Preciouslove26 Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 I’ve known this man for over 8 years and we had dated most of that time. Unfortunately we did eventually break up because our relationship became unhealthy over the years but no matter what we’re still very attached to each other and can never oeave each other alone. I tried being friends with him but we could never just be friends when it comes to each other. I tried to move on but deep down part of me hoped he would change so that else could hopefully one day get back together. We recently just started talking again after not interacting with each other for a month and we talked about possibly trying to have a relationship again if things could go differently. Only problem is, in that time that we weren’t talking he got a girlfriend. He told me that he was still desperately in love with me and that things wouldn’t last with his new girlfriend at all and that he wanted to get back with me and prove to me he could be a better man. Well it’s been about three weeks now and he’s been sending me lovey messages and asking for sexts and we planned a trip vacation to see each other (I moved quite a ways a way from him a bout a year ago) but he’s still with his girlfriend. When we decided to work on getting back together I stopped dating around and talking to other men so I could focus on us. I told him that I felt uncomfortable working on us when he had a girlfriend. He keeps assuring me that I’m the only one for him and I’m his whole world and that all he and is gf do is argue but he still won’t end things with her first. He said he wants to but he doesn’t want to be mean so he’s still dating her until he finds the right time to break up I guess. We got into an argument about it last night and I told him that if he is still entertaining that relationship that I’m going to keep my options open since it’s only fair. I didn’t sign up to feel like a side piece and I don’t want to just sit here while he’s with her and talking to me. Now he is very upset with me because I said I would start dating again since he’s basically with another woman. Am I in the wrong telling him that? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 You are not wrong in leaving your options open. You may be wrong in not closing this door once & for all. You can leave. You just don't want to. You have to stop thinking this could work if he would change. He's never going to change. So if it doesn't work with him being who he is, it will never work. You have tried for 8 years & failed. When will you get it through your head that this is not a good idea? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 The way your post reads it looks like in the one month you weren't talking he got a girlfriend. If he made someone else his girlfriend within just one month of no contact with you, but won't end things with her so that you and he can focus on each other, I don't understand why you're giving him your time or attention. You've been working on this for eight years, but he won't let go of a new woman? Stop letting the guy mess you around. He's clearly not serious about making things work with you (and only you). You absolutely need to be open to dating other men, what you shouldn't be open to is HIM. At all. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 3, 2021 Share Posted May 3, 2021 5 hours ago, Preciouslove26 said: We recently just started talking again after not interacting with each other for a month we weren’t talking he got a girlfriend. asking for sexts. I moved quite a ways a way from him a bout a year ago Sorry this is happening . So many red flags. 8 years on/off. Long distance. Asking for sexts. And last but not least he has a local gf and is cheating on her. It would be best to reflect decide what you want from life and relationships. A future? Commitment? If so, this is not your guy. Date locally and delete and block him from All your social media and messaging apps. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 5, 2021 Share Posted May 5, 2021 On 5/3/2021 at 5:00 AM, Preciouslove26 said: Now he is very upset with me because I said I would start dating again since he’s basically with another woman. Am I in the wrong telling him that? How can there be anything wrong in telling this person to get lost? He sounds emotionally manipulative and controlling. Both of you together are completely dysfunctional. You're too mired in it and it's been too long that you've forgotten what's good and healthy. Don't let him have any contact with you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 No, you are not wrong, and you need to leave this guy behind and find the kind of relationship you need. On-off relationships tend to not work out, or only work out for a while then are off again. What makes you think this pattern would change if you got together again? He is cheating on his girlfriend with you. How do you feel about the way he is treating her? He might treat you the same if you got together. It sounds like this guy will try to have both of you - the girlfriend and you for occasional adventures. You would be wise not to go any further with him and to withdraw any meetings/holidays with him. He is attached. He has no right to get mad at you when he is busy cheating on a woman. You might love this guy but he doesn't sound all that great to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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