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ZA Dater

By ZA Dater
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Za’s stated his height is 5’9” 

 

 

 

which is interesting because he simultaneously refers to himself as “tall”, which maybe it is in South Africa? That’s average in the USA and short to most women on tinder it seems, but oh well.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I am very flexible when it comes to Tinder, swiping on body types I do not sometimes find attractive but I liked the bio or I found one of the pictures interesting so I am not totally inflexible

I’m sorry, this made me LOL. 

Quote

I'd gladly sleep with that attractive brunette in the yoga outfit, the un sporty lady behind the counter at my coffee shop, no thanks.

This is only one of many quotes in which you have said you absolutely refuse to date anyone that you do not find physically attractive and you have basically said, only slim, sporty types need apply. 

Flexible, you are NOT.

Edited by BaileyB
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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

...When you do the friendship thing how do you honestly say dating is actually better? Is it better? 

Where I sit with the matches I get, I'd rather see K once a month because I get more out of it, she knows my story, gets me and we can talk about anything. 

It's not one or the other for me.   Dating for me is looking for those qualities I would want in a friend plus there is chemistry.  I approach dating as getting to know someone, no expectations, not trying to impress but certainly not playing any games by holding back.  I just do me.  I engage in conversations to get to know about their soul...world view, music, reading, and you'd be surprised how naturally it can flow into conversations about more deep/intellectual topics and often even "off limit" topics.  

Guess I'm pretty confident as if they don't lie "me" no worries, and must admit I take it as a challenge to get the uptight ones or job interview ones (few though both types may be) to lighten up. 

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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Za’s stated his height is 5’9” 

 

 

 

which is interesting because he simultaneously refers to himself as “tall”, which maybe it is in South Africa? That’s average in the USA and short to most women on tinder it seems, but oh well.

No that’s not tall in SA 🤣🤣

 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

It's not one or the other for me.   Dating for me is looking for those qualities I would want in a friend plus there is chemistry.  I approach dating as getting to know someone, no expectations, not trying to impress but certainly not playing any games by holding back.  I just do me.  I engage in conversations to get to know about their soul...world view, music, reading, and you'd be surprised how naturally it can flow into conversations about more deep/intellectual topics and often even "off limit" topics.  

Guess I'm pretty confident as if they don't lie "me" no worries, and must admit I take it as a challenge to get the uptight ones or job interview ones (few though both types may be) to lighten up. 

Wouldnt it be great if more people were like this. It’s a o simple, yet eludes so many … 

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

It's not one or the other for me.   Dating for me is looking for those qualities I would want in a friend plus there is chemistry.  I approach dating as getting to know someone, no expectations, not trying to impress but certainly not playing any games by holding back.  I just do me.  I engage in conversations to get to know about their soul...world view, music, reading, and you'd be surprised how naturally it can flow into conversations about more deep/intellectual topics and often even "off limit" topics.  

Guess I'm pretty confident as if they don't lie "me" no worries, and must admit I take it as a challenge to get the uptight ones or job interview ones (few though both types may be) to lighten up. 

I never seem to find that.....

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
Posted

Was having this random conversation in a group  - about what makes a man attractive to a woman,

the women seemed to agree that passion in a man is something that can outweigh all else, a strong sense of belief and enjoyment in what he is talking about

most people will have something attractive about them ,even if they feel themselves they are not good looking and so on,

but it is passion that stands out if a lady is going to fall for a particular guy,

from my own experiences and reading many of your thoughts- I imagine there is a lack of passion from you at times- you are merely going through the motions and showing little sparkle or interest on  a date,

not criticizing you for this- plenty of times in company,  I have felt "I do not really want to be here and so on" Id rather be out on my own on a golf course or something away from people

If you hope to land one of these women you desire though, your going to have to find a bit more passion and sparkle, find your inner child even,

You have probably answered here before- but what are your real passions and what do you feel strongly about? You are quite a passionate writer actually here at times.

 

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Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Olivia24 said:

A man absolutely  has to be  passionate. Passion is to be admired, in any form it takes.

Even a passion for video games? See posts in divorce / separations for reference…

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
20 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IIRC you are 5 foot 9. which is about average, but a taller girl may be excluding you on height alone.

Well you know I find this highly amusing.

When I go on about looks its a case of  "but hey you must give the person you do not find attractive a chance" when I exclude people based on apparently trivial things its a case of that is trivial but then I read the above then I just laugh, really I do. 

If nothing else it really does show me who can be trivial and who can be fussy, men are just seemingly expected to "make do".

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
9 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Was having this random conversation in a group  - about what makes a man attractive to a woman,

the women seemed to agree that passion in a man is something that can outweigh all else, a strong sense of belief and enjoyment in what he is talking about

most people will have something attractive about them ,even if they feel themselves they are not good looking and so on,

but it is passion that stands out if a lady is going to fall for a particular guy,

from my own experiences and reading many of your thoughts- I imagine there is a lack of passion from you at times- you are merely going through the motions and showing little sparkle or interest on  a date,

not criticizing you for this- plenty of times in company,  I have felt "I do not really want to be here and so on" Id rather be out on my own on a golf course or something away from people

If you hope to land one of these women you desire though, your going to have to find a bit more passion and sparkle, find your inner child even,

You have probably answered here before- but what are your real passions and what do you feel strongly about? You are quite a passionate writer actually here at times.

 

I sometimes feel that many of the dates I have had, they have put very little effort into making themselves attractive. That said I agree, a passion is important and I cannot recall many times I have met people with a passion about anything and when I have those people always stand out and are more attractive as a result. 

Yes I do go through the motions at times, especially when the person in front of me seemingly is passionate about nothing at all, I also do this when I can see I have absolutely no hope on earth at winning someone over, this mostly applies from a social point of view, there are always guys with more than me and the ladies gravitate toward them so I frankly do not even bother. 

My passions in life revolve around current affairs, politics, business, cars, road trips, to some extent writing in the sense I am actually writing a novel for no other reason than "why not" and my other passion is simply the race that is life, albeit a life I tend to live in my own way. BUT I can be equally interested in others and their lives and what they enjoy, the challenges they face, the great experiences they have had, the things they want to do. You know what is great, its to sit in front of someone who knows what they want to do, is motivated to do it, has had some interesting experiences and can actually talk about these.

I get roundly slammed about models on here but I can tell you this, ALL I have met can talk, they have passions, had interesting experiences and most are very motivated to actually do things rather than rely on their looks.

I once had a good date with someone extremely physically unattractive to me because she could talk....I once had a great chat with someone who is a personal trainer and sells diamonds for a living, not super attractive to me but attractive enough but again its just a chat.

 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Well you know I find this highly amusing.

When I go on about looks its a case of  "but hey you must give the person you do not find attractive a chance" when I exclude people based on apparently trivial things its a case of that is trivial but then I read the above then I just laugh, really I do. 

If nothing else it really does show me who can be trivial and who can be fussy, men are just seemingly expected to "make do".

I find it amusing that you think women as a whole actually get away with being fussy.  The fact that they are fussy doesn't mean they get what they want. 

Sure, the ones with loads to offer can afford to be fussy (that pesky league thing again) but the ones who are average come and complain about how there are no decent men around.  Do you know what I tell them?   That there are plenty of good men out there and to stop being so fussy.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted (edited)

xxx

Edited by basil67
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

That said I agree, a passion is important and I cannot recall many times I have met people with a passion about anything

Passion is a very big word.   What about an interest?  Or enthusiasm?  

 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Well you know I find this highly amusing.

When I go on about looks its a case of  "but hey you must give the person you do not find attractive a chance" when I exclude people based on apparently trivial things its a case of that is trivial but then I read the above then I just laugh, really I do. 

If nothing else it really does show me who can be trivial and who can be fussy, men are just seemingly expected to "make do".

I am glad you find it amusing, but height can matter a lot, not sure how you missed that.

Height is a huge deal to a lot of women, on OLD especially. Many have a 5 10 cut off (IE above average).if not a 6ft cut off.

Height signifies power, success, strength... and to most a taller man is seen as optimal. Good healthy male genes.  Your "top class" woman will also want a tall man and 5ft 9 I guess isn't quite tall enough... It's average, not special... to a woman looking for "the best"...

Of course anyone male or female, with few or no options is going to necessarily have to "make do".

 

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I am glad you find it amusing, but height can matter a lot, not sure how you missed that.

Height is a huge deal to a lot of women, on OLD especially. Many have a 5 10 cut off (IE above average).if not a 6ft cut off.

Height signifies power, success, strength... and to most a taller man is seen as optimal. Good healthy male genes.  Your "top class" woman will also want a tall man and 5ft 9 I guess isn't quite tall enough... It's average, not special... to a woman looking for "the best"...

Of course anyone male or female, with few or no options is going to necessarily have to "make do".

 

This amused me even more. Its rather unfortunate I guess that a great many of the wealthiest people I know are not particularly tall but then I guess they have other attributes. I am the same height as A and seeing she has done pretty well as an international model I guess I am tall enough! (PS I my 5.9 was more a guess than an accurate measurement)

Maybe I take this all far to seriously. Perhaps instead of being irritated by unattractive matches I should simply just laugh it off. Irony is again on on arrangement websites and well the choice is endless because there your attractiveness is linked to how much you are prepared to spoil.

Foxhall did hit the nail on the head though with one of the things that I do find attractive, people who can talk.

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Passion is a very big word.   What about an interest?  Or enthusiasm?  

 

Interest, enthusiasm, both of those are great. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat down on dates and tried to find out what the person is actually interested in. Many years ago I met someone really fantastic, she enjoyed baking and taught herself to bake cakes by watching youtube. I was genuinely interested in this and she loved tell me how she did it, her favorite cakes and what she was hoping to try next. She had never been to a boutique before because she felt she did not fit in there and was too shy to walk in, I took her to one and we then went to a bakery I had wanted to go to. Can you see what I mean here, how this differs from sitting down and trying to get someone to talk and they just show no enthusiasm. 

Another example the walk I did with A, ok it was 7 kms but there was lots to talk about from houses we were walking past to life, to places in the world, the conversation just worked and continued to work for hours. I enjoyed my time with her, not just because I felt really good around her but because I genuinely had someone to talk to and engage with. The same with K, can talk about anything. Everything was just nice and more than most this is what I mean by "wow". Wow for me is not a low cut top or a short skirt, its this sort of interaction....and a pretty face. ;)

 Then I go on dates and good grief this never seems to work ever, the conversation does not flow, I then need to try carry the conversation all the while trying to do some degree of charming while getting very little back from whoever I am sitting across from.

There is a LOT I can talk about but sometimes I just look at the situation and look at the person, gauge the conversation and simply decide, well she wont be able to relate to that so lets not go there.

Not sure any of this makes any sense.

 

jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

This amused me even more. Its rather unfortunate I guess that a great many of the wealthiest people I know are not particularly tall but then I guess they have other attributes. I am the same height as A and seeing she has done pretty well as an international model I guess I am tall enough! (PS I my 5.9 was more a guess than an accurate measurement)

Maybe I take this all far to seriously. Perhaps instead of being irritated by unattractive matches I should simply just laugh it off. Irony is again on on arrangement websites and well the choice is endless because there your attractiveness is linked to how much you are prepared to spoil.

Foxhall did hit the nail on the head though with one of the things that I do find attractive, people who can talk.

You’re trying to compete with Jeff Bezos? 🤣

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
Just now, jspice said:

You’re trying to compete with Jeff Bezos? 🤣

No Bill Gates but what's a few billion difference anyway ;)

We all know competing is a waste of time anyway, your league you league, pointless to aspire to more really.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Passion is a very big word.   What about an interest?  Or enthusiasm?  

 

What about confidence. When one has passion, they often also very confidently pursuing their interests or their dreams. 

Confidence is always attractive when dating, unless one is over-confident and arrogant. 

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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

No Bill Gates but what's a few billion difference anyway ;)

We all know competing is a waste of time anyway, your league you league, pointless to aspire to more really.

That’s right. Your league is your league and if you have nothing to make you stand out, it will stay your league.

So glad you’re accepting the facts. 
 

 

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

Posted
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Posted
5 minutes ago, jspice said:

That’s right. Your league is your league and if you have nothing to make you stand out, it will stay your league.

So glad you’re accepting the facts. 
 

 

Still does not mean I cant window shop ;) 

Also does not mean I need to actually accept anyone in my league if I do not find them attractive. 

Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Still does not mean I cant window shop ;) 

Also does not mean I need to actually accept anyone in my league if I do not find them attractive. 

Yup. And if you’re happy with that, no need to keep posting…you can go on to live a happy life of window shopping, working, cycling, and driving the odd super car…

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

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6 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup. And if you’re happy with that, no need to keep posting…you can go on to live a happy life of window shopping, working, cycling, and driving the odd super car…

Now happy might be stretching the truth a bit far....

jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup. And if you’re happy with that, no need to keep posting…you can go on to live a happy life of window shopping, working, cycling, and driving the odd super car…

His threads from 2015 have the same tired lines of window shopping and giving up dating. 

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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Now happy might be stretching the truth a bit far....

No, clearly you are happy. Ecstatic to be in your position because if you weren’t, you’d claw your way out. But if you did that, you wouldn’t get to post here anymore seeking the attention you want. 
 

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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