Catfish

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup. Women put effort in to attract men. The women you’re attracted to are putting in effort.

The ones I end up going on dates with put in zero effort.

[bene]

16 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Please tell me at what point WOMEN make any EFFORT at dating? I'd love someone to answer this question.....

At this point I suspect you are actually trolling. There is a huge multi-billion dollar beauty industry and the whole fashion world aimed at women, for example.

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

In my view I do have a chance with them else I would not be interested to begin with.

Then ask them out on dates. Your actions and words are not aligned.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

In my view I do have a chance with them else I would not be interested to begin with.

What makes you believe that you have a chance with these women? History would prove otherwise.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

The ones I end up going on dates with put in zero effort.

That’s your opinion. 

Women put in effort for men they are interested to date. I have never gone on a date and not put in the effort to look nice. The only time I have not put in effort on a date was when the man was a jerk and I knew within the first few minutes of meeting that I was not interested. And even then, I put in the effort to be polite until I could reasonably end the date. 

 

[ZA Dater]

37 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

That’s your opinion. 

Women put in effort for men they are interested to date. I have never gone on a date and not put in the effort to look nice. The only time I have not put in effort on a date was when the man was a jerk and I knew within the first few minutes of meeting that I was not interested. And even then, I put in the effort to be polite until I could reasonably end the date. 

 

Have you gone one a date with unwashed hair in clothes that resemble your PJs..I suspect not. 

[ZA Dater]

41 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

What makes you believe that you have a chance with these women? History would prove otherwise.

Because ironically enough I not just after one thing with then not that they seem to mind guys who seemingly just do want one thing.

Absolutely nothing anyone is going to tell me hear is going to make me find people I find unattractive to be attractive.

If I believed in the history I'd have given up ages ago, fortunately the few good experience I have had motivate me to find more of that sort of experience.

[Weezy1973]

2 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Have you gone one a date with unwashed hair in clothes that resemble your PJs..I suspect not. 

Was this the exception to the rule, and now you’re just pretending this is what always happens? 

[Weezy1973]

Just now, ZA Dater said:

Absolutely nothing anyone is going to tell me hear is going to make me find people I find unattractive to be attractive.

Nobody is telling you to do that. But you keep repeating this as if it’s the only advice you’re getting. 

 

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

If I believed in the history I'd have given up ages ago, fortunately the few good experience I have had motivate me to find more of that sort of experience.

You haven’t had any good dating / romantic experiences. You’ve met women you’d like to date, and that’s about the end of your experiences. 

[ZA Dater]

5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Was this the exception to the rule, and now you’re just pretending this is what always happens? 

Most of them made very little attempt to look good. Then again to be blunt none were really that attractive anyway so it really did not matter.

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Nobody is telling you to do that. But you keep repeating this as if it’s the only advice you’re getting. 

I keep being told to be interested in women who are interested in me, I keep trying to explain I am not interested in them because I do not find them attractive. 

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

I keep being told to be interested in women who are interested in me, I keep trying to explain I am not interested in them because I do not find them attractive. 

Who is telling you that? I for one have made it clear that the women that make it obvious they’re interested in you are very unlikely to be attractive to you. Especially with OLD. And you definitely should not date someone you find unattractive. 
 

That being said, you shouldn’t be holding out for “wow” 25 year old worldly model either. There’s a middle ground which is where you’ll find some success. 

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Who is telling you that? I for one have made it clear that the women that make it obvious they’re interested in you are very unlikely to be attractive to you. Especially with OLD. And you definitely should not date someone you find unattractive. 
 

That being said, you shouldn’t be holding out for “wow” 25 year old worldly model either. There’s a middle ground which is where you’ll find some success. 

That middle ground seemingly does not exist. I'd be quite happy with that 30 year old former model oh heck she can be 30 year old and slim.

Seriously though the middle ground is very hard to find, throw in my arrangement experiment and the waters become very murky indeed. I think there is a certain level of confidence that comes with mutual attraction.

Edited September 5, 2021 by ZA Dater

[elaine567]

34 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I'd be quite happy with that 30 year old former model

Oh dear... the delusion... 

You are now 37, too old for so many 30yos, never mind former models...

[Weezy1973]

44 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Seriously though the middle ground is very hard to find,

That’s because it’s not what you’re looking for. You’re fixated on beautiful. Again you remind me of a teenage boy with no relationship experience. Not surprising really. Experience opens your eyes to things that matter beyond the superficial. 

 

48 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I think there is a certain level of confidence that comes with mutual attraction.

Not really. Confidence comes from within. This belief is holding you back and keeping you in your cycle.

[BaileyB]

22 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I keep being told to be interested in women who are interested in me, I keep trying to explain I am not interested in them because I do not find them attractive. 

Well then, settle into the single life and shut this discussion down. If you are not interested in dating women who are actually interested in dating you - what are you doing here????

Because the opposite is you lusting after women who are not interested in dating you and how’s that going to date?

Edited September 6, 2021 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

17 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

That middle ground seemingly does not exist. I'd be quite happy with that 30 year old former model oh heck she can be 30 year old and slim.

THIS is your compromise - instead of a 25 year old model, you would settle for a 30 year old former model - 🙈🙄

 

[ZA Dater]

21 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Oh dear... the delusion... 

You are now 37, too old for so many 30yos, never mind former models...

Oh well guess that boat has sailed. 

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Well then, settle into the single life and shut this discussion down. If you are not interested in dating women who are actually interested in dating you - what are you doing here????

Because the opposite is you lusting after women who are not interested in dating you and how’s that going to date?

Please. Would you date someone you did not find attractive, simple question?

Edited September 6, 2021 by ZA Dater

[ZA Dater]

21 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

That’s because it’s not what you’re looking for. You’re fixated on beautiful. Again you remind me of a teenage boy with no relationship experience. Not surprising really. Experience opens your eyes to things that matter beyond the superficial. 

 

Not really. Confidence comes from within. This belief is holding you back and keeping you in your cycle.

You right I am fixated on beautiful because I am really not interested in people I do not find beautiful, which I guess is a crime and is EXACTLY the sort of "well she likes you, she will do irrespective whether I find her attractive" sort of advice dispensed. 

Looks matter. I work out each day to feel good and try look good too. Are looks alone enough, not they are not. But looks get you noticed, superficial things get you noticed.

[bene]

Just out of curiosity - your idea of “beautiful” is a high fashion model who makes money on her looks? This is a ridiculously narrow demographics. Fashion models have a very specific body type. I know many women who I consider beautiful but who wouldn’t pass as a model, first if all because if the height. Even movie stars that are considered great beauties are not necessarily model types.

What about cute girl-next-door type of women, do you consider them ugly? 

In real life I never see such black and white division that there are only beautiful worldly models vs lowly peons out in public with their pyjamas and unwashed hair  

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

You right I am fixated on beautiful because I am really not interested in people I do not find beautiful, which I guess is a crime and is EXACTLY the sort of "well she likes you, she will do irrespective whether I find her attractive" sort of advice dispensed. 

Everyone agrees that dating someone you find attractive is important. What you fail to understand is that the vast majority of people are either attracted to or have the potential to be attracted to a larger percentage of the population than the top 2% most physically beautiful. 
 

And that’s where you self sabotage. I don’t doubt your attraction is genuinely this narrowly focused. But it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. No chance of ever getting into a relationship as long as your narrow range remains intact. 

[Weezy1973]

51 minutes ago, bene said:

In real life I never see such black and white division that there are only beautiful worldly models vs lowly peons out in public with their pyjamas and unwashed hair  

Black and white being the operative words here…

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, bene said:

Just out of curiosity - your idea of “beautiful” is a high fashion model who makes money on her looks? This is a ridiculously narrow demographics. Fashion models have a very specific body type. I know many women who I consider beautiful but who wouldn’t pass as a model, first if all because if the height. Even movie stars that are considered great beauties are not necessarily model types.

What about cute girl-next-door type of women, do you consider them ugly? 

In real life I never see such black and white division that there are only beautiful worldly models vs lowly peons out in public with their pyjamas and unwashed hair  

Some context here. What I consider unattractive are people who are overweight. Simple as that, no they do not need to be stick figure thin but at least be able to go on a hike or do some physical activity. I say this because without exception almost ALL matches I get are from over weight people. 

Height is not important to me at all. I'd say a pretty face is more important than height actually, after that its personality and how she makes me feel. 

Have I become jaded, sure I have you so would you if you walked a mile in my shoes.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Everyone agrees that dating someone you find attractive is important. What you fail to understand is that the vast majority of people are either attracted to or have the potential to be attracted to a larger percentage of the population than the top 2% most physically beautiful. 
 

And that’s where you self sabotage. I don’t doubt your attraction is genuinely this narrowly focused. But it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. No chance of ever getting into a relationship as long as your narrow range remains intact. 

You simply are not getting it, there is no defence mechanism here, just a simply preference. Nowhere did I say I only found 2% attractive but what I will tell you is often people other find attractive I have absolutely no attraction to at all and vice versa. 

My preference is narrow because I have spent years frankly being annoyed by never actually attracting anyone attractive. At the end of the day we are all different, you found what you love, I aspire to what I really like. If I only get bits and pieces of it then so be it but I'd rather have good bits and pieces which make me feel good than just eat for the sake of eating. 

Nobody is ever going to sway me that looks are not one of the most important aspects of dating, people tell the same old tired "but its personality" every single one who has told me was dating someone attractive who just happens to have personality.... Its incredibly easy to say this and that from a position of having what you want but its quite another when you sit with nothing you actually want, would the advice be the same then? I doubt it.