he has moved on. Well moved on is a liberal use of the word. He may just be dating but it doesn't really matter now does it. I will start the long road of healing. Finally, hey Art? And to the rest of you that I haven't named personally- thank you. You have made a 29 year old Georgia Girl feel special for a moment today- and afterall that is where it all starts.
leighmc Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hi GG. It is possible that he is just changing his online status to dating to make you think he is. If his brother said he thinks you moved on, then he may want you to think he moved on. I think you should go back to NC, you were so good at it. If he is playing the silly mind games with you then that doens't make him a good person. You seem like a great person and I definatly think you deserve someone who will treat you like a queen!!
helena abadi Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 it is quite amazing how the kindness of strangers on this site, goes a very long way. yeah, it's really tough when they date again immediately. no grieving time, your side of the bed is still warm and wham, they are out there. it adds salt to the wound. i hope you continue to feel better each day.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 thanks ladies. I have gone back to no contact. I haven't initiated or replied and I don't plan on it. I appreciate all of your kindness. I hope that one day when my pain settles and clears I can be of better help to any of you who need it.
francis Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 gg, i am sorry that you are hurting, it sounds like a lot of misunderstandings and blind assumptions being made, although I do think that if he really did want to be with you after having the space he initially requested, he would have made more effort. i guess the bottom line is how deep his love for you ran. it is possible to sit around all day wondering what the possible explanations and excuses for his online status, reasons for not contacting you etc etc... but perhaps its just as simple as he wasnt the right guy. if you are so disposable to him, perhaps his feelings for you just were not strong enough. go get yourself someone you deserve, someone who doesnt run out on you when trouble hits, someone who treasures you and would never dream of giving up a relationship with you. you dont deserve anything less.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Francis Thank you for your wisdom. I agree that regardless of what his reasons are- I do think he is scared- but regardless- I am worth that scene in When Harry Met Sally- like I said in another post yesterday. When someone loves you and realizes that they may have lost you they will run multiple blocks in New York City on New Years Eve to find you and tell you that. I don't doubt his love for me or the depth of it- I doubt his willingness to take a chance and dig in deep and truly trust. Therefore, even if he wanted to run to me- he is too afraid of the possibility of getting hurt. Thus, I have decided that it is his loss. I am not ready for that special someone yet. There has been someone that has been in my life. I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship and that I am not over my ex. He still sends me flowers and cards and stops by to see me. He has been patient and apparently has wanted to make a move for quite some time. It is really sad though, because at any other time I would actually be able to assess our compatibility. However, it is too soon. I have been honest with my feelings (or lack thereof) because I don't want him to hurt like I am hurting. I have to heal before I jump into another relationship- I know it works for some but not me. My ex will wake up one day and realize that his fear of being alone and being hurt has driven him there- alone- hurt. He told me once he ran when he got emotionally invested and he didn't want to do that again. Well, I hope his next woman has a good pair of running shoes and can keep up with him better than I can- because I dont' want her to hurt like this either.
francis Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 i cannot help but be a teensy bit of a fatalist, and a fella popping up outta the blue who's been wanting to make a move for some time, deciding to reveal his feelings now is very intriguing. I agree, take your time with this one, but don't let your past interfere too much with what could potentially be a great thing! I know it's soon, and you still have lots of emotion tied up with your ex, I'm just saying that perhaps you should cut yourself some slack and go enjoy yourself. He sounds sweet and attentive! Figure out whether you would like to get to know him better! If your ex is scared, that is indeed his loss. Point is, in his world, you are not worth fighting for. Hard to hear, but it's the truth. Relationships are all about emotional investment. If this is the case for him, he's gonna die a lonely man. You will spend your entire life waiting around for him to be ready for what you want; a fulfilling, deep, committed relationship. Or, you can reshuffle your cards and see what new hand you are dealt.
helena abadi Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 how nice to know that someone has been burning a candle for you, despite all. i wouldn't walk away from that in too much of a hurry, unless you think that pursuing emotionally unavailable men is a pattern. if you think there might be a spark in the future for you, maintain some positive contact at least. it is confidence-boosting to know you are wanted, in the midst of feeling rejected.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Posted October 20, 2005 Helen Maybe it is because I am tired- but I don't think I understand what you meant by your post. I haven't ever made a habit out of persuing emotionally unavailable men. I suppose wanting to reunite with my ex after 5 weeks of being broken up can be construed as that. He was available and opened up to me emotionally. He just commented that in the past he ran away when he got close to women and he made it a point to tell me that he didn't want to run. Of course, we broke up so who knows if that was part of it. This other guy is nice, caring, and fun to be with. I just feel that it is important for me to fully heal before I get involved in a serious relationship with anyone. He is flattering and it is nice to feel special and pretty but I really don't want to rely on a man for happiness or maybe end up making the same mistaks with him that I made in past relationsihips. I have been hanging in there and had a great day. Hope all is well with you.
helena abadi Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 GG - ok, i get it now. yes, fully healing is important before taking another big step. it avoids taking the unsolved baggage with you. it's healthy to say you don't want to rely on a man for happiness. sounds as tho the candle burner is willing to hang in there for a bit. i'm fine. and sounds as tho you are doing very well.
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