He suddenly stopped answering my text after the first date

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

As he said that night, he was looking for a relationship. I completely misread him. he was trying to get it on with me and seems to think (from our talk) that having sex first before a relationship is the best way to gauge compatibility. Of course I disagreed with this. 

Btw I've had men fall in love with me or so they claimed from simply spending time with me with zero physical intimacy.

So what that guy said is complete bs and manipulation. 

[elaine567]

I don't think he binned you because you were needy I think he binned you as he threw everything at you and you still turned him down. He, I am sure can get a woman to have first date  sex with him without all that hassle. For all he knows you may make a habit of this and never have sex at all. Men like to know where they are especially early door.
No sex = fine, Sex = fine.  no ambiguity.
You gave mixed messages your actions, as in going to his house and getting into his bed, told him you were up for sex, but then you pulled back last minute.
If you don't want sex with a man then don't act like you might have sex with him and then deny him last minute...
That is called cock teasing and it is a very dangerous game to play.

[Skittle2021]

4 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Btw I've had men fall in love with me or so they claimed from simply spending time with me with zero physical intimacy.

So what that guy said is complete bs and manipulation. 

I agree with you.

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

he was trying to get it on with me and seems to think (from our talk) that having sex first before a relationship is the best way to gauge compatibility.

Yes some guys on here believe that too.

[Skittle2021]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I don't think he binned you because you were needy I think he binned you as he threw everything at you and you still turned him down. He, I am sure can get a woman to have first date  sex with him without all that hassle. For all he knows you may make a habit of this and never have sex at all. Men like to know where they are especially early door.
No sex = fine, Sex = fine.  no ambiguity.
You gave mixed messages your actions, as in going to his house and getting into his bed, told him you were up for sex, but then you pulled back last minute.
If you don't want sex with a man then don't act like you might have sex with him and then deny him last minute...
That is called cock teasing and it is a very dangerous game to play.

that was definitely not my intention. I didn't intend to go to his bed either. he insisted and thats what happened. Im sure he is mad at me.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

that was definitely not my intention. I didn't intend to go to his bed either. he insisted and thats what happened. Im sure he is mad at me.

Nah, you give yourself too much importance in his eyes. He's forgotten about you already and is chasing his next conquest.

[Skittle2021]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Nah, you give yourself too much importance in his eyes. He's forgotten about you already and is chasing his next conquest.

well I wish him the best of luck with that. LOL

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Yes some guys on here believe that too.

sad..

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

well I wish him the best of luck with that. LOL

He doesn't need luck. The net is full of desperate women following him home because he waved his CIA card at them. 

If you want to stand out of the crowd don't be easy to lure home.

[Skittle2021]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He doesn't need luck. The net is full of desperate women following him home because he waved his CIA card at them. 

If you want to stand out of the crowd don't be easy to lure home.

I believe I have already stood out. I did not have sex with him despite being at his house. Me going to his house did not take that away. I dont think we will agree on this. I think I stand out more inspire of that and as everyone keeps reminding me, being in his bed. This isn't a locker room story that he is going to Roland be proud of. He would be embarrassed to have had someone at his house and in his bed and didn't get any. I do not feel bad for being at his house, I made the decision to go and stayed true to my values.

Edited May 2, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Gaeta]

I understand you don't agree. I was hoping you'd at least consider that you might be wrong, especially after 9 pages and multiple participants, with dating experience, telling you the opposite.

Edited May 2, 2021 by Gaeta

[Skittle2021]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I understand you don't agree. I was hoping you'd at least consider that you might be wrong, especially after 9 pages and multiple participants, with dating experience, telling you the opposite.

No, even after 9 pages I still don't believe anything was altered by going ti his house and being in his bed because nothing happened which makes me being over there and in his bed kind of irrelevant as far as his goal was concerned. Im sure whoever else he gets over there most likely wont have the same story. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

that was definitely not my intention. I didn't intend to go to his bed either. he insisted and thats what happened. Im sure he is mad at me.

This is where you need to find your backbone. 

Say "no." 

And then leave. 

I don't think he's mad at you. I think he just doesn't want to bother communicating and seeing each other again when he knows you aren't into casual sex. 

Edited May 2, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Skittle2021]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is where you need to find your backbone. 

Say "no." 

And then leave. 

but I didn't want to leave. I didn't feel the need to leave. I was in full control of the situation and accepted my role in leading him on. I am not a victim in this. I didn't have san issue going to his room or his bed because like I had stated so many times, nothing was going to happen. I went to go to sleep. I was not going anywhere, sleep deprived at 4 am, that was a danger in itself. I made my choices and have accepted responsibility for those choices. 

Edited May 2, 2021 by Skittle2021

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

but I didn't want to leave. I didn't feel the need to leave. I was in full control of the situation and accepted my role in leading him on. I am not a victim in this.

I agree completely. 

The way you post is confusing, though. You use language that is typically used to ascribe blame. I assumed "he insisted" to imply that you in fact didn't want to go into his bed, hence my comments. 

 

[peach302]

3 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

that was definitely not my intention. I didn't intend to go to his bed either. he insisted and thats what happened. Im sure he is mad at me.

Why don't you just call him up and ask. Instead of all these guesses.

May help you move on.

An  next time instead of investing so much time and energy on a guy who may just want one thing..find out early on their true intentions

 

Edited May 2, 2021 by peach302

[Skittle2021]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I agree completely. 

The way you post is confusing, though. You use language that is typically used to ascribe blame. I assumed "he insisted" to imply that you in fact didn't want to go into his bed, hence my comments. 

 

I meant that, he did insist. I told him id rather stay int he den and sleep on the couch. he said he didnt want to leave me down there by myself, and aftr thinking about actually being in the den by myself I agreed to go with him. After all, I was just going to sleep. <<< my thoughts. 

[Gaeta]

41 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Why don't you just call him up and ask. Instead of all these guesses.

May help you move on.

An  next time instead of investing so much time and energy on a guy who may just want one thing..find out early on their true intentions

 

His intentions were clear as water. 

You don't need help *moving on* from 1 meeting.

Men will lie to your face about wanting a relationship if it gets you to bed. That's why you evaluate a man by his actions, not his words. 

The first few dates you don't invest feelings and expectation, you observe if his actions match his words. 

[Skittle2021]

47 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Why don't you just call him up and ask. Instead of all these guesses.

May help you move on.

An  next time instead of investing so much time and energy on a guy who may just want one thing..find out early on their true intentions

 

No, im not going to do that. He didn't respond to my last message, so I'm sure wont answer the phone. Hopefully nothing happened to him. I think he is a coward.

[Skittle2021]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

His intentions were clear as water. 

You don't need help *moving on* from 1 meeting.

Men will lie to your face about wanting a relationship if it gets you to bed. That's why you evaluate a man by his actions, not his words. 

The first few dates you don't invest feelings and expectation, you observe if his actions match his words. 

I understand what you are saying and I get all of this, but this is about him ghosting me. I don't need help moving on, im confused by that however, the intention of this post was to help me understand if he actually did ghost me and opinions on why. His words and his actions dont match i just did not expect to get ghosted. it is uncalled for. There is no excuse for it. I think everyone did confirm that he has ghosted me. 

Edited May 2, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

I understand what you are saying and I get all of this, but this is about him ghosting me. I don't need help moving on, im confused by that however, the intention of this post was to help me understand if he actually did ghost me and opinions on why. His words and his actions dont match i just did not expect to get ghosted. it is uncalled for. There is no excuse for it. I think everyone did confirm that he has ghosted me. 

Online dating People ghost each other all the time. 8 men out of 10 will ghost you when they changed their mind, didn't get what they wanted or simply lost interest.

Yes it's coward and weak, but it's dating nowadays. 

[peach302]

36 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

His intentions were clear as water. 

You don't need help *moving on* from 1 meeting.

Men will lie to your face about wanting a relationship if it gets you to bed. That's why you evaluate a man by his actions, not his words. 

The first few dates you don't invest feelings and expectation, you observe if his actions match his words. 

Thats your opinion..and i share  the same view

 However people are different. The op clearly became invested to make a whole thread about it. So *she* may need help moving on from the situation.

[peach302]

39 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

No, im not going to do that. He didn't respond to my last message, so I'm sure wont answer the phone. Hopefully nothing happened to him. I think he is a coward.

Ok well it was  a simple suggestion. For you to clear  things up instead of playing the guessing game.

Can you imagine how many dilemmas/problems/questions  could be cleared up if people were simply honest and picked up the phone and made a call. 

Edited May 2, 2021 by peach302

[poppyfields]

42 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Men will lie to your face about wanting a relationship if it gets you to bed. That's why you evaluate a man by his actions, not his words. 

Online dating People ghost each other all the time. 8 men out of 10 will ghost you when they changed their mind, didn't get what they wanted or simply lost interest.

Agree, which is precisely why it's a futile waste of energy to ask a man if he is "seeking a relationship" before meeting in person as some women advocate on this forum. 

Or even during first few dates, or for me, ever.

Observe his actions, they will tell you everything you need to know regardless of whether you seek a 'relationship' or not.  

HE shouid be observing yours as well.

Skittles, his silence IS your answer.  I'm understanding this much better these days.  

>>Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.” – Josh Billings

>>“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” – Elbert Hubbard

Let it go.  Release him and any negative emotions from your consciousness, life's too short. 

Value the experience and move on to your next one. 

Edited May 2, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

No, even after 9 pages I still don't believe anything was altered by going ti his house and being in his bed because nothing happened which makes me being over there and in his bed kind of irrelevant as far as his goal was concerned. 

Agree. This has a lot to do with him and his style of action. People have sex on the first date all the time. If you're the one, you're the one. If they ghost, they ghost. While in-house first dates could be risky, someone could rob/assault you on date 2,5,8, etc.