He suddenly stopped answering my text after the first date

[Skittle2021]

30 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But what consequences? Being told by a woman they met once that they are a bad person? They laugh at that. They don't care. 

Don't you see, they ghost because they don't care so why do you beleive they'd feel bad receiving a pissy text from the same woman they ghosted? They don't care. Actually it would make them laugh that YOU cared to the point of confronting them about it. 

I'm glad I am desensitized to ghosting, I sleep much bette &, I don't waste energy being mad on the undeserving. 

 

I literally just said in my last post that people ghost because there ARE no consequences. If there were, people wouldn’t do it. Consequences before OLD would begin gaining a  reputation for doing this or coworkers knowing about what he did. OLD eliminates all of that. I never said anything about telling my ghostet that he was a bad person. I’m speaking in general. Calling someone out on it does not necessarily mean calling the person up and telling them they are a bad person. confrontation is not always presented in a pissy or angry way. You can tactfully tell someone they are a jerk. It’s much more effective actually. Calling someone out means not accepting it as acceptable behavior. If someone told me that they ghosted someone I’d definitely let them have it. 

Edited May 5, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

 If someone told me that they ghosted someone I’d definitely let them have it. 

And they won't care. You will be the only one putting energy in this. They will roll their eyes and block you and not have a second thought on what you said. 

Edited May 5, 2021 by Gaeta

[Skittle2021]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

And they won't care. You will be the only one putting energy in this. They will role their eyes and block you and not have a second thought on what you said. 

 This comment of mine is based on someone I know telling me they did this. I’m not talking about a stranger here. 
 

your statement also isn’t true as I’ve had this talk with two of my matches in the dating app last night. It was very interesting conversation and they were very receptive to what I had to say. Not everyone is childish and blocks people because they don’t like what they are hearing.

we aren’t going to agree on this. I will not accept ghosting. I don’t care if everyone supposedly does it (which they don’t) you justify what you accept and I don’t accept ghosting.  

 

 

Edited May 5, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

your statement also isn’t true as I’ve had this talk with two of my matches in the dating app last night.

 

My statement is based on extensive experience with online dating.

Your online matches will agree with you on anything if it gives them a chance to bed you. 

What dating app are you using?

[ExpatInItaly]

27 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

your statement also isn’t true as I’ve had this talk with two of my matches in the dating app last night. It was very interesting conversation and they were very receptive to what I had to say.

On this point, you need to remember that people who ghost aren't going to come out and tell you they do so. 

So, of course some online guys are going to tell you they agree with you. They are going to tell you what you want to hear, whether or not they actually conduct themselves that way. Their intention is keep talking to you, so they are certainly not going to say anything they know would send you in the other direction. Maybe they're being genuine, maybe not. The point is that you would be wise to remember that you don't know them and don't have any clue what they are actually like when dating. 

It's the same concept with the majority's public opinions on cheating, for example. Nearly everyone is going to say they loathe cheaters and would never do it, and so on, because that's the socially-acceptable (and socially-expected) thing to say. Clearly not everyone actually means it. 

[Seliana]

38 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

I literally just said in my last post that people ghost because there ARE no consequences. If there were, people wouldn’t do it. Consequences before OLD would begin gaining a  reputation for doing this or coworkers knowing about what he did. OLD eliminates all of that. I never said anything about telling my ghostet that he was a bad person. I’m speaking in general. Calling someone out on it does not necessarily mean calling the person up and telling them they are a bad person. confrontation is not always presented in a pissy or angry way. You can tactfully tell someone they are a jerk. It’s much more effective actually. Calling someone out means not accepting it as acceptable behavior. If someone told me that they ghosted someone I’d definitely let them have it. 

I agree that ghosting is shitty behavior and speaks to lack of character and cowardice. However, I also see the point of view that people who do this just don't care enough to dignify you with a response. Either way, the end result is the same, they take themselves and their trashy behavior with them, out of your life. 

I totally understand how you feel, I've been there. It was a hard lesson to learn that my honesty and integrity didn't guarantee that people who liked that about me shared my values, no matter how earnest they seemed at first. It's always valuable to learn how to put yourself in others' shoes, not just to feel for them, but to understand and accept how other people's values and expectations differ from yours. 

As a military professional, you understand how to do that, so put those skills to work in your love life! All's fair in love and war, right? 

 

[introverted1]

I am pretty sure that threads like this only encourage more people to ghost. No one wants to get sucked into a vortex of rebuttals and arguments. Maybe he's more insightful than you are giving him credit for.

[d0nnivain]

8 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I am pretty sure that threads like this only encourage more people to ghost. No one wants to get sucked into a vortex of rebuttals and arguments. 

No one is sucked into a vortex by clearly stating to a person they have been on a date / 1st meet with, "this isn't working for me, good bye."   If they ghost, block, whatever after that rejection is communicated, that is just fine.  No back & forth is needed after the announcement is made but when they just up & ghost leaving the other person scratching their head wondering WTH happened, that is impolite IMO.  

[Skittle2021]

40 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

No one is sucked into a vortex by clearly stating to a person they have been on a date / 1st meet with, "this isn't working for me, good bye."   If they ghost, block, whatever after that rejection is communicated, that is just fine.  No back & forth is needed after the announcement is made but when they just up & ghost leaving the other person scratching their head wondering WTH happened, that is impolite IMO.  

Thank you!! People act like they don’t understand this. 

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, Seliana said:

I agree that ghosting is shitty behavior and speaks to lack of character and cowardice. However, I also see the point of view that people who do this just don't care enough to dignify you with a response. Either way, the end result is the same, they take themselves and their trashy behavior with them, out of your life. 

I totally understand how you feel, I've been there. It was a hard lesson to learn that my honesty and integrity didn't guarantee that people who liked that about me shared my values, no matter how earnest they seemed at first. It's always valuable to learn how to put yourself in others' shoes, not just to feel for them, but to understand and accept how other people's values and expectations differ from yours. 

As a military professional, you understand how to do that, so put those skills to work in your love life! All's fair in love and war, right? 

 

Yes and I do accept that people’s values and expectations are different but I don’t tell someone how they should react or feel about something. I have no right to do that but for some reason people feel they have the right to do it to me. It just really makes my skin boil when people try to tell me how I should feel, defend this type of behavior, give the man a pass, justify his poor actions or put words in my mouth that I clearly didn’t say. I am not a weak woman, never had ever been snd never will be. I was upset at being ghosted. It also agitates me when a bunch of women try and tell me that I shouldn’t hold a man accountable for the things that he says. It’s foolish. I definitely should hold him accountable. We (the women) are the prize so why should we have to suppress who we are and be afraid to express our truth in fear of them pulling away. I wasn’t raised that way. My dilemma was never about him pulling away and not wanting to be with me but many posts keep commenting about that as though it was and that i said that. And I never did. I still don’t regret asking that question and at this point I am glad that I asked it. It exposed him for the liar and flake that he is and like you said... he took his crap out of my life. I just don’t understand why people can’t see that ignoring someone without any explanation is rude. A time stamp however short it may be doesn’t matter. 

[Skittle2021]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

I am pretty sure that threads like this only encourage more people to ghost. No one wants to get sucked into a vortex of rebuttals and arguments. Maybe he's more insightful than you are giving him credit for.

This makes no sense. If he never ghosted, this thread wouldn’t exist. 

[Wiseman2]

If you decide to ghost

You will  be toast.

If you ever reappear

Just stick it up your rear.

This is my ode to you

Rude stupid dude.

 

 

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

 It exposed him for the liar and flake that he is and like you said... he took his crap out of my life. I just don’t understand why people can’t see that ignoring someone without any explanation is rude. A time stamp however short it may be doesn’t matter. 

We're not telling you it's ok, and it's not rude. We are telling you : You have no power over it ! and those people have no care on how their ghosting makes you feel. You can be outraged all you want, they don't care. You CANNOT make these people respect you. 

The other day I had an appointment at the hospital, I drove around like 15 minutes in the underground parking before finding a spot. Finally I see a woman leaving so I put my flasher on to indicate I will take her spot, as soon as she was out another car hurried to take the spot I had clearly indicated to all around I was waiting on. I was SO mad! for a moment I wanted to get out of the car and let him know how rude  he had been and I decided I did not need to put ANY energy into this! If this person is comfortable enough to be rude to me this openly then they don't have the emotional maturity to hear me out. 

[Skittle2021]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

We're not telling you it's ok, and it's not rude. We are telling you : You have no power over it ! and those people have no care on how their ghosting makes you feel. You can be outraged all you want, they don't care. You CANNOT make these people respect you. 

The other day I had an appointment at the hospital, I drove around like 15 minutes in the underground parking before finding a spot. Finally I see a woman leaving so I put my flasher on to indicate I will take her spot, as soon as she was out another car hurried to take the spot I had clearly indicated to all around I was waiting on. I was SO mad! for a moment I wanted to get out of the car and let him know how rude  he had been and I decided I did not need to put ANY energy into this! If this person is comfortable enough to be rude to me this openly then they don't have the emotional maturity to hear me out. 

Yes I understand this but what is the point you are trying to make? Just because they don’t care you shouldn’t be mad? If we could all control how we feel the world would be a better place. I can’t control that it pissed me off. I can control how I reacted to it. I chose to ask him about his ghosting and gave him a way out if that is what he was doing. Remember he claimed he could be working where phones aren’t allowed and his reason for not responding at times. At first I didn’t know if he was actually ghosting me or if he was busy or maybe something happened to him. Since he didn’t response to that final text that’s when I knew. I was really upset because genuinely thought something may have happened and he knew that and still didn’t respond. That is beyond rude! So eff him! 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

At first I didn’t know if he was actually ghosting me or if he was busy or maybe something happened to him. Since he didn’t response to that final text that’s when I knew. I was really upset because genuinely thought something may have happened and he knew that and still didn’t respond. That is beyond rude! So eff him! 

Relax, first you were way too invested, and had too much expectation toward a stranger you met once. 

Have you seen how many ghosting stories there are on here? unfortunately it's not your last ghosting story. There will be many more to come, are you going to let it get to you like this each time? Yes you can't help feeling the way you do but there are ways to defuse how you feel. Learn to let go. You cannot teach these men what integrity is. At their age if they don't have it already they'll never have it, and they don't care to hear about it. 

[Skittle2021]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Relax, first you were way too invested, and had too much expectation toward a stranger you met once. 

Have you seen how many ghosting stories there are on here? unfortunately it's not your last ghosting story. There will be many more to come, are you going to let it get to you like this each time? Yes you can't help feeling the way you do but there are ways to defuse how you feel. Learn to let go. You cannot teach these men what integrity is. At their age if they don't have it already they'll never have it, and they don't care to hear about it. 

I’m honesty really starting to get tired of this post. Being angry about rudeness and being invested is two different things. I won’t be doing anymore OLD. It’s clearly not for me. I don’t have time to play games with little boys on these dating apps. If a man isn’t mature enough to have a very simple conversation after I have meet him face to face then I don’t want him. 

[basil67]

Having a first date and not following up for a second date is pretty low level, and honestly, I don't think it even counts as 'ghosting' because you were never an item.    To me, ghosting is significant when a partner disappears on someone they are exclusive with.  

[Gaeta]

You are a military, you are surrounded by men on daily basis. If I were you I would not be on a dating site. 

[Skittle2021]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

You are a military, you are surrounded by men on daily basis. If I were you I would not be on a dating site. 

I am an officer so it makes dating more difficult because more than half the people are off limits. The men in the military aren’t any better but you do have a better view at what you are getting before you decide to get involved. 

[Brooke02]

On 5/1/2021 at 6:39 AM, Skittle2021 said:

. What does DTF mean? 

Down to Fib

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

Thank you!! People act like they don’t understand this. 

People understand it. But they're trying to nudge you in a different direction so that you can process your experience and move on because they sense that you're dwelling on it longer than is healthy for you. 

[salparadise]

9 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

I should add that I have a grandfather who had 28 kids with no women troubled. People ask how is that possible and I have even asked myself. His answer was this... I never lied to them, I was upfront about who I was ( he wasn’t the relationship type) and my intentions and they respected me for that.

Doesn't sound like he wasted any time on women who put on the big tease and refused to follow through either.

You've tried every rationalization under the sun to make this about the guy being dishonest (no evidence of that), while refusing to acknowledge that your behavior was a problem. I'm with the other women here –– I don't think he's angry, he's just not interested in giving you the time of day. In fact, he's probably thinking it's a good thing he didn't have sex lest the BSC go into full overdrive. He doesn't owe you any explanation or whatever. You're just butt hurt that you got cut loose when you thought you had him tied up tight in a knot. 

I'm also amazed at how you parse every word of advice given, and always have an answer as to why that has to be wrong. No introspection, just defend, deny and blameshift. I wonder what's missing. I'm not buying that you're actually as naive as you pretend to be.

[Skittle2021]

15 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Doesn't sound like he wasted any time on women who put on the big tease and refused to follow through either.

You've tried every rationalization under the sun to make this about the guy being dishonest (no evidence of that), while refusing to acknowledge that your behavior was a problem. I'm with the other women here –– I don't think he's angry, he's just not interested in giving you the time of day. In fact, he's probably thinking it's a good thing he didn't have sex lest the BSC go into full overdrive. He doesn't owe you any explanation or whatever. You're just butt hurt that you got cut loose when you thought you had him tied up tight in a knot. 

I'm also amazed at how you parse every word of advice given, and always have an answer as to why that has to be wrong. No introspection, just defend, deny and blameshift. I wonder what's missing. I'm not buying that you're actually as naive as you pretend to be.

I could care less what you buy and even more less what your opinion is of me and this situation. I’m not even going to further engage with this comment because it’s coming from a place of malice and you clearly didn’t read the comments. I’m amused at people who are all bark and no bite but have a lot of guts behind a computer screen. Lol! And FYI I just heard from him and he was very angry at me so how is that for your little misplaced theory. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Skittle2021

[Skittle2021]

Update: I just heard from him surprisingly. He sent me a text saying that he was upset with me because he felt I lead him on. He said that he felt rejected and his ego was hurt because he thought we both liked each other and wanted to have sex and then I shut him down. He needed time to process what he wanted to say which is why he was ignoring me....

I haven’t responded yet but that’s where it is right now.  

Edited May 6, 2021 by Skittle2021

[basil67]

Yep, considering what you wrote about the physical affection in your very first post - especially allowing him to lead you to his bed - it's totally understandable that he would feel this way. 

Oh well, at least you know what happened.